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nearlydead

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nearlydead last won the day on April 29 2010

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About nearlydead

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  • Birthday 02/26/1964
  1. I've built four or more different social circles over the years, each taking a huge effort to create. Each time eventually the new friends ask questions and realize there's something wrong. When a woman you date within or near that social circle, outs you as small then the jokes start. You ignore it and that does not work. You kick the shit out of them and that does not work. So you drop that circle, make a new circle and repeat. ( Their not true friends/ Those women were not worth it etc just platitudes. The result will always be the same) We can change the way we think about ourselves, even convince ourselves we are not that bad etc. But we cannot fool others. Every woman we sleep with knows we are small and is a smoking gun for life. All social circles. once they have the knowledge you are small will comment negatively on it. We can only live with humiliation in private, or live being humiliated by others. Our choices are, live in isolation , accept humiliation, or suicide. That's it.
  2. Years later and I'm still in the same boat. 20 yrs since I last had any female contact.Not left the house other than to work or buy food.for the last 11/12 years. A total miserable recluse with the same mindset. Stuck with "learned helplessness" There is nothing I want. All effort is pointless as the risk does not justify any reward. Cannot commit suicide due to elderly parent. Once dead then I can go, that is the only plan. My biggest life regret, is that I did not commit suicide 40 yrs ago.
  3. Every woman you sleep with is a smoking gun waiting to eventually tell the world. If you sleep with women, then eventually your social circle will know you are deformed, they may humilate you or they may not, but they will know, and you will know they know. No point in saying "those women arent worth knowing" "theyve got their own problems" etc. How are you supposed to live with the knowledge that everyone knows your deformed?
  4. It doesn't matter why people do what they do. They just do it anyway, I suppose those of us outed as small are supposed to take some comfort from the "these people" statements, as though us as victims, have the moral high ground. Useless argument, as we are just as humiliated whether we have the moral high ground or not. Small men who are selfish enough to condemn "the one" to a life with a small man, are scum. Miserable people who know life is shit and still breed should be killed.
  5. I tell you that it can't bother you if you don't let it, and you tell me you can't help letting it bother you. So what are we to do? Exactly! the only cure for any of us, is to ignore it, and live life as if we were normal. But its living a lie, and all lies get found out in the end, resulting in humiliation and then shame. Similar to Nike's "just do it" we have to "just get over it" I too have been in nick, both juevenile and adult for voilence. Forget a getting a good job. Its far easier to make minimum wage selling on Ebay.
  6. Kara, have you ever been outed to your social circle as small? How would it affect your life if your wife let it slip to someone you were small? Im not having a go, but while I admire your positive outlook regarding your size, I wonder how long you would remain positive if you were to find out that your wife dropped the bomb accidently or otherwise, and that your social circle then knew you were small. Its happend to me on at least three occassions. The shame we feel when we berate ourselves is nothing compared to the level of shame felt when its brought on by the knowledge of others.
  7. As John says, any woman a small man sleeps with will talk about it with her friendos. We are that womans "small" man story for the rest of her life. Same old same old, the story' and expeirences dont change year in, year out. The only cure if you have a small penis is to "stop caring what anybody else thinks, says or feels" basically just get over it. The same go's for anyone with a deformity or scar or disability that cannot be changed. The choice is suffer humiliation with ignorance or misery. Life just aint worth living, unless you're stupid or lucky.
  8. The "they're not worth it" argument doest wash. I beaten and abused people for saying things in the past, and I've been in prison twice for voilence. I was a known football thug in the 80's. Building new social circles is hard work, as you have to lie about your previous life, and remember those lies so as not to get caught out. But as soon as you have sex, you are open to being outed within that circle. Im in my 12/13th year off living as a recluse, at the age of 47 i dont feel like starting a life again, I never got much out of it so far, and with a waning libido, middleaged man with no freinds, family, career or assets, I dont think I can ever be happy. suicide is the only real option for peace, but my mother if healthy and likely to live for another 20 years or so, and I cant bring myself to kill myself because of the pain it would cause her. I've planned suicide, reheasred it, got my affairs in order, but never gone throught with it. but it is the cure for me. The effort required to get my life in order, is just not worth the potentail rewards this late in life, especially as there is always the spectre of being outed again anyway. Cancer, heart attack, traffic accident these are by dream answers.
