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  1. 3 points
    Daveuk

    Its been a while

    Everything is going good I can now make from scratch fudge, toad in the hole, chicken and mushroom pie, apple crumble
  2. 3 points
    @JOHNSON CAMPBELL - I took a programming course w this guy named Fred and this cat was way over on the spectrum. He was smart enough to realize he had a problem w loneliness & what he did was join groups that had a specific purpose. That eased interaction by directing attention to the subject of the group. For example he was fascinated w trains and ships. He would join groups that would share pictures, stories, news, and would (I kid you not) go watch trains at various locations. As you can imagine it was a major sausage fest but it was fun and he did make friends. I am much older than you and I don’t even have family checking up on me. I only have 2 friends that I actually see, and handful of others that I keep in touch w on line but rarely see in real life. The difference w me is that I grew up an only child and am comfortable w my own company. But like you I would like to have more friends. Good luck!
  3. 3 points
    The truth is, it's a numbers game. It's just a case of whether you can survive the process. For every 8-9 that say it's a deal-breaker, there's one who doesn't care. But 4-5-6-7 brutal rejections can be too much for a guy. If you really want to play the numbers, then put your size in your profile. That way you can sift through the size queens and women who think talking about size is in poor taste and wait out for the girls who aren't fussed. It'd save a lot of hassle and pain. And I've seen it time and time again with lads in here, they do meet girls who don't care, they're more common than we're led to believe. If I was dating again, that's what I'd do, I'd tell them from the beginning so there's no pressure with the reveal. Personally I think the reveal is a major factor of all failures when dating with SPS, it can be unbelievably overwhelming and in some cases an out of body experience, except you're stuck in your body and it's all fucking consuming. But nothing will ever change unless you take control, which I know is easier said than done, but what's the alternative? Except more of the same....
  4. 2 points
    Daveuk

    Its been a while

    And good to see all three of those
  5. 2 points
    Daveuk

    Its been a while

    All missed me
  6. 2 points
    IrmaJean

    25M, Extreme Loneliness

    Hello, JC. It sounds as though you are seeking a connection that can be difficult to find these days in our fast paced, high tech society. Some (or many) people have no interest or need for intimate friendships and instead have a circle of acquaintances. I see that too. I also agree with Jazz, that these types of relationships with others can be rare and challenging to maintain throughout our lifetimes. That being said I think that these wonderful friendships can still be possible. I think the key is to keep putting oneself out there. Also, I think it's important to know the other person's expectations in a relationship and to know they closely match with yours. Joining different groups is a great idea. Shared interests can be a place to begin communication and make connections. Best wishes.
  7. 2 points
    jazz

    25M, Extreme Loneliness

    Hiya JC, what a difficult situation and getting more common with loads of people, very easy to get isolated. I do agree with Vic, it is worth trying an interest group with a purpose where there is an activity - could be anything. I like crafts and this week spent the day making beautiful scented candles with about ten other people, knew none of them but it was fun and a good situation to make friends because there is a lot of talking - I'm guessing you don't want to do that kind of thing but if you choose the hobby wisely there is potential. Why not start you own group? I know someone who did that, it worked. Really great reliable friends are like gold dust and my sister often says how keeping up friendships once you have them is an art in itself as well. So don't be too harsh on yourself.
  8. 2 points
    LaLa

    Its been a while

    How have you been doing?
  9. 2 points
    although I agree with YOTH about playing the numbers game(i have done just that), and I only had to suffer one telling me off. I don't however agree with the telling them first part. why not let them decide...... in turn proving to themselves, and us, whether they are sluts and/or shallow cunts.
  10. 2 points
    He probably is, but I'll let him speak for himself. Sounds like excellent advice to me. I frankly think us smaller guys have to date people that aren't into the recreational competitive sex derby and don't want to be because they have other values in life and want a partner with whom to share those values. I don't think there are many people into recreational competitive sex for whom size is totally irrelevant even if they say so. I know. I'm saying the actually small aren't suitable for the sex derby unless you have nerves and a mind like a steel trap. Looking back, though I thought the opposite, I really wanted to be in the derby and couldn't accept I just wasn't suited, not just for penis size reasons, but for temperament reasons as well. So, in addition to stating size, you might consider stating the kind of value structure you would want in a partner and the kind of life you would like to have. Woops! Not a dating or hook-up site! I guess there are partner or match maker sites as well.
  11. 2 points
    It has become increasingly obvious to me that us smaller guys are shamed not just for being small but for not being able to adjust to it. There can be no doubt that small penis shaming is still acceptable to most of society as demonstrated by the popularity of small penis jokes. We are not "to blame" though we need to learn better how to cope. I haven't listened to Lily Allen yet, but many otherwise decent women hate men because they have been subjected to male standards of beauty, demeaned for imperfections, used and abused, and, often, subjected to "date rape" or at least manhandling. They think they can "get back" at men by ridiculing their small penises wholesale, often not realizing there really are men with small penises that do not deserve their shaming and can be severely damaged by shaming. Probably, men with large penises, being more sexually active, are the ones more likely to have committed real offenses against women so their small shaming is very off the mark.. Unless I have missed something, I don't think you have revealed what your actual penis size is. I think recovery from shaming is quite different for those actually significantly below average like myself and those in the average or bigger range who happen to have been subjected to traumatizing shaming. Many men do not realize that the average erection is only 5 inches.
  12. 1 point
    LaLa

