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Everything posted by LaLa

  1. Hello, @Ladichy, welcome! I hope that as your psychiatrist realized you also have this problem, he/she can now start to suggest new strategies to help you. Do you see the psychiatrist only for medication or are you also in psychotherapy? I believe psychotherapy would be the best option, possibly together with some other changes, as Vic suggested in the previous post. What do you think? Good luck!
  2. I would recommend this to everyone with SPS, as well as to those who are absurdly and shamlessly cruel to them (by making fun of them etc.😞
  3. LaLa

    My MIL

    Hello again and sorry for not replying sooner! I'm sorry it's so terribly complicated! It seems the problem is not only your MIL, but also your husband, at least when it comes to dealing with her. He should be more on your side and, mainly, trying much more to understand your point of view! I see that the current situation may make you think about divorce . However, if your MIL is the only serious problem, it sounds like... well, you know. There should be other ways. One of the reasons of my late reply is that I didn't know 'what to suggest'. The only advise I have for you is to persuade your husband to start marriage counselling. Of course, first you should probably try to explain to him, really in details, what your problems are and how his reactions to them have been affecting you and your marriage, so that he would understand the point of the counselling: To find a way how to "deal with" your MIL without endangering your marriage. What do you think? Good luck!!!
  4. Thank you for your reply and for taking the test and sharing the results with us! I hope that it's encouraging to you to know that you only seem to have some autistic tendencies. I'm glad to hear that you're going to see a professional! (Even if it doesn't have anything to do with autism, there are reasons to do it; managing and eliminating your anxieties, improving your relating to others, ...) I wish you to find the time to do it soon as well as to find someone really good! What is "going on" in your life (if you don't mind sharing)? Did your problems started / increased after those stresses / issues / ... had begun in your life? Take care!
  5. Hi again, Jktw, I wonder in what ways you are different and if it could be - as another forum member already suggested - related to some form of autism. Would you try taking a few on-line tests and letting us know what the results suggested? For instance: https://autismcanada.org/about-autism/diagnosis/screening-tools/adult/ https://www.additudemag.com/screener-autism-spectrum-disorder-symptoms-test-adults/ On-line testing is not reliable enough ( https://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx ), but perhaps it'll make you think deeper about your differences. It's always better to know if your problem is an already known, well-descried condition, because if yes, then it should be easier to find appropriate help. If this is unrelated to autism, then we can start trying getting to know you better and help to figure out what could help. Take care and good luck! L.
  6. Hello and welcome! I'm glad you reached out and shared your thoughts and emotions here. I hope very much that you'll change your mind about this issue, will find a way to live with yourself without self-hate, and eventually will even find some kind of cure (yes, it's possible in a way, at least to some extent!). First of all, I suggest you to educate yourself on peadophilia. From your post - - it's obvious you have commun prejudices (about the dangerosity of paedophiles) and thus need to learn the truth. There are several good articles about it, for instance: https://www.cbc.ca/firsthand/m_features/four-misconceptions-about-pedophiles https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-41213657 In some countries, there are psychotherapists who can help a lot with this issue, for instance: https://stopso.org.uk/client-request-help/ But even if you cannot find a therapist where you live, you can still join this on-line community - it could be very helpful to you: https://virped.org (It's also mentioned on the first website). How have you tried to change? I'm asking just because I'm curious, you don't have to reply, of course. Good luck and keep posting!
  7. LaLa

