Small Penis AND Gay?

[Lukaz]

My reply isn't really a reply at all, I just wanted to write stuff down somewhere.

I'm have and have been a relationship over the last few months....

Mostly I'm a catcher (bottom) rather than a pitcher (top) as I have a relatively small dick (about 5 inches) and generally in my experience gay guys are more obsessed with cock size than anyone so I find it hard to catch a break. On Valentines day last year I hooked up with this younger guy who was adamant that he's a catcher (bottom) so I have to be pitcher (top) and we had some fun but I felt, as usual, quite lacking in my performance. I didn't really expect a repeat as it so rarely happens for me but to my surprise there were multiple repeats and we were developing a decent relationship largely due to the fact we got on so well and could always make each other laugh. 

There's always a doubt in my mind that they will want and will look for a bigger penis so to some extent I am cautious when it comes to relationships and remain guarded enough to expect the worst. I started to feel comfortable enough to laugh with him if he made reference to my small dick; he wasn't being mean I just don't think normal people really think it might be a painful subject and really liked him. I think I was/am in love with him. The part about me being guarded always meant I was always kinda negative when it came to talking about our hopes for the future, I think at some point he thought we did have one but events and possibly me were not encouraging. 

Anyway, one day he asked if I would describe ourselves as boyfriends, I said kinda, or really good friends with benefits. In retrospect that was a mistake. So fast forward and we have sex less often then he starts chatting to some other guy on facebook and told me last week that the previous evening he had made out with this guy at a party, that he really liked him, and that he had an 8 inch dick and that we couldn't sleep together anymore but he hoped we would remain friends.

Maybe it would have happened anyway but I can't help but feel that my lack of confidence int he relationship (stemming from SPS) and/or actually not being big enough have killed another chance for me to find happiness. Funnily enough the SPS is much diminished in a relationship for me but it a;ways stays there. I wish it wasn't so hard to find someone who genuinely doesn't mind the smaller dick so I can be rid of this. Anyway a thoroughly miserable Christmas, largely by my own hand. I hate feeling sad but I am at least grateful for the few months of happiness I've had but 2016 can fuck right off. 

[YOTH]

21 hours ago, Lukaz said:

My reply isn't really a reply at all, I just wanted to write stuff down somewhere.

I'm have and have been a relationship over the last few months....

Mostly I'm a catcher (bottom) rather than a pitcher (top) as I have a relatively small dick (about 5 inches) and generally in my experience gay guys are more obsessed with cock size than anyone so I find it hard to catch a break. On Valentines day last year I hooked up with this younger guy who was adamant that he's a catcher (bottom) so I have to be pitcher (top) and we had some fun but I felt, as usual, quite lacking in my performance. I didn't really expect a repeat as it so rarely happens for me but to my surprise there were multiple repeats and we were developing a decent relationship largely due to the fact we got on so well and could always make each other laugh. 

There's always a doubt in my mind that they will want and will look for a bigger penis so to some extent I am cautious when it comes to relationships and remain guarded enough to expect the worst. I started to feel comfortable enough to laugh with him if he made reference to my small dick; he wasn't being mean I just don't think normal people really think it might be a painful subject and really liked him. I think I was/am in love with him. The part about me being guarded always meant I was always kinda negative when it came to talking about our hopes for the future, I think at some point he thought we did have one but events and possibly me were not encouraging. 

Anyway, one day he asked if I would describe ourselves as boyfriends, I said kinda, or really good friends with benefits. In retrospect that was a mistake. So fast forward and we have sex less often then he starts chatting to some other guy on facebook and told me last week that the previous evening he had made out with this guy at a party, that he really liked him, and that he had an 8 inch dick and that we couldn't sleep together anymore but he hoped we would remain friends.

Maybe it would have happened anyway but I can't help but feel that my lack of confidence int he relationship (stemming from SPS) and/or actually not being big enough have killed another chance for me to find happiness. Funnily enough the SPS is much diminished in a relationship for me but it a;ways stays there. I wish it wasn't so hard to find someone who genuinely doesn't mind the smaller dick so I can be rid of this. Anyway a thoroughly miserable Christmas, largely by my own hand. I hate feeling sad but I am at least grateful for the few months of happiness I've had but 2016 can fuck right off. 

Yeh, that sounds like a pisser. It's difficult when the guard you put up to defend yourself from getting hurt actually hurts you worse than taking a chance. Why don't you go find this guy and tell him what you think? Tell him why you said what you said and see what he says. He might have been hurt that you didn't see yourself as a couple, which is understandable if that's what he was looking for. If you just lay it on the line with him, and maybe if he breaks up with the new guy he'll give you a ring and you can start to set up a good foundation for a serious relationship. Good luck, brother. ☮

[Lukaz]

On 28/12/2016 at 10:08 PM, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

Yeh, that sounds like a pisser. It's difficult when the guard you put up to defend yourself from getting hurt actually hurts you worse than taking a chance. Why don't you go find this guy and tell him what you think? Tell him why you said what you said and see what he says. He might have been hurt that you didn't see yourself as a couple, which is understandable if that's what he was looking for. If you just lay it on the line with him, and maybe if he breaks up with the new guy he'll give you a ring and you can start to set up a good foundation for a serious relationship. Good luck, brother. ☮

Yeah it is a pisser for sure, setting up a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes we really can be our own worst enemy. I was feeling really down about this despite the probability that the whole thing was doomed from the outset if for no other reason than the age difference. When I wrote the first post I had that gaping wound in my chest which took my breath away a wound I've only had a few times before; well that's what heartbreak feels like to me anyway... 

I don't really in believe in going back; once things are broken it's very hard to fix unless significant time has passed but I thought he deserved to know the truth anyway so took your advice and spoke to him (perhaps with a secret desire for him to throw himself into my arms lol). We both cried and hugged a great deal, he said he had thought I didn't love him that I didn't give him hope for the future (so my defences did help kill it), that he had loved me once and it's nothing to do with the dick (he'd prefer larger but it was fine) but continued to say that his feelings had died and shifted and that he no longer loved me in that way. The last part of the sentence was a relief, finally honesty and closure with lessons learned for the importance of communication in any future endeavours. At least now I know I did push him away and he knows that I did love him but I'm too damned insecure to show it so really this whole thing wasn't his fault at all. I think we will remain friends both without any illusion that it will ever be anything more. 

 

[YOTH]

On 31/12/2016 at 2:24 PM, Lukaz said:

Yeah it is a pisser for sure, setting up a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes we really can be our own worst enemy. I was feeling really down about this despite the probability that the whole hithing was doomed from the outset if for no other reason than the age difference. When I wrote the first post I had that gaping wound in my chest which took my breath away a wound I've only had a few times before; well that's what heartbreak feels like to me anyway... 

I don't really in believe in going back; once things are broken it's very hard to fix unless significant time has passed but I thought he deserved to know the truth anyway so took your advice and spoke to him (perhaps with a secret desire for him to throw himself into my arms lol). We both cried and hugged a great deal, he said he had thought I didn't love him that I didn't give him hope for the future (so my defences did help kill it), that he had loved me once and it's nothing to do with the dick (he'd prefer larger but it was fine) but continued to say that his feelings had died and shifted and that he no longer loved me in that way. The last part of the sentence was a relief, finally honesty and closure with lessons learned for the importance of communication in any future endeavours. At least now I know I did push him away and he knows that I did love him but I'm too damned insecure to show it so really this whole thing wasn't his fault at all. I think we will remain friends both without any illusion that it will ever be anything more. 

 

I'm really glad you got to resolve it, sometimes that's all we need to move on with a positive mindset. And it shows that you're not someone unworthy of love. Infatuation is worn like clothes, but love comes from within. Hopefully in the future you'll see this scenario coming a mile off and you'll be ready to respond accordingly. I wish you all the luck in the world finding the right guy. Take it easy, brother ☮

[Napwayne]

Try being black and small (a little over five inches, small tight balls). The shit is just humiliating over and over and over. So hard to be taken seriously once pants are down.