  9. Once outed to my friends by women, the humiliating comments started, which became a reguular daily activity. I have walked out on three social circles because I cannot handle the abuse. Its the shame of knowing that women (or at least some women) think my penis is pathetic that hurts, feeding my own hatred of the thing, it looks and feels pathetic to me. Everytime I have been in a sexual situation, the first time the women see or touch my penis, I get an overwhelming feeling of shame, fear etc. The fear that they will think it is pathetic, and the fear of what happens when they decide to talk or tell others about it. Some do, some dont, its russian roulette. Even choosing women carefully is no protection. Every woman a small man sleeps with becomes a smoking gun or time bomb for life. Just knowing they have the knowledge is enough. I will be the "small penis" story of every woman I have ever slept with, or will sleep with. The only cure is for me to ignore the fact I am small and lead my life as if I had a normal penis. People will talk about my penis either laughing, ridiculing or sympathising about it to my face and behind my back, and I have to be able to think "so what"
  10. I was outed as a confirmed small by the first girl I had a sexual expierence with, she told everyone of my friends, most of whom had an idea I was small anyway. I was 16 with history before then. Becuase of the ribbing, I decided I would become the best in my group at picking up and then fucking women, and I was successful (50+) I know even with my small penis I can satisfy a woman and have great sex, but unfortunately on two other occasions I have been outed as small by women I have slept with, then it starts. its all pointless anyway, I dont believe there is any scenario possible in which I could be happy with life.
  11. M once posted here that I am only humiliated by others ridicule because I buy into what they are saying emotionally. I have a small penis, society and aquantances say a small penis is a bad thing, therefore my penis is a bad thing and therefore something to be ashamed of. For you not to be humiliated by others knowledge therefore suggests that you don really believe you are small, or am I missing something? Do you have a small penis or just SPS? If you are properly deformed, why does it not bother you that others know. Im asking because small men (<5") must find a way of living with ridicule if they are sexually active. I'd like to know what thoughts or mindset must a man with a small penis adopt to be able to accept ridicule and not let it impact his self esteem.
  12. Personally, as others have said, best to request the nurse leave the room. Sure the doctor will tell the nurse as soon as thier alone again anyway, but you wont have the humiliation of her seeing it with her own eyes, at least its one less witness. Being aware that your wife has likely told everyone you are small, how does that make you feel? humiliated i'd guess. Its this part that there is no cure for. We can use CBT to change our own thoughts about ourselves, but it does nothing about our womens thoughts. Knowing they know, and therefore likely everybody else knows, is the bit I cant find a solution to. Any small man who engages in sex has to be able to deal with humiliation. with humiliation we can only choose to ignore it, or fight it. Either way means confrontational social interaction, which is probably one of the reasons so many of us choose isolation.
  13. The nurse is a woman, and a friend of your wife. I bet between the two of them they have discussed everything there is to know about you phsyically. women talk, they always do "oh I was concerned about you" "oh I didn't have anyone else to talk to" "I was worried and needed advice from a friend" "I hate your guts so I told" Whatever the reason women "talk" Your wife has told her friend about you "popping out" and the friend let you know she knew. I bet between your wife, her friend, and the nurse your whole social circle know your deformed.
  14. The nurse is a woman, and a friend of your wife. I bet between the two of them they have discussed everything there is to know about you phsyically. women talk, they always do "oh I was concerned about you" "oh I didn't have anyone else to talk to" "I was worried and needed advice from a friend" "I hate your guts so I told" Whatever the reason women "talk" In good marriages, women even talk to thier husbands, which means you're problems, size, impotence, pop outs etc are probably known by all. You're out and you dont know it. Leaving the doctors? you might want to leave town.
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