    My MIL

    Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you've got to deal with such a terrible person . It's good you've finally started trying to get some help / support for yourself (by writing here), even though I would have recommended it much sooner; perhaps part of the troubles might have been avoided. But I'm not blaming you, I'm just sorry you had to live thought (mainly) those awful 5 weeks with her. You haven't mentioned your husband's relationship to her, nor how he perceives this situation - her behaviour towards you and how it's been affecting you. How would you describe his perceptions, preferences, and opinions in this context? I just hope he's fully on your side and will help you with the changes you need. Although the so far worst experiences (those 5 weeks) are already a past, she's still hurting you too much and I would definitely suggest you to protect yourself from further harm and even, if possible, to get (professional) help for the damage already done. This is why I'd suggest psychotherapy (or counselling). You might be able to achieve it on your own, but good professional help would be very useful. My opinion is that you should cut any contacts with her to a minimum (or zero, if possible). Perhaps arrange, with your husband, his phone-calls (with her) to take place only when you're not home (/'around'). And here are some articles that might help you with figuring out your own answers to your questions: https://turnerpsychologycalgary.com/toxic-relationships-with-family-members-when-to-quit-counselling-articles/ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/heres-how-to-deal-with-toxic-family-members https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-handle-a-toxic-family-member https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-a-toxic-person-how-do-you-deal-with-one/ Take care and good luck!
  8. Hi, @spsdownandout, welcome to our forum! And sorry for letting your post without a reply for so long . I'm sorry you've been suffering so much and it even led you to having suicidal intentions . I'm not "a fellow sufferer" but I'd like to offer my point of view. I hope so very much you'll come and read it and will try to engage with new ways of thinking about things. I can only imagine how difficult it can be to open up to someone whose reaction you cannot predict . And I've read a post here of a member proving that SPS is an issue that not many health care professionals know about and some of them can sometimes react in an abhorrent way. Yet, it's certainly possible to find a psychotherapist who would be kind enough to you and able to behave in a way that your initial embarrassment wouldn't feel like humiliation. The feeling of humiliation can only be triggered by something someone else does or says, not just by your talking about your intimate issue. I see that you don't trust others, even therapists, enough to believe they would be able not to trigger the feeling of humiliation. But trying to trust (or searching for someone you'll start trusting after several sessions where you wouldn't mention your SPS) seems, at least to me, like a better option than to give up everything, give up hope. I know that when one starts feeling suicidal, it becomes harder to think life might once change for better . But your ultimate goal is to get rid of suffering, so you might as well try other ways first, before doing something "irreparable"; what do you think? Here I see that you imagine "the only possible improvement" as "learning to cope with loneliness" (= if you learned to cope with it, you wouldn't suffer as much anymore) and the only way to confront your issues as "putting yourself through the humiliation of rejection". I understand that from your current point of view, it may look that way. But there are many other things a good psychotherapy could "teach" you and there are women who wouldn't reject you. It seems evident that humiliation and rejection feel unbearable to you. Yet, they may be a normal, occasional part of life of most of us. It's obviously different for you and you naturally think that you couldn't get rid of this dreadful fear of them. Well, understanding and overcoming such fears can also be a part of therapy. You can learn to be less affected by rejection and, subsequently, also to be more courageous to put yourself in situations where you could either be rejected, or rewarded.I know it would be tremendously difficult, perhaps even impossible, to talk about SPS in a first therapeutic session, that's why my advise would be to spend several session talking about your other problems (without mentioning SPS) - as, for instance: and and your past (some of the fears are surely related to some childhood experiences, so it would be useful to analyse them anyway). Then, when you'll feel that you can trust the therapist and you'll feel at least a bit ready to reveal the biggest issue (I know also from my own experience that you can become ready to talk about things you had considered impossible to reveal!), you'll find a way to say it and work in a more focused way on getting better. Yes, some people can cope, some much better that our "typical" members (because they don't need a forum like this, we don't often hear from them). Everyone is more or less different, but also everyone can change to some extent. Have you ever thought why you consider the fear of humiliation and rejection as worse for you than killing yourself? There are reasons and if you discover them it therapy, you can work on changing and being even more brave than those you know admire. Good luck, take good care, and keep us posting!
  9. Hello, @Jktw, welcome! Don't worry about the length of your posts - it's always good to vent as well as give the readers enough information! I hope you'll find here a welcoming environment that will help you to gain new insights and more forward, get some effective help! It has to be difficult to be "different", but it's not necessarily "a bad thing" - I hope you already realize that. It's challenging, but possible to find the positive sides of your "difference". I hope it'll help to know it's a known condition: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia Perhaps you could find articles that explain it (also with personal testimonials of fellow sufferers) and give / sent them to your family members. Also, such articles might give you some practical advice to cope better with the problem. I wish you to stop with this sleep-avoidance immediately. Lack of sleep (not enough sleep) is very damaging to the brain and triggers mental as well as physical illnesses. You're lucky so far that you're not insomniac, so take advantage of it and get as much sleep as you can! You need it to feel better and to face all the challenges and problems of everyday life!!! From what you describe, it seems plausible to me that you also suffer from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder In any case, it would be ideal to address all your issues with a good therapist. To start, you may talk to a psychologist / counsellor at your college. You deserve to get much better and live without all these anxieties and insecurities! It'll be probably a long journey to wellbeing, but it's worth it and the sooner you start, the better. Good luck and keep posting!
  10. This is fascinating... I hope it helps a lot of people. Face-to-face support for those who feel life is no longer worth living: https://listeningplace.org.uk A movement against male suicide, the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/
  11. LaLa

    Is This POCD?

