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Everything posted by LaLa

  1. In the context of what YOTH has written about meditation, you can listen to a brief but apposite description here, around 1h38m of the mp3 file / recording: https://samharris.org/podcasts/138-edge-humanity/ There are, of course, tons of podcasts about meditation (and even this brand new app for iPhone on that website: https://wakingup.com), but this excerpt (~3-4 min) seems well suited to complement YOTH's post, doing it in very few words.
  2. I've just learned about this site - perhaps you could find some interesting insights there: https://80000hours.org/career-guide/personal-fit/ Or also: https://80000hours.org/career-guide/anyone-make-a-difference/
  3. @BluePhoenix, there's something better, in my opinion, than Peterson's approach that I'd recommend to you. I've been praising this philosophy here for some time, so sorry for repeating myself, but I do believe it's important to at least try to learn about it and then "decide" if it's useful for you. It's Alain de Botton's philosophy, presented in a very easily understandable way by his The school of life and Book of life projects. Here is one very nice interview with him, mainly focused on love / relationships (which in itself can also be interesting / useful for you), but also touches some broader subjects - perhaps that would be a very good intro to his views: https://soundcloud.com/onbeing/alain-de-botton-the-true-hard-work-of-love-and-relationships-aug2018?in=onbeing/sets/on-being-playlist If you prefer reading, here is its transcript: https://onbeing.org/programs/alain-de-botton-the-true-hard-work-of-love-and-relationships-aug2018/ Here is a snippet: You can see some of the videos and texts posted here: http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/9297-recommended-tedx-talks-and-the-school-of-life-videos/?page=3 I would recommend to you, for instance: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/on-feeling-depressed/ https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/the-true-and-the-false-self/ etc. I hope you don't feel overwhelmed by it and find something useful in the articles, interviews, and videos!
  4. I can only second the previous post. As you can see in my first post under this topic, I had the feeling from the beginning that you'd need to first know yourself better and let go of the pressure of expectations of others. (I don't say it's easy; sometimes it would take too much to escape the presence / interference of family members :(... But you can decide to put much less importance to their opinions and emotions. It's their problem that they are disappointed or critical or angry, not yours. Unfortunately, you usually have to listen to the consequences of their emotions, but you can tell yourself they aren't decisive for you. You're not here to please them.) Have you checked the links I posted there? I really like your post where you describe what you need. You can put it in words very eloquently. I don't think you need to persuade us (who read it); we don't have any reason to doubt you and to tell you the useless and/or hurtful stuff some other people did. You say you need to be understood and I hope you already feel there are people who do get how you feel, how much you've tried, how frustrated and lost you are. What's the next step? I would say; find someone who's better at their job of mental health professional. Those you've seen are perhaps good for "regular / usual cases", but they cannot offer help with deeper introspection and therapy. That's why I would suggest psychotherapy, not just counseling. (You, as a student, should be eligible for an affordable therapy; are you?) As YOTH mentioned, sometimes a year off and / or meditation can help, but taking a year off isn't possible for everyone and meditation is best learned by a good teacher (ideally at a silent retreat) because starting alone can be too hard and frustrating. (Also, it's not for everybody, but you cannot know if it helps you unless you try and succeed...) As far as relationships go: It's rather good that you don't try to date anyone right now because, unlike some exceptions, relationships don't work well when one is struggling too much with own mental health issues, anxieties, and self-esteem issues. It's preferable, at least according to some psychologists I've read, to first work out some of one's issues before trying to find a partner. Take care and keep posting!
  5. I haven't read the book, but I've listened to several interviews about it and I like YOTH's suggestion very much . Here's one of the brief ways to learn more - a series of short videos about the book - this is the 2nd one, but you can easily find all the other ones: You may know J. Peterson is pretty controversial these days, but no matter what you think about some of the controversial subjects he's most famous for, this book shouldn't "bother / annoy" you and can be helpful.
  6. Hello, BluePhoenix, welcome! It seems to me that the main problem might be the expectations and pressure from your family and your desire to do exactly what is expected you. That might produce the crippling anxiety and failure. There might be also some self-sabotaging. I may be wrong because I don't know you, so take these just as inspirations for further reflections. In any case, Ii suppose it could be helpful for you to get to know yourself better. Now you're too focused on your failures and on the expectations of others, but there are always (for all of us) many things to discover an to learn from. Here are two suggestions for reading to begin: https://www.psychalive.org/finding-yourself/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201603/know-yourself-6-specific-ways-know-who-you-are https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/how-be-yourself/201710/why-do-we-self-sabotage-0 Also, psychotherapy would probably help with this process as well as the anxiety. Have you considered this option? (As you probably already know, therapy is not only for the mentally ill.) Good luck and keep posting!
  7. LaLa