[YOTH]

On 17/02/2017 at 0:05 PM, Napwayne said:

 

[YOTH]

On 17/02/2017 at 0:05 PM, Napwayne said:

Try being black and small (a little over five inches, small tight balls). The shit is just humiliating over and over and over. So hard to be taken seriously once pants are down.

I know what you mean, sounds like a carbon copy of my cock. Life ain't plain sailing that's for sure. Does being black add to your anxiety because of the old stereotypes? To be fair, porn has created an unrealistic normality for us all now I think. 

[EATCHUBBIES]

I  am a GBM and I love chubby white males with small penises. Not everyone is into big penises. I am not. Everyone must accept their gift as they are and once that happens the happier one will be. ONce you are happy things will manifest for you.

[GoingInsane]

On 2/17/2017 at 8:05 PM, Napwayne said:

Try being black and small (a little over five inches, small tight balls). The shit is just humiliating over and over and over. So hard to be taken seriously once pants are down.

Are you tall and muscular? I m Asian and you know the stereo type about us. Most of south-east asian average height is about 160cm and weigh about 55kg so a penis size of 4" - 5" is quite proportionate. That's why it is very hard to insult Asian with small dick slurs because they know they are proportion. But for me, I m 175cm tall and over 100kg with a dick size of 2.5"!!!!  If this is gods' practical jokes then FxxK him! Most small dicks guys here become transgender women (Ladyboy - a derogatory term), they might not be gay. Most of them (straight ones) are in relationship with beautiful lesbian or bisexual women. That's what I m thinking of doing. 

[floyd brownlee]

Hello there you all!  I'm very happy to have found this page because NOW I'm not ALONE!  I'm 57, Gay, and small  penis also. BOY!  can I ever talk!   please accept me into your group . Because I cant wait to start talking. 

Edited June 13, 2019 by floyd brownlee
Bad word. sorry

[LaLa]

Welcome, Floyd, and feel free to talk!

 

[Lukaz]

On 1/3/2017 at 4:07 PM, YOTH said:

I'm really glad you got to resolve it, sometimes that's all we need to move on with a positive mindset. And it shows that you're not someone unworthy of love. Infatuation is worn like clothes, but love comes from within. Hopefully in the future you'll see this scenario coming a mile off and you'll be ready to respond accordingly. I wish you all the luck in the world finding the right guy. Take it easy, brother ☮

Thanks, I did end up getting back with him and we stayed together another two years but again it ended. At least time I can be thankful for the time I had,  

[llbaker]

On 1/8/2018 at 6:21 AM, GoingInsane said:

Are you tall and muscular? I m Asian and you know the stereo type about us. Most of south-east asian average height is about 160cm and weigh about 55kg so a penis size of 4" - 5" is quite proportionate. That's why it is very hard to insult Asian with small dick slurs because they know they are proportion. But for me, I m 175cm tall and over 100kg with a dick size of 2.5"!!!!  If this is gods' practical jokes then FxxK him! Most small dicks guys here become transgender women (Ladyboy - a derogatory term), they might not be gay. Most of them (straight ones) are in relationship with beautiful lesbian or bisexual women. That's what I m thinking of doing. 

How does that work?  Actually go through hormone treatment and surgery?  "Most?"  I've often thought I'm a submissive "male" lesbian.

[GoingInsane]

On 7/7/2019 at 10:23 PM, smallguy said:

How does that work?  Actually go through hormone treatment and surgery?  "Most?"  I've often thought I'm a submissive "male" lesbian.

I haven't post here for quite long. Very busy with new projects and also forgot password... Just learnt how to recover. 

Anyway, I have not done anything yet. I was still deciding when the new project landed on my desk and have been working hard and putting aside that thought. 

However, I have done some experimenting after my last post, I started watching porn again. I find myself liking the tranny porn most, straight porn and lesbian porn 2nd, and totally not into male gay porn. But the weirdest thing is I don't understand why I like tranny porn but not gay porn. Both have penis but 1 gets me real hard, the other I find it... disgusting to tell the truth. 

