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LaLa last won the day on October 6

LaLa had the most liked content!


About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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  • Biography
    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)


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  1. LaLa

    Weekend entertainment

    Here, also many comments under the video are amusing (what a parody to weight watchers) :
  2. LaLa

    Just want to be heard...

    Also, have you read some sites advising how to get rid of porn addition and self-harming? For instance, you might try: https://www.verywellmind.com/breaking-pornography-addictions-1270612 https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/4-ways-to-break-a-porn-addiction_us_5862aa8fe4b068764965be81 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pacific-heart/201201/possible-cure-pornography-addiction-in-essay https://www.lds.org/youth/article/breaking-a-pornography-addiction?lang=eng&_r=1 I think mainly the "Self-injury alternatives" might be the most useful to you in these early stages of healing: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-deviance-society/201202/quitting-self-injury https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/how-to-stop-self-harm-self-injury-behaviors https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/mar/01/how-i-managed-to-stop-self-harming
  3. LaLa

    Just want to be heard...

    Hi and welcome! I've read your post and I'm glad you shared it all with us. I hope joining this forum is your first step towards healing. It must be very difficult to deal with anxiety and addiction, mainly without comprehension and support of close-ones . But it's not going to be like this "forever"; you deserve and can get better, even much better. I'll reply to what you wrote later today, because now I have to go off-line for some time. In the meantime, you may let us know if you have already searched for professional help and if not, you might try to start searching for psychotherapists available for you in your area. if you're in the US, here are some potentially useful links: https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/mhealth-care.html https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/adolescents-teenagers-14-to-19 https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/affordable-therapy https://www.moneyunder30.com/affordable-therapy https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget https://adaa.org/finding-help/treatment/low-cost-treatment However, I hope you'll keep posting and won't suppose I only want you to "go into therapy". I'd like you to feel comfortable enough here to share your emotions, concerns etc. and I hope you'll find some helpful support and perhaps also advise. Take care and be safe!
  4. LaLa

    Penis Size Measurments

    Yes, to some people, it maters a lot if it's a man or a woman. (To me, it did very much - I knew I only could have a male therapist and I was right . At the same time, I can say that after the therapy, I finally felt "now I would be "able" (/willing?) to have a female therapist if a new therapy was needed".) So go with your instinct and choose a woman. Would you like to explain...? (Just if you feel like writing about it!) Well, there are some reasons for therapy that one doesn't introduce at the beginning because one isn't ready yet. (It was also my case; I kept several "secrets" from my therapist for months and it was slow and painful (but also healing!) to "unveil" them...) You can have several reasons to come to therapy and everyone has several issues that can be improved in his/her life, so you can begin with something you don't feel so terribly embarrassed about (along with saying "there's something more important, but I can't yet imagine telling you right now; I hope that these sessions will allow me to get rid of the fear of embarrassment first" - something like that.) What do you think?
  5. LaLa

    I dont know what's going on with me

    Have you already tried to search for one? If you're in the US, here are some potentially useful links, you can probably find more: https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/affordable-therapy https://www.moneyunder30.com/affordable-therapy https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget
  6. LaLa

    Penis Size Measurments

    I don't know if there's "a general advise". But I have some hints / ideas: - You cannot always keep yourself from lying to your therapist, but it's OK, as long as you keep going to therapy, being aware of what is not true / what you hide intentionally, trying to analyse the reasons why you do it (lie / hide), and then, after some time, when you feel you have established a good relationship with the therapist, you force yourself to tell him (or to write it to him) about what had been lies and why (you don't have to show all of them at the same time - perhaps try one first and then see how it went and if feeling encouraged, try to talk about the other lies). - The best thing that I can think of, when you have this worry, is to tell the therapist during the first session about it. Don't say, of course (as it would feel impossible to do), what you feel like lying about / hiding, but just explain the fear of embarrassment. Fear of embarrassment and shame could be a very good topic to start with. You can talk about it and its reasons for several sessions before deciding to try to overcome it (-what can be a slow, gradual process; like... talk about something slightly embarrassing first, then something "worse", ... and finally about the very subject you feel now unable to talk about). First of all, therapists shouldn't (in "regular" circumstances) give advise. Second, if you know you're lying and you receive a feedback to your lie that doesn't apply to reality, you won't act according to the advise, will you? In any case, I think you're probably mostly worried (not about messing up due to a bad advise, but ->) about not being understood, not feeling accepted as you really are, not being helped for/with the problem you really have. In other words, you're afraid therapy couldn't help you at all because you're unable to "do your part of the job" in it. But that's a natural fear that doesn't prevent one from becoming "a good (cooperative) psychotherapy patient/client". A great part of many (most?) therapies is becoming able to overcome fear of being mocked, judged, rejected, ... (first by the therapist, then also by others). Good luck!
  7. LaLa

    I dont know what to do?

