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My so called life


Small

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Hello again everyone. I haven't posted for a few months so thought I'd visit. I hope you're all in a reasonably good way, you know, considering we're all in a mental support group :( Things with me like always, are a mixed bag. I still have my anxiety disorders including depression, along with a renewed feeling of disappointment in the political state of the world. I have it on good authority from people I respect, that WW3 is inevitable, it is near, and it will be nuclear. Thank you America. 


As to my more personal affairs, I'm still as glum as a plum. How can any human being feel happy? In my opinion it's a state of ignorance. When God created happiness and sadness he did so with the latter in overwhelming abundance. The default state of affairs is sadness and those that deny this are lying to themselves :(

On the slight plus, I have started to gain a little bit of clarity recently. Last month I was watching Ex Machina for the third time (I recommend it) then took out the trash at just gone midnight. It was windy, so I stood in the dimly lit street while the cold air battered against me. It's difficult to describe but for a short moment I felt at one with my surroundings.


It wasn't exactly an epiphany but a moment of clarity. Its like I envisioned my direction in life with all it's obstacles, and my place in the universe along with my desired path became clear. I gained but quickly lost some rejuvenation in the coming days, but the clarity remains astute.


Unfortunately, and unlike most of you, my obstacles have a dark & sinister nature. I won't get into what they are but it's a torment I'd never wish upon an undeserving soul. With a somewhat renewed focus (but lacking in momentum) I'm reapproaching this problem, and I hope I'm able to squirm free of my oppression. God knows I've tried & failed.


Work is good but slow, I can't really complain other than being at odds with work itself. My neurological health is good too, but my memory still hasn't recovered the way I would have liked it to. Other than that, yeah, things are what they are. I'll try hanging around more but no promises. 

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11 hours ago, Small said:

How can any human being feel happy? In my opinion it's a state of ignorance. When God created happiness and sadness he did so with the latter in overwhelming abundance. The default state of affairs is sadness and those that deny this are lying to themselves :(

plato was the first to propose that evil (eg sadness) doesn't actually exist (because god is pure goodness, i.e omnibenevolent), and is merely the absence of good (eg happiness). i postulate that it's the other way around, and good is the mere absence of evil. and most people, including philosophers (even proponents of plato's theory) accept that pain is an inherent evil that undoubtedly exists. but not everyone agrees that pleasure actually exists (meaning it could easily be the absence of pain). in other words, it's preposterous to suggest that pain doesn't exist, but it's not preposterous to say pleasure does not. i assert that good and evil have no meaning beyond pain and pleasure, and if in fact, pleasure is nothing more than the absence of pain, then basically good has no existence (assuming pain is evil and pleasure is good).

oh, and good luck with all your crap lol. :D

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11 hours ago, Small said:

I'm beginning to think Klingsor's real name isn't Pax either.

Beth is the only one sincere and trusting enough to freely use her real name on here; however, I've mentioned mine on a couple of occasions. 

Well, now I think about it, there's retrojohn and Jessie as well, if they're not aliases. 

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It would be interesting if we could interface with digital environments like in The Matrix and make the Mental Support Community its own virtual world where we could all meet each other's residual self images and interact. Resolute and I could build a fort of negativity that we attempt to hold against the relentless tides of positivity. Small's area would be like Switzerland and neutral to all parties. Victim would be like a sagely rock star legend living in retreat and providing riddles and wisdom like the Sphinx to travelers. Beth and malign would be the king and queen and rule benevolently from the verdant, flourishing, mountainous garden of their blogosphere. The red light district would be the sexuality sub forum while the small penis forum would be like some radioactive wasteland avoided by all and inhabited only by crazed, leprous, viciously aggressive and sexually obsessed outcasts that worship immense phallic statues dotting the landscape. 

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