    Great! I hope you'll get a good specialist soon! I see; it's not a pleasant idea to be hospitalized . However, it might really help and, moreover, if they see you're not in immediate danger anymore, they'll let you home and you'll get an outpatient care, hopefully with the same specialist as in the hospital. Anyway; your life feels terrible now; hospital shouldn't be worse. Good luck!
  12. LaLa

    Is This POCD?

    Hi, Nathan, welcome! I'm sorry you're going through this; it sounds so very distressing... It's very good that you're expressing yourself in a written form like this - it was a very good idea to share it with your therapist and I hope you'll also conclude that it was a good idea to share it with us here. Well, mental disorders can be so serious and impactful exactly because they make some 'unreal things' feel so very real... I'm sorry if this will disappoint you, but there have not been many pedophiles on this forum (members with POCD are more common) and it seems to me that currently there's none among the active forum members. Nevertheless, I believe our feedback can still be somewhat valuable to you. I'm sure his knowledge is enough to recognize that this is POCD. Unfortunately, as he's not specialized in this particular kind of disorder, it's possible (yet not sure) he cannot heal you. Could he help you to find a specialist? Have you asked him? I've read your post, yet I can tell you this part alone would be enough to make the right conclusion: Pedophilia doesn't start like that, while POCD does. And everything yo describe, no matter how disturbing, only points to ODC, not pedophilia. I'm aware that me telling you this won't change your feelings / emotions for a long time, that's why I strongly encourage you to find a specialized therapist (or your current therapist could do an additional training -??) and to hang on: Don't give up your hope; this is just an illness (not "you") and you can get it under control and, in a longer term, also probably get rid of it completely. What you want to kill is the suffering, the illness, not yourself. Please, don't get it confused. I know life feels like hell right now , but that's a temporary state. Good luck, take care and keep us posted!
  13. Hello again, Alabaster! Thank you for the update! I'm sorry I haven't replied to your previous post - I wanted to but haven't found the time and then I forgot ... Now I only have a minute, but I hope I'll find more time to write soon enough... Now I just wanted to say 'good to see you again' and 'sorry'.
  14. That's so terrible and so very sad ... And... they laughed at SPS??? SPS should be a part of the standard curriculum for all medicine students - how come it is not?? (A naive question, I know ...) Thank you for sharing the truth with us. I wish all people working at A&Es learn about this and never let something like that happen again. How do you feel, YOTH, how are you coping? Take care.
  15. I'd supposed you were above 18 based on: If you're over 18, you don't need parental consent for therapy, so I'm not sure I understand your reasoning (is it that you don't want her to know about it but she would because she is the one whose insurance would pay for the therapy?). Anyway; I'm curious why you presume she would make your life more of a living hell if she knew. Would you like to let us know more about your relationship (with her), your 'situation' (how does she make your life hard)? But did you tell her more? It's possible she thinks you only suffer some mild PTSD due to the shooting, while your problems are much more complex. Perhaps the school counselor can actually do more for you than it seemed from your one (?) visit / conversation, even though she doesn't offer psychotherapy. Would you be willing opening up to her more?
  16. Hello and welcome! I'm sorry this has happened and you're suffering so much . Many difficult feelings caused by many complicated circumstances of your life and of your relationship... First of all, I'd like to encourage you to think, every time you feel very suicidal, about your mom: She would suffer in a very similar way as you do now, if she lost you. By staying alive, you can spare her that terrible, excruciating experience, and you also give yourself a chance to get better. Yes, "getting better" may now sound impossible, but that's because of your mental problems (as you probably know, one of symptoms of depression is that you tend to think it's impossible to improve your mood / life) and because of the very complicated grief that you're experiencing. You had a nice close connection as well as some intimacy/vulnerability issues in this friendship, you had also already had other reasons for depressive moods and thoughts; all this adds up and makes it so difficult. But there are many kinds of complicated grief and it's possible to get help, to 'work throughout' it, to process it, to find a healthier way to grief, to slowly find something like "peace of mind". Professional help could also help you with your intimacy/vulnerability issues so that you'd become able to maintain meaningful close relationship in future, not repeating the same pattern of ("preventive) abandonment