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Showing content with the highest reputation since 02/14/2020 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    Daveuk

    Its been a while

    Everything is going good I can now make from scratch fudge, toad in the hole, chicken and mushroom pie, apple crumble
  2. 3 points
    @JOHNSON CAMPBELL - I took a programming course w this guy named Fred and this cat was way over on the spectrum. He was smart enough to realize he had a problem w loneliness & what he did was join groups that had a specific purpose. That eased interaction by directing attention to the subject of the group. For example he was fascinated w trains and ships. He would join groups that would share pictures, stories, news, and would (I kid you not) go watch trains at various locations. As you can imagine it was a major sausage fest but it was fun and he did make friends. I am much older than you and I don’t even have family checking up on me. I only have 2 friends that I actually see, and handful of others that I keep in touch w on line but rarely see in real life. The difference w me is that I grew up an only child and am comfortable w my own company. But like you I would like to have more friends. Good luck!
  3. 2 points
    Daveuk

    Its been a while

    All missed me
  4. 2 points
    IrmaJean

    25M, Extreme Loneliness

    Hello, JC. It sounds as though you are seeking a connection that can be difficult to find these days in our fast paced, high tech society. Some (or many) people have no interest or need for intimate friendships and instead have a circle of acquaintances. I see that too. I also agree with Jazz, that these types of relationships with others can be rare and challenging to maintain throughout our lifetimes. That being said I think that these wonderful friendships can still be possible. I think the key is to keep putting oneself out there. Also, I think it's important to know the other person's expectations in a relationship and to know they closely match with yours. Joining different groups is a great idea. Shared interests can be a place to begin communication and make connections. Best wishes.
  5. 2 points
    jazz

    25M, Extreme Loneliness

    Hiya JC, what a difficult situation and getting more common with loads of people, very easy to get isolated. I do agree with Vic, it is worth trying an interest group with a purpose where there is an activity - could be anything. I like crafts and this week spent the day making beautiful scented candles with about ten other people, knew none of them but it was fun and a good situation to make friends because there is a lot of talking - I'm guessing you don't want to do that kind of thing but if you choose the hobby wisely there is potential. Why not start you own group? I know someone who did that, it worked. Really great reliable friends are like gold dust and my sister often says how keeping up friendships once you have them is an art in itself as well. So don't be too harsh on yourself.
  6. 2 points
    LaLa

    Its been a while

    How have you been doing?
  7. 1 point
    Dear Victimorthecrime, Jazz, IrmaJean, and LaLa, I want to thank you all for your responses. I have already tried Meetup. There aren't many good groups in my city. I can always create my own group though. I might give this another shot. 2 years ago, I joined a soccer team. We had a good league but I wasn't able to meet with anyone in that year. I went to the events hosted by the Graduate Student Association of my university. I couldn't meet with anyone at those events either. I tried to join all of the parties that people hosted at my department; I couldn't meet with anyone at those parties either [As a side note: I actually "met" a lot of people at those parties but I couldn't become friends with any of them]. I tried talking to random people at coffee shops [This did not work either]. Now, I am actually thinking of joining an improvisation class. This is something I haven't tried and I hope it can help me with my loneliness. I could be perceived as a someone who only talks about himself. However, I never really talk about myself. I always talk about abstract ideas rather than anything (or anyone) in particular. As for my roommate: I agree that I shouldn't view my relationship (or lack thereof) with him as "telling" in any way. The biggest problem there is that we share no common interests. I am totally aware of loneliness being a more common problem than I made it out to be in my post. I probably felt too emotional while writing it. I accept that online interactions can be deep and fulfilling. I also believe that online interactions (especially with random people) is mostly a hit-or-miss. I want to clarify a point I made in my post. All of you are correct in saying that it is not obvious at all that I feel sad about my situation. I definitely feel bad about my situation but not sad. This is because there is nothing to be sad about. Being alone does not take so much away from my happiness. I see it as a problem to be solved. Sure, it sometimes puts me in a depressed state but I am able to find other things to pass the time. But I am not too sold on the idea that "I am not the problem." I may be the problem, who knows? Being a 25 year old male with no history of dating, friendship, and other close contact is something out of the ordinary. Even if I am the problem, this does not mean that I am a bad person. At most it just shows that I don't have the right personality profile that makes friends and girlfriends. What I may be sad about is this: life gets lonelier as we age. Usually, the circle of friends you have gets narrower as you age. My circle is already non-existent. And I am probably at the best time of my life in terms of going through relationships (while I am healthy etc.). So, I will look back to these days 10 years later, and I will feel sad that I didn't have any interpersonal fun. Going to dinners together, movies together, reading together, having sex together, and etc. These are the things an average high-schooler has done already, none of which I had done. I don't know... I really need a therapy and I will give it a shot even if it is short-term. J.C.
  8. 1 point
    Daveuk

