Wow--you just took me back a few years! My son, Joe was diagnosed with ADHD as a child (symptomatic since age 3 but different and more severe than others his age with same diagnosis)and then we had a lot of trouble with medications until he was finally diagnosed with bipolar at the age10, after being severely truant, anti-social, violent, and ultimately suicidal. :confused: He's 19 now, and a father of a 16-month-old. he's been refusing meds since age 15 and he's doing better cuz he's using strategies he's picked up along the way but he sure would do better back on his meds--he's just adamently opposed (likely, that opposition worked in our favor as he's never touched unauthorized prescription or illegal drugs, despite having close friends with substance abuse issues. So there is always a rainbow, right??) Ironically, I got diagnosed with bipolar myself two years ago (actually, it was the fourth time I was diagnosed but I was in MAJOR denial--not just the typical denial, but I felt petrified that that would mean it was MY fault my son had so many struggles and I guess I just couldn't face that until I hit my rock bottom. then i knew i had to get help, if not for myself, but for his well-being and to role model for him. His x-fiancee (the mother of his son) has bipolar as well, as does my ex, as did my sister! So, it's all in the family here so I can definitely relate, personally from my own bipolar experiences and as a mom. I remember being petrified at the begining too. You're at the mercy of these doctors and they are only human. It's so confusing at times and you can't be objective--it's your baby!! I'm not going to lie to you--although it gets much better and you do grow stronger with every step--that scared feeling doens't completely disappear--It's called LOVE!!! If you ever want to talk more, I'm here. Post or feel free to e-mail me directly. I'll share our experiences and hopefully something will be of use--at the least, you'll know you're not alone!