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self harm (trigger???)


vegan114

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As a teen I would often hit my self and pull out my hair.

I've stopped the hair pulling. I do often hit myself hard over and over leaving marks. Recently I was caught doing it and thankfully nothing was said but I was ashamed. I recently started to take small over doses of asprin enough to make me ill for a day or so but not kill.

I also though I don't know I'm doing it dig my nails into my arms its not intentional however I don't know I'm doing it.

I also self starve if upset angey at myself or gained a little weight. Last time someone noticed because I went over a week and a half and felt ashamed when caught. Maybe it is more of a eating disorder?

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All those behaviors are self harm. your wanting to do that to yourself without actually a suicide attempt .Self harm comes in many different forms. It is said that this is a way to cope. To cope with undesired feelings and emotions . The problem is that the more a person self harms the easier it becomes and the more a person will turn to it. Sometimes increasing the self harm more and mor eeach time.

Their can be a lot of shame to it and feelings of guilt. Their is so many reasons why a person turns to self harm in the first place. So try and figure out why you do it , and what triggers you to do it. Then it is time to try and figure out other ways of coping. I think physical exercise is one good way of releasing all the feelings and emotions out. But, their are other healthier ways to do it as well.

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Yes I have noticed I do these things more and more often. I often feel very angry with myself and guilty over thing. Its a way to punish myself. Most of the time I am alone in the house when my thoughts get to me or someone or something upset me. I tend to relive sruff over and over. I'm alone alot and I don't think that can change. My husband will sonetimes make matters worse when he's around but he isn't entirely to blame for it. My father if he calls is a big trigger.

Besides exercise its 105 here on average what would help. Sometimes I watch a movie but my tv broke. So I guess that's out unless I can get another.

.

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Maybe you could try and write in a journal or something? Call a friend , or go to the mall . Go for a drive , just get yourself out there wher eyou are not alone. Because a person who self harms is not going to do it around other people. It is when your alone things can be the most triggering and it is easier to self harm .

I know that if a person who self harms and wants to stop then it is gradual. Then is is less and less because self harm is addictive. The more you do it the more you will want to , so the less you do it the easier it becomes not to. At lest that has been my experience. i have been a die hard harmer , and have severely injured myself multiple times. I have not done so for a while so now it is easier not to. However, I know that if I start up again the same thing will happen. i will want to do it everyday again.

Just by talking to others who do this and what I've done the only thing I know works is to distract yourself from it and find other things to do .

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Yesterday was a bad day. I feel worthless so much of the time. I did take two of my dogs for a walk this morning. It helped at the time. Its hard for me to admit but I honestly don't have. a single friend. I try to let people in and trust but they always hurt me. I am to the point I don't know if I want a friend. I am married but I feel like my husband doesn't want to even try to treat me as equal. I say something to him or ask a question he either snaps at me or makes me feel like I'm stupid and has told me in so many words he thinks I am. Im to the point I don't think I would even get up in the morning if I didn't have the critters to look after. I don't drive and the mall sounds scary. I will try to write in a journal maybe it will help.

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Have you tried talking with your husband and telling him about how his behaviors affect you?

I didn't drive either, until I was 26, and I'm still scared of driving on highways and bridges. It takes practice and time to feel confident, but I'm getting there, little by little. You can do it too if you feel you want to. Even if you don't ever drive it might help to get out in social situations. Maybe getting out now and then with your husband might also help your relationship. What do you think?

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Yesterday was a bad day. I feel worthless so much of the time. I did take two of my dogs for a walk this morning. It helped at the time. Its hard for me to admit but I honestly don't have. a single friend. I try to let people in and trust but they always hurt me. I am to the point I don't know if I want a friend. I am married but I feel like my husband doesn't want to even try to treat me as equal. I say something to him or ask a question he either snaps at me or makes me feel like I'm stupid and has told me in so many words he thinks I am. Im to the point I don't think I would even get up in the morning if I didn't have the critters to look after. I don't drive and the mall sounds scary. I will try to write in a journal maybe it will help.

i have two little dogs . They are so precious to me. It is good that you took them for a walk. People are like that , and it is very difficult to find friends that you can have fun with and trust. I think it gets harder as we get older. WE want friends and want to still feel safe at the same time. I can relate to you. Being lonely is awful. That can hurt really badly and even lead to depression. Your husband should not be so controlling and should never treat you as second class. You are just as important as he is. i did not drive until 27 years old. I was afraid because I got into a accident as a kid. i hope journal writing will help you feel better. I have been a self harmer and it can be very hard to stop .

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I have tried to talk to him in all honesty things have been bad for a while. Outside forces have made things worse. We are pretty much seperated at this point and it frightens me. I'm alone I mean really alone the nearest town with people is 20-30 miles I don't drive nor has he left me with any acess to money. So if he can't come down every so often I'm in big trouble. He told me not long ago I should try to find a boyfriend I was so shocked I hardly said a word just let him babble on. I told him I had no interest in that but I do know he sees women and says mean things about me. I don't know if he cares if he hurts me. I've told him him telling people I have aspergers hurts me but he still does it and some of the things he telks people are horrible. I would never do that to him why does he do it to me?

Its been a long time since I was happy if I am honest with myself and its gotten worse. I am to the point I don't know if I care or have the energy to get back up and help myself. I don't know what I want or what I should do. I don't want to be around me even. The last couple years have been bad last three months have been hell.

I'm 29 and I'm afraid to even learn to drive. I was also in a accident as a kid I can still see it very clearly in my mind. I have my critters so I do need to figure out a way to maintain and keep them safe because they are all that's keeping me going. I just feel like my head is so clouded I can't think straight. I'm afraid and don't even know what I should do.

Self harm helps relieve a little of the stress but never for long. I wish some times I had someone I could trust but that also opens me up to being hurt if that trust is broken. I don't know if I'm just asking for it maybe I deserve it but its always been this way and I'm sick of trying.

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Being alone can be very frightning. Especially in your circumstances. Without a car and out in the boonies is tough. I live in a tiny town with not much happening.The nearest big city is 45miles away. Their have been times that i have not had a car , either it was broken down or wreaked. And it was very isolating. Do you have family anywhere to help you? Your husband sounds abusive , Why is he telling other you have Asperger's? I know about autism becasue my son is , and have talked to others with asperger's. Social situations are very difficult for someone on the spectrum. How long have you been married? I think getting away from a abusive spouse is better then staying in the marraige only to get further abused and treated like crap. That really can destroy a person and the way she feels about herself. My son is gone nine and a half hours a day Mon-Fri.so I am alone . the 2 dogs really helps and it feel safer to have them. Does your husband know about the self harm? If so does he say anything about it? You can write your feelings in here and nobody will judge you, ever. This is a safe community. Let this be an outlet and a support system. We cam give you lots of feedback .

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My family is much worse then him but no they are many states away. I do miss my grandma but cant visit her. My husband has some family a couple hours away but I really don't speak to them half of them I don't know.

There are about 30 or so people that live here but you never see or hear anyone. The neighbors cow come visit that's it.

I'm not really sure why he tells people I have AS. First time he wanted to have a affair. He told her about my having AS. One time he completely set me up. He asked me to contact a friend of his for a loan. I did. He then wrote his friend saying he was sorry if I said something out of line and told him I had AS. I found out after he asked me to ask his friend again about the loan. I had never met his friend and I did only what he asked me to do. I hope I never have to meet the person. Last time he made a joke to someone I was dangerous and people with as are dangerous. All the cops and social services are at my door. I didn't know he caused it till a week latter he told me he had and he posted about them coming out on fb to his 5000 friends. I lied like heck when ss asked me if i ever hurt myself or thought about it. Each time he said he was sorry but he keeps doing it. He knows it upsets me and my parents did the exact same crap. I think they want points for taking me on because I'm screwed up.

We've been together 7 years. I'm worried my choices will cause my animals to suffer if I break all ties with him. You puppy is cute btw they can be so great my dogs are great companions and protectors. No judging would be nice I tend to do enough of that to myself.

He knows I don't eat when he's around he just tells me to go eat. The other stuff not so much. He does know i get upset and just tells me many others have it worse and he is right. I

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That sounds really stressful! your husband seems like a jerk. I am sorry but that is not love. Someone who loves you does not always try to put you down and cause so much pain. Does he ever apoligise? Have you asked him to stop? Or why he does this to you? I would have a really hard time if my husband was like that. I am not married though and never have been so it is hard for me to comment on things like that, but i have everyone married around me and know it is not ok to treat your spouse like shit. A town of 30 people is extremely small , my town is small but not that small. It is very isolating in a little town and it is easier to "disapear" or go unoticed. I can do that where I live. I hope things get better for you . And I hope you continue to write in here.

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I don't know its the only way I've ever been treated. I think some times I am to blame. I'm not a strong person I get upset and overwelmed easy then I don't know how to react. I feel like I'm on auto pilot sometimes more so recently. Inside I'm screaming outside I appear calm in public at least. When alone I take it out on myself. Today got out of control news sent me into a full blown panic attack. I cut for the first time. Didn't even know it till my dog pushed the door open and sat down with me. Thankfully its not deep cuts looks like a cat attacked me. :( the scary thing is cutting helped at the time. I can't explain it I know it sounds crazy but it was better then dealing with stuff head on.

Yes he has said he was sorry. The one time with the loan he said he did it because he needed the money. I've asked him to stop each time he knows how upset I get the first two times he was mad I found out the last time he tried to laugh it off like it was funny. He thinks I overreact too much to things this included but the thing he does what he says and how it is said hurts he knows it does. If I snap back I'm the bad guy. I can just ask a questiin or tell him my opinion and he will get mad. I thinl its maybe me because I don't talk to people much I do and say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I'm so close to throwing in the towl. I feel like sometimes I ruin everything I touch. I am worn out and sick of the bs life keeps throwing at me. Enough I just want peace. I hate myself so much its hard to describe then everything else coming at me....

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I have not self harmed for a while, but know if I do I will not be able to stop. Even though i know it is not healthy I can easily turn to it the more I do. I can get overwhelmed to the point that I am numb, so the self harm brings back balance, I can feel the pain at first then it goes away and becomes too easy. Sometimes I will think that it is the only thing I can do to feel better. Even though I might not be sure why I am feeling the way I do. It seems like the more pain I inflict the better i will feel, I know I am only hurting myself and that is acceptable. I try not to do it because I am aware that it is a trap for me. The professionals say that self injury is a way to cope. All I know at the time is it is a way to feel better. that is all I want is to feel better and not think about anything else . When I am in that self harming mode I do not care about the damage I am doing to my skin. I will think that the more damage the better . I have done some really bad danage too, and know that the typical self harmer does not go to that extreme, then I start thinking that I am a freak. All do all the things a person does who self harms. Try to hide the injuries not talk about it, and avoid it. All at the same time trying to feel better. It is a pattern that I can get into and even though I know I should not be doing that I cannot stop. If you can recognize what "triggers" you into hurting yourself you will be stronger and better off . If your able to stop the behavior for a certain amount of time it will become easier not to self injure. It slowly goes away and you began to heal both physically and emotionally.

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Today wow... um today I'm litterally in shock. I have horsed goats llama and a steer. I had plans to bring them down with me tomorrow. Today my husband gave all of them away. They were not even his animals to give. I just spent three months bringing my mare back from a life threatening illness. I watch almost all of the others be born. Now they are gone. He wont tell me who has them he claims not to know. I can't believe its true. I I just don't know. I told my husband to stay away but he wants to now have me hospitalized I'm afraid for the dogs if that happens. I have no money no transport can you say screwed? I can't have him around I'm going to try to figure something out.

I'm too numb to think but when it hits me it going to be bad I'm sure. How it can something like tjis of happened my husband must truely hate me. Why ele would he? I would have died to protect those animals now they are gone.

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Well he sure has threatened me enough times and told others he plans to have me hospitalized. Yesterday he tried in a way to say he was sorry but in the same email he threatened if I didn't do what he wanted he would have me hospitalized and the dog sent to the pound or he would abandon us meaning the dogs and I. My family knows to a point because he threatened to email my father and tell them I was sucidal. He's telling every one that and "I've gone off the deep end". Even said I was neglecting the dogs.

My parents would threaten the same thing if they got angry with me they would say they had enough money to lock me up meaning hospitalize me.

my parents said they were sorry but they aren't going to help

My question what would he have to do/say to have me hospitalized? I'm worried even if he manages to do so for a short time it will give him free reign to take the dogs. I'm worried since he has virtually left me out here he can do it on the grounds I have no transport I can get money from my grandma. Isn't it illegal to do something like this to a spouce? He said I can't get spoucal support because we haven't been married ten years its been 8. Maybe I did the wrong thing leaving a part of me does want to forgive him and another part is very very pissed. Jaijai I guess you could be right but I just don't see how he didn't know thiks would hurt me. He knew how much ik loved them and he wasn't the legal owner of them. While I haven't contacted the police I am thinking about it. He claims to not know who has them. Ki don't know if they are safe or anything. Three of the animals have health issues and if not cared for could die. People also lie they could sell them for slaughter. Kif he thought all of this was a good idea why didn't he tell me? He knew his plans when I was talking to him and he knew ik would never go along with it. Then he trys to tell everyone i/m to blame and ki have aspergers and can't think clearly. I'm so mad at him.

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He is very,very controlling. He wants to be in charge of you at all times. If he were to try and hospitalize you he would have to say you want to kill yourself or harm others. but, you will have a say so in this. You can say you are not wanting to kill yourself or others, You are an adult and can voice your concerns . This may be the perfect opportunity to let others know just how he treats you . He really wants full control though. He has it too. LIving in a tiny town, you not driving , and your love for animals. He did that to hurt you, that is what I think . What about staying with your grandma? Take your dogs with you and get out of his control. I do not see that he is trying to help you. I see him as a very controlling person and he knows just what to say to keep you in line.

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He is saying he will pay for the dogs food etc. So that's one less thing to worry about if he does it.

He did threaten to try to get me kicked out here I doubt he knows my landlords contact info. I agree he is very controling and I've delt with it for 9 years. Well for the first two he was ok. I think I took it because he wasn't as bad my folks till now. My grandma lives in a no dogs apartment. So that wont work. I think maybe I need a restraining order? Would that help in such a case? I do agree he waited till he got me stuck in a corner. He had plans to do all of this for weeks i found out I was just to stupid to see it. I feel like I have failed completly. I'm afraid sinxe I self harm it will be used against me? I wouldn't kill myseld or hurt anyone. He tried that before to tell them I wanted to hurt myself and others I was so afraid at the time I didn't tell the police or social services. I was afraid if they knee they would take the animals since he controls the money and I can't drive.

I am worried about him too because he told me his chest hurts and has high blood pressure. He said I'm the reason he feels this way. I don't want him hurt.

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