I m more confused than ever... 

[spsdownandout]

I’ve spent the last 48hrs planning my suicide after at least 13 years of this issue plaguing my mind. I have no confidence to go to a face to face therapist or speak to my GP. Humiliation that I never invited in and never asked for. It’s some consolation that there are others out there, I’m not sure why I’m posting but here I am.

 

It’s at least encouraging to see some of you manage to have some relationships. The only times I’ve managed to have sex are being black out drunk, and even then it’s been a rarity. Now heading into my 30s and I’m becoming weirder and weirder to my friends and family, having never been in a relationship yet outwardly a confident person. Friends are now pairing off and starting families as people do, and my bouts of depression are becoming more frequent and intense. For the first time I had to go home from work on Friday because I just sat at my desk with silent tears rolling down my face. For me that’s a sign this is now escalating. I’m not sure I’m okay with learning to cope with loneliness for the rest of my life, I don’t see the point. I cannot put myself through the humiliation of rejection (at least sober), some of you are very brave. 

If the choice I have ahead of me is either live a life of feeling like this for the next 30-40 years or ending it, I can’t help but think the latter is worth planning. What keeps you going??

- a sufferer.

 

[GoingInsane]

On 7/14/2019 at 4:12 AM, spsdownandout said:

I’ve spent the last 48hrs planning my suicide after at least 13 years of this issue plaguing my mind. I have no confidence to go to a face to face therapist or speak to my GP. Humiliation that I never invited in and never asked for. It’s some consolation that there are others out there, I’m not sure why I’m posting but here I am.

 

It’s at least encouraging to see some of you manage to have some relationships. The only times I’ve managed to have sex are being black out drunk, and even then it’s been a rarity. Now heading into my 30s and I’m becoming weirder and weirder to my friends and family, having never been in a relationship yet outwardly a confident person. Friends are now pairing off and starting families as people do, and my bouts of depression are becoming more frequent and intense. For the first time I had to go home from work on Friday because I just sat at my desk with silent tears rolling down my face. For me that’s a sign this is now escalating. I’m not sure I’m okay with learning to cope with loneliness for the rest of my life, I don’t see the point. I cannot put myself through the humiliation of rejection (at least sober), some of you are very brave. 

If the choice I have ahead of me is either live a life of feeling like this for the next 30-40 years or ending it, I can’t help but think the latter is worth planning. What keeps you going??

- a sufferer.

 

I don't have an answer but I do know that ending your life is not it. I m over 50 years old now and never give up searching. Even with my wife cheating on me and wondering if my 2 children are mine or not, I never give up. I did thought of it but I always believe there are better solution. There will be someone who will love me for who I m and not how big is my dick size or bank account! And if it mean I have to be gay/trans/bi/whatever to be happy, I will take it. 

Bro, in case you didn't know, I m asian and even if I have a big dick, all asian male have to live with the small dick stereotype from non-aisan and even from our own women! So your life cannot be worst than mine. 

Bro, don't give up, keep on fighting and keep on searching... 

Regards 

[LaLa]

Hi, @spsdownandout, welcome to our forum! And sorry for letting your post without a reply for so long .

I'm sorry you've been suffering so much and it even led you to having suicidal intentions  . I'm not "a fellow sufferer" but I'd like to offer my point of view. I hope so very much you'll come and read it and will try to engage with new ways of thinking about things.

On 7/13/2019 at 10:12 PM, spsdownandout said:

I have no confidence to go to a face to face therapist or speak to my GP. Humiliation that I never invited in and never asked for.

I can only imagine how difficult it can be to open up to someone whose reaction you cannot predict  . And I've read a post here of a member proving that SPS is an issue that not many health care professionals know about and some of them can sometimes react in an abhorrent way. Yet, it's certainly possible to find a psychotherapist who would be kind enough to you and able to behave in a way that your initial embarrassment wouldn't feel like humiliation. The feeling of humiliation can only be triggered by something someone else does or says, not just by your talking about your intimate issue. I see that you don't trust others, even therapists, enough to believe they would be able not to trigger the feeling of humiliation. But trying to trust (or searching for someone you'll start trusting after several sessions where you wouldn't mention your SPS) seems, at least to me, like a better option than to give up everything, give up hope. I know that when one starts feeling suicidal, it becomes harder to think life might once change for better . But your ultimate goal is to get rid of suffering, so you might as well try other ways first, before doing something "irreparable"; what do you think?

