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LaLa last won the day on February 2

LaLa had the most liked content!

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About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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  • Biography
    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)


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  1. Can't laugh

    Hello and welcome! I wonder: Have you already read this and if yes, what do you think about the reactions that forum member received - do they apply to you and how would you reply to them? Take care!
  2. I've possibly already posted this, but it's always good to repeat...
  3. Unhappy with my weight, again.

    This is something that I've wanted to point out, too, as important for Renni. (I don't 'dismiss' other people's experiences, of course!) Renni, it's possible that once you'll have a good relationship with food and a healthy-enough lifestyle, including healthy eating, your BMI will indeed be lower and you'll feel better about the shape of your body. I realized I should mention this so that you wouldn't get my "anti-dieting" and "anti-BMI" posts wrong. I'm not promoting "not caring about your body at all"; quite on the contrary: I've tried, in my posts, to show you that you have to care about yourself in a healthy, non-extreme, non-dangerous way and, according to most studies, dieting doesn't make part of it as it can lead to yo-yo effect, psychological and physiological problems. Under a different topic on this forum, I also suggested some websites - have you already had a look at them? If yes, what do you think, what are your impressions and how did your opinions change, if at all? Take care!
  4. https://www.ted.com/talks/lisa_feldman_barrett_you_aren_t_at_the_mercy_of_your_emotions_your_brain_creates_them
  5. Unhappy with my weight, again.

    Why would this be so important for you? I your post about loneliness, you mentioned much more important needs and goals and they're not related to this stressing graph... Please, try first to educate yourself about your metabolism and the needs of your body, because you don't need to create another huge problem for yourself - stressful dieting, weight gain and frustration. Try starting here, for instance: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mind-body-connection/201404/why-diets-can-be-dangerous https://breakingmuscle.com/healthy-eating/why-dieting-is-harmful-to-your-health https://www.thankyourbody.com/dangers-of-dieting/ Good luck!
  6. Alone

    I'm sorry, Renni, that you're feeling so lonely and don't have support of your family nor friends . Good friends are important because they contribute very much to our wellbeing, but, unfortunately, it's sometimes (I think that quite often) hard to find them, especially when you're limited to a group of teenagers (most of whom don't yet have enough capabilities to be good friends with someone who struggles with mental health issues) from your class. I know some people who were bullied and lonely at school and found friends only at university . This is a terrible think to say, and even much more terrible it the following: First of all, you're not at all the/a problem; you're having problems. And, as I mentioned, it's not always easy to find someone who can understand that, be compassionate and supportive, mainly among teens who've never had similarly serious problems themselves. I suppose your mom wanted to say something like this to you, but her choice of words was very inappropriate, because she said something that not only isn't true, but also make you feel much worse for no reason! I'm worried that you understand her words even in a much harsher manner than they were meant and can be seen: I'm worried that you also, at least subconsciously, make the conclusion that "you're unlovable". Yet, what you'd need the most now is actually love - at least of one kind, not necessarily romantic (but the kind of love that is between close friends and, of course, the love of your parents). I cannot know if this is the right "strategy" (perhaps you'd have more chance at a different school - it's quite random), but perhaps you could first rather try to work on the problems you have while staying where you are. (How long have you been trying to get better so far?) Wouldn't be such a change also another stressor in your, already stressful, life? Or do you feel like "start anew", be "a slightly different person" when coming to a different place? If yes, what would you change? What do you think are the real reasons why you don't have friends now? It's just a strange coincidence that all your friends had a boyfriend! For instance, none of my friends had a boyfriend before sometimes during the university studies. Also, are you sure those relationships were "worth it"? Teens sometimes brag about their love-lives, but in reality, they can be full of confusion, fears, embarrassment, ... (besides, of course, some nice aspects) and the eventual breakup can be very hard for some. I'm convinced that it's better to be more emotionally mature when experiencing the first romantic relationship (which doesn't mean it cannot go well for some who are very young). But yes; my convictions aren't important here . What is important in this context is, I think, to realize that if you have a boyfriend or not doesn't tell anything about you being worth to be loved = being lovable. It's true that some people look more attractive to the majority of others, but that doesn't mean, for instance, that they'll have better, more fulfilling relationships. Even if you're not one of those who easily catches attention of boys, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you (that you're ugly etc.); you certainly have many characteristics that will, "when the time will come", appeal to some boys. I know it feels very good to hear such things and I don't say it's bad to like it. But the problem here seems to be that you think (or are afraid that) only hearing it from a friend or boyfriend would make you "good and lovable". It's not true. Even if you have to wait for such words a long time, you'll still be all those things all the time. I would also like you to know that all your wishes are normal and natural and I wish you very much that they come true soon. But never forget that even until they don't come true, you still, always, deserve a good friend, a person you dream about; it's, to a great extent, a matter of chance when you'll meet one. Here are two "articles" I recommend to you: http://www.thebookoflife.org/criticism-when-youve-had-a-bad-childhood/ http://www.thebookoflife.org/what-would-an-ideal-friend-be-like/ Take care!
  7. Hello from Austin, TX

