DISCOVERY: The Five Step Journey To Solve The Self-Image Complex

[johnlucas]

Hello everybody here.
John Lucas back once again to deliver one of my discoveries to you all.

I mentioned in my introduction how I will deliver unique perspectives & observations on this particular complex to solve the problem once & for all.
Now after I have detailed the problem with the word Average & the lack of OBJECTIVE definition on penis sizes, check THIS out!

Years & years of studying people's self-image issues showed me a certain pattern.
The details of each issue are unique & specialized but the themes all seemed to be the same.
There are those with the traits who are stuck, those with the traits who are struggling to break free, those with the traits who are free.
And of course there's a spectrum of degrees in between.

Like say short guys or guys who are shorter in height.

Some guys are mired in misery & think they have no chance to attract.
Some guys are semi-successful in attracting but still have many self doubts.
Some guys who don't seem to be fazed at all & are very successful with attracting WITH their shortness.

Or like say fat girls or women who heavier in weight.

Some girls are lament their fate & think they are too disgusting to attract others.
Some girls who have some success in attracting but still worry about their weight.
Some girls who look absolutely confident & the weight is a key PART of how they attract.

I wondered why this happens like this with people of a certain type.
It's easy to see some nature vs. nurture kind of thing going on.
Some people have a mental makeup that can block out negativity better than others.
Or some people had so many positive experiences that it overwhelmed the negative ones.

It's no different with the trait of small penis size.

Some guys think there's no hope.
Some guys have succeeded on some degree but still carry those doubts & fears.
Some guys have NO fears & their penis size is not only NOT an obstacle to their success but a key component of how they attract.

Studying the various laments of different types of people around the internet & in real life led me to a discovery.
Years & years ago on a site named Measurection I put down my discovery, my working theory on how people can break out of the most negative & debilitating self-image complex.
It also highlights the blocking points preventing people from overcoming the complex.
It's a work-in-progress & I may find new things to add to it over time but I want to share what I discovered so far with you here.

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The Five Step Journey To Solve The Self-Image Complex

Number One

COMMUNITY

There is strength in numbers.

Before ANYTHING ELSE is done, you must execute this first step.
You must find those who share the same traits, experiences, & traumas that you have in order to know that you are not alone.
You thought you & you alone suffered those ills but finding a COMMUNITY of people who can share & relate your pains & struggles, gives you hope & at least alleviates the isolation you previously felt.

Forums like this one are examples of the COMMUNITY step.

All the anger you have, all the sadness, all the apathy, all the fears, all the hopes, all the dreams, everything that you go through within a self-image complex, you find your kind in COMMUNITY. Birds of a feather.
Shared experience is powerful. There's someone to lean on, to vent to, to shelter from the mean-spirited outside world.
It's a safe place where you can express yourself freely. Where you can show your underbelly & not worry about it being attacked.
Just like alcoholics have COMMUNITIES like Alcoholics Anonymous, forums like this Small Penis Syndrome one becomes a COMMUNITY for you all here.

BUT

It is not enough.

If someone only remains in the First Step of COMMUNITY, they can be no stronger than the COMMUNITY shelter they stay under.
It's like a Hospital that allows you to heal your wounds but you can't stay in the hospital all your life.
You must go back out into the world where the possibility of injury is ever-present.

Those who only get to COMMUNITY revert back to their former tortured selves once they go back out to the regular world.
You may have built up a positive self-view & eroded some of your fears but they come rushing right back at 100% with one negative comment or attitude you face on the outside.
All the camaraderie from COMMUNITY is only good INSIDE the COMMUNITY.
You only had the strength in numbers but you are STILL not strong enough alone.

This is the part of the journey MOST people are on. And this is the reason why most people have not conquered & defeated their complexes.
Before you set out on a journey you must start from home but you will get nowhere if you never leave the house.
They haven't left the house yet & when they go out on the road it's like a game of Frogger with all the cars waiting to run them over & all the alligators waiting to eat them up.

So how do we move on from Home Sweet Home?

Number Two

EDUCATION

How can you journey if you don't know where you're going?

This is the sticking point of nearly all self-image complexes. Not enough knowledge. Not enough education.
People don't know the wheres, the whys, the whats, the hows, the whens, the whichs.
When you travel you gotta have a map, man.
All the routes & alternate routes clearly labeled & defined. All the landmarks & places of interest marked & highlighted.
Or else you're wandering in the dark. You're traveling blind.

On this particular penis size issue, we might as well be in the Land Before Time!
We don't even have the continents labeled yet! It's just undefined wilderness!

"Go to that green tree over there." "Which green tree? Over where?"
"THAT one with the leaves." "They ALL have leaves! Which one?!"
"The one with the brown trunk!" "Are you serious?! They're ALL brown!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!"
"Well it's not MY fault you can't follow directions." "You're giving me the run-around not any directions! We're just going in circles!"
"Well I'm doing the best I can!" "Heh. You don't know where you're going either, do you?"

What's the difference between one generic tree over another one? How can I find direction in all this vagueness?
The sexologists are not doing their jobs. That's why guys like you come to internet forums for advice.
You know you're not getting the real answers from the professionals so in desperation you ask the peanut gallery hoping you'll get some quality butter.

More often than not you'll get your response from the "I don't know" audience or the "I don't care" audience.
The first audience means well but ultimately can't help you. The second audience is determined to make you feel worse.
The blind leading the blind or the mean leading the blind. Either way, you don't get the help you need.

There are so many mixed messages or negative messages to sort through.
Advice that is vague or inconsistent in message. Advice that is blunt & hurtful & doesn't offer any solutions.
Misleading contradictory information from scientists & sexologists. Poorly phrased or studied phenomena.
Opportunists wanting to cash in on your miseries selling you snake-oil products that tell you what you want to hear.

How CAN you overcome a penis size complex with this kind of garbage going on?!

This is the step that needs the most work & is where most of my posts will focus on.
(What ARE the penis sizes objectively? What IS the problem with the word Average? What ARE the techniques for the small-sized?)

EDUCATION. A REAL EDUCATION. Not talking about college or university or graduate school.
I'm talking about useful knowledge that you can apply directly in your life.
Knowledge that clears up the fog & defines the wilderness.
The green tree on your immediate right with the 7-finger leaves, big red blooms, & smooth chocolate brown bark...with the anthill in front of it.

EDUCATION gives you DIRECTION for your journey. CLARITY. CLEARNESS. TRANSPARENCY.

Now you will know your destination & the places you must pass through before you get there.
Now you can estimate the time of arrival & determine which vehicle would be best to travel in.
Now you can know how to take alternate routes in case one route had a roadblock.

But I'm an amateur. I don't have the high-tech tools & resources that can make gaining this education faster.
We have a society that focuses more on making the bigger better boom instead of the healthier heartier human.
We spend our time & energy more on the warfields than on the healthfields. And yes sexual health is part of overall health.

College-educated scientists still can't come to a conclusion on whether the G-Spot is real or not.
And they didn't figure out that the thing even existed until the doggone 1940s!
Basic human anatomy & they're still confused on what's what.
This is who we're getting our advice from. No WONDER people come to the forums!

So building up this step will be slower than it should be but I'll do the best I can.
And maybe my input will inspire you to make your own discoveries & observations so we can speed up the process.

You came out of the COMMUNITY House only to find torn up roads in front of you. Potholes galore & flooded pathways.
We'll repair these broken roads with our EDUCATION.
But once you finally know where you're going, what next?

Number Three

ROLE MODELS

"Now you know...and knowing is half the battle!" ~ G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1983)

But it's not enough just to know, is it? EDUCATION is good but useless if not applied.
You now must see Knowledge In Action. As the G.I. Joe PSA said, knowing is just HALF the battle.

Someone has come from the COMMUNITY House, has paved & mapped out the roads with EDUCATION, & now has begun to travel on them.
This is your hero. Someone who is ahead of you on your journey who you look towards for inspiration.
It's always nice to have a guide accompany you on your journey, isn't it?

You must have a ROLE MODEL to pattern yourself after.
This ROLE MODEL represents the future you.
One day YOU will be the ROLE MODEL for someone else who is just starting out their journey.
And the cycle continues on so on & so forth.

ROLE MODELS are the positive representation of your kind.
When you see one of your kind who is successful with the traits you have, you gain the courage to follow in his footsteps.
Someone JUST LIKE YOU who survived against all odds & THRIVES not in spite of his traits but BECAUSE of them.
If he can do it, I can do it too. Because I am like he is.

ROLE MODELS keep you on the path.
When you want to give up the trip & go back home to the COMMUNITY, you see this ROLE MODEL & you push yourself to make that extra step.
You wanna get to where he's going so you start traveling without looking back.