On 7/13/2019 at 10:12 PM, spsdownandout said:

I’m not sure I’m okay with learning to cope with loneliness for the rest of my life, I don’t see the point. I cannot put myself through the humiliation of rejection

Here I see that you imagine "the only possible improvement" as "learning to cope with loneliness" (= if you learned to cope with it, you wouldn't suffer as much anymore) and the only way to confront your issues as "putting yourself through the humiliation of rejection". I understand that from your current point of view, it may look that way. But there are many other things a good psychotherapy could "teach" you and there are women who wouldn't reject you.

It seems evident that humiliation and rejection feel unbearable to you. Yet, they may be a normal, occasional part of life of most of us. It's obviously different for you and you naturally think that you couldn't get rid of this dreadful fear of them. Well, understanding and overcoming such fears can also be a part of therapy. You can learn to be less affected by rejection and, subsequently, also to be more courageous to put yourself in situations where you could either be rejected, or rewarded.I know it would be tremendously difficult, perhaps even impossible, to talk about SPS in a first therapeutic session, that's why my advise would be to spend several session talking about your other problems (without mentioning SPS) - as, for instance:

On 7/13/2019 at 10:12 PM, spsdownandout said:

I’m becoming weirder and weirder to my friends and family, having never been in a relationship yet outwardly a confident person.

and

On 7/13/2019 at 10:12 PM, spsdownandout said:

my bouts of depression are becoming more frequent and intense.

and your past (some of the fears are surely related to some childhood experiences, so it would be useful to analyse them anyway). 

Then, when you'll feel that you can trust the therapist and you'll feel at least a bit ready to reveal the biggest issue (I know also from my own experience that you can become ready to talk about things you had considered impossible to reveal!), you'll find a way to say it and work in a more focused way on getting better.

Quote

... some of you are very brave. [...] What keeps you going??

Yes, some people can cope, some much better that our "typical" members (because they don't need a forum like this, we don't often hear from them). Everyone is more or less different, but also everyone can change to some extent. Have you ever thought why you consider the fear of humiliation and rejection as worse for you than killing yourself? There are reasons and if you discover them it therapy, you can work on changing and being even more brave than those you know admire.

Good luck, take good care, and keep us posting!

[Poppyhole]

I know what it means to have a small penis. Since boyhood I have been subjected to abuse, sexual, verbal and physical, due to the size of my penis. I been to bed with females but could not achieve what they wanted from me. I was too small. I, therefore ventured into the gay community who were much more accepting of my disablement. I wasn’t gay but it was only through sexual encounters with gay men that I could achieve satisfaction and fulfilment. Needless to say I experienced some abuse from men whose thinking was that they were Alpha Masters.

[Exhausted]

Yes I am the opposite of a stereotype I'm black gay can't dance and have a small dick. Worst part is I think my marriage is headed for divorce because of it and I have no one to talk about this with, without shame horror and humiliation. 

[llbaker]

On 11/19/2019 at 1:03 AM, Exhausted said:

Yes I am the opposite of a stereotype I'm black gay can't dance and have a small dick. Worst part is I think my marriage is headed for divorce because of it and I have no one to talk about this with, without shame horror and humiliation. 

Do you have a gay or straight marriage?   Have you discussed the situation with your mate.?

[llbaker]

Almost every woman I've been with except my 1st wife has suggested I might be gay.  I was quite resentful of such questions.  I'd ask what made you ask that?  Do I look gay?  I never got an answer and I didn't want to suggest any because I thought maybe I was gay just like they did but didn't want to pursue why at the time.

Now, I can see they were referring to my non-aggressive personality, especially my lack of sexual aggression which they saw as the sine qua non of maleness.  In women's mind if you aren't real aggressive sexually, you must be gay.  They don't want to think they aren't attractive, esp. to real men.

