Ralph Posted November 24, 2014 Report Share Posted November 24, 2014 I really have nothing to complain about in my life*Yet I would rather be dead than alive right now, as long as I can stop existing as opposed to going to hell or reincarnating or whatever. I'm trying to do all the right things**, but I can't think of anything I want to do except blow my brains out. * - I have a nice car. Nice job, good relationship, friends that help me out when I'm in trouble, even money in the bank. I have productive interests/hobbies and I take some time to relax every now and then.** - I'm in talk therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, and primary care MD as well. There is a mild addiction problem that I'm dealing with but I have been clean for six months. Actually today will be exactly a half year if I don't drink today.I suffer from major depression and PTSD, but, more than anything else I hate myself and want to not exist anymore. I nearly attempted suicide on Weds but I called a friend instead, who got me to my therapist and right now I'm staying with friends since I am a danger to myself. I think the main reason I haven't offed myself already is mere cowardice. Doing something permanent would require me to make a decision and stick to it, and that's just not in my programming. OTOH I am sick of these close calls and crying 2-4x/day. How does one get from barely wanting to not die back to having something to live for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted November 24, 2014 Report Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm so glad you are still here with us, Ralph. I'm listening and hear your pain and struggle. I'm so sorry things are difficult. I wish I had more time to respond but want you to know I care. I hope you will take care of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralph Posted November 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 I'm mainly venting. I go up and down, sometimes I feel ok, other times I can't stand existence. I'm in a safe place but I don't feel safe. The biggest threat to me is in my own head.For whatever reason, if I don't make it through this, I want to get the message to my loved ones that I went out fighting. I really don't want to hurt them but how long can I hang on in pain just to save others from pain? Well at least 31 years or so, so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victimorthecrime Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 How are you doing? give us an update. What is your current assessment of the situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.