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LaLa

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Everything posted by LaLa

  1. LaLa

    Missing my therapist terribly

    You're welcome; I'm so glad you're feeling better! I don't know if it is a good idea, I don't know how you'll cope. But I think it's good to have this "bigger ambition", with also the possibility to come back sooner (than 60 days). What I would probably do is wait the 30 days and see if then you'll feel OK about trying another 30 (or 15, ...) and then letting your therapist know that you made this decision (+ explain a bit why). What doo you think? ;)
  2. LaLa

    I don’t know anymore.

    Thank you for your clarifications and explanations! I was probably wrong about the PTSD, but... it doesn't mean there wasn't a trauma (or even several traumas) in your life (even the situation in your family is traumatic, and the stay in the foreign country certainly is, too, even without some terrible incident). The "untreated" wounds accumulated during your life are now manifesting as depression and need to be addressed with a good therapist (or, before that, perhaps with a friend or partner who is able and willing to try to understand...). It's very sad that your parents aren't helpful at all. How long do you have to wait to be 18 (?), thus able to see a doctor and/of therapist alone? BTW; even if your dad ignores your attempts to explain your needs to him, perhaps if you see a doctor or therapist alone and then you just give a paper (consent form) to your dad to sign, he could do it, as it would be simple and your need of help would be thus confirmed by "an authority". I cannot know, of course; it's just an idea how it could perhaps be done. Have you any news? Have you already got the opportunity to communicate with your partner about this? Good luck, take care!
  3. LaLa

    Missing my therapist terribly

    Hello, curious, welcome! I had a similar experience (but my therapist was male and of the age of my parent, so the transference was of a different kind), several years ago. I had to leave therapy after 2 years just because I had to move abroad. Years after that, I experienced "all" kinds of "states" - emotions, wishes, situations, ... and no, it wasn't easy. Well, it wasn't "that bad" and there were also many good periods of time (when I felt OK about not seeing him anymore). I met him several times when we came back home for holidays - sometimes it was fine, sometimes it left me feeling much worse, for instance very angry, ... So I'm not "a good example" of "how to cope", but I think at least I can relate to you and offer some support or "an understanding ear". To me, it was beneficial to communicate about all those feeling with people online (on this forum and by e-mail with friends I'd made on this forum). Even if we cannot "heal" your dependance or "get rid of" your transference, understanding more about it and sharing your struggles and feelings could be helpful. You said she'd helped you a lot, so it means you're less anxious and less stressed than before and can cope better with difficult situation. Does that mean you have been, during therapy, able to live in a better way even without her being with you? I assume that yes. Was your improvement dependent on the fact that "you stil will see her every two weeks"? I hope that not; that you're able to cope better than before therapy even without her being "there for you". Do you think so? Even if yes, this doesn't mean you "have no reason" to still want her in your life, to meet her more often, to be friends, ... But I think it would be helpful to clearly distinguish this(/-ese) reason(s) from the (probably nonexistent) need of her for your ability to use, on your own, all you've got from therapy. So, what are the reasons you'd love to have her in your life as a friend? (To me, they seem quite obvious, but I don't know you, so they are only assumptions, and also... I'm asking so that you'd think about it deeply and answer it also (mainly) to yourself.) I suppose that seeking some suggestions here, you don't expect the (desired) outcome to be: "Wow, I don't miss her anymore, I wouldn't want her to my friend anymore!" You know there is no magic trick to make you not like her and / or not care about her and stop missing her. It would be even weird, wouldn't it? It is a genuine relationship (although with "special rules") and when a good relationship is doing to end, or is facing a long break, then it's natural to grieve. The last phase of therapy should always be focused also on this grieving. She's been able to help you with the problems you came to therapy with, now trust her to help you to prepare you well for grieving (= ending therapy one day). If I've got it right, you don't yet know when the therapy will end, you now only have a holiday break and that's what you're seeking some help for. I think this break is a good opportunity for you as "a kind of rehearsal for the termination of therapy". But all the time, you can be quite sur it is not yet "the end" and also that it is now harder than it will be when the real therapy end will come, because then, you'll already be better prepared. What do you think? It reminds me that I also had several breaks in my therapy. In my case, I always mostly liked them, because they allowed me to take some distance and experience new kinds of emotions and thinking. When I returned, I was more motivated, had always a lot new topics and perspectives to talk about (all was prepared in my numerous notes) ... What about taking notes or writing a diary during these weeks? You could write down everything related to "not being able to talk with her" and observe how it changes in time, what appears to be the most pressing, compelling, painful, unexpected etc. Also, you could perhaps look up some articles about grieving; some suggestions might be 'applicable'... Good luck and keep us posted!
  4. LaLa

    I don’t know anymore.

    Hello, Unknown, welcome! Thanks for describing your situation and experiences so thoroughly; it's always better to have a better picture than to have just a few hints! Of course, we couldn't "know and explain everything", even if you described much more, but I hope some new insights will be helpful to you. From what you describe, I'd say you definitely are depressed. Check at least these articles: https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-you-dont-feel-anything-during-your-depression/ https://www.healthline.com/health/feeling-numb#quotes-about-feeling-numb https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201510/the-important-difference-between-sadness-and-depression https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320049.php https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prescriptions-life/201505/stop-numbing-out-and-awaken-your-life https://worthyinside.com/i-feel-nothing/ some excerpts: Your also depression seems to be linked to your PTSD. In any case, wouldn't think your partner moving in "is the problem". As the onset of your symptoms coincides with this change in your life, I would rather assume, based on what you wrote, that it was a time when your life "was finally supposed to feel (even) better, safe, ