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LaLa last won the day on September 1

LaLa had the most liked content!

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About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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  • Biography
    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)


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  1. Recommended readings

    Thanks, Vic, for the comment. I haven't read it, but one friend was 'over the moon' when reading it and recommended it very much. I've read some readers' comments and an excerpt plus the contents and I think I get it - it may be apparently very helpful to many people. But I seem impossible to be improved by any book, so... not sure I'll read more. ___________________ Some quotes some of you might also like: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/42375710-a-little-life
  2. All

  3. Nothing in my life makes sense

    Hello and welcome! I'm glad to see you decided to got it off your chest. I hope very much you won't end by that and you'll gradually try to analyze your problems more deeply and it will help you not just to understand, but also to gain some control over your behaviour and make your life better (-the suicidal thoughts disappear, ...). Hopefully we could be of some help and writing here would somehow help...
  4. Recommended readings

    The Road Less Travelled by M.Scott Peck: http://www.whale.to/c/Peck,M.Scott,The road less traveled-1.pdf
  5. I dont know what to do?

    I was thinking about how to try to be helpful and it occurred to me that I might share one (new) "strategy" I spontaneously "invented" and use sometimes: I tell myself about any "action" (it can be as simple as walking or brushing my teeth) I'm doing: "I'm doing this instead of killing myself. It's meaningless as everything else, but it's stil better than to kill myself." It probably sounds quite bad, but it depends on the attitude you assume when saying it. For me, it's an acceptance, it's like "one step at a time", not thinking about the next "actions", only doing what has to be done in the moment and "dealing with" the thoughts about suicide only in this manner - accepting that anything I'm doing at the moment is still more or less better than killing myself. I'm afraid it doesn't work in every situation . And it's possible that it wouldn't be helpful for you; I cannot know . But if you don't consider it 'preposterous', you might try it. There's also a version for a moment when you "don't do anything": Choose a simple (rather pleasant or useful) activity and tell yourself: "Instead of killing myself, I'm going to do this, it's still a little better than go and kill myself now." Hugs, L.
  6. I dont know what to do?

    (((A.))) I'm sorry... And I'm also sorry for not being here for you for such a long time . I've felt bad for not responding and not asking, I was too "self-obsessed" once again Is the stress related mainly to your new situation? Adapting to new environment, new activities and responsibilities is difficult for most people, let alone someone with mental issues. You may now experience a transition period, so it should get better - you can become more self-confident and better coping with the factors that cause stress now. What else / precisely is stressful? And would you try to explain (to yourself, to understand - but it often goes better when writing to someone, so why not here on your blog or in a private message?) what kind of thoughts is making you feel suicidal? How would you feel if your friend had problems and didn't tell you only due to her fear to "bother" and worry you? You're not different - you, too, deserve being heard, understood, ... You may talk about yourself in a way that is open enough, but not "too overwhelming" at the same time, as well as reassure her that you're also there for her when she needs someone to talk when feeling miserable. Sometimes even just having a relatively nice time with a friend is helpful - you don't need to talk about serious subjects "all the time". So calling and (/or) meeting a friend is always a good option. You're lucky now you have someone to call and even, sometimes, meet with. When you don't take advantage of it, you're practically "voluntarily returning to your worse past" when there were no good ("in person") friends . ... (Does it help a bit to know that I would be much calmer and less worried knowing that you reach to a friend when you feel suicidal and / or too stressed or anxious? I'd like to, at least, hug you in person. Would you try to hug yourself for me? (It sounds absurd, but... just try! Even forcing yourself to be kind to yourself is better than nothing, when one cannot do it naturally.) I'm looking forward to hearing more from you! Take care!
  7. This is the most important part:
  8. New from Asia

    Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you feel like going insane ... Would you describe what's happening? Do you mean by that you're also suicidal? Here is a website that could be helpful: https://www.metanoia.org I'm looking forward to your further posts. Take care!
  9. I don't know what to do.

    Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you're feeling suicidal, unappreciated, and lonely . Acknowledgement feels very important, but if it comes or not doesn't depend much on what we are and do, but on the circumstances - the character of people around us. So if it hasn't come yet to you, it doesn't mean it won't, because circumstances change and you can once also find new people able to show you the respect and love you deserve and need. Killing yourself wouldn't do anything good, although it seems to bring "the ultimate peace" to you. (For instance, you wouldn't be able to feel and appreciate the peace, being dead. And the people you'd like to punish by your disappearance wouldn't understand, wouldn't "learn their lesson".) May I ask you for more information? What's happened, what do you suspect your friend is lying you about, ...? And how old are you? Where do you feel unappreciated - at home, at school, at work, among friends? Do you have something you enjoy (a hobby, being with a pet, ...)? Have you lost interest in it recently or can it still bring some joy and / or comfort? I'm looking forward to your answers. Take care! BTW; here is a website that might be helpful when you feel suicidal: https://www.metanoia.org
  10. My parents

    You're welcome, Seo! I'm so glad your mom is back!!! Yet, it's still difficult for all of you and it can be fine to have a place to communicate about what's happening and how you feel, so... You're always welcome here . Good luck!
  11. My parents