    25M, Extreme Loneliness

    Hi, J. C., I agree with all previous suggestions. But I wonder about the advises you've already got from others: Could you, please, mention what you've tried (except the things you already mention in your post), so that we can come up with some new ideas? As for groups based on interests; do you already know this website? https://www.meetup.com Also, here you can find podcasts about overcoming loneliness (on this page, and some are on the page 1, too) : https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qxx9/episodes/downloads?page=2 About your roommate: If you tried to have conversations with him, showing your interest in him (instead of only talking about yourself, as some people do), it's very probable that he is "the problem". You're not "a good match" for sure, so I wouldn't see that 'relationship' as 'telling'. As others (in previous posts) also 'insinuated', this is an illusion: Too many people are lonely, too. You can find countless articles and videos about it, for instance: https://www.forbes.com/sites/neilhowe/2019/05/03/millennials-and-the-loneliness-epidemic/#5d8b898e7676 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/201807/what-you-need-know-about-the-loneliness-epidemic I'm not suggesting at all that because it's so widespread, it's not a problem and you should just accept it. I just want you to know that being alone, not finding "the one" (for friendship or another kind of relationship), not having got success in socialising doesn't tell (almost?) anything about you; it certainly doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you that prevents you from having a good friend. Yes, some of the people who are lonely surely are jerks or too socially awkward. But there's no equivalence / implication: Not having friends doesn't imply being 'inapt / unfit' in this regard! Moreover, even based on your post, you do seem like a kind, decent, friendly, intelligent guy, not only because of this part: Also: It's not crazy at all and many people have mainly / only on-line interactions, nowadays. And these interactions are important and can be deep and beneficial, so I wouldn't underestimate their importance in your life. As Vic's post already showed, it's not so obvious that you're sad about it. (Well, it's obvious from what you wrote that you are suffering from loneliness and it worries you.) There are some people who are OK with being so alone. But it's a matter of personality, predispositions... so, please, don't see this as a reason to try to renounce the efforts to find a friend! You're evidently a person who needs social interactions and a good, deep friendship, so don't give up and don't force yourself to just accept it forever. I see why you'd like a deep, long psychotherapy. It can be a very good thing, undoubtedly. But I wouldn't refuse the kind of help that's available to you now! It could still do you some good. It feels even better talking about most issues to a professional than 'just' writing about them on a forum. What about giving it a try? It's understandable; when something is bothering or hurting us, it's not often easy to focus on what we like. Perhaps even starting that therapy / counseling would alleviate that burden and make you feel better enough to be able to focus on your interests. Also, I would recommend these articles about the subject: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/sociability/friendship/ (for instance: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/why-men-are-so-bad-at-friendship/ - this may well be true about all the men you tried to befriend!) It's true that they describe (also) ideals that are hard to find . My own experience shows that "applying the rules" (mainly about being open about one's failures and dark sides etc.) doesn't always work - not many people are prepared to be close friends and they may 'freak out' / be repelled if someone starts 'oversharing', for instance. (Even I don't like people who overshare in a relationship that isn't close, BTW. And my experiences say that most / many people hate it, mainly if someone overshares their problems. So... no wonder it's so hard to find a good friend. ) I'm looking forward to your answers! Take care and good luck!
  13. 1 point
    Victimorthecrime

    Its been a while

    That does sound good. Had to google Toad in the Hole but anything w sausage & onions sounds good to me.
  14. 1 point
    jazz

    Its been a while

    Hello Dave, I haven't posted for a long time either 👑
  15. 1 point
    YOTH

    What would you do?

    @Victimorthecrime Dole away, I'm open to suggestions and advice, if you want to say something, feel free. I'm ok atm, but it's an ongoing thing. Up, down, peaks, troughs, it never ends.
  16. 1 point
    YOTH

    What would you do?

    I'm ok, bit of a rough year, hopefully 2020 is kinder.
  17. 1 point
    YOTH

    What would you do?