    Its been a while

    And good to see all three of those
  9. 1 point
    LaLa

    25M, Extreme Loneliness

    Hi, J. C., I agree with all previous suggestions. But I wonder about the advises you've already got from others: Could you, please, mention what you've tried (except the things you already mention in your post), so that we can come up with some new ideas? As for groups based on interests; do you already know this website? https://www.meetup.com Also, here you can find podcasts about overcoming loneliness (on this page, and some are on the page 1, too) : https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qxx9/episodes/downloads?page=2 About your roommate: If you tried to have conversations with him, showing your interest in him (instead of only talking about yourself, as some people do), it's very probable that he is "the problem". You're not "a good match" for sure, so I wouldn't see that 'relationship' as 'telling'. As others (in previous posts) also 'insinuated', this is an illusion: Too many people are lonely, too. You can find countless articles and videos about it, for instance: https://www.forbes.com/sites/neilhowe/2019/05/03/millennials-and-the-loneliness-epidemic/#5d8b898e7676 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/201807/what-you-need-know-about-the-loneliness-epidemic I'm not suggesting at all that because it's so widespread, it's not a problem and you should just accept it. I just want you to know that being alone, not finding "the one" (for friendship or another kind of relationship), not having got success in socialising doesn't tell (almost?) anything about you; it certainly doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you that prevents you from having a good friend. Yes, some of the people who are lonely surely are jerks or too socially awkward. But there's no equivalence / implication: Not having friends doesn't imply being 'inapt / unfit' in this regard! Moreover, even based on your post, you do seem like a kind, decent, friendly, intelligent guy, not only because of this part: Also: It's not crazy at all and many people have mainly / only on-line interactions, nowadays. And these interactions are important and can be deep and beneficial, so I wouldn't underestimate their importance in your life. As Vic's post already showed, it's not so obvious that you're sad about it. (Well, it's obvious from what you wrote that you are suffering from loneliness and it worries you.) There are some people who are OK with being so alone. But it's a matter of personality, predispositions... so, please, don't see this as a reason to try to renounce the efforts to find a friend! You're evidently a person who needs social interactions and a good, deep friendship, so don't give up and don't force yourself to just accept it forever. I see why you'd like a deep, long psychotherapy. It can be a very good thing, undoubtedly. But I wouldn't refuse the kind of help that's available to you now! It could still do you some good. It feels even better talking about most issues to a professional than 'just' writing about them on a forum. What about giving it a try? It's understandable; when something is bothering or hurting us, it's not often easy to focus on what we like. Perhaps even starting that therapy / counseling would alleviate that burden and make you feel better enough to be able to focus on your interests. Also, I would recommend these articles about the subject: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/sociability/friendship/ (for instance: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/why-men-are-so-bad-at-friendship/ - this may well be true about all the men you tried to befriend!) It's true that they describe (also) ideals that are hard to find . My own experience shows that "applying the rules" (mainly about being open about one's failures and dark sides etc.) doesn't always work - not many people are prepared to be close friends and they may 'freak out' / be repelled if someone starts 'oversharing', for instance. (Even I don't like people who overshare in a relationship that isn't close, BTW. And my experiences say that most / many people hate it, mainly if someone overshares their problems. So... no wonder it's so hard to find a good friend. ) I'm looking forward to your answers! Take care and good luck!
  10. 1 point
    Victimorthecrime

    Its been a while

    That does sound good. Had to google Toad in the Hole but anything w sausage & onions sounds good to me.
  11. 1 point
    jazz

    🧁 hello Vic πŸ˜„

    🧁 hello Vic πŸ˜„
  12. 1 point
    jazz

    Its been a while

    Hello Dave, I haven't posted for a long time either πŸ‘‘
  13. 1 point
    YOTH

    What would you do?

    @Victimorthecrime Dole away, I'm open to suggestions and advice, if you want to say something, feel free. I'm ok atm, but it's an ongoing thing. Up, down, peaks, troughs, it never ends.
  14. 1 point
    YOTH

    What would you do?

    I'm ok, bit of a rough year, hopefully 2020 is kinder.
  15. 1 point
    YOTH

    What would you do?

    Long time no see. How are you?
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