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Catmom last won the day on June 24 2009

Catmom had the most liked content!

About Catmom

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday 04/16/1960

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  • Occupation
    Registered Nurse

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  1. Hi - I don't come to this site often but want you to know that my heart goes out to you. As a healthcare professional, I feel compelled to remind you that taking more of your meds without your doctor's approval is playing with fire. I totally understand wanting relief at any price but please listen to Irma Jean's advice and use more natural methods (e.g. deep breathing, meditation, yoga, etc) to soothe yourself. You will get through this and be the stronger for it. Please don't hurt yourself in your wish to escape the pain you are in. ***HUGS*** Catmom
  2. I totally agree with your attitudes toward animals, ThePetPerson. My dog and two cats give me so much love, it is amazing. Do you have pictures of Caramel and Cream that you could post? They sound so cute. Catmom
  3. Thanks Allan. The beginning of this story is not an accurate portrayal of what is happening (or not happening) between me and both of my brothers. I had mistakenlt thought there might be some greater connection between us. Neither of my brothers acknowledges anything about me except that I am a loser and deserve to suffer the consequences of my failure. I think that it was my eternal longing for greater intimacy & connection with my family that made me want to believe otherwise. I have not spoken to that brother that I mentioned at the beginning of this thread since last September. This unemployment situation feels like I am terminally ill and none of the treatments are working. The shame of it all is overwhelming. Catmom
  4. Not good. More details are in the thread I started titled "attitude adjustment."
  5. Allan (on 7-1-11) and Luna (back in Sept 2010) asked how I am doing and it isn't good. I still haven't found a job. Had to move last Dec to a cheaper place (which is good anyway). And--unemployment will truly be running out for me within the next two months. I have been turned down for so many jobs, I can't even count them all. Most recently, I had an interview with large local insurance company for a disability consultant/case manager type position. The interviewer loved me & was telling me about all the perks & trying to "woo" me (like I needed to be courted!) And then I told her about my license, which is a matter of very public record. She said she didn't know if it would be an issue but I got the turndown email from HR about 10 days later. I strongly suspect it is "company policy" never to hire a nurse on probation. If the disability determination were disputed, it would look bad for them to employ such nurse. It was so heartbreaking to have a dream job waived under my nose to show what I could have if I hadn't stolen those drugs back in 2000. My 5 years of probation was to be over on June 28, 2011. But it is extended indefinitely until I can work at least 130 hours per quarter for another year. I haven't felt this deep down hopeless since I was actively gambling and abusing prescription drugs prior to Dec 2004, when I stopped all that after starting therapy. I socialize at my bridge club, usually when they call me in to play for free to fill out the numbers. I go to 12 step meetings and I even see the old therapist (long story) once a month. I don't think I give the impression of despair to anyone but that is where I am. Just like when I was in my active addictions, I am keeping the option of suicide available should it get to the point that I am homeless and have to give up my pets. I had resigned myself to the notion that I would never find a mate because I am fat. What I cannot accept is that I turned my life around, stopped the addictive behaviors, lived a very highly principled life, worked as hard as I could, only to fail at even supporting myself! Apparently, employers just see me as a "druggie nurse" because I stole some pills back in 2000 and I can't overcome this attitude. My therapist has been pressuring me to apply for no-brain jobs like I had when I was in my addictions, but I don't think those kinds of jobs are available either. Isn't nursing what people get into so they will never be unemployed? But- I am applying for anything I can find but it is very hard to even try when the results are the same as if I had never done anything. As you all know, even my family has rejected me as a loser. I do so love my dog and two cats and would be sorry to never see them again if I were dead. Too bad I don't have humans in my life that I am that close to. Thanks for letting me vent. The pain and shame are just overwhelming tonight. Catmom
  6. I have had crushes on therapists and they can be very powerful. What I am wondering is that if this placement ended at Easter, how did your wife get a "crush" after that until June 13th? And what happened on June 13th that makes that a date of significance? Regardless, it seems clear that if your wife is obsessing about this former clinical supervisor, she is committing emotional infidelity, i.e. giving energy to a fantasy relationship that should ideally be going into your marriage. It is quite understandable that you should be upset by this. It would be a very good idea for you both to attend marriage counseling to see how you both have contributed to this problem. Maybe this crisis could be the opportunity for you both to deepen your relationship and get more of what you each need from the marriage. Let us know how it goes. Catmom
  7. Welcome to the site, Beacon. Normally we share in the forums (like this one) about what brought us here. Is there something in particular you would like to discuss? Catmom
  8. I mentioned this in another thread but would like to highlight it here. I heard a fascinating interview on NPR today about the pleasure pathways of the brain and the latest understanding of the neurochemistry of addictions. Here's the link: http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=13 Enjoy!
  9. I am an addict in recovery for 6 1/2 years and have studied a lot about addictions. Skyblue, I think it is very good that you are asking yourself these questions because anyone can become addicted to narcotics such as you are taking. However, I do not believe you have in any way crossed that line and since when did it become a crime to enjoy the effects of a medication that eases your pain? Keep asking yourself these questions, skyblue, and share your concerns with your doctor so you don't go down a destructive path. Handling your shyness with some cognitive techniques is far preferable to having to have to take medication to be more outgoing. I heard an excellent interview on NPR's Fresh Air today about the latest understandings about the brain changes that happen in addiction. Here's a link to the podcast. Great stuff! http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=13
  10. I am not here frequently, but I do zap the occasional spam post because I am up very late (usually). I had to respond to Mark/malign because 6 AM is night in my dictionary too. Catmom P.S. Let me take this opportunity to give HUGE credit to people like IrmaJean, Malign, and all the other moderators. Although I am not here often, I am always impressed by the devotion and effort the whole moderating team puts into keeping this site a safe, supportive place for folks in need. CM
  11. Hey Allan- Thanks for remembering. :cool: If you put it in this thread, I will be notified when you do. Otherwise, would you send me an email through this site if you start your own thread? This is because I am not around here much unless I get a "nudge" by way of an email notice. I hope all is well with you and yours-- Catmom P.S. I remember you saying that whatever happened with your dog made you mad so I hope I don't get too mad just reading it. I have so many things that anger me lately--like my vicious brothers....:mad:
  12. I just love furkid stories. Awww Catmom
  13. What a cutie you have there, Fedup! I wish you many happy years of love with your new furkid. Catmom
  14. Hi Faith- I am posting to let you know that someone (me) is out here who cares about your plight. I personally have been off antidepressants (and all meds) for over 6 years, but I know there are members of our community here who will be able to give you more specific feedback. Your request was so politely worded that I was touched so felt prompted to respond. One thing I will say regarding antidepressants is that it really helps to be working with a psychiatrist very knowledgeable in this area. I hope you have access to this kind of assistance. Best wishes, Catmom
  15. Stephen- Please feel free to share more about your story and situation with our members but promotional links to email addresses are not allowed. Catmom
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