    Hello, Seo, welcome! I'm sorry you're going through such difficult time . It's good that you're reaching out and communicating about what's going on and how it makes you feel. If it feels at least a bit helpful / relieving, I hope you'll stay in contact and will share your concerns and news. I'm afraid you won't like my point of view. But it's not based on my subjective feelings or personal values but on what I know psychologists usually (if not always) say / advise to children (even grown-up children): It's not your role to interfere in your parents' relationship. It's natural that you wish (even feel the need) to help, but what they do will always be their decision (and based on many things you even don't know about), not a result of your efforts. If you don't accept this fact, you'll be probably blaming yourself for "not doing enough to improve the situation" - and that would be much worse that "just" being sad that they don't get along well, fight, and even break up for some time. None of us (including you and your dad) can know why your mom made that decision, how she feels nor when and how she'll change her mind. It doesn't seem probable that just the situation you described was "The reason" - it was probably "the last drop that spilled the cup". Or it was a trigger for something she was hiding inside for a long time. To leave one's kids is a huge decision and... subjectively, I don't consider it very probable that she would decide never to return. That's why I imagine / suppose she just needs some time for her own, to "chill out", to think things through, ... Perhaps she's punishing her husband by this, who knows (but she's certainly not purposely punishing you!). In any case, don't panic and try not to think that you need to come up with a solution. Give her some time and try to focus on some things you can do to make your home better - I mean help your dad with some of the work mom use to do at home etc., try to be there for your brother and dad, so that you all feel some togetherness, support each other emotionally in these difficult times. For instance, your brother might suffer from some irrational feeling of guilt - that mom is gone "because of him" - you may help him to overcome it. And your dad feels upset and alone and perhaps even ashamed in front of you, so you may show him you love him more that usually. May I ask you what precisely your mom said to you and your dad on the phone? Did she say why she won't come back? And do you know where she is? It's possible that she might need some psychological help / counselling. Is it available where you live? Would your parents have the possibility to go to marriage counselling? Are you in contact with some of her close family (her parents, sisters or brothers)? If yes, perhaps some of them will be able to get in contact with her and help her to process the problems she experiences and then persuade her to come back home. (?) Personally, I would give her a few days and then think of something to do. But it's not your role; the conflict and the problems are between your parents, it's their role to work it out. I'm also curious how old you are - if you don't mind revealing it. Take care and... the best of luck to you - so that mom returns soon and will work on amelioration of the relationship with your dad...
  12. Hello, Millpuppy, welcome! As far as I know, we currently don't have members diagnosed with ASPD, so it's unlikely to receive replies from "someone like you". Some kind of abuse during childhood is, on the contrary, relatively widespread , but the kind and extent of abuse you've experienced is mind-boggling ... After reading it, it seems entirely logical to me that your brain reacted by "becoming antisocial", so to say. And that "everything" now feels boring to you, because you haven't "learned" to engage with people in a satisfactory way and your threshold for "activities / events that deserve attention" has been set so high, because almost everything around you was so intense that you had to protect yourself... so now the "ordinary people and experiences" feel "insipid / grey". And even when something so fearsome (to most of us) as cancer comes, you can protect yourself from the horrors by all the existing psychological mechanisms you'd build in your childhood to survive. But, as it's the case with many of our strong psychological protection mechanisms, those coping strategies aren't perfect and have bad side-effects .These are, of course, just my thoughts and relatively superficial interpretations; I hope you don't mind me sharing them... You mentioned you got diagnosed, but you don't mention any treatment. Has some therapy been offered...? Are you prone to try to get professional help? You mention that you're starving yourself and don't feel any guilt which implies you suppose you should. Could you try to elaborate about this need for a small body (what does it represent for you - is it a kind of protection (to be small), a kind of "effort to disappear", ...???) and about the potential guild you "should / could" feel? You don't care about being repeatedly raped. May I ask you; would you, though, prefer not to be raped anymore? You also seem to want some kind of advise regarding your boyfriend. Would you try to formulate some concrete questions about it, so that we could try to give you some feedback? I know I haven't offered you much here, but it's mostly because I don't have enough information and would prefer know more about you before trying to, possibly, figure out some "advise" (that you're seeking). I hope it's OK with you. Take care!
  13. asking a therapist for advise

    I'm glad you like it, too, Vic .
  14. https://www.thecut.com/2017/09/why-wont-my-therapist-just-tell-me-what-to-do.html an excerpt
  15. Downhill

    Hello, Technofreak, welcome! I see that you're facing very difficult decisions . I know it can make one desperate and/or depressed, but I hope a lot you won't "succumb" and will try to search for solutions, not cutting or being suicidal etc. I'm not sure I understand this properly: You cannot work as an E. teacher means also that you cannot volunteer as one either? Or does it mean you can only volunteer but that wouldn't bring the income you need to stay living without your parents? Also, would it be impossible for you also to teach English privately (if such an activity is legal in China) - would you need to be an Anglophone in that case, too? It seems to me that you have more options, you just haven't discovered them yet. Leaving the country doesn't seem to be the right choice (at least not "at this moment") - you made that clear. And any advantages of "extralegal methods" very probably wouldn't probably be worth the risks. But what about some other job during your sabbatical? Something unqualified or perhaps a job in healthcare that would be easier than being a physician? I don't know what your options are, but I hope you have more of them and will explore them (and share your thoughts with us ) with some useful results. Good luck!