    Hello, atxbat, welcome! I hope you'll find here the support you need! Also, thanks for wanting to contribute and help others. How much do you think your addiction is related to your self esteem issues? How would you explain the importance of your body image for you? Have you any idea where could it come from (as it apparently isn't related to some problems in your marriage caused by your size)? God luck and take care!
  8. Hi please help

    Hi, Katietrans, welcome! It's great that you've reached out and started at least a bit expressing your problems and concerns; it's an important first step. Having such thoughts is very distressful to most people . Are you already familiar with the condition? https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culturally-speaking/201212/could-i-be-pedophile-the-worst-kind-ocd It seems you're not (yet?) having an OCD, but even if you already had it developed, it could be treated and you could get rid of it, surely even if it's, as you suspect, partially (/more or less) caused by drugs. In any case, I highly recommend you to find a good therapist. Seeing a psychiatrist would probably also be one of the first things to do, if you haven't already - but even if yes, then I presume you haven't told her/him about these thoughts so your potential OCD couldn't be evaluated and, if needed, treated (also) by a medicament. Do you think that your is depression caused by your gender dysphoria? Do you feel supported by your family and / or friends in your struggle with mental illness and in your cross-dressing? Is there some LGBTQ center / organisation available for you to go to if you feel like speaking about this issue or meet similar people to learn how they've been coping? Have you consulted a physician about the effects of drugs ("wrecked brain") and if yes, what's the result? I wish you good luck and I'm looking forward to your answers and news! Take care!
  9. Recommended readings

  10. Who Do They Think I Am?

    I think I'm finally going to pose the question that occurred to me while reading the original / first post: Could you, please, clarify how "they" assess "who you are" and if you're suitable for the profession, and how precisely "they" "challenge your beliefs"? (Also perhaps; what do the classes in spring have in common?) Only if you feel like explaining, of course.
  11. Service Dog?

    Hello, Turtle, welcome! It sounds like a very good idea to me! But I have to admit I don't know much about it, so take it only as a subjective impression. By chance, I've recently heard this about emotional support animals - I recommend it to you, perhaps it'll answer at least some of your questions (although the main question there was very different, they explain the concept of such animals pretty well): http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-february-2-2018-1.4516255/how-dogs-ducks-and-horses-end-up-as-emotional-support-animals-and-allowed-on-planes-1.4516383 Good luck and take care!
  12. Music therapy!

  13. I hate eating

    I've already seen your post about depression . I see now that your problems go behind eating issues and I'm even more glad you decided to communicate about them. I have just a short time now, I only came here to post this link for you - a talk that might be insightful and interesting for you, not only in the context of eating: http://www.ideacity.ca/video/giulia-enders-secret-life-gut/ Take care!
  14. I hate eating

    Hi again, Reni, I've just heard this interview and I was thinking about you a lot - I highly recommend listening to it to you: http://meaningoflife.tv/videos/39728 You may learn about healthy, useful approach to eating as well as some unhealthy-ones (different from your, but perhaps still interesting and useful to know). They also mention a podcast that might be useful for you.