    How are you doing, A.? It's been such a long time since we were in touch! I have something nice for you : https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap181007.html (I hope it works in your web browser!) P.S.: I also read sad news today from your country . They killed a journalist in ours this year, too ...
  8. LaLa

    Feel all alone

    But at the same time: Do you think most people go and look at them? (I've never did and even didn't know they exist.) Moreover, not many people have such a good memory for faces that if they see you on a photograph, they would also recognize you on the street. I understand that it may feel scary, but I wouldn't let the fear stop your normal / regular activities...
  9. LaLa

    Feel all alone

    Have you seen a public announcement about you?
  10. I'd like to make this post 'visible' again to the current forum members! The book isn't free anymore, but it costs $0.96, so the price cannot be an issue. I think that mainly those Americans who struggle to find affordable mental health care should give it a try!
  11. LaLa

    Quit masturbation, how to do?

    -> That's an excerpt, but the beginning is also worth listening to, for instance:
  12. LaLa

    Follow up

    Oh, I see now, thanks. How do you feel about it? And are you confident that anything of that kind won't "happen" again?
  13. I'm sorry I haven't reacted to this earlier, but I actually left this topic, only today, I decided to see "what's new here". Thank you. But you don't need to apologize. I didn't take it personally, I just felt unable (or lazy?) to explain properly my point of view which, it seems to me, isn't in fact much different from yours, but I used a different approach to write about these issues here (than in some other places on the forum) and it was misconstrued. Mainly, CNL has misinterpreted my words to such extent that I felt like it would be useless to try to show him all the misunderstandings... My fault, but we all have to choose when we communicate and when we don't feel like being able to do any good by writing more. I mentioned many times that I do consider terrible how some (and it seems, from the experiences of most of the forum members with SPS, that it's a majority in many cultures / countries) people judge men by their 'size' and treat horribly those who don't fall into their stupid "limits". This part of the problem is not at all "in your head". But when someone is overly anxious even before having any bad experience or when someone doesn't believe his partner that she loves them the way he is, ... this is a kind of suffering that can be attenuated (if not 'removed') by changing one's 'mind'. I don't think such a change could be easy. But I think it's like many other problems that can be faced in psychotherapy: Hard, complicated, long-lasting efforts are needed. But saying "my mind has nothing to do with it, it's a problem uniquely created by others, so I cannot help myself" deprives you of the possibility of change. Yes, the causes are genetic as well as related to upbringing (the body itself + the inclinations of the brain to be more anxious / obsessive / insecure / ... - according to each case) and also, to a great extent, "cultural" / "societal" (= the widespread attitude that "bigger is better" and that it's somehow fun and even OK (!?!) to make fun of someone with this kind of body). "The causes" are not "in your head". But the solutions can be, I think, if the circumstances are favorable (= availability of therapy, at least some true friends or even a normal loving partner). You probably know some people with huge handicaps who are famous because they do incredible things (in sports, for instance) that even most of 'abled-bodied' people cannot do. They show that a disabled body with "the right" mind (including the right attitudes) is not an obstacle to happiness. But yes, I know that there are also some (perhaps many) disabled people who suffer and life poorly, because they haven''t got the possibility to develop "the right attitudes", the huge will to overcome challenges, ... They don't live in a family and/or environment (/society?) that wold facilitate the development of such will and such positive attitudes. I think it's analogical to the "handicap" (-I cannot consider it a handicap myself; it's just a part of a normal spectrum and it shouldn't matter!) of 'small' men. It's only a part of them that develops SPS. It's a syndrome, it's a kind of over-reaction, it can be at least attenuated if the conditions allow it (=mainly; a good therapist is available). I hope this time, my description doesn't at least sound as too simplifying the problem.
  14. LaLa

    Follow up

    I haven't understood it either, I only see it's good new for you according to the smily and the words "not prison sentence". So; good for you!
  15. LaLa

    Good luck :)

    Good luck!