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About xaq75

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  • Birthday 11/15/1975

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    I'm unusual ... even for a human.
  1. xaq75

    about my other post

    Only do a polygraph test if you want to star on a cheesy chat show where the object of the game is to get the viewers angry and hungry for more potato chips. On average they're no more accurate than flipping a coin according to an article I read in the Newscientist magazine a few years back written by a professor in a californian university reviewing lie detection techniques. It turns out the most reliable lie detector on the market is a human, but only some of them.
  2. xaq75

    Emotional Support

    Greetings Earthlings Just before I brainwash you into taking me to your leader I'd like to ask all you furless bipeds a question or two. What is 'Emotional Support' ? ... I gather it has something to do with supporting emotions but what does it look like ? Does it involve talking or touching, eating or perhaps going to the closet of water together ? I'm curious. How would you provide 'emotional support' to someone who is convinced that everyone hates them and that they are completely unlovable ? Thanks ... now, look into my tentacles ...
  3. xaq75


    Because they're just like men:p
  4. xaq75

    men vs. women

    Hey Gordian Knot Who's been the most emotionally significant men and woman in your life ? Speaking as a moody post-feminst, I think that 'men' and 'woman' are just as 'evil' as each other but go about it in different ways. One way is no les destructive than the other, although it may be more visible and apparent. I used to idolise woman too. I don't now. I've come to realise that there are people who are considered amazing and those considered appauling, probably becuase of an act they've performed or commited. It has nothing to do with thier gender in my opinion. There are aspects of femininity and masculinity that can either be constructive and/or appealing as well as descructive and/or revolting. But all is of value ... men and woman are symbiotic, there is no battle of the sexes. It's like saying the mitochondria is better than the nucleus. We need each other and we compliment each other. Culture is another matter though. Because we have such a gender segregated society there is going to be a degree of divergence of the cultures of men and woman living in the same community, but because we are still connected that divergence is going to be complimentary and regulated to varying degrees. If not, then our society will collapse and it'll all be academic anyway. After saying all this though, there are days, perhaps even the odd week where I absolutely hate woman,or men, or black men, or teens, journalists ... the list is extensive! But thats me being immature and angry. I don't take myself too seriously when I'm like that ... or maybe I should :eek:
  5. Theres and interesting article on 'transference' on this site which I think is relevant here. In answer to your question, yes I do. It just takes time and a lot of effort to develop the right attitudes. Growth is something we all do all our lives it's just a question of whether we try and take charge of it or not. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder a few years ago but I'm becoming more assertive as time goes by and I accumulate more experiences with people. With the right attitude we can move mountains!
  6. xaq75

    unhappy and afriad

    I can relate to your feeling that people are hiding things from you. I think that people secretly hate me and can't stand having me around them but they feel obligated to be nice to me. I think the giver-away is the lack of eye contact that I perceive. I think our problem might be that we are kinda obsessive and embellish slight occurances with deep meanings. It would be nice if we could stop caring for a while but I guess your feeling pretty vulnerable and delicate so 'not caring' is probably only acheivable superficially, which won't work anyway. Unless your as honest as you've been in this thread your unlikely to get the help you need. My advice is to embarrase yourself in front of the shrink and see what happens.
  7. xaq75

    The problem of pornography

    But what if using porn creates the belief that one is 'missing out' on something and starts wanting to engage in promiscuity? What if we start watching others in sex acts, enjoy it, then end up wanting to 'join in' ?
  8. xaq75

    Help with my father's pedophilia

    This isn't Paedophilia. It's still ringing alarm bells though, a grown man shouldn't really be seeking contact with teens, especially in a social context and especially when they're underage for sexual relations. I guess theres nothing wrong with a fantasy but it seems as though he might be using the internet to manifest his possible fantasy into reality. If I had the courage I would confront him about it. Nothing works better than the cold light of day on sexual and social secrets, as long as the confrontation is done lovingly.
  9. xaq75

    The problem of pornography

    I think my feelings over pornography are changing. I'm beginning to realise just how using it can create a distorted view of men and woman alike. It promotes promiscuity and creates an 'on demand' mentality which would probably also increase sexual immorality. I'm beginning to find the ideas of 'partner swapping', dogging, swinging quite offensive as they seem to becoming more accepted which is likely IMO to damage family life leading to the collapse of stable environments for kids to grow up in. also kids can pick up on all sorts of stuff that thier parants don't even realise so it's ulikely that parants practicing this stuff could keep it from the children. I'm gonna stop buying magazines altogether. Thinking about it, I don't like the culture this stuff is coming from.
  10. xaq75

    Damn the tortillos, Full steam ahead!

    thanks mscat I've found that when i have others to focus on in my life, similar to you with the baby, that my relationship with food becomes way more 'functional'. It's a shame how one problem can lead to another as we seek to 'regulate' our feelings. Good choice of exercise BTW
  11. xaq75

    am I a pedophile?