    Long time no see. How are you?
  18. 1 point
    Every day of my life is a struggle, but lately I genuinely don't know how much longer I carry on living. I'm 30 and my SPS affects my life in every way imaginable...from my nonexistent self esteem and confidence, to the choice of clothing I buy. When I was 16 I had my first girlfriend. We both said we wanted to lose our virginity together. We had a few foreplay sessions but she broke up with me within 2 months. I later found out that she cheated on me and lost her virginity with someone else, and that she was telling all her friends about my size. Ever since this, my confidence is below zero and I've tried a couple of times to be intimate with women but I find it impossible to achieve an erection infront of a woman because of crippling anxiety. One of the women actually commented on my size straight away, which did not help. It's got so bad that even if I THINK about sex, I get major panic attacks, my breathing becomes uncontrollable and I rock back and forth, like a stereotypical mental patient. I associate with all the symptoms of SPS and I actually had a breakdown while reading it. The only symptom I can't relate to (anymore) is anger towards women. I used to be, but not anymore. I don't blame people for their preferences. However, I'm angry with society and with the world we live in. Body shaming in 2020 is unacceptable, except if you're shaming small penises, in which case it's actually encouraged. Phrases like "big dick energy" confirm this. Or the fact that it's okay to assume that an abuser or murderer has a small penis. Lily Allen writes songs about guys with small penises and how disgusting we are. She's a liberal icon.. which I find mind blowing. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need to vent because there's no one I can talk to about this. The way I'm feeling tonight, I can see me checking myself into hospital just so I won't be alone and tempted to kill myself. I've actually recently discovered cuddle therapy. It's not illegal or taboo.. literally just two consenting people cuddling for 1 or 2 hours. The positive I took from this is that it's made me realise that maybe I don't want or need sex. Cuddling is all I need at this point. But maybe it's unrealistic to hope for a relationship with no sex involved?
  19. 1 point
    Yes, 100% correct. On the other hand, I'm old enough to remember when it was socially acceptable, nay encouraged, to shame Black people at every opportunity. Also, disabled people were treated much worse, often dismissed as cripples, etc. Things can change, but you are right, I don't know how. Here is the best construction I can put on women who dismiss and/or shame guys with small penises. I gather (and I have done it myself) that small dick guys tend to try to hang on to women they get involved with by laying on guilt trips (moral pressure), controlling, etc. because they know consciously or unconsciously that the woman isn't sexually satisfied. Women resent this. Women eventually rebel against this and lash-out, especially since the advent of feminism. Then, at the same time, the small dick guy might come to believe the woman's lack of sexual response is her fault, ie. "she is frigid" and start to cheat wanting to find-out if other women are more responsive (or, forbid the thought) the problem really is HIM! I was guilty of exactly this in my first marriage to a virgin. So, women getting out of relationships like I describe above can become quite angry. "I put up with his little dick all that time and then he cheated claiming I was the problem!" A complication, of course, is that dick size might not be the actual problem in all or even most cases. It might be premature ejaculation, lack of communication, rigidity in sexual practice, lack of libido, whatever. . . I think male lack of libido is much bigger problem than often admitted. Women want to feel wanted. They also want guys who can do it "all night long". Well, realistically, can do it more than once before falling asleep.
  20. 1 point
    That's a good point and I do agree, however I can't help but view it as a disability on my end as well. Trying to be positive though, we would say to physically or mentally disabled or handicapped people that they have nothing to feel shame for right? They didn't choose their situation. I guess the same could apply here, and I ought to treat myself with that same compassion. I feel like it's a lot more groups than that I don't belong to. Confident people, sexually active people, etc.. I said I'm not angry with women, which is true, but on the whole I feel totally distant or disconnected to them in a way because I know there's a 99.99% chance they'll stop viewing me as a human being with feelings if they ever saw me naked. That being said, 50% of the music I listen to is by female artists and I read books by female authors etc, so I'm far from anti women or anything like that. And when I'm with my female cuddle therapist I have 100% trust in her. I think you were on to something when you mentioned asexual relationships, because my distrust with women is all sex related. Take that out of the equation and I think I'll be ready for a relationship, once I start to like myself more. I also agree that therapy is a good idea for me.. at least to deal with my panic attacks which, at their worst, can be triggered by something as trivial as seeing a happy couple walking together down the street 😕 I knew what you meant I appreciate your thoughtful and productive answers by the way. It's quite comforting to know there's someone out there who totally sees through the societal crap and actually see guys like us as humans with value. Unique individuals just like everyone else. You're providing light to people who really need it, like a candle in an endless, dark hallway. You don't have to put your time and energy into this so I want you to know that I appreciate it, even if I've seemed stubborn or unappreciative
  21. 1 point
    It is not a stereotype we are fighting. It is small penis shamers: real nasty people composing a very large per cent of the population! We need to work toward sanctioning them. Realizing that we are not at fault for our small genital equipment means we MUST BLAME the shamers for the damage they do!
  22. 1 point
    Okay so she is a hypocrite. I thought liberals were all about acceptance of everyone and everything and sexual orientation and no matter what you look like and what you feel. But time and time again it shows me that certain hypocrite liberals will only support or disparage things that are good for them, personally. These songs are all about going in the gray zone of social acceptance , creating controversy and giving her more attention then what is typically deemed necessary in the music Realm. This isn't uncommon, this is been done before numerous times in the music industry and continues to this day. Push the envelope and stir the Beast. She happened to stumble upon something that we in this forum find unnerving, unacceptable and quite honestly hurtful. You don't have to tell me I'm fat, I'm fat. You don't have to tell me I'm small, I'm small. You don't have to tell me I'm short, I'm short. Although I know it's human nature to bully and feel Superior at the expense of other weaker individuals, but it does not mean that we have to do it. We are greater than Apes. If I wrote a song and plastered it on YouTube about large, loose vaginas, I would lose my job, my family, and God knows how many other things. But it's free speech and no matter how hurtful it is, there's not much we can do about it except complain about it and not listen.
  23. 1 point
    LaLa

