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LaLa last won the day on June 10

LaLa had the most liked content!

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About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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  • Biography
    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)


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  1. LaLa

    My moms touch disgusts me

    Hi, Petri, welcome! As you probably expect, we cannot tell you why you feel the way you do (and I'm not even sure it can be once totally explained - but perhaps yes, if you really tried to understand it in psychotherapy). But I can at least let you know that it's not something "bad" that you should be ashamed of and/or feel angry about, reproaching to yourself that you're "not normal" or "bad" (I don't know if you do, but you seem at least quite concerned about the issue, so I'm afraid you might have similar feelings and judgements due to it). You haven't mentioned your age, but I imagine you're a teenager (?). As you know, adolescence is a time when kids become more and more "distant from" or even "opposed to" their parents and it can manifest itself in many ways. The reason kids like parents' touch is inborn, as is the fact that they start "loosing interest in it" as they grow up. It doesn't mean everybody starts disliking being touched, but it may happen - temporarily or perhaps even "forever". There are many kids who dislike a lot most physical contact with distant family members, so as parents "become more distant" as kids grow up, I think an analogous / similar dislike may develop. But as I said, it may be temporary, like the rebellious,, angry phase of growing up is. So I don't think you should be worried about this problem you described. Having said that, I also think it's good that you shared it and want to communicate about it - that's always the best way to face problems (not hiding them and trying to cope alone). I also think that if it continues to bother you, if you continue to feel bad about it, you may talk about it with your therapist and/or psychiatrist (as you take psychiatric medication, I suppose you see at least a psychiatrist sometimes). Despite it being one of possible normal parts of adolescence, it may also be somehow related to (/exacerbated by) some of your mental problems, so perhaps that's a reason why mentioning it to your doctor / therapist would make sense. BTW, regarding the dislike many kids have for hugging, kissing etc. family members, psychologists recommend never to force them to do it because it may be harmful - it's important to respect kid's boundaries and to let them to define them (the boundaries). (Here are some articles about the subject: https://www.today.com/parents/why-give-grandma-kiss-can-be-bad-kids-t104703 and https://www.today.com/parents/why-it-s-never-ok-parents-force-kids-hug-adults-t118863) As you're no longer a kid, you may (if you prefer so) force yourself to accept hugs etc. from your mom, because you can probably "handle your dislike" better than a kid would, but there's still no reason why you should "beat yourself up" because of feeling guilty or weird. Good luck and keep posting!
  2. LaLa

    Recommended readings

    By chance, I've just seen also this, complementing your comment; It's also too often hard to share good news and get an appropriate reaction!
  3. LaLa

    Nice and/or funny videos on YT

    For fun: There are many, many great sketches of Fry and Laurie on YouTube, even whole episodes of some series!
  4. LaLa

    Recommended readings

    I had a weird reaction while reading your post, Vic: Sadness about what you describe, but also some regret related to "(me) not really having close (IRL) friends": "Yes, and then there are people who'd like (some) men to open up to them but no one does." *sigh* But I don't want to make this about me, this was just a marginal comment.
  5. LaLa

    Recommended readings

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/talking-about-men/201806/it-s-time-stop-blaming-men-their-mental-health-woes https://www.soberrecovery.com/recovery/how-to-really-help-someone-struggling-with-thoughts-of-suicide/
  6. LaLa

    how to heal the scars on the heart?

    Is there a possibility for you to react, on-line, to the comments others make about her? If yes, have you been doing it, to show her there's "someone" who wants to protect her? What kind of unwanted side effects do you worry about? I imagine, in such a situation, sending a private message saying that I'm very concerned because of the nasty things people have been foolishly "doing to" her on-line and asking her how she's been coping with it. It means I would both criticise the "almost-bullying" (both as a phenomenon in general and what people do to her in particular) and express my worried about its impacts on her. But that's my idea of approach, yours may be different.
  7. LaLa


    It makes sense, at least to me, to drink some beer occasionally instead of never doing it again (knowing that you're not an alcoholic), and as you keep this kind of 'diary' about it where you 'keep track' of it 'analyse' your reasons and related feelings, it sounds nice to see you enjoyed some beer ("despite" the overall tendency to limit your 'consumption of it). Have a nice weekend!
  8. LaLa


    Interesting, as usually dreams are . What do you think about it? Are there some feelings related to your life?
  9. LaLa

    I Think I'm A Pedophile.