In a general sense, a ROLE MODEL can be a real-life person or even FICTIONAL character.
Somebody in real life who pioneered a field despite all obstacles or a character from a comic book, a TV show, a movie, even a cartoon.
It doesn't matter if the ROLE MODEL comes from NON-FICTION or FICTION.
It matters if the ROLE MODEL represents the traits you embody & succeeds WITH them.

As a Black man, I can tell you firsthand it works.
We have a counter media to the broader general media that says we are subhuman & deserving of the worst treatment.
They said Black is Ugly. We said Black Is Beautiful.
They said Blacks are Dumb. We said Blacks Are Intelligent.
Every accomplishment we made was celebrated by John H. Johnson's Ebony & Jet magazines.
In picture, in text, we had an escape from the constant drumbeat proclaiming our worthlessness.

We had ROLE MODELS breaking into every field that was denied to them & succeeding beyond imagination.
And many of us patterned ourselves after them so that we could get to where they're going.
And we stay on that path regardless of all the outside pressure telling us to go home.

I'm telling you guys, it works. I am living proof of it.

You can be living proof of it too once you find YOUR guide on this journey.
Knowing is half the battle but with your ROLE MODEL you begin the second half.

Well OK, now we found our guide for the journey. Now what?

Number Four

SELF-REVIEW

Before you make a journey, you gotta check to see if you have all of your supplies first.

I used to call this step SELF-ASSESSMENT but SELF-REVIEW rolls off the tongue better.

This is the inventory check. This is how you check yourself for all the things you need & all the qualities you have before you go into your journey.
You have gathered your courage in the household of COMMUNITY, you have mapped your route with the knowledge gained from EDUCATION, you have found your journey's guide through your ROLE MODEL...
...but before you get to become someone else's ROLE MODEL, someone's else guide, you must take self-stock, self-inventory of your entire being & its value.

Itemize who you are & what you are made of. What values & strengths each component holds.
What versatilities & utilities each of your traits have.
You must examine yourself inside & out then know what impact you have on everything outside yourself.
These can't be empty affirmations or pep talks but instead TANGIBLE ACTUAL qualities & aspects of yourself that are CONCRETE.

This step is very dependent on what is gathered in Number Two: EDUCATION.
Because before you get to know yourself, you have to know PERIOD.
What is what, which is which, why is why, how is how, when is when, where is where.

When you make your SELF-REVIEW, you are in the twilight before the sunrise. The calm before the storm.
You don't wanna run out of gas before you get to your destination, do you?
You don't wanna be stranded on the pathway, do you?
You're about to leave the house for good & you're preparing to lock the door behind you.
Your routes are already mapped out & your guide is waiting for you.
How horrible would it be to have to start your journey all over again because you didn't make this one last preparation.

The folks at the COMMUNITY healed you & are now cheering you on.
Your EDUCATION repaired those damaged roads.
Your ROLE MODEL has left colored rice along the trail so you stay on the right path.

So make sure you got your foods & your fuels, your trinkets & your tools before you lock that COMMUNITY door behind you.
Make one last introspective summary of yourself before you begin your walk.

You have now made your SELF-REVIEW. What is next to do?

Number Five

THE FEARLESS WALK

Now you make your journey.

You have left your sanctuary & shelter of the COMMUNITY house.
You have your road map through the knowledge of your EDUCATION.
You have followed the tracks set by your journey's guide, your ROLE MODEL.
You have all of your supplies as inventoried by your SELF-REVIEW.

Now you must use that fuel, that fire to power you as you walk that path in the midst of the storm, in the heat of the blazing sun.
Now you walk alone. No insult can derail you from your destination. No negativity can send you running back home.
You walk THROUGH that fire with YOUR fire. You are now FIREPROOF.

You have foundation, you have direction, you have inspiration, you have capability...

You Are FEARLESS.

NITRO POWERED! ROCKET FUEL!

You expose your underbelly to the haters & DARE them to attack it.
After they attack it, you laugh & say "Is that all you got? Hahaha!"
You are unfazed by every attack. You can sit down comfortably in the lion's den & turn them into little kitty kats.
You walk TOWARDS the danger & let it attack you. Because you know it's not nearly enough to pierce your firewall.

