yborn Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 I pick at myself.It is very painful at times.I have dips in my head I can feel.My back arms anywhere.I recently my back,it hurts so bad and its deep,I can feel it on my shirt,I had a bandaid on it all early evening lastnite into today.They bleed so bad and it is painful.I usually do it when I am stressed,my mom is a trigger.People who hurt me is a trigger.People I cant trust is a trigger.Nervous energy is a trigger.I did it as a child also.I have scares.I have urges to light myself on fire or burn myself recently,never have I had that.Several years ago I was banging my head off metal polls in the basement,concret floor my husband and I were going through a horrible time.We are going to go through another horrible time,but I will not do that to myself again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo1954 Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 Hey! Is there anyway that I suggested that you can go to the mental health clinic in your area I know you can't go the psych. every week but you have to much on you. It is stressing you out. How long have you been self-injuring yourself? I know that you said you did it when you were young. Is there anybody anywhere family friends around. I don't know where you are are you in the US? There has to be somewhere that you can go you need to go now and get safe. I don't want anything to happen to you. You stay on here everybody on here will talk & respond. You said that you are scared to talk to anyone else? I will talk to you but, also there is great people on here that will help you everybody on here has problems nobody will judge or make any harsh remarks they are here for everybody! I was scared at first also then BAM it has helped me tremendously I couldn't have met anybody and have not met anybody as nice and caring as here. You keep talking OK. Can you be safe ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yborn Posted May 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 I will be safe.I will.I did pick my head and arm tonite.It hurt bad and it did stop bleeding.It hurts.I dont want to get an infection.I have not yet.It has been getting worse and going on for months.I paid attention when I did it tonite what I was thinking,my husband,he is all I thought I ever really had,but I think some of it was an illusion.I get absolutly no support from him.I dont want him to disown his family by no means,I would never do that,I encourage him,Its almost like all or none for him.He sits there and sees and heres the comments,but yet he is in denial and when I seek support,compassion or sympathy it does not exsist I need more meds or I am sick,paranoid no matter what,I am not aloud to feel hurt,but he can say my mom squeaks her slippers on purpose to bother him,HELP,I need help.I have no one,I thought I did trust him.It is very one sided,bad.I am always accomadating him.Yes he does support me financially,but I dont want just that.And he does have a mean spiteful streak when angry.I really dont know what I am going to do.I really do know I have to quit hurting myself and I will try,tommorow is a new day.I do live in the US.Is a mental clinic the same as a hospital,if so I will never go there,I am sorry.I do want to Thank you leo,thank you very much for being there for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 yborn,I agree with Leo about getting help. Are you seeing a psychotherapist and are you taking meds through a psychiatrist?Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 yborn,I agree with Leo about getting help. Are you seeing a psychotherapist and are you taking meds through a psychiatrist?Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yborn Posted May 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 I do need help in many ways.The biggest sever issue is support from a husband,family or friends.Its does not exsist.Things are getting a little better,but than again I did this picking,it is horrible it feels so good at the time and then it hurts so bad.I was going to hurt myself permanatly a couple of days ago,I am ok for now,but I have many challenges ahead,in small ways I need to take care of me.My husband agreed to see a therapist with me,will see,if he is not going to support me now and constantly say its in my head and defend the people who hurt me when he is sitting right there,I dont have much hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo1954 Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 Hey! Sorry just got on here. No a mental clinic is a place it's like call your community service board in your city. Ok now when you call tell them you need to talk to somebody with the mental health services. They will talk to you and ask you questions tell them how & what is going on with you. I know it's none of my business but, why are you letting your husband the responses you are getting on here? Wouldn't that cause more problems for you? If he is still acting the way he has been, will he go to a therapist with you, or why don't you go alone first to the mental health clinic discuss what is going on when you feel comfortable then bring him in. Is that possible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo1954 Posted May 12, 2011 Report Share Posted May 12, 2011 Yes yborn you also would like to know about F Request of course I said yes OK!I will respond to you as much as I can OK Take care of yourself please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted May 13, 2011 Report Share Posted May 13, 2011 I do need help in many ways.The biggest sever issue is support from a husband,family or friends.Its does not exsist.Things are getting a little better,but than again I did this picking,it is horrible it feels so good at the time and then it hurts so bad.I was going to hurt myself permanatly a couple of days ago,I am ok for now,but I have many challenges ahead,in small ways I need to take care of me.My husband agreed to see a therapist with me,will see,if he is not going to support me now and constantly say its in my head and defend the people who hurt me when he is sitting right there,I dont have much hope.Skin picking is a form of self harm. Have you ever read the book girl Interrupted? It is kind of an older book , but it is about a young adult who tried to kill herslf and ended up in a Hospital, then was dianosed with borderline personality disorder. Well she also did the same thing you do , and that is skin picking> They made a movie out of this book as well. I am glad you did not hurt yourself permanatly a couple of days ago. Self harm can get very out of control quickly. i hope you do go into therapy. This will at least be a good outlet for you to talk to somebody netural. I am/was or still can be thought of as an extrmeme self harmer . I can't go into detail , but the woprse you hurt yourself the more people around you look at you as if your nuts. Been there, done that. So try to find other ways of coping that does not hurt you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yborn Posted May 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 mscat thank you very much,I am considering a mental health clinic,I have not researched it in my area yet.I love your dog so much.I have a black pug and she means the world to me.I love hugging her and she loves it too.And the licking the face is the best medicine and I must say thank you for stating that,the littlest things unfortunatly I take for granted sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yborn Posted May 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 mscat sorry I meant to also say I have heard of that movie girl interupted,I have never seen it and never knew what it was about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 hi yborn, In that picture, is my little shih tzu , when she was just a puppy. In my avater, is my yorkie. They are the best medicine out there! Dogs are so special , they love you unconditionally no matter what or how you are feeling. Dogs can pick up on people's emotions too, and will provide even more comfort when they know your not feeling too good. My yorkie has a habit of licking anything she thinks is hurting me. Like A scratch , she will lick my scratch forever . When I was actually severely injured, she would try to lick my ouchies and dig under my shirt, on my back , just because she knew my back hurt. When I was bed ridden she stayed by my side and did not move . This is before I had my shih tzu. My yorkie is one devoted dog, as well and the shih tzu, a much more laid back , calmer dog. She is my little sweetheart. I would tell amybody who is struggling with depression or anythin that have a small dog or cat, is the most comforting and relaxing thing to have and do. I can always talk about my dogs, and it is distracting sometimes, LOL. About the self harming. It is bettter not to do it all , for obvious reasons, however a big reason is that it is so damn hard to stop once you do it . That has been a big issue for me. I have not done SI in a whioe, but I know once It begans , I will do it multiple times and get "caught up" in it. I am glad your going to look into the clininc . We have one in our little town that has a therapist, and Psyhatrist. I been too them for years. Hopefully you can go and it will help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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