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How do you find help for ADHD if you haven't been diagnosed?


Ralph

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Age 4? So what things dids you have to focus on then? School? If you're not interested in what you were doing then you won't be able to focus. Has there ever been a time that you were comepletely focused on one thing? EVER? In your life? Oh and changing whom you are won't bring TRUE love. If you "ACT" (put on a show) then you are not being yourself and the people would only like the "fake" persona you put on. The reason this won't work is, because eventually, you are going to want to be yourself and if they won't let you, you'll probably get angry and if that happens the chances of you focusing will decrease, because that is just one more distraction. I know there is a lot going on in your life, but if you don't breathe deep, relax and find something that you WANT to do then this situation will remain constant. Maybe you just weren't good at putting on the clothes. I wasn't good at doing that until age 10. I know it's sad. Now the only thing detering you from this is stress. You CAN do it, you either don't know how or you cannot concentrate long enough to do it. It's probably the second one right? What do you like to do for fun? Something that you don't do everyday that you'd consider fun may do the trick. It seems you definetly need relaxation. True love will come to you, but only if you take the chance. Find someone you'll really want to hang out with, but you can only do this by exploring. You have to have some square inch of time. Maybe you could make a list of what I am saying and try to do the things on the list. You can defer to the list any time you want guidance. And it is ONLY guidance. You don't HAVE to do anything, but I really want to do everything I can to make this situation better. If we talk a little longer I am sure you and I can come up with a solution to this problem that used to plague me and now plagues you. You are not "wrong" and those people at the hospital are foolish. They only do what is "required" of them. I do this, because I actually do care. Otherwise I would be here. I'm not getting "PAID" to do anything, and I don't need to. I have exceeded the "desire" for such materialistic things, not because I am smarter or better, but because I don't think those things really matter in the end. If you go bankrupt, you won't have any money, but you'll still have friends and family. I know you and the rest of the people of earth can turn their lives into happier ones if we all work together to make it so. My goal is to rid the world of darkness, pain and unhappiness. I give all people a chance. I did it and I KNOW the rest of the world can do it as well.

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At age 4 as far as I can remember I had to focus on things like sitting quietly, don't talk to strangers, etc. Pretty normal stuff but I tended to get in trouble for things like wandering off and/or not following instructions. The clothes thing was just an example, not by far the most difficult thing for me but one of the more frustrating.

I agree with you about wanting to be yourself at a certain point, but I have not found anyone who would put up with me if I were myself except for my boyfriend. I'm into things like physics and philosophy and most people are into sports and celebrities. I had to learn not to talk about too esoteric things at parties by friends telling me I made their brains hurt.

I am in love with somebody but due to economic conditions he is in another country. My issue with money is that I would like to make enough to allow us to live together. It's actually his wish for me to stay in US and says that military families have to separate so we should be able to survive it too.

Also it's hard to make new friends if you don't have a good job. I know it's wrong, but that's the way it goes at least where I live. I do things for relaxation, at least. I exercise, meditate and occasionally do yoga or get a massage. Maybe I will try and take some time to do something fun. I've been focused on resumes and interview practice and drinking to forget the above for so long that I don't even remember enjoying anything lately.