  8. Sorry for not being able to make myself understood. (Already the very beginning of your post, @CNL, shows that you haven't understood me at all - you quote me in a totally different context and misinterpret my views.) Also, I would never think (and I'm not saying anyone implied I would, but it may sound like that in the context ) : Bye, guys; I'm leaving this topic so that I won't cause even more confusion and useless anger.
  9. This is a funny coincidence, as I used to suffer from gender dysphoria my entire childhood and adolescence (it was later much "attenuated" by psychotherapy). I haven't yet seen an example (until now) of someone who was born with SPS. Yes, some of the sufferers (I suppose mostly those whose size is average or very close to average and they are still obsessed by it not being "enough", in contrast to those who have actually a micropenis) have some predispositions (genetic and/or "from nurture") to obsession, paranoia (-in the sense of not believing someone, always suspecting lies), anxiety, perhaps also perfectionism, self-hate etc. But what most of the people are saying is that "women" (/potential partners) find, or would find, them inadequate (and even if they like them, the men don't believe it) and that (with the uncertainty) is causing them all the suffering. Yes, this is your situation and I see how it can be considered similar to someone with gender dysphoria or - to add another example, perhaps even more similar - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_integrity_dysphoria . But your description of your condition seems very different from most of the others - those to which I mostly referred. Look, for instance, at what Nic77 has written: He didn't care for years, but then he started - due to 'societal' influences - to worry that he won't be accepted by woman, this led to all the other consequent ideas about how his life would probably be, so he became depressed and suicidal: It's because men compare themselves to others that they start feeling "inferior" and yes, that (in case of a body part) I still call absurd and damaging, although also understandable (as we probably all have some absurd thoughts and/or convictions, at least sometimes). I don't deny the existence of people who just hate some of their body parts independently of the perceived expectations of others. It just seems to me, from my understanding of the posts I've read, that it's not the majority. Perhaps I'm wrong. And you're right; it would be useless to apply the same approach to them as to those who wouldn't mind their size at all if they wouldn't feel "not good enough" for a partner. I'm sorry you feel this way. It must be awful... Thank you for explaining it to me. I think I understand and can partially agree, but at the same time, I think the key to the misunderstanding is the notion of illness and its understanding: Take another example: Amputee's phantom pain. It's a kind of illness (or a syndrome, but the exact term isn't crucial here) and why shouldn't we say "It doesn't make sense that he feels pain in a limb that's no longer there"? It is one of possible ways how to look at it. Because "the healthy brain" wouldn't do that and from the perspective of health, biological adaptation, biological function of pain etc., such kind of pain is "absurd". It's not a judgement about the person, we don't blame the person. We "judge" the illness and I think it's OK; illness means "something isn't as it should be". I think we can talk about gender dysphoria as well as your condition in a similar way. Is it helpful? Probably not; perhaps only in the sense that we acknowledge the presence of an illness (which sometimes already makes a difference, because some people, who don't know about the existence of such condition (including me as a kid, for instance), have no idea "what's going on" and take it as a personal peculiarity and wouldn't consult it with a doctor, wouldn't seek help - because "why would one seek help for not wanting to be oneself?"). The most important part of it is, I think: "may learn to be happy despite that" Yes, this is the point, this is the goal, whenever a perfect cure doesn't exist. But, as far as I know, there are quite many people who just suffer alone and don't even think it would make sense to try to learn to live in a less painful way. And that's very sad...
  10. LaLa

    Favorite Movie?

  11. LaLa

    Favorite Movie?

    BTW, the whole 3 series are available on YT .
  12. LaLa

    Favorite Movie?