    Grief transference

    Hello, Jim, welcome! (And sorry for the late reply...) I'm sorry you're both in such a difficult situation. It's clear you're committed to your relationship and want to work on overcoming the current issue. That's great, that's the most important thing for success. Yes, you'll need also a good counsellor, but if the one you see doesn't help much, you can always try another. What your wife experiences is very natural and quite common, in various situations. I think the key is to understand it much better (although you both seem to have quite an insight already - that it's transference due to the similarity of their situations, that she feels as she does about him because he "gets her" (in this one regard!) so much better than others). Feelings of love / infatuation are very strong and even "blinding", but they pass. She (nor you) cannot try to force herself to stop loving that person - it wouldn't help, that's impossible. But she can (in couples therapy / counselling) learn more about her feelings and the two relationships (with you and with him) and then accept the very different roles the two men have in her life and stay with the one who she wants to be married to and raise her child with (i.e., you). She can decide when the times is right, to stop contact with the other one and let her heart heal from the amorous feelings for him. They won't stay; they never do (mainly if not 'sustained' by something). She can still hold him in her heart as a person who once was very important, who helped her and gave her also some nice memories. As I said, it's important for her to make the decision when the time is right - to "break up" with him, to let it all go, to wait until the infatuation fades away. I think if she felt forced to do it, she would still keep a deep regret that would be painful and might perhaps even cause some resentment towards you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't let her know how important it is for you (that she'll be able to resolve this issue and "be back there (only) for you"). Just also let her know you understand she needs time and help and that you're also willing to work on it with her, in counselling. As one of the most famous couples therapists, specialized on cheating, Esther Perel, says, cheating often makes marriages stronger, if the couple works on the underlying issues. Do you know her? I know your wife isn't cheating, but some consider this kind of relationship (she has with him) "emotional cheating"... so it can be helpful to look into this topic. (I think it's a big advantage for both of you that she didn't "find someone else" because you weren't "good enough anymore", but just because of a very specific circumstance. But the emotions around it can be probably similarly difficult to 'bear' and to 'overcome' as if it was cheating. And even though "you weren't the cause", there can certainly be place for improvement of your marriage during this healing process.) You can start, for instance, here: https://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-october-10-2017-1.4346695/what-infidelity-can-teach-us-about-ourselves-and-relationships-therapist-esther-perel-1.4346733 https://www.cbc.ca/radio/outintheopen/they-have-become-the-new-religion-esther-perel-says-we-expect-too-much-from-relationships-1.5000270 https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2017-11-05/infidelity-and-how-your-relationship-can-recover/9107694 Another excerpt, potentially pertinent, from here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1BdGTSWrgGHQ1DMhpVJhDcf/nine-secrets-to-improve-your-relationships -> This shows that it was natural and normal for her to seek some support elsewhere. It just got complicated; that happens. So this is how I see it. I'm not a therapist / counsellor / psychologist, I just have some knowledge and some experiences. What do you think? Good luck!!
  24. 1 point
    https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/health/sdut-penis-length-study-2015mar02-story.html So, I haven't posted in awhile because I needed a break from this forum to reset my thoughts. Many of you know I like concrete stats, things that are black and white, and logical. When it comes to SPS, much of it is not logic and more about emotion and self inflicted ideals stemming from a lack of sexual confidence based on real or perceived small penis size due to societal expectations or personal experiences. I found this comprehensive study, although I'm sure many of you have found the same information, about average penis size. It is a metanalysis of several studies with a huge sample size of 15,000 men. That means the results should be pretty reliable and one can extrapolate these results to the rest of the male population. Unless, many of the measuring studies where flawed in some way or another, i.e., poor ethnic sample distribution, self and not direct measurement, etc. I just wanted to point some things out to everyone, if not for myself. Of the 15,000 men, the average erect size is 5.17 inches. One standard deviation is 0.65 inches. Therefore 68% of all men fall between 4.52 and 5.82 inches. 16% of all men are greater or equal to5.82 inches and 16% are less than or equal to 4.52 inches. So how many of us suffer from SPS? 50%? I don't think so. Or, maybe we do and not all of us below the average exhibit the same severity of symptoms that hinder our potential achievements in sexual, personal, or life experiences. This is where it gets fuzzy for me; it's not all black and white. There is something quite complex about how we all handle this short coming differently. Now, when it comes to women and their preferred penis size, the most quoted research study by far (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4558040/) showed that women preferred a penis of slightly larger circumference and length for one-time sexual partner (length = 6.4 inches/16.3 cm, circumference = 5.0 inches/12.7 cm) versus long-term sexual (length = 6.3 inches/16.0 cm, circumference = 4.8 inches/12.2 cm) sexual partners. Therefore, if we average this to 6.35 inches, this places the ideal sized man to be about only 14%(estimate as I don't have the stats of the study, but obviously less than 16%) of the population. This tells me there are a lot of sexually unhappy heterosexual women out there based on their said preference. And, if they are sexually experienced, as this is a numbers game, the more chance she would have found that 6.35 inch guy and would have eventually settled for someone smaller. Again, law of averages dictates that fact. Now, I understand the penis alone is not everything to the heterosexual experience for women, but physiologically, it has to be a very important component. So what's my point.... SPS should be an epidemic, but it doesn't seem to be that way, or maybe it actually is and is just silent, festering in most men's minds and never discussed or realized. As my soon-to-be-ex-wife says, you should fake it till you make it. Well, I didn't fake it and it cost me my marriage. Although, I suffer from a lack of sexual confidence because of my size (less than the mean, but within one standard deviation), I find it illogical that I continue to struggle to find my way out of this funk given the sheer number of men that are sexually confident, married and in long term relationships. Logically, however, I am still human.
  25. 1 point
    Don't come on to my post to preach religion. I think I can be forgiven by my fellow board members for not believing in a god. I have my reasons.
  26. 1 point
    I speak bad about my ex to my Mother and in this forum. That's it. Never to my kids. Oh yea, in therapy sessions.
  27. 1 point
    I used to go there, probably a decade ago. After trying some techniques touted by men not asking for payments, and seemingly sincere with apparently well documented results, decided enlargement techniques work only for some. I'm definitely not included in the "some." Probably, connective tissues vary from man to man. As proven by "contortionists" some people can stretch their ligaments and tendons to amazing feats. Probably the same for the complex penile connective tissue, the fascia, if memory serves. Contortionists are born, not made, though they can improve.
  28. 1 point
    https://meaww.com/madonna-never-been-with-guy-small-dick-lewd-jokes-palladium-performance?fbclid=IwAR1EO2FCO1KSxnQFH_vEGxgPWvg9bSlbDTIKA4lLXGIajN8_m8KMjVY7G6Y
  29. 1 point
    1. Based on my locker room experience I have trouble believing it also. 2. Based on the few times I have men with erections I also have trouble believing it. 3. Porn ditto, but we all know there is a tremendous selection bias there! Selection bias, I think, tells the story. Men around average and below actually tend to avoid aggressive recreational sex, locker rooms, and any venue where their erection might be displayed. Active women are used to larger than average, too. That 16% of men 6" or over do most of the recreational competitive fucking and a growing number of women, I think, share that 16%.
  30. 1 point
    And yet I have trouble believing that. The 6” number got out there years ago & it’s what I accepted. And I sometimes wonder if that is low.
  31. 1 point
    But it is epidemic and getting worse because of porn and increased promiscuity prior to marriage. I saw a study showing 60% of men think they are "too small." Various movements of men are developing like MGTOW (men going their own way) and INCELS (involuntarily celibates) which forsake sex as undoable for all but the elite of men. Some mix in misogyny, blaming the big dick or pro-thug attitudes of women. I don't have the survey at hand, but I'll see if I can find it. The flaw in this mode of thinking, however, is that women don't generally choose men based primarily on dick size nor do most women have sex with enough men to accurately determine their ideal dick size though, perhaps, more and more do given the "hook-up" culture. I am quite old and can't help but remember how, when the pill was invented and people thought sexual nirvana was coming. They overlooked disease and competition. To the victor goes the spoils if you don't get a disease. Faking it 'till you make it is nonsense as far as I can tell. Sure, it works if the woman reacts positively to your dick after you fake the confidence to get her in bed. If not, you start on a downward spiral. I faked it plenty though I needed alcohol to fake it. BTW: Your study is the gold standard by all accounts. The average erection is just over 5". It might be somewhat skewed towards small, however, because Asians really are smaller apparently. The average in the West might be more like 5.5. That study does not use self selection as urologists measured random patients covertly. Men who self select for measurement tend to be 6" or more as Kinsey's survey showed. The other problem is that erections were not measured. Instead, urologists stretched flaccids to estimate erection. This doesn't work at the small end and I am an example. Often my flaccid is tightly retracted at 1" or less especially during any sort of nude medical exam. It can be stretched to only 3 or 3.5". Erect, I am actually between 4" and 4.5. Thus, the average erection measurement is dragged down by people like me. Again, the real average is probably more like 5.5 or a bit more. Last time I looked you could actually see the bump in the bell curve at the low end indicating this phenomenon is real. There is plenty of testimony from women, that if properly aroused by a gentle man they like and trust, prefer deeper penetration at least some of the time than afforded by 5" or so. Part of why this is a silent issue is because most afflicted men solve it through denial often with the help of their partner or wife. That women aren't really orgasming is a standing joke because many men worry about it. Women often don't complain or fake it so their husband can feel good about himself. Or only her orally stimulated orgasms are real, etc. Many women still consider relationship and family more important than missing orgasms from penetration.
  32. 1 point
    It wasn't a good move on her part considering one of the reasons I requested therapy was due to low self esteem. In my opinion she's not fit for the job and I hope she was fired. But I guess I'll never know. She probably thought would react well but she just got death stares as I got up and walked out. I'm actually having a consultation tomorrow with a male therapist. I've never been 100%^ open with my problems so I will do that tomorrow
  33. 1 point
    CircusLeavesTown