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I didn't wander off too much, but I get the instruction thing. You are a really awesome person. A lot of sad and mislead people out there are not understanding of people in the community. Do you have any insecurities? You know what's funny, I want to supersede insecurity and want everyone else to do the same, but here I am hiding secrets from you. I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to compromise your reasoning: I used to struggle with my sexuality and no that's not the the main thing, I don't feel that way anymore, but I have recently discovered that my body is inhabited by a woman as well as me. Their are 2 of us. Now I hope that doesn't compromise your reason to listen to me. This is a place for people to come and get help, but I need to make sure you know, I don't need any. Sure my situation is complex, but I assure you, I am the only one here that can help you. Before you turn away, please consider what I have told you, and tell me if I sound like I am ill-informed. I'm sorry to get off topic, I just needed to get that off my chest. I tell all of my friends this eventually, in hopes that they will understand. I have many more things to teach the world, but for now let's focus on the problem at hand. Feel free to ask any questions about this though. I'm actually writing a book about some of the topics you mentioned. Like celebrities, and some other stuff. Those are just segments of it. I'm not enamored with these topics (sports, celebrities, physics) but like everyone (although they know it not) I could be inclined to show interest in these topics if under the correct guidance, not dictation however. I really hope you get to see your sweetheart again so you can some day live with each other, in harmony, like it was meant to be. I am surprised to hear that you do yoga and meditation, because those activities usually release a lot of stress. How often do you partake in the exercises? I just know it'll help if you do it more, but I really hope you also do the fun thing as well. I just got finished helping another great person on the site and she was very nice. Everything seems to be going alright with her. Have you considered the list thing? It could be helpful until you won't need it anymore, and you shouldn't need it for long. It is your decision however. I don't like to make lists myself. The US lives by a moral code called the constitution. If only it were to be followed to its full extent. Life (no killing), Liberty, (no conformity outside the law), Pursuit of Happiness (Uneeded. Anyone can "PURSUE" happiness, doesn't mean they'll find it though, even if it wasn't written down, one could still "PURSUE" it. It's great that you have found true love. You must not be kept apart. Are you married yet? I need to make sure he is comitted, because I don't want you to go out of your way if you aren't completely sure he feels the same way about you. I really hope I didn't upset you with any of what I have said. Please tell me so that I can offer aid in the future, I am only here to assist. I know I too have gotten angry in the past at people who were helping me, not that you'd have a problem with that, I am just making sure we are still on the same page. Remember, you should "meet" new people, but remember not to impose upon them. If they refuse, don't persist, because they are a hurt and misguided person who doesn't know how great you are. That would be my job. You'll find people who like what you like. Have you ever been to a laboratory or university to use the knowledge you possess to your advantage? It's sad that people have a problem with your occupation. That is none of their concern. They are probably worried you'll ask for hand outs. You won't though so just tell them this. I am merely saying that people tend to assume things based on stereotypes that they have come in contact with so that they can remain safe and prosperous without being detered. How often do you drink? I've found that a lot of people drink because they want the pain to go away. Maybe you just do it occasionally, but there could be something going on. Do you just drink at parties, restaraunts and on special occassions? If so you are okay. If not then there may be something going on. I know my mom does it too oftenly. She didn't use to, she is just very hurt and mislead, just like everyone else who drinks. There is no such thing as an alcoholic. Just people who drink to TRY to make the pain go away. I know I have written a lot, so I'll stop for now and wait for your answer. I hope you understand and accept everything I have written, but I have no control over that. I'll wait for your answer friend.

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I'm full of insecurities. I don't care if you're two spirited or whatever. Not my place to judge. I judge ideas but try to avoid judging people, although sometimes I do slip on that count. I think it's fairly unlikely you would be the only person who could help me. How do you know nobody else could?

I exercise 3-5 times a week for an hour in a gym, cardio and weights.

I don't know what you mean by list. I read it in the previous post but I couldn't understand. Past therapists have given me positive coping strategy lists since that's par for the course in anxiety therapy but when I know I am just doing something to crowd out time from drinking, it doesn't help and I stay keyed up until I do something self destructive. It doesn't have to be drinking it could be anything.

A moral code is a guide to behavior in terms of right and wrong. The US Constitution is only a document of what the federal government can and cannot do. I don't know how you get a moral code out of that. Also "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" is from the Declaration of Independence. It's not so much a moral code as a moral justification for the colonies to secede from England.

My partner and I are as close to married as a gay couple can be. He doesn't want to do a ceremony or anything but unless I am severely deluded we are together for better or for worse to an extent that most straight couples don't realize. We've already been together longer than any of my straight friends have managed to stay married, for example.

There is no lab or university that would be interested in my knowledge. I said I was interested in it, but I am not particularly talented. Plus academic work is more about competing for grants and knowing the intellectual fashions in order to predict what research will likely get published in order to achieve tenure.

People shy away from unemployed because rejection in the job market means there must be something wrong with you. It doesn't have as much to do with worry that one would ask for handouts, but if you can't even get a job you are seen as worthless by people, or at least unable to help them so why should they spend time on a loser when they could be making friends with more powerful individuals? That is my suspicion at least.

I drink every day. If I don't my thoughts are too chaotic. Nonetheless I am trying to handle the chaotic thoughts (hence wanting to get help for ADHD) so that I don't have to drink to eliminate them. I used to not drink that much and if I decided to stop I could. I would just say I'm not drinking for the next month and I wouldn't drink at all. Since I started Seroquel though, I don't seem to have as much will power.

It is a little difficult to read a long passage that is all one paragraph. If you could divide the topics into paragraphs it would help me. Thanks.

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You're taking seroquel?! That's what I just quit, because it messed me up in ways I couldn't even imagine possible. I am really greatful that you would even consider talking to me after I made that error about the constitution. You are absolutely right in pretty much every thing you said. I can't believe I wrote that. I was in a hurry, because I wanted to get you the message fast. You have a point about the moral code thing. I can't believe I said that either. Trust me, for future reference, if it was a mistake or if I know I was wrong I will admit it. I'll keep it up there though. I am only human as well and I don't know everything, but that is ONE of the reasons I am the only one who can truly help the world, because I don't just say things, I act on them and mean them. If it was a mistake, I will admit it. I usually tend to catch mistakes pretty quickly. I understand that we are all equals and wish to have everyone else TRULY understand, rather than just agreeing with me to save face. You are very knowlegeable it seems. You located every foolish error I made and told me. Thank you for this. I also used the term: "oftenly" which is NOT a real word. I have always had a habit of doing this. I don't really care what people think of me, or should I say, I wouldn't at all if I wanted to give up on the world. I want people to feel safe around me, so that I can help them. I don't know EVERYTHING that is best for them, but I can open their eyes to new ideas. "Most" of the stuff I am telling people, they already have heard, but not implemented. I want them to be happy and peaceful. EVERYONE. I don't really care how it happens, I just need this to be done. I care not for praise. I am here to help, because I was in a dark place and I don't ever want ANYONE to experience the pain I felt. I'm not perfect, that much is obvious, but I feel that my purpose is to enlighten the people who are in pain, so that they can do what I did to get rid of the pain I was feeling. When I am done, if I am successful, there will be no more pain, unhapiness, crime, or abandonment. "IF" I succeed. Did you always drink so much? I don't want to impose by asking that, but I need to know when all of this started. I thought that those words meant something "to the people in this country". If they do not, I am sorry I even brought it up. The declaration as you already know, was merely an document that made their freedom from British rule official. I only wanted to put it in a perspective in which people would feel empowered by those words and use them to aid me in liberating the earth from darkness. "If" one would say there is anything at all that is amazing or special about me, it is that I care about the happiness and safety of everyone in the world. Will I condone heinous crime? Absolutely not, but they can be saved if they are freed from their pain. I know it seems, my ambitions are not feasible to make so, but I will battle the odds for the world. I know people will say mean things to me. I know they'll deny me, but I won't rest until I've made a difference some how. Sure any fool can put on a show, but this is no act and it pains me to think that someone might intend to act as if they care and they really don't. I am happy now and I need to make sure everyone on earth has that happiness as well. I will pass before this is a success, but I will rest easy knowing the people of earth will be happy and prosperous. -AM

I have another question if you please: Are you not interested in what you have to focus on? I know I wasn't.

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I don't expect you to be perfect. I only offer corrections on matters of fact because I'm a bothersome know it all. That, and I figure it's better to hear about it on a web forum than in a conversation in front of people who know you IRL. :cool: I have studied Western moral codes though (BA in philosophy) and I feel competent to make a professional judgment on those matters.

Seroquel has been one of the larger mistakes in my life. My current mental health goal is to get off of Astra Zeneca's crime against humanity. I've read up on it and I don't think my pdoc made a mistake prescribing it, just that I happen to be one of the 0.1% of people who get laid low by the side effects. It helps my depression but that's not worth living in a constant mental fog since over time that brings the depression right back and interferes with my ability secure employment, which leads to real honest to god frustration instead of having a pretty decent life and still feeling terrible about it. On net, I might as well save the money and be depressed without chemicals than also face the side effects. I so hate pharma corps:mad::mad:. OK rant over on that.

When I can't focus it is sometimes on something I'm interested in, such as leaving the house to get to the gym before it's too crowded, but sometimes it's stuff I'm not interested in. I'll get distracted by just about anything, which wastes a lot of time, which makes me late all the time (another obstacle when job seeking :eek:). So I think the problem is that I'm interested in everything and that makes it hard to stay on a single task long enough to get it completed.

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Guest ASchwartz

People react differently to medications. Seroquel has been helpful to a great many, but, no medication is helpful to everyone.

What I am asking myself in this forum is if we have wandered away from ADHD? I admit I haven't consistently read all of the messages. Have we lost the main theme of ADHD or am I just in the wrong about this, or, is everyone talking about it???

Please help me. Maybe my ADHD is getting in my way???:) No joking.

Allan

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Hey Allan. We are still talking about ADHD. I know there is no such thing. Hyperactivity and the "TEMPORARY" inability to focus is NOT a "PERMANENT" problem. It isn't a disorder. A problem you have only becomes a disorder if you give it the power over you. If you feel that you'll never get better, you won't. It is clear you are unhappy in SOME way. My mother cried today. Out of nowhere too. Damn shame she always said she wasn't unhappy, what with her angry outbursts and looks of sadness. She finally broke down and admitted she was going through something. It's hard to get to people, because they don't trust others or feel that their TRUE friends can really help them. I feel your pain Ralph. My parents struggle with responsibility. I used to struggle with it as well, along with lack of focus. I know when I was a kid I was interested in everything that pretty much came my way. So much so, that I would jump from thing to thing. I can focus on things I like to do. What is a hobby of yours? Can you focus on those? Like television, games, computers? Hey I know!:( Yoga requires focus right? I am sure you HAD to have focused in order to do that! Am I right?

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Sometimes I get into a math problem or analysis exercise so much that I will spend hours on it delving into the intricacies and come up with a solution. When I have that feeling of solving a puzzle, then I focus quite well. My ADHD coach calls this hyperfocus. In this state I'd ignore everything around me, even physical needs until I've solved it. I can't manufacture it either. It either happens or it doesn't.

My main hobby is music but I don't really focus on that when I'm doing it. I'll work on a piece I am trying to learn for 5-10 minutes, then I'll set it down and get a drink of water or just wander off and come back.

When performing I have no problems because I work with the drummer to stay in sync. So in that case I have someone else to provide structure, which is how I've gotten by in other areas of my life as well.

Yoga kind of drives me nuts. Yes you are supposed to be in the present moment when practicing, but in a one hour class, I spend probably 7 minutes in that awareness on a good day. It's called practice for a reason.

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People react differently to medications. Seroquel has been helpful to a great many, but, no medication is helpful to everyone.

What I am asking myself in this forum is if we have wandered away from ADHD? I admit I haven't consistently read all of the messages. Have we lost the main theme of ADHD or am I just in the wrong about this, or, is everyone talking about it???

Please help me. Maybe my ADHD is getting in my way???:( No joking.

Allan

Allan, my perspective is that BtP was asking me about my problems focusing and I was answering them from my perspective. While the discussion might not have been focused on ADHD as a whole, we have been discussing symptoms that are commonly associated with the condition.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Ralph,

Thanks for your response. Now I understand. I hope you and everyone knows that I was not being critical at all. Just wanted to know where we were. I get lost myself...focusing is problematic from time to time. Again, thanks.

Allan:)

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Hey Allan, nice to see you again. My computer's charger doesn't work so I'm on another. I will use it as much as I can. Hey Ralph: You may have wandered away from the music, but you came back right? That's what is important. Even 7 minutes of focus is FOCUS. You CAN focus. I would sit in my courses when I was a kid and I only absorbed about 1/8 of the information, because I was either in my own world, didn't care what was being taught, or I was FOCUSED on something ELSE and I couldn't focus on the instructor. I think we might be getting somewhere.:) VERY important question: Ralph, when you weren't focused on the yoga, what were you thinking about?

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mostly past and future stuff. Or did I lock the door when I left the house, damn that's a fat lady over there, I hope my joints don't crack too loud, is there a pattern to prime numbers in the Fibonacci series, how many pairs of socks do I have for next week, oh crap my knee is out of alignment with my foot, etc. etc.

It's when I notice that I bring it back to the breath where it is supposed to be. I'm starting to think this is pretty normal as I've not come across one person who feels content with their ability to concentrate outside of advanced meditation practitioners. However I am sure my forgetfulness, losing things, time blindness is not normal so I don't even know where I stand right now.

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If you are losing and forgetting things that could be a sign of being discombobulated. Like I said earlier, your mind is just on other things. It is completely normal. I used to do that all of the time. When I am not interested in something now, I still do the same thing I did back then. Do you like yoga, or is it something you felt you had to do? Do you feel it is helping you at all? Everyone loses track of time so if that's a problem of yours, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I thought I was the only one dealing with that. Don't worry, it seems as if things are going better. Are you having any new problems you should be concerned about, because that doesn't make your focus any better. Have you ever read a book? If so, how long did you read before you stopped?

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Yoga is something I don't like to do, but I like the long term effects. If I only exercise without stretching, then my muscles will become shorter than the average person's would which means less flexibility. This has been assessed by multiple doctors and yoga was recommended after the physical therapy.

As for being discombobulated I wonder how that's different from ADHD except in degree. That is if one is constantly "discombobulated," I'd guess they have ADHD barring other causes. Sort of like if you're sad, well that's just the blues but if you're constantly sad for six months and making plans for suicide, then it starts to look as if you're depressed.:confused:

I have started many books. I've finished a few of them. Most of the time I try to read several books in tandem and finish one if I'm lucky. Currently I've got 5 books that I'm actively reading and three more on my need to read soon list. Ironically one of the titles in the latter category is on procrastination, maybe I should get to that one first:D.

The books I have finished tend to be books about Buddhism because they tend to be quick reads that I can spend a lot of time thinking about later. Most books on Buddhism are meaningless schlock, mind you, but a few are good and the ones that are turn out to be very good.

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Hi, I was very busy for a while. I had no idea this much time had passed. It sounds like you are getting things together, I am happy for your progress. If you have indeed completed a book, you should commend yourself. It has been many years since I last completed a book without skipping. Just too boring for me. If the story wasn't interesting, I stop. I have more important matters to attend to. Like having fun and getting work done while having fun. You only live once and if you're not having fun, you're wasting your life. I have had great fun in my creative process over the past few days. Even when I go to work, I have a good time and it's not really a job I love either. I'm not deluding myself either. Heck, I'm just happy to get out of the house!:) We are kind of poor now so we can't travel to much, but it's okay, we are doing fine and I couldn't be happier. I really hope I can help you and everyone else in the world achieve this great feeling and never go back to sadness. Well Ralph, do you have any good ideas as to how to beat this temporary problem? You will overcome. There's no doubt there. You just have to do your best and try to enjoy life more. I'm sure you remember love is the key. Spread the word if you please, I need everyone to know they have a chance to be truly happy.:o

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Lately I've been feeling more confused. I've been making some progress thanks to my coach but then I start to see how far I need to go to achieve some level of independent functioning, which is a little discouraging.

It's depressing, but is the depression caused by frustration related to ADHD symptoms, or is the depression causing my inability to concentrate? I know that loneliness is a huge problem for me, but I don't know what to do about it. Inability to plan, follow through, or even stick with an effort of improvement seems to be behind my multiple aborted efforts in improving my social skills. So that leads me to try and find out how to not flake off and accidentally ignore people which makes them mad at me and not want to hang out, which basically leads to ADHD treatment, for lack of a better approach.

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coach is helping. What were your ideas again? I looked back at the past postings but I only found do something fun. I do try to do that but I seem to be more depressed lately and that makes what was fun not so fun anymore.

What seems fun to me now, is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I'm so doped up by these meds that I hardly feel like I have any "me" left in me. I quit drinking which makes the side effects more noticeable, but my pdoc jumped down my throat last time about the alcohol use since you're not supposed to take it with any of the 3 meds I'm on. So I guess my problem isn't ADHD after all, it's just alcoholism inspired by seroquel, oops except for the fact that I had ADHD symptoms well before I started drinking regularly and in fact it was those symptoms which led me to the counselor which said see a pdoc who put me on the meds that had the side effects which I eventually learned were easier to manage with alcohol. At least that's how I see it as I drank only socially before I started that med. It's technically against my religion to drink so I see any alcohol consumption as negative, but I'm also pragmatic and when it helps me deal with the side effects then I'm probably going to do it until doc says to cut it out.

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I heard you weren't supposed to drink alcohol when you took medicine. I figured that you'd have problems with that poison. Remember the list idea? Do you drink every day? I asked you something similar to this, but if you do that is a sign of extreme stress. A lot of people drink to try to solve their problems and that never works. There is no way you'll ever be able to excel at anything if you are on seroquel, I just quit the poison. It saps the testosterone from your body. I know first hand. That might be why you are having confidence problems. The seroquel saps energy, confidence and happiness from your body. It also makes your body unnatural. Have you met more people?

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I don't remember the list.

I have not had a drink in 9 days assuming I make it through tonight.

I cannot sleep without seroquel, even with the other tranquilizer that was prescribed to me to help get off alcohol. Only times I have slept without seroquel was on combo of alcohol and sleeping pills, which in hindsight probably wasn't real sleep at all but just passed out.

I know that problems concentrating are an issue with alcohol withdrawal but as I recall I started drinking because it helped me deal with my symptoms which are commonly lumped together as ADHD. It's like one part of my brain is going very fast. The other part cannot keep up. Alcohol slows down the fast part. Stims speed up the slow part. That's the best way I can explain how I experienced getting relief from opposite types of drugs.

I've met some people but only in AA meetings and SMART recovery. I haven't drank the AA Kool-Aid quite yet but the higher power stuff seems to be helping. Hope that answers your questions.

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That's the same thing that happened to me when I stopped taking it. I couldn't sleep for more than 3 hours for about 4 days. It was torture. Before you got on seroquel or ANY other medicine, did you have problems sleeping? If not it was the medicine. You need not hold your energy back. If your mind is going as fast as you say it is, that means it is functioning properly. It is up to you to get off that poison and take control of your life by yourself. Trust me, you have the ability to do great things. Just let your intelligence increase and open your mind to your abilities. The energy is who you are. Without it, you are nothing more than society's puppet. I went through the same thing. Jealousy and misunderstanding can lead people to treat you differently, however if you take pride in you you TRULY are, you will enjoy your life a lot more. If you continue to take that poison, you'll NEVER be yourself again. I am not exaggerating to prove a point. I am dead serious. I have been on it. 600 milligrams of it a day. It isn't worth giving up your personality. It might take a while for you to get used to the way things really are intended to be regarding you body,but in time, you'll learn to harness the energy and use it to excel at ANYTHING you desire. It is a gift. If you don't use it, you are only cheating yourself. I am really trying to save you from a lot of pain in your future. Don't let this world destroy you. Let your spirit be free. You do have the power. I did it, and you can too. Once you get rid of that poison, everything should become clear to you. I had no sense at all when I was on it, because it was dulling my brain. It is evident you are intellectually superior to many, and you'll be intellectually superior to many more if you stop dulling your mind and let it grow how it is supposed to. Basically, all you are doing when you take it is hindering any chance you have of succeeding. I don't know why you've got it in your head that there's something wrong with you, because there is NOT. Me and you share a story that the world needs to hear. Liberate yourself from bondage and achieve success. I am here to guide you if you need me. I sought guidance from a higher power. I know you too can achieve the ultimate enlightenment. Please think about what I have said, and read over this more than once if you don't really get it at first. If you need to ask any questions I am here. You will beat this, but you have to have more confidence than you do now, and if you keep taking that poison, you'll never have any confidence. Well, that's what it did to me. Please friend, don't let it happen to you.

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