How To Deal With It?

[joshuahendler]

Hello, I do not know who to talk about it. I do not know if I can talk about this with my psychologist, then I found this site . I am thankful for who answer me.

My name is Josh, I'm seventeen. It's been two years since I met this girl at school. She was different, like me. Soon we became friends, by my insistence. Never thought I would love her, because I liked her as a friend only. But she was both the most annoying and stupid, gross but so perfect person. Over time I realized that I loved everything about her: the wind in her hair, her eyes, the way she smiled with her eyes, her hands when accidentally touched me. And six months ago, I realized I loved her unconditionally. But after many fights over jealousy on my part, I simply disappeared from her life. I changed the school without at least warn her. We have one mutual friend ( who is my best friend and her best friend too). He knows how much I loved / love her. Could only talk about my feelings with this my friend. Only this week he came to tell me that he is "enjoying" her very much, and maybe he loves her. And asked me if I'd hate him if he really loved her. I told him I did not hate him for loving her, but I would be deeply hurt if he even knew what I feel for her, accepted date her. I can not even feed myself lately, vomiting everything I eat. I had a fever, insomnia. I can only think of her. What do I do? This is bigger than me. I wish I had never been out of her life, but it did not work we two together. Over time I'll forget? I was told that only new love can heal an old love. Has anyone here ever experienced this? Anyone here managed to live with the pain?

Sometimes I want her to die. But I'd give my life for her. I want her happy, but I also want her to suffer much from love to know as I have been feeling all this time.

[Guest]

This love hate relationship that you speak of can be overwhelming... You have to decide what you really want and stick with it. Don't bob back and forth if you are done with her be done if you are not then choose to try harder. If you continue to think about her and want to be done with her you might want to think about professional help.