of someone you don't want to lose. ( -> Here I'm referring to your: "i was so wrong about him. he wasn’t like the others, he didn’t want to leave. i kicked him out of my life before he could kick me out of his because of what some shitty sophomores did to me years ago. ") Most importantly, you need help to get rid of your feeling of guilt... Those thoughts are, sadly, natural; we would all prefer to prevent some terrible things/events and in some particular cases, we blame ourselves for not having done so, mostly because it's somehow easier for our brains than admitting we couldn't have done anything. I thinks it's related to this kind of fallacy, 'although' you don't blame him for getting shot, but yourself for not doing something to keep him alive, and you punish yourself (by all the feelings of guilt etc.) for failing, although you couldn't have done anything, in reality: https://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/just-world-hypothesis/ But mainly, it's related to the human illusion of control: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusion_of_control If you have, at least sometimes, enough energy to read, I would recommend you to learn more about complicated grief, for instance here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/professionals/complicated-grief-professionals/overview/ https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/help-someone-complicated-bereavement-fostering-understanding-seeking-treatment/ https://www.talkspace.com/blog/finding-help-complicated-grief/ But, most importantly, I encourage you to search for professional help (psychotherapy, or, at least, counselling); there should be "something out there", accessible for you (you might start by school counsellors/psychologists, if I understand well that you're still studying). Good luck and take care!
  17. (((Klingsor))) I'm sorry you feel this way I'm sure now it sounds unrealistic to you that the nightmare will disappear if you get yourself a chance to get help and enough time to get better. Hang on, take care, one day at a time. Would you like to write more, perhaps to vent a bit (or a lot)?
  18. I hope you'll find interacting with others on this forum as helpful as you hope it will be! (It can get quite confrontational sometimes , but we try to avoid that and, mainly, try to "work it out" .) Good luck!
  19. Welcome, Floyd, and feel free to talk!
  20. Hello, Floyd, welcome! It must have been difficult to live with this condition, I'm sorry you've been in such distress. May I ask you more about it? Would you say it's bulimia (or something else)? (I'm thinking of a psychological reason of your throwing up as you're on a mental support website, but it perhaps might be caused by some hidden physical condition, who knows?) If not, how is it different from bulimia? If you don't eat "too much", don't you suffer from severe malnutrition? Or do you? Have you already consulted a physician and / or a psychologist? If yes, what did they say? If not, then why? Take care!
  21. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/05/15/magazine/diplomat-disorder.html
  22. Hi, Alabaster, welcome! Sorry for such a late reply. I hear your concerns and I understand your longing for a relationship. Also, it must be difficult to be around a person who reminds you of something so disappointing . However, it seems to me you're overestimating the problem that virginity might pose and you're seeking a proof of being desirable and lovable although you already have it - the woman has chosen someone else just because he was there and she happened to like him more; that doesn't mean you're not desirable etc. I think it would be better to concentrate on meeting some new (and/or 'already known') women and forming a nice relationship, just by talking, flirting, kissing, ... and taking it slowly so that you first really like each other and then, when you're already sure, you can try 'the next level'. I think that thinking "virginity is a handicap / disadvantage" is not useful at all and can only unnecessarily make yo nervous. I suppose it's always "new" with a new person (because people have different preferences, ...), so any past experiences don't make it much easier. You don't need to think it's such a difference. I'm sure there are guys who aren't virgins and can get nervous when they are with a new partner for the first time; it's normal. And I presume most (/many?) people don't have too hight expectations of 'first times'. All you need it to be attentive (not overly, in a weird way) to the needs and desires of the woman you're with and let her "guide you". Also, she even doesn't need to know in advance that you're a virgin (you may tell her afterwards). What do you think? BTW; I imagine you're probably rather lucky to be friends with the colleague, despite the fact that she reminds you (so far - it will end one day, surely at least when you'll be in a relationship) of what happened. What would yo say that her friendship brings you? Good luck and take care!
  23. Not TED or SofL, but (even the whole YT channel) can be helpful to some:
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