A little confused

[marijack]

Hi all

I was just looking for some advice. I am a gay woman who's been in a solid relationship for 9 years. I adore my partner and everything we stand for. Recently, though, I've started fitness classes and become friends with one of the ladies in the group who is also gay.

My partner and I have been going through a loss of sex drive during the past 3 years or so. The new lady is very attractive and there is a huge amount of energy between us. I would never do anything behind my partners back so I don't have any intention of doing anything at all with the other lady.

I get along with the other lady really well and we would like to be friends so we can have someone to chat to as I lost my best friend some years back and she doesn't have anyone to talk to about being gay, etc.

The problem is that I really want to be friends with her but the attraction is sometimes a lot to bear. I can't walk away because I enjoy the classes too much.

Does anyone know if there is anything I can do to simmer down the sex appeal so that we can focus on being friends and getting to know each other?

Thanks for any feedback.

[Victimorthecrime]

Ok now I am just giving you my take on it: you have to completely let go of this other woman. Being a little bit aroused is like being a little bit pregnant. Either you are in a committed relationship or you are not.

Again, just giving you my honest feedback. I wish you well.

[retsuud]

I really think it's just a state of controlling your own mind. If you really want to be friends with her, than try your best to get that to work for you. But I don't agree with Victim here and I think the best thing to do is to just talk about it with your girlfriend. Say how you feel and what's on your mind. That should be possible in a committed relationship right?

[retsuud]

'Being a little bit aroused is like being a little bit pregnant.'

That made me laugh

[marijack]

Thanks DRK. I have spoken to her about it. I've even told her that I find this other woman attractive. It's almost like we're best friends and she is not even worried that I would consider this other lady. She just said to me that as long as I tell her what's going on. I don't know if that's because she trusts me completely or that she is really not too worried. She said as long as I stay in her life, she's ok.

I've decided that I'm going to have to talk to her asap because if she just wants me as her companion then I can't just hang around without having a real partner. I believe she loves me as her companion but not as her lover. In which case it would be a bad thing if we stayed together as partners. I love her completely but she has now pushed me to the point where I don't know how to connect on another level with her.

The other lady has brought out a new life in me that I felt was dead for such a long time. How does one resist that? I am struggling to see how.

Thanks again.

[retsuud]

I think it's a very frustrating situation you're in. But I believe it's very important to listen to your feelings! You mentioned that your sex life isn't what it used to be and that you're more "buddies" to each other now. Plus the fact that you find yourself being attracted by another woman (which happens all the time I think, we just don't pay attention to it because our lust and love are stronger towards our girl/boyfriend at the time) should raise some questions that are worth thinking about.

I'm a preacher for open relationships (not something I can do myself), but I want to think that it's good to sometimes have some relieve with somebody else then the one you're already with your whole life. Don't mean cheating ofcourse

Well, I wish you best!