Was I raped? Is this considered sexual abuse?

[JuliaJean]

Hello. I'm 15(female) and when I was 14 i was "raped" or "sexually assaulted". I use quotations because i don't believe it "qualifies" to be called that. If you could take a few moments to read this quickly and tell me if you consider what happened to me "rape" or not i would very much appreciate it! I had a 16 year old boyfriend when i was 14. He got very serious very quickly and i trusted him because he was a not-so-close family friend. One day, he told me to give him oral sex. I refused. He proceeded to ask again, demanding it. I refused. He then slid his penis across my face and told me to give him head. I told him no. He grabbed him head and forced me to give him it. I didn't know what to do. I froze. I wanted to run and scream and cry and never come back. But i just sat there. Later that night, he told me a was awful. But he told me he was sorry he made me do it and would never do it again. The next time, he drove out(a few weeks later) by the lake; he told me i couldn't leave until i gave it to him again. Once again, i froze. Through tears i did what he was telling me. The relationship ended rather quickly after that. My therapist said it was "rape" but that word seems to harsh and illegal. I just cant accept it. Would you consider what he did rape or sexual assault? (I have flashbacks to this day about the incidents and the i avoid his street as much as i can {but he lives just a block from me, so its nearly impossible}) Please offer any advice possible! Thank you!

[Victimorthecrime]

I am so sorry that happened to you. You were assaulted in a horrible way, something no one should have to experience. Remember you are innocent & did nothing to deserve it. Try to heal as much as possible. Find positive & supportive people to be around, maybe take a break from dating you are very young & there is much time for that. Take care.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, JuliaJean.

It can be very difficult to hear such strong words, but you were assaulted. No means no. No one should ever touch your body or force you to perform sexual acts against your will. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's good that you are in therapy and getting support for yourself. Do you have supportive family and friends as well?

Take care of yourself, JJ. We are here to listen.

[Guest]

I am sorry this happened to you....

{{{{{{{Julia}}}}}}}

[TooOld4This]

This was indeed rape. "No" means "no," as IrmaJean said (i couldn't've said it better, so i'm just quoting her).

No one has the right to shame you for this. That boy is the one who deserves shame, not you.

[Guest ChinaDoll]

I'm glad you got out of that relationship. Some people experience worse yet still stayed and that caused even more damage. It doesnt matter if it was oral or whatever. The psychological aspect of it is horrible. Now you have to focus more healing. Its good that you can go to a therapist. Support is sure to help speed "recovery" but ultimately you have to believe you are strong enough to get past this. We all know you can and we're here to give you more support though its only through lending our ears and our words.

A big hug to you. I know how scary this is. I want you to always remember that this was never your fault. Be gentle with yourself because you are a person that deserves love and tenderness.

Take care!

ChinaDoll