    Hi scared Your not a freak. There is a stigma thats attached to a sexual attraction to children that no doubt motivates a lot of people to keep quiet about their feelings and not just about children but many sexual interests that are not 'mainstream'. I sometimes find girls in thier early adolecence sexually attractive. I've talked about it before with a therapist, it was completely and utterly shame wrenchingly humiliating. She told me that it's not that unusual which shocked me. Just remember, the word 'freak' needs there to be something called 'normal', which doesn't exist. I'm afraid that we have been mislead our entire lives, often by our very own brains. If you can't approach a medical professional then try a priest or reverand, someone like that. I think you've already taken steps by posting on this site. Talking about it will help you to grow out of whatever it is thats troubling you. Keeping it to yourself would only give it life and keep you from developing into who you want to be. You can use this concern you have to motivate you to learn about children objectively and realise just how precious, fragile and awesome they are and to see the beauty they actually have instead of the sexualised perceptions that many have of them. Of coarse, it's often confusing when talking about teenagers as they are both children and adults. I havn;t read the entire thread so I don't know if your sole interest is with children or if you have an interest in adults too. If you don't have an interst in adults then you can learn to. It's all about attitudes and perspectives IMO. I'll read the whole thread sometime soon and perhaps make another post. But you MUST STOP being negative about yourself.
  12. xaq75

    Damn the tortillos, Full steam ahead!

    Hiya Lots of Thanks for your posts mscat, Mark and Natalie, you've all given me something to think about over a punnet of Strawberries. your right mscat, I've given this problem a lot of thought and have bought a book called Breaking free from emotional eating by Geneen Roth, I'm getting through it. You've mentioned your anorexia and bulemia, do you feel that food has been a kind of relationship in your life? I use it for warmth and company, I was wondering if this sounds familier to you? Mark I think I would like to have more relationships in my life. I've noticed that when I get a sense of intimacy from someone I don't feel like overeating for a day or two. The other week I was embraced by someone and I felt very different from my usual self in that I wasn't so self-centred, felt more centred and didn't feel like binging. I'm intrigued by your suggestion that I feel pride in the overeating or at least the declaration of it. Considering how well equipped I am with knowledge over this problem there is definately a motivation to abuse myself via 'calorie poisoning', that I'm doing it deliberatly. I shouldn't have said it was 'out-of-control' ... perhaps thats why I chose the 'Damn the Torpedo' title. I need to confront my motivations and be honest with myslef and others about them. Thanks Mark, that was a good suggestion, I didn't link that before. I've got my eye on a local Obsessvie Overeaters group too, I definetly need actual world external help other than reading. Having said that I will absorb the material you've reffered to in your post, I've just recently started to explore the rest of this site and been listening to the podcasts and essays. You have a great voice BTW, very reassuring. Natalie you have a good memory, I was reffered to a CBT centre by my Doctor but, after consultation, have been redirected to a Psychotherapy Clinic and am currently waiting to hear from them. There is a waiting list. I'm in the UK and although everyone has access to mental health services, this means there will be a wait. But I think this will give me time to prepare for it and get to know better what to expect and how to use it effectively, perhaps compile a list or two. I've already listened to the podcast on transference from this site and it was very soothing to me as I have a degree of paranoia due to my immaturity and self-centred lifestlye. I'll be lapping up a lot of info from this site over the next few months but I must remember not to get technically preoccupied with my therapist, I have a tendency to neglect my feelings. LOL, you liked the title? Use it! I'll buy a copy ... I hope you'll consider doing a podcast too, they add so much depth to this project. Later
  13. xaq75

    Just joined today

    'ello Charm I think many people here come from broken and troubled familys so you'll get loads of empathy. Some attend more than others, I'm pretty on'n'off but pleased to hear from you anyhoo. Catch ya laters
  14. Why are so many people so coy about thier sexual interests ? ... where does this culture of secrecy come from over our sexual behaviour and who we are attracted to? ... is it out of shame brought about by a morality that few can live up to? or does the secrecy facilitate immoral behaviour by keeping the whole thing under the carpet ? I've thought that perhaps it's due to an instinct of finding somewhere 'safe' and 'hidden' from predators, to mate, as when we are having sex we are most vulnerable due to loosing awareness of the surroundings and being fixed on each other. Perhaps all those little rodents that we evolved from that didn't embellish a seed of secrecy in thier sexual acts got eaten! Or is it more cultural ? Any ideas anyone .. i'd love to know them because i'm getting rally annoyed with all the procrastination over sex in my real life community. Most people can't even refer to sex without using euphemisms, agghh!
  15. 'ello everyone Recently my eating has really gotten out of control and now I seem to be compelled to consume about 3000-4000 calories a day for 3-4 days of the week. I feel terrible, ugly, angry, anxious and trapped. I think I'm an emotional eater and usually decide 'to hell with it' late at night or in the early hours and fix myself a huge meal of around 1000-1500 calories. I know it's wrong but i feel lonely to the point of that strange stirring sensation inside my head. It's really unpleasant. I'm trying to cycle as much as possible without wearing anything out. I currently weight about 130kgs (290lbs).