    Wife needing advice

    Hello Sheepish, New here, but I've spent hours upon hours looking at forums and articles over the years regarding to women's opinion on size and I have to say, I think you might be the most kind and understanding woman I've ever come across on any of them. I totally disagree with the advice that the two of you should separate. If I ever have a relationship, and I somehow came across these posts from her on a forum like this, I'd be so overwhelmingly joyful that it's hard to put into words. I can see how much you love him and it genuinely touched me on a deep level. You've given me hope, actually. So thank you. I honestly see a happy ending here. In your own time, in your own way, tell him the things you said about him on here. I'd even consider showing this thread to him but I 100% see why you wouldn't want to as well. All the best to you
  34. 1 point
    Hey guys. From skimming the posts above, I get the feeling most of the guys here are heterosexual. I'd like to offer my perspective, in hopes that it might help you to hear a gay man's thoughts on the matter of penis size. If you think it's rough out there with women (I mean I can only imagine as I have no sexual experience with women), try and imagine what it's like between men. Any time I hook up with a guy, when it comes time for the big reveal... ONE of us is (almost) always going to be bigger than the other. (Yeah, every now and then it's a draw, which is always kinda fun in like a solidarity or "twinzies!" kinda way.) And yeah, I'll admit that in the gay community there is definitely a bias towards bigger penises. Especially considering we generally have more (..... i mean like..... wayyyyy more) sex partners in our lifetime, and so we see a lot more dick than your average heterosexual woman. So we tend to have a much wider frame of reference, and so at a certain point, while an above average penis is always appreciated, every gay guy I know has a tall tale about the biggest dick they've ever seen on a guy. I myself am not entirely happy with my penis size, and yet I am a little larger than average. I would never use the word "hung" to describe myself. Especially when I'm not erect as I'm fully a grower, not at all a shower. And yet, I ALSO have a lot of negative thoughts and feelings associated with my penis size. There's always the fear that the other guy is gonna be a "size queen" and when he discovers what I've got (or if my penis isn't in full "grower" mode and at attention) that he's going to reject me because I'm not enough of a buffet for him. And lately I've been doing the emotional work to present myself during sex without reservation, without apology, happily presenting what I've got. And on those occasions when I am with a partner who I know isn't judging me by my penis size, or isn't hung up on inches, there is such a feeling of relief at knowing I can just let my guard down and stop having to audition my junk. THAT SAID... I want to express to you those of you writing about having a 3 or 4 inch penis... I ABSOLUTELY welcome and APPRECIATE and ENJOY you! Do I like a big dick? Hell yeah! There are porn stars and models out there with gargantuan dicks and I ABSOLUTELY enjoy looking at (or on occasion hooking up with) them. AND...... I can also FULLY appreciate a man with a 3 or 4 inch dick. I have DATED men with penises around that size, and the sex was NO less magical and memorable and enjoyable. I realize that's the exception and that most people don't feel that way. Also, I wasn't ALWAYS that way. I bought into the cultural influence that bigger is better, and so I used to let that influence what I found myself attracted to. But when I allowed myself to think critically about it, I realized that my preference for larger penises was entirely arbitrary, almost as if it's a decision that our culture made FOR me. The more I've learned into the issue, and the more I've allowed myself to hook up with, date, and empathize with men of smaller penis size -- the more I find a guy's dick size irrelevant. Is it "good news" to me when I find out a guy has a big dick? SURE!! But it's also good news to me to find out he's rich. It's good news to find out he's also sober (in recovery here.) It's ESPECIALLY GREAT news to find out he's vegan. EVEN BETTER if he's a spreadsheet nerd like me! Alternately, if the guy doesn't have much of a dick, but he makes up for it with a great ass, or great arms, or a sexy face, it's a totally even trade-off. Over New Year's Eve, I hooked up with a guy I hadn't met before while out of town. This was some of the most incredible sex I've had in recent memory. In this case, I was the top, he was the bottom. He wore a jock strap, which isn't entirely uncommon, so despite how mind blowing the sex was -- it's funny to think that I actually DO NOT even KNOW what this guy's penis looks like. And like.... I caught FEELINGS for this guy BIG time! Everything about the sexual chemistry between us was like a 99% perfect match, and we have kept in touch and we really want to meet again. If I had to guess, it seems like he has an average, or smaller than average penis, but more importantly -- it's the fact that I don't find myself CARING about his penis size, because the sex was just that good! Another way I like to put it is this...... There are just SO many erogenous zones on a man's body. I have no idea why, but one of my favorite things to do is nibble on a guy's neck, ears, or the back of his head. Yes I realize how weird that sounds. Sometimes it has zero effect on the guy. But at least half the time, I have these guys screaming and getting goosebumps everywhere and asking me "Where did you learn how to do that?! That feels incredible! I've never even EXPERIENCED that feeling before!!!" ......I hope I'm not giving a bunch of straight guys the heebie-jeebies here with these details. My point is -- if someone is SO hung up on penis size that they would reject me because I don't have 8 inches, then in my opinion that just tells me this guy is a LOUSY lay, and has no idea how to push my buttons and deliver pleasure. So for you smaller guys -- I hope at least one of you will hear and appreciate this: - You didn't choose your penis size. You were born with it, and there is factually, literally, scientifically NOTHING you can do about it. (No -- I don't want to hear any "yeah buts"..... DO NOT! Science isn't there yet and NO surgery or remedy is worth the potential damage to the only biologically functional penis you're EVER going to have in this lifetime. And for the record, I HAVE hooked up with guys who HAVE attempted methods of making their penis larger. This one porn star I hooked up with a few times -- the first few times it was great and everything on him was perfect in my opinion. Then a while later I hooked up with him and, though he didn't discuss it, he had clearly had his penis injected with silicone. It looked awful. It was shaped like a traffic cone. The way it looked through his pants was just unsightly and obnoxious, and more a turnoff than anything. His new penis FELT like shit, and it wasn't really very functional. I didn't discuss it, but I remember feeling SO bad for this guy, like "What is going on in this guy's heart that he thought he needed this?" I can't IMAGINE what he would have to endure if he were ever to remedy this surgery. - Your penis size isn't something you EARNED, nor is it something you somehow "DESERVE" - Your penis size says NOTHING about how much of a "man" you are. - Your penis size in NO WAY limits your ability to THOROUGHLY please your sex partner. And I want you to know that -- while you may have to sift through a lot of partners until you FIND them -- there absolutely ARE those of us who just DO! NOT! CARE! whether you have a small penis. Honestly, if I were to break down the importance I place on penis size versus sexual chemistry, I would say a big penis is maybe worth 10% to me, and sexual chemistry, a feeling of ELECTRICITY between us, and an intense connection sexually -- that is 90% of the picture for me. So there is NO REASON anyone here can't or won't find someone who loves and desires you not IN SPITE of -- but BECAUSE of who you are both inside and out. By the way, if anyone cares to read it, I wrote a pretty lengthy post about this on my Facebook (dated yesterday, January 26th, 2020). My Facebook profile is Honey LaBronx (yup... I'm a drag queen. You're welcome!) Much love to you all, and thank you to all those who came here to seek and/or create a community that affirms us just the way we are. :)
  35. 1 point
    uptight outasight

