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LaLa last won the day on September 1

LaLa had the most liked content!

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About LaLa

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    one of the forum moderators

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  • Biography
    33 y.o., was in therapy for 2 years, but it ended too early (in 2011)


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  1. Are You Able to Laugh At Yourself?

    BTW, @Powerhouse8000, this comedian has also a song you might appreciate in the context of your search for a girlfriend . I wonder if you'll give him a chance and have a listen:
  2. Are You Able to Laugh At Yourself?

    I don't get this example: What more does it say than that there are men who don't think things over and answer with their prejudices, totally sure abut them being "true"? At least you used the right word in the end: "impression". I wonder what you'd say if I mentioned the huge number of countries where women are, based on laws, religion, and customs, heavily discriminated against. You would dismiss it as "not applicable to the society you live in"? Or the one where the comedian lives in? But even more easily, I could dismiss the claim of your colleague based on my personal experience and personal impressions. What seems much less senseless is to consider arguments and precise points and explications of the ways the lives of some precise "kinds of" men and women (or other groups of people, based on, let's say, ethnicity) differ and what could be done to get rid of the existing unfairness and discriminations. (And, BTW, the song mentions several points...) I'm not saying "women have it worse". I'm convinced that it's impossible to say that all members of one group have it worse than all members of another (at least when the criterium to classify people in the groups doesn't involve well-being or suffering, of course). I wonder if this is your typical reaction to people you don't like. Sad and potentially dangerous... He's a comedian. I see you don't get his humour and it would be OK - there are many comedians I don't like to listen to, too, so I get it. It's OK to differ in our "tastes" and preferences. But violence...??? I'd recommend you to listen to several minutes of this conversation - this part about comedians and morality: http://meaningoflife.tv/videos/39211?in=29:57
  3. Are You Able to Laugh At Yourself?

    I can relate to that; I've been having this kind of experiences all my life, too... Yeah; I like your approach and I know it's quite different to want to do it that way than to actually do it ...
  4. Weekend entertainment

    Not sure if it's entertaining for everybody... but here's a kind of parody on the gun-problem in the US: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/10/9/16448302/guns-nra-sunday-lubach
  5. Suicidal thoughts again

    I'm so glad to hear you're doing OK! In any case, you have a place here to come when something like that, or different, happens again . Take care!
  6. Suicidal thoughts again

    I'm sorry, my post isn't helpful or insightful... I was writing under some time constrains and with several interruptions. It's not much better now, but I'll try to do my best . I care for you. I can relate to your suicidality; I've been experiencing it, more or less, for years, with many "better times" every now and then. (But I haven't attempted because I don't want to hurt in such a terribly painful way those who love me.) And thanks to this forum, I know many people who think, more of less often, about the same. This doesn't make me a good advisor, though. I'm just mentioning it so that you don't feel not understood or somehow dismissed. The problems that cause the thoughts are real (although we often don't understand their true nature / what's hiding behind the manifestations of the problems), the feelings they evoke are real, the longing for relief is real, so is the need for help. But the wish to die is just an extreme form of "interpretation" of your true needs. I know they seem impossible to meet now, but things change and new help can sometimes come even unexpectedly. But often, we have to make a few first steps, search... You've done the first step; you've joined this forum . It's also a sign that there's at least one part of you who wants to live and get better and understands that you do need some help, at least some understanding, support, a place to vent / complain / share. Who's been helping you in the past and how? Are you in therapy? I hope we'll hear more from you soon...
  7. Suicidal thoughts again

    Hello and welcome! I hope you're safe, despite everything... Is there a possibility to take a break, to have a deep rest from your every-day life? You would sleep a lot, relax, ... Does that sound tempting? If yes, could you try to obtain a sick-leave? Anyway; I'm trying not to give you advise and not to ask about the problems as it's not what you want. But in case you change your mind, we are here to listen and to support you. Take care!
  8. Are You Able to Laugh At Yourself?

    This is also a nice example ;-)
  9. Are You Able to Laugh At Yourself?

    I ignored this topic because I supposed it's specifically about laughing at one's SPS (or SP, it depends). But now I see you probably mean it rather generally... Not sure if it's a good idea, but... I feel like sharing some of the self-deprecating songs I like - to illustrate that this kind of humour may have many forms and can be very hilarious: [warning: "strong language", mainly in the 2nd song, which is, BTW, mocking the so called first world problems, but I still think it can be also classified as self-deprecating ;-) ] Also; please, listen to the whole song(s), because otherwise you'd miss the point and some of the best self-oriented 'jokes'! Hope you'll enjoy! Oh, and this is also perfect: Yeah, and he also mocked his singing (well, not sure if it's justified, but he's also seriously said in some interviews that he's not contented with his singing / that he knows it's not very good, so... this can be seen as an exaggerated "complaint" about that) ;-)
  10. Back again with a whole new set of issues.