    Hi, strangone76, welcome! I see you've been suffering a lot due to this issue, but also before it even stated ... May I ask what are your reasons for not consulting a doctor nor a psychotherapist? Child abuse, as you probably know, has most often serious consequences (sometimes also on physical health) and a good therapy can really help. Could be this new issue, that seem to worry you quite a lot, a more effective motivation to see a professional? (Perhaps it's "a new symptom" telling you it's high time to take better care of your mental health...) What kind of doctor is he; a general practitioner / family doctor? How did he react? ... Talking with the doctor you've known for years about this subject is probably even more difficult than talking to someone new, someone you'd see just for your mental issues (and who won't meet you again when you're 'healed'). Your boyfriend is banalizing it which seems better than getting angry or overly worried or even disgusted, but also doesn't seem to be helping you. It would be, of course, easier if he was encouraging you to seek help and helping you with it, but in fact, you don't need his suggestion or even approval to take responsibility and try to find appropriate help for yourself. (In the end, if you get better, it would be better for him, too, after all...) This made me think about some cases of severe personality changes in some people with some physical illnesses (for instance: https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2943-brain-tumour-causes-uncontrollable-paedophilia/) , and then also with PODC (for instance: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/culturally-speaking/201212/could-i-be-pedophile-the-worst-kind-ocd). I don't want to scare you by brain tumors, I just think that if your change was so very sudden, perhaps checking your physical health would also be a good idea. And I also recommend you to read about the POCD to see if that couldn't be what you're in fact suffering from. Good luck!
  10. LaLa

    I'm scared I'm a pedophile

    Hi, Jodie, welcome! I see you're very confused and suffer very much because of these thoughts and fantasies . You feel you're not normal, but your problem is more common than you probably suppose. You might look at some of the websites describing this 'condition' - you might find there some new insights and, perhaps, also some comfort in knowing that this isn't "you being bad" but it's a disorder that can be treated, similarly to other kinds of obsessions: http://louisvilleocdclinic.com/pocd.php https://www.ocdbaltimore.com/pocd/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/culturally-speaking/201212/could-i-be-pedophile-the-worst-kind-ocd I agree, but the best way to get rid of these emotions and of the fear etc. of being around children is an effective treatment for OCD. It might perhaps take some time to find a good therapist and (possibly) also a medication that will help, but it's certainly worth all the efforts and waiting. Your problem is quite new, so it should be easier to treat it than in a case of someone who's already suffered from it for many years. So I would encourage you to take advantage of this (being "in an early stage") and overcome all the difficulties that might seem to prevent you from seeing a psychotherapist. If you cannot imagine how to start talking about it, you might perhaps show him/her (or send in advance) the articles / websites above. Also, you don't need to tell your parents about it at all - it would be enough to tell that the reason you need therapy is, for instance, overwhelming anxiety. i should probably also mention that there have been some cases of severe personality changes in people with some physical illnesses (for instance: https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn2943-brain-tumour-causes-uncontrollable-paedophilia/). I don't want to scare you by brain tumors, I just think that if your change was sudden, perhaps checking your physical health would also be a good idea. Good luck!
  11. One example has "demonstrated" that something is true in general??? Even when you know several examples, there are still numerous exceptions that disprove your conclusion.
  12. I don't agree with the previous post in general, although there is some true in it - for some kinds of lies and for resentment. It dismisses all the good aspects of the relationship and makes just one (very probably only temporary!) concern much important than anything else. If you don't always like something about your partner, it doesn't mean you hate it, nor that you won't ever (perhaps even soon!) learn to genuinely like it! And destroying a relationship that may be the best that you can ever have, just because of refusing to overcome some (relatively minor!) dislike sounds... well, you may add your own adjective. Here is an article about lies in relationships that, among other things, distinguishes between big and small lies: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/200910/do-relationships-need-lies-survive I would say: Ask yourself if not telling him (= not hurting him) about this issue is a BIG lie in your opinion and then decide appropriately.
  13. LaLa

    Hello--need some advice

    Hi, Bella, welcome! I'm sorry I don't have time today to reply to your post (I'll get to it later), but as I was "approving" it, I made the decision to delete your family photo and thus I owe you an explanation. It's great that you're reaching out to find some advise how to help your son, but for that, there's no need to "breach" the anonymity that online forums provide. You may not mind to have your photo and your story on the web, but your son(s) may - either now or later. You never know if someone who knows them 'IRL' will read this and recognize them because of the pic. I hope you understand and don't mind me making this deletion... Good luck and "see" you later!