    Parental Gaslighting

    Reading my own writing above and in the Bullying area, I can see that, although there is no denying my penis is definitely small, my sps is due as much to projecting my lack of stereotypical masculinity on my penis as it is my penis itself. My personality was definitely more objectively embarrassing than my penis.
  36. 1 point
    Probably my mother didn't do that "just to embarrass me." That's how it effected me, though. I was already afraid the girls thought I was a "queer". That confirmed it, making it totally impossible for me to approach any of them like I would have liked to do. She simply could not accept my nature, felt guilty she was responsible for causing my nature, and out-of-control obsessed about doing something to correct my deficits. She was also impulsive due to her continuing quite excessive use of amphetamines. Once she said maybe she should send me to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but added, "they always blame the mother", and so, didn't! What did she expect me to say? Send me anyway? Or, that's OK, don't send me? Actually, all I remember wanting was for her and my father to leave me alone and stop pushing me. I was always happy by myself! Looking back, I can now see that my mother pushed my father into constantly "doing something" to fix me which always consisted in forcing me into organized sports. When I left Little League fairly successful, my lack of puberty at 13 barred my acceptance by the existing coaches in the more advanced leagues. So, again, my father used his financial influence to get control of teams and repeatedly made spots for me. The insanity never stopped. Oddly, when I finally began to mature at about 16-17 I became a pretty good player and attracted the attention of major league talent scouts which landed me on a freshman team at a major university. When I discovered the team took a winter trip to warm weather colleges for practice games, I started dreading that I would have to socialize at the athletic fraternities with my team mates. Everyone but me couldn't wait, because they said it was like a "sex vacation". Having never dated, I felt I would look the fool and quit, to the rage of my parents who never learned the real reason. I just told them I wasn't doing very well by comparison to the other guys. There was truth in that! A large % of the team actually made the major leagues, BTW. You might recognize some of their names if you followed baseball around 1970.
  37. 1 point
    Yeah, I think my upbringing was a rarity, but so was my extreme anti-social nature. I was aware of many parents pushing their sons very hard to be successful in athletics, but not with an extremely shy, anti-social kid. My parents were ALSO upset I didn't want anything nor want to do anything nor have any ambitions. Here is a weird one: I was paid for doing chores on our semi-rural property with the idea that when I became a teen I should have money for dating, etc. Of course, I had a very late puberty and, therefore, never dated until my last year of College when I started drinking! My mother harassed me about that though my father didn't (I guess because he never dated until he was 30.) Just to embarrass me completely, my mother once approached the bevy a cheerleaders after one of my basketball games and asked why none of them ever dated me? Stunned, one volunteered I didn't seem interested, implying I might be "a queer". My mother alternated between denying I was behind in sexual development and claiming it didn't matter. Perhaps she secretly feared I was "a queer". I've suspected and she might have known that my father had a secret homosexual side, not dating women until he was 30 and spending a lot of time at the YMCA. I guess I should give my mom a break. She was a pill head and often inappropriate!
  38. 1 point
    uptight outasight

    Parental Gaslighting

    Interesting. My mother was quite masculine. She didn't hate men exactly, but resented them if they were more dominant than her. She even said she wished she were a man from the perspective "It's a man's world." She liked hunting and other masculine activities. She looked masculine. She actually often wore combat boots. Back then, a common put down was to say, "Your mother wears combat boots!" Uh, maybe that she was a gym teachers says all you need to know. My father was very aggressive in certain spheres, sports and business, but not with women. He never had a date with a woman until he was 30. His penis appeared very small flaccid as did mine. He compensated, I think, by being very physical and a leader in sports, on the job, and in business. My mother appeared to have initiated their relatioship: a man she could dominate to an extent?
  39. 1 point
    Here is an embarrassing story that illustrates "how I was" as a kid. I don't think I've ever recounted it or a similar incident to anyone prior to this. Normally, I avoid thinking about it: A stereotypical incident: I recall back in 4th grade, not joining in baseball, basketball or football play at recess but, instead, walking around talking or watching with so-called brainy sissies. I remember my mother being outraged when she stopped at the school for a meeting or something and became aware of this behavior. She focused on the fact I was actually fairly good at baseball, so there was no reason for that behavior. She rejected the sissies because they all "threw like girls." She embarrassed me terribly by forcing me into the informal scrub baseball game my peers were enjoying. After that I made efforts to be included and often was though it was very difficult for me especially as I was thereafter tagged as a Moma's boy and ridiculed for hanging out with the sissies. Exactly opposite results sought by my mother! Many similar things happened over the years
  40. 1 point
    How you feel matters, but I well understand it might not change your life much. If you react anything like I did you would be happier even if your life course is set.
  41. 1 point
    Under5

    Wife needing advice

    I have a smaller penis than your husband. Yet, I still am really confident in myself as a person and partner. I’ve done it a few ways. One, I’ve worked hard on accepting some “truths” about my penis. Yes, I am smaller than average. Also, I am confident that some women, including my wife, can sometimes get more stimulation from a big vibrator/penis. Yet, there is so much more to sex than just one particular type of stimulation. I was with one woman whose ex had a 10 inch penis yet she never orgasmed with him but orgasmed almost always with me. We cared about each otherand enjoyed being in bed with one another. I also modeled for art classes, went to nude beaches, just did stuff where I began to just accept my size. I also have a wide range of interests, friends, and activities. I really enjoy my life including my work. I am a good man and I work at it. I know that my small penis does not and cannot define me, even in bed. I would strongly suggest some form of couples counseling where you can talk honestly and openly and he can really let his insecurities out on the open. That helps.
  42. 1 point
    Klingsor

    Wife needing advice

    @Sheepish Attempting to talk to any man except a gay man about this will lead to a hamster wheel of comedic deflection, denials, and bullshit. Men are intrinsically resistant to discussing or admitting anything that may give the perception of weakness or inferiority. This itself is not unrelated to the phallus issue. This is why I can post the article above in size 500 font and it will be ignored or denied. But everyone knows it. Some argue locker room/sports culture and banter its more of a Western, Anglo-American thing. Perhaps so. But phallic symbolism is universal.
  43. 1 point
    even if it is selfish, it's every person's right to not wanna "live". procreating, now that's selfish.
  44. 1 point
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  47. 1 point
    I have to agree, if there really is some omnipotent being in space responsible for life on this dumb planet I would really like to slap it hard for the fucking joke that is my penis..
  48. 1 point
  49. 0 points
  50. 0 points
    CircusLeavesTown

    relationship query

    Nope. I'm from England and it's no better here.
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