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ba51th

me....

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had terrible dream yesterday... it's a long dream, but the part that I still remember is an execution scene... seeing people burn alive... there are 4 pole that arrange in line... there are 2-4 people tied to each pole... they were burn alive... not to the point they will turn in to ashes, the fire out after they were cooked (don't know how to explain it the right way). I can see some of their body still  moving a little bit... it's a terrible sight...

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some people said, stupidity should be treated as disease and should be cured... yet when when stupid people asked for a cure, you laugh at them and call them stupid....

you don't want stupid people to be cured... what you want is stupid people stay stupid so you can satisfy your sense of superiority by looking down upon them...


DEATH TO YOU ALL!!!

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have a dream... that I got a girlfriend. she is the girl I like in senior high school. we have a date everyday, and it's always shopping to mall. I buy nothing since I'm a unemployed, I don't have money. but she, she buy many things, she doesn't look like a rich woman, she spend her money like her money never run out. one day we sat on a bench, I ask her, "you never save your money, do you?". "you may be rich, but spending so so much money like that is not a good habit you know..." that's what I said. she just stay silent. then I look around. there is a sentence at a storefront which say, "(someone's name) love/vs (it's a bit hard for me to read the writing) investor (her name)". I don't know what exactly written there, but the point is, by reading those sentence, it inform me that my girlfriend is a good accountant and an investor. she smiled at me and I smiled back at her, smile because I am proud of her...

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Had a terrible nightmare…

the dream is about dutch occupation in my country…

before I experience the horror, somehow, I taste the “demo version” of the dream… it feels like the lite version of the true nightmare… I see my parents fighting… I also visit USA military camp. The soldier are abrasive…  after a while, they go and replaced by another USA soldier, but this new one is more polite…

after some time… the true horror start…

I think the dream occurred in the time that I still in junior high school… I see my parents exchange verbal assault frequently, and I try to keep myself safe from them… until physical contact happen, and then my father go and leave the house… my mom start to become unstable. She had a thought that she going abandoned both me and my little brother… we do what we could to cheer her up, to make her stronger with motivational words, but it do not much…

and then suddenly dutch occupation happen, the area where I stand turn into a military camp. I got the feeling that they are are really cruel. So I prepared my escape, when I see the chance, I make run for it, too bad the soldier see me, so I run as fast as I can, but because I’m fat, I can’t run fast… while I run, I can feel something hot on my left thigh and my thought are (shit… I’m dead…).

and then the dream restart from the point where area I stand turn into military camp…

I plan my escape again, but this time I have two friends, I can’t exactly remember who they are, but I sense them that they are friends. I’m really careful this time, when the chance appear we make a run again, so we run. Again, because I’m fat I can’t run fast, but both my friends hold my hands and pull me so it’s easier for me to run faster, then we were pursued by child soldier… we run and we run, we get inside my house, play hide and seek in hope we can slip past them and come out from my house and run safely… it did give us some distance from them, but they really persistent… we decide to hide in their military camp again. We find a spot to hide and we hide, but somehow I feels like my hiding spot is not good and I will be compromised… I see the child soldier that were chasing us, somehow I know they see me but they do nothing to me, like they don’t see me, and then they report to their higher up, so I asked my friend, “why they don’t shoot us?” and my friend replied, “because they have a rule to not shoot in military camp…

and then I wake up…

Friday, 30 june 2017

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claim that you are family... claim that you care... but when I open my heart, you close your eyes, you cover your ears!

don't blame me if I see you as stranger, or even enemy!

when you die, I will not take care of your funeral... I won't even come...

I wish I was born as an orphan

I'm no more than a pet to you. I'm not even human

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had a dream that looks like I'm "big boss" of metal gear solid... it was in a horror military setting... keep walking, keep stalking, keep shooting... and meet with many weird enemies...

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had a dream... that I socialized with other human outside my house, after that I go back to my room, stand in front of a mirror, and see my face has changed... so me and my mom go to hospital, ask for medication to change my face back to it's original.

the nurse asking me what happened to me while she is going to take her syringe, when I was going to tell her, something hold my tongue... on that moment, a thought struck to my mind... that "why should I share my feelings and my problem with the nurse, she never care about me... no one care about me..."

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