Prostitutes were very quick to ask if I was gay.  Almost universally they would mention how gentle I was and mention how most guys were very disrespectful of prostitutes fucked really hard as if it was a compliment to me.  Somehow I knew it wasn't a compliment, but I wanted to think it was.  Some would hold my dick to see if I responded to gay fantasies or gay porn.  I actually didn't respond to their probing, but could respond in private to gay porn if I made an effort.  I didn't know if that proved I was gay or not.

When I actually experimented with gay sex decades later to "decide the issue" I didn't get erect either, but must admit enjoyed in an odd way the dominant behavior of the gay guy.  To put it bluntly, I literally enjoyed the "big dick energy" which I could actually feel.  Maybe such energy is real as Reich claimed.  I was glowing everywhere.  

[llbaker]

I ran into this quote in Wikipedia while studying Alfred Adler:

"Adler believed that he had established a connection between homosexuality and an inferiority complex towards one's own gender. This point of view differed from Freud's theory that homosexuality is rooted in narcissism or Jung's view of expressions of contrasexuality vis-à-vis the archetypes of the Anima and Animus."

The modern theory seems to posit inborn tendency defying cause and effect analysis.

I was thinking, maybe all these theories are true for various subsets of gays.  To the extent I've had some homosexual feelings, it is based on inferiority complex I think.

[Wayless]

Ok.  I'm finally getting to the "small penis and gay (or gay experiment).

Using Craig's list, it took me forever to find a partner for my experiment.  You guessed it!  Everyone was looking for young and hung.   I was 55 and unhung.  All wanted erect and flaccid pictures before meeting if they didn't reject me out of hand.  Many, but not all, seemed to enjoy rejecting me.

Finally, I heard from an Asian who was looking for a large Westerner who would accept domination from a petite, well-hung Asian.  I said ok, but he wanted pictures showing height, weight and penis hard and soft.  He said he would prefer a hung submissive, but I would have to do for now.  I said no anal, but he said with a smirk,  "We'll see, you might change your mind."  He did say me being a virgin to gay was a big plus.

As I said, I never got an erection, but I must admit I was really impressed by his "big dick energy" though I didn't know what to call it at the time.  It wasn't just his aggressive dominant sexual self assertion, but also my full body tingling and glow in a seemingly real energy transfer.  In spite of no erection or orgasm for me, I actually saw him 3 times within a couple weeks under the premise I was still confused about my sexual orientation.

[Wayless]

On 7/7/2019 at 10:23 AM, llbaker said:

How does that work?  Actually go through hormone treatment and surgery?  "Most?"  I've often thought I'm a submissive "male" lesbian.

Once I was in a relationship with dominant lesbian woman though I didn't know it at first.  Apparently, she was just after the betabux. 

After our sex transformed to female dominant oral, she began to call me "her lady".  I discovered she had a number of submissive female sex partners and began to treat me like one of them.  She instructed me not to pleasure myself during our activities and made no move to satisfy my need for release.  Finally, she offered one of her "girls" to service my needs. 

I expressed how disappointed and hurt I was, but she, contrary to my expectations, was unrelenting and just smiled. and chuckled.  To put the frosting on the cake she had group sex in front of me one time with some old friends.  The men fucked her long and hard provoking her to powerful orgasms.  She also displayed oral skills never offered to me.  When I asked about her lesbianism, she just said she liked a good fucking now and then, but women were her thing.

I did regain my senses and move on.

[Ron Martella]

I came out when I was 21 & now am 73 y.o. The only sons of bitches who busted on me big time were my so called gay "best friends." I've even been with a few women who've been pleasantly  surprised with my love-making regardless of my 5 3/4". But be forewarned my little bro's, I think you get smaller as the belly gets bigger & the urinary problems get more frequent. I haven't been seriously with a guy in about 9 years. I'm down to 3" at best & ready to pack it up if this is what it's still like after 50 freaking years!! I'm still praying to fall in love. Then "it" won't matter!!!