    It evoked the question "What do you think about this?"
  11. Music therapy!

    If you say nothing Offer nothing Then you get nothing in return This is the way I understand it This is the way I understand it This is the way I understand it works If you hear nothing Learn from nothing Then you give nothing when it's your turn This is the way I understand it This is the way I understand it This is the way I understand it works You believe in fate I guess I believe in consequences Flapping butterflies and photographs Driving 'round with KFC You won't alter global markets But your shake might make you run a red light It's not karmic destiny Just consequence devoid of meaning Meaning makes us miss the issue anyway Everyone will alter everyone Will alter Everyone will alter everyone Will alter everyone. This is the way I understand it works
  12. I hope you'll enjoy reading it, too: http://www.theferrett.com/ferrettworks/2017/09/the-best-musical-you-never-heard-how-groundhog-day-made-me-a-better-person/ Intro + a few excerpts I like the most: This, not from the musical, also brings me an impressive insight / a great way to put some things I've already realized to some extent: After reading, you might want to hear at least the song the author mentions there the most - here is a version that caught my attention:
  13. P.S.: I wrote most of that post before Andromeda posted her 1st comment here, then came here to post it and haven't read what's been new here. And yes, I do agree with A. and like the way she put it . May I ask what they said you did wrong? And also; I haven't understood the "hey did the same thing" in the quoted sentence. Would you mind explaining? This sounds also plausible - even if your friends haven't mentioned that, they might have felt it this way, too...
  14. It's good that you're reaching out and have found some understanding people! I have some comments about the friends: - I think your behaviour towards them might be perhaps interpreted also as a form of "test" you used to perform unconsciously: "Will they be there for me, no matter what? Will they accept me also 'at my worst'? Only if they do, I'll be able to feel "acceptable, lovable, etc.". If they don't, it will prove to me that I'm as bad as I suspect to be." Perhaps you'd been lacking this kind of full acceptance in your childhood, from your parents, so you seek it in friends. (It's not just my fantasy; I've read about such behaviour several times.) But although parents "should" be accepting and loving unconditionally, all friends have their limits for the kind of behaviour that they feel able to "bear". In any case, what you used to do doesn't make you "bad", it only means you still don't understand fully your true needs and the origins of some behaviours. That's the most important lesson to learn from this. I'm afraid that when people here tell you that you should "learn", you'll make the conclusion sounding like: "I cannot be myself with friends, I have to hide what I feel, I have to pretend to be different to be accepted and liked" - but that's not the right lesson, I'm sure. - They haven't rejected you forever. This is not "the end", you may make new friends, but also gain these "old-ones" back. All of you probably need some break now and as you'll feel better and prepared to "regain" them, they'll be happy to be friends again. I know this is not sure, but I consider it quite probable. (I also have some experience with resuming friendships after some months of "cooling" after a conflict.) - It also reminded me of this thread you're also familiar with - it shows you "the other side", though in a slightly different context: http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/10461-need-to-help-a-friend-with-depression/?tab=comments#comment-127859 What do you see there? Is there hate and / or not caring and / or refusal to be friends? No, there is genuine caring and wish to help, sometimes overshadowed by the need to protect one's own mental 'wellbeing'. I'm sure if the sick friends got better, this friend "returned to" him happily. Also, you mentioned that you feel stupid etc. But it's all about the right attitude. If you consider yourself stupid, the learning will be much much harder . Try to "trick yourself into" considering it a challenge - to sit down and understand the matter. And if something still seem unclear, you can find someone who'll explain it to you. (We had this opportunity (to have consultations) at uni from several teachers - perhaps yours would do the same if you ask. Or you can ask a student who seems to be very good and at the same time approachable (it would perhaps be also an opportunity to make a new friend - ?). You just need to be able to pose good questions = to be able to formulate what you don't understand. In that case, people are much more willing to help than if you just say "I don't get it / it's too complicated / it doesn't make sense to me" etc.) Sometimes, focusing on learning can be a good way to distract yourself from other problems you have. But you also need to believe you'll be able to understand and learn and get better at it, so that learning won't be frustrating. I hope that thinking about the experience from high-school will help with this: You are much smarter and much more capable than you imagine to be before tests and exams . Good luck and keep posting!