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Is he gay, bi or hetero? I'm in love.


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#1 jason1994

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 07:17 PM

I'm 18 y.o and I study in a High School. Fall 2012 we had new students, and there was one 16 year old guy, lets call him Martin, who is taller than me and who from now became my best friend. I organized a pizza night after we started seeing each other and doing many things together, I started falling in love with him and I was hoping that somehow Martin was also Bi or Gay. He is actually really humble, but also noticed that where he feels himself free he acts a bit strange, having conversation more with girls and laughing with a high voice, which he copied from me. He was figure skating for 7 years and after it 5 years football, oh god, how talented probably he was. I am different than him, because I'm a singer, I'm not good in sports, but somehow we became best friends and he is interested in singing, piano, even though he has bad ear, he started always humming and trying to sing and I was teaching him when he wanted. One day in december, after 3 months of friendship I finally told him in internet, that I love him. He was a first guy I fell in love, but I lied him that I'm BI sexual, because I'm gay and no one knows it. He was a bit confused, but he said that it's okay, he will accept me, because we had so much in common: emotions and memory, the things we did together. I felt better after that, but feelings grew bigger and I was jealous for some of his friends that he met, and I often told him how much I loved him. One day I told him, that I feel that he isn't a friend like he was before, because he doesn't give me as much as I give to him. He said to stop, and that he also has friendly love feelings for me but nothing else. He also told me that he is crazy as me, always checking when I was online last time and so on. Also when we talk, we are soul mates, I often say something before he tries to tell it, and then he says - "I WANTED TO TELL THAT, HOW YOU DO THAT?" We're shocked. Also we have very similar handwriting. One night in january we watched movie at his place, he sometimes touched me in my face with his finger and in my back, I did the same (It's usual between us), it was just joke. And I offered him a hug, we hugged for 4 hours laying on his bed, I kissed him in his neck and face, but he didn't let to kiss his lips, he said it was a favor from him. We sang together. Also he let me do him massage on his back and feet. He did my back too. Next day after this I felt really bad for this and wrote him. He said that I was right, that he also felt bad after that, but said that he hopes it was last time. So fishy! He gives me all doubts to think he also likes me, even though he doesn't do as much I do to him. I know that he has VERY STRICT parents, so he has limited freedom. He doesn't act so gay like me, but yeah. I was really bad feeling when he said that he saw a dream of sex with ladies and that he had KUMMED on this dream, during sleep not helping himself, during one trip. Saying "How beautiful boobies" during some movie also hurts me. So as the last kissing hugging was in january, Today It happened again! He stayed at my place because his parents had party so I offered him to come to me. We watched a movie and he was laying with his head on my back or hand and then as always we watched each other, tickled, and I was in front of his face and I asked If I can kiss him in his lips, and he said with a humming "yes", and I did it like hundred times and he moved his lips also during this and we laugh and smile but I was the active one, he was like half-dead just smiling, btw we didn't use tongue. We then mouth breathe each other and laughed. Also hugged and after he was sometimes saying "Maybe we must sleep?"Probably mean't he didn't want to do it so long, it was like 5am. We started sleep. When He slept I woke up and started touching his pen*s by putting my hand in his boxers and he didn't feel anything, it was hard before but then became small and It grew bigger again, but after It I stopped doing that, because I realized it was WRONG AND DISRESPECTING HIM. We woke up and then I hugged and kissed him again, and beg him to let me suck his pen*s, like crazy, he was laughing and always said my name and to stop, I said ok that it was a joke. Then after I said sorry for it, he said it's ok, he tries to hold the impression of a movie on a first place from this night.
He arrived home and I wrote a apologizing message again, and how important he is for me, and how bad I feel now. He said also, that we went too far with this and have to stop, start again all without this, and that he loves me as friend only. Maybe he is just a SPECIAL GUY and I'm a lucky one?
I'm not fat nor overweight, but maybe he doesn't make steps because Im not in shape? He sometimes offers me going to gym. I probably believe that he is hetero, as he said. He play WoW, Counter Strike, but how come so many contradictions?

I just don't know who to talk to about this and decided to post my problem here. I don't know how can I live without him, I always think about him and want to do him all things that make him happy, I believe there are many Martin type people in the world, but I'm more than sure, that I will not meet nobody similar to him, I cannot live wihtout him, I need an advice!

Thank you!

#2 Ralph

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 08:15 PM

Jason, I feel for you because I fell in love with a straight guy in high school (I am a gay male FWIW). To this day I am still in love with him and would choose to be with him if he suddenly said he loved me back. After hinting about it a lot and flirting with him, he seemed to be flirting back so I finally asked him to be with me and he said he was straight. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation.  My point is yes you can survive without him. It will be uncomfortable but you can get through it.

If he isn't straight, then you said he has strict parents, maybe he doesn't feel ok with his sexuality right now. I know that I hated myself for being gay at that age and I even attempted suicide because the religion I was raised in is very homophobic. Maybe he would like to be with you but doesn't think that his parents would accept it or he cannot accept it himself.

The only way to know for sure is to ask him directly if he is or isn't and how he feels about you. But he may not know himself what the answer is, so be prepared to accept any answer he may give.  It sounds like he may be mostly straight but a little bit bi since he is okay with massaging with you and kissing sometimes but not all the time. You may feel that you will not meet anyone else like him and maybe you won't, however don't let that be the end of your world. You can still meet lots of other guys who make you feel special and "click" with you as much as he does.

#3 malign

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Posted 19 February 2013 - 04:47 PM

Yeah, at 16 he might not really know what he wants yet.  It certainly isn't an easy decision to go against society's judgments, especially when you're a teenager.  {And since we're going on the record, I'm a heterosexual male computer geek who writes fairy tale stories and wants to be a therapist when he grows up.  I'll let you decide what, if any, of that is relevant to the discussion at hand. ;-) }

Clearly, he likes you enough to be close to you, and he's open enough to experiment as much as you two have.  The tough thing about life, which has nothing to do with sexual orientation, is that you have to let the other people be whoever they are, and relate to them that way, rather than the way you wish they were.
When the way comes to an end, then change.
Having changed, you pass through. -- I Ching




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