You know you have arrived at your destination, small-sized guys, when you can purposefully sit among a room full of taunters & not be fazed.
When the size queens' taunts look quaint, when the large-sized guys' brags & humblebrags look like signs of insecurity.
When every attempt to humiliate & disparage you physically, verbally, visually, symbolically, textually, subtextually have absolutely no negative effect on you.
When you are beyond this silly Animal Kingdom domination game.

You know your value & you know your worth. And you can easily turn the tables on them bringing out THEIR insecurities & complexes.
To teach them firsthand how bad it is to attack people in this way.

It's the rare place where an alcoholic can be surrounded by beer in a beer factory & never have a thirst for a cold one.
Where a shopaholic can see so many sales & products offers yet go "Meh."
Where the fat girl can be herself in the midst of a bunch of fat-shamers.
Where the short guy can be himself in the midst of a bunch of a short-shamers.
Whether you're among favorable company or unfavorable company, you don't change who you are or bow to the social pressure because of the negative group.
Whether you're with somebody or alone, you don't change & you don't bow.

You have walked THE FEARLESS WALK & have finally arrived at your destination.

The complex is gone. The complex is conquered. It got burnt up in your personal fire.
And now you will become some one else's Role Model so that they can reach this destination just like you.
Guess that's why they call you a Trail-Blazer. Look at all the fiery residue left in your wake!

This is the hardest step to achieve because it's dependent on the proper execution of the previous 4 steps.

Did you fully heal in the COMMUNITY before setting off on the journey?
Did you get the right information from your EDUCATION?
Did you get mislead by your ROLE MODEL as he guided you through the journey?
Did you properly SELF-REVIEW before you took off on the road?
If not, you gotta go back to the House. Back to Number One: COMMUNITY.

Is there anybody who has FULLY achieved this 5th Step? Anybody who has traveled the FULL distance not just MOST of the distance?
Is there any human being on Planet Earth who has ABSOLUTELY & PERMANENTLY obliterated their complexes & issues?

That's hard to know, isn't it?

**********************************************************************************************

Every human being has an inferiority complex of some kind, of some sort.
Every human being has a WINNER & a LOSER inside of them.
Every human being has WON or will LOSE at least ONCE in their lifetime.
The sperm that got to the egg WON. The fetus that formed from this egg/sperm combo was birthed. That's a WIN.
And yet in some ways a LOSS as well since Earth Is Hell. That's why every baby cries when they come into the world.

And one day this birthed baby will grow & become someone who dies. That's a LOSS.
And yet in some ways a WIN as well since Earth Is Hell. That's why some people seem serene before they pass on.

We're all descended from WINNERS & LOSERS simultaneously.
That's where all the superiority complexes come from.
Fear of someone's inferiority.
They push that fear onto you by playing these humiliation games, these shunning games.
And those things are what causes the inferiority complexes in others.
One of them being the penis size complex.

Is one person REALLY inherently more valuable than another person overall?
No.
But the fear is real so I must make someone else inferior to make myself superior.
The human condition spelled right out for you.

But hopefully with these 5 Steps, you can journey your way out of those complexes so that you can simplify the reality of your self-image.

You Matter. And You Are Valuable.

John Lucas

[ShameOnThem]

You know you have arrived at your destination, small-sized guys, when you can purposefully sit among a room full of taunters & not be fazed.

When the size queens' taunts look quaint, when the large-sized guys' brags & humblebrags look like signs of insecurity.

When every attempt to humiliate & disparage you physically, verbally, visually, symbolically, textually, subtextually have absolutely no negative effect on you.

When you are beyond this silly Animal Kingdom domination game.

You know your value & you know your worth. And you can easily turn the tables on them bringing out THEIR insecurities & complexes.

To teach them firsthand how bad it is to attack people in this way.

This sounds great and all, but what is the Education we are supposed to be studying and who is our Role Model that we should emulate? I don't know what the equivalent of Jet would be for small penises, but nobody with one seems to want to own up to it, except that Patrick Moote guy but that film was so bogged down by his narcissism that only the meeting with Dan Savage at the end seemed at all helpful to me.

[johnlucas]

On 9/25/2015 at 5:05 PM, ShameOnThem said:

This sounds great and all, but what is the Education we are supposed to be studying and who is our Role Model that we should emulate? I don't know what the equivalent of Jet would be for small penises, but nobody with one seems to want to own up to it, except that Patrick Moote guy but that film was so bogged down by his narcissism that only the meeting with Dan Savage at the end seemed at all helpful to me.

I'm VERY late with this reply.
And I see the formatting on this site has changed since I was last here so I gotta edit my posts for easier readability.
All those line breaks when I just used a Return.

EDUCATION is the sticking point in all of this.
The sexologists are not accurately examining the issue & are just working around the edges.
This is the KEY reason why you guys keep coming to places like this, Reddit & other forums to gain some perspective on the problems.
And in the end for the most part, all you seem to come away with is the FIRST step COMMUNITY.
You find other guys who have your anxieties & worries but that's all. And of course you need more than that first step.

The EDUCATION currently available is NOT NEARLY enough.
Not even CLOSE to nearly enough.
And that's why I'm trying to add some new thought to the issue MYSELF.
So that you all can think of the problem differently & add some new thought to the issue YOURSELVES.

In other words, what you guys got to do here is PIONEER.
They don't really HAVE any real answers for you.
You're gonna have to MAKE your answers.

One idea I'll pass to you is that maybe small-sized men should become sexologists THEMSELVES in order to advance research on the topics.
Only YOU will have the most motivation to seek a solution to these problems.
Don't wait for them to tell you how to solve it. Become the problem solvers YOURSELVES.
Do it not just for you but for all other men & future men who will share your traits.
Since the current sexologists have no will to really get to the bottom of this, YOU step in & advance the subject.

What I'm trying to do is transform the stale thinking on the subject so it gives you a lead to start from.
To do away with the notion of "AVERAGE" which is a useless term for what you need to figure this out.
I come up with theories like this FIVE STEPS process to showcase a broader perspective on not only this self-image issue but ALL self-image issues.
And I got a LOT more ideas where that came from.
I just came up with a brand new thought just recently that I'm soon to share with all of you.
It details why men are so fixated on their penis size in this current age.
I had part of this figured out in scattershot but it fully came to me a few days ago.

As for the ROLE MODELS, this is hit or miss because guys who get to that stage did it through the wasteful method of trial-and-error.
But they got there so study what they do & how they live life.
Emulate things that they did but always recognize it may not work on a 1:1 ratio because we all have differences in our physical/mental makeup.
It's best to absorb his traits & meld them into your being organically.
Do it in a way that works naturally to you in other words.

But as you see from my ideas, I ALWAYS have YOU in the ACTIVE role.
When you're in the ACTIVE role, you feel more accomplishment, power, & self-satisfaction when you make your achievements.
It keeps you from being a victim & transforms you into a victor.
Men enjoy a good challenge so long as the game is fair. So long as they know that it's possible to win.
What paralyzes a lot of you is the thought that this sex game is unwinnable & unfair.
So the challenges feel like restrictions & you feel strait-jacketed.

My hope in all this is to make you better players in this Mating Game.
'Cause it DAMN sure is a game. But it's winnable even IF it's currently unfair.
With the proper playbook you can cancel out the unfairness that keeps you from wanting to play.

John Lucas

[johnlucas]

On 9/25/2015 at 5:05 PM, ShameOnThem said:

This sounds great and all, but what is the Education we are supposed to be studying and who is our Role Model that we should emulate? I don't know what the equivalent of Jet would be for small penises, but nobody with one seems to want to own up to it, except that Patrick Moote guy but that film was so bogged down by his narcissism that only the meeting with Dan Savage at the end seemed at all helpful to me.

Oh and more thing in this super-late follow-up.

One of you HAS to be brave enough to start the conversation.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You cannot remain silent & expect this to change.

What is happening to guys like you is WRONG.
And you have to TELL these jackasses that it's WRONG.

Measurection.com is definitely one place where the conversation was started.
I wouldn't have learned ANY of this stuff if it weren't for that site.
Somebody had to air their grievances to the world for others to hear.
I heard that pain & absorbed the lessons.
If the people weren't brave enough to start that place, how would I ever know to care about it?

And the most important thing is that now Measurection is not the ONLY place this conversation is taking place.
And EVEN MORE importantly women & men who don't have small penises are starting to check themselves on that hateful behavior towards small-sized men.
It's changing as we speak & all of that became possible because somebody put forth a media that sent the message of the small.

Add to the numbers of small-sized men speaking out so that this stigma evaporates quicker.
You GOTTA own up to it. If you build it, they will come.

Start the conversation your own way & change this system.
It's not a choice, it's your DUTY...if you EVER want this to change.
John Lucas