    I know Blackadder, but I haven't yet seen it all. BTW, two of my favourites from Fry & Laurie (while you mention them ) : (The very last sentence (in the 1st video) is probably the best, in my opinion!) And this one is great for so many reasons!!
  13. I see it's being very hard for you lately . Mental illnesses can be very distressing and painful ... But they can be treated and even cured! OCD has a relatively high rate of successful treating, as far as I know! I'd recommend you to see a psychiatrist to learn about medical treatment options. OCD fears can be well managed by some medication. But medication itself isn't as effective as its combination with psychotherapy. And there's nowadays the possibility of on-line therapy, via Skype! It's exactly for people like you, who cannot access a therapist in person. And ODC is usually treated by congnitive-behavioral therapy which is more suitable for this than, for instance, psychodynamic. You can google it, the offer is quite broad and I hope it's possible to choose someone with good recommendations! Therapy via Skype has some inconveniences (as lack of eye contact, possible technical problems, ...), but it's much better than the one therapist near to you whom you can't trust. Here's one account from a therapist about this experience and you can find more if you'd like: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-psychiatrist/article/psychotherapy-via-skype-a-therapists-experience/3273949E48D0B713F4468A8F7D94E465 It's great your family is supportive! (There are parents who reject their children due to their mental health issues or deny their existence!) I'd suggest to focus on the fact that you suffer from fear and intrusive thoughts (/ OCD), not from pedophilia. Yes, it's scary that one would suddenly turn into a pedophile. But it's not what's happening to you nor what will happen in future. You "only" need to cure the phobia and the intrusive thoughts and it's possible. You're not doing anything wrong! I hope you can relax - stop worrying about "the right way" to use a forum - and just try to get here what you need. (If you wander, there are some rules: Posting nude pictures, graphic descriptions of violent or pornographic nature, hate-speech are all forbidden .)
  14. From your description, it seems to me you very probably suffer from POCD - what do you think? You may learn more here https://moodsmith.com/pocd/ or here https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/monster-overview-common-features-treatment-pocd/ or you can google POCD and see more info. You don't have to worry about this at all; it's a misconception - you can read more here, for instance: https://theconversation.com/child-sex-abuse-doesnt-create-paedophiles-60373 and also: https://theconversation.com/the-causes-of-paedophilia-and-child-sexual-abuse-are-more-complex-than-the-public-believes-94915 - an excerpt: You also experience a lot of shame associated with early sexual experiences, while there's no reason to be ashamed for what you did as a kid - it wasn't "bad"; kids don't know the meanings of such "games" which (-the meanings) adults attribute to them, and they cannot "break (moral) rules" when they are not even aware of them. Here are some articles about shame some parts of which might be interesting for you for different reasons: https://www.jimhopper.com/child-abuse/consequences-of-abuse/shame/ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narcissism/2017/07/childhood-sexual-shame-and-its-effect-on-your-adult-sexuality/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-compassion-chronicles/201501/healing-the-shame-childhood-abuse-through-self-compassion Here are some proofs that you're not at all a pedophile (and they're just from a short text - if we knew your life, we would have much more of them) : What you suffer from is fear, not an attraction / orientation. That's why I suppose you have POCD. I hope you'll find soon a good therapist who'll help you to process all your disturbing childhood experiences and to overcome this phobia / obsession. Good luck and keep posting!
  15. Hello, Mr. Jackie, welcome! I'm going to reply to your post but it's gonna take some time, so in the meantime, I'd like to let you know there's at least one person who's read it already and is going to try to he helpful . Take care!
  16. LaLa

    Let's do a new game

  17. LaLa

    Favorite Movie?

    What about TV series? Any fans of Jeeves and Wooster here? Or of Stranger things?
  18. In the right upper corner, you can find a link (button) to your profile. There you should see, among other things, "Blog". (You can search for it there with the Ctrl+F (or Command + F) function.) Or, more easily, you can go here http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/blogs/ and then press "Add new entry". Hope it helps.
  19. Oh, sorry (I was assuming just based on statistics), I see. But I'm sure you can google similar info for the UK. (I don't have time to do it now...)
  20. LaLa


    You're not soppy, nor a git! And I totally agree with you that it "should" happen more often (not that we could force anyone, of course ). I'm glad you posted what you posted - I hope it can be an inspiration for some. (We usually don't mention on the forum having made friends here - perhaps it's a shame!) I'm particularly glad that you recommend it, as it shows you're not "bitter" about the experience because of its tragic end (sorry for mentioning it but you surely think of it anyway ).
  21. LaLa

    I was a bit unsure

    I'm glad you like the experience of being a member of this forum . I hope that after some time, you'll take advantage of it to open up more and perhaps discuss more your life, your options to get better (or you haven't suffered from being "different"?...), to never be tempted to do something illegal and/or harmful again, ... I know it's difficult, but perhaps it can be useful to try... Take care!
  22. It seems the conditions depend on the state you're living in. I've found this, for instance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_offender_registries_in_the_United_States#Exclusion_zones http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2014/08/sex_offender_registry_laws_by_state_mapped.html Does it answer your questions?
  23. LaLa


    Just a kind of "P.S.": There are more of us who have made ("off-forum") friends here, so I can only second this recommendation.
  24. LaLa

    Good books

    I wonder then, @YOTH, if you'd like the musical Matilda! https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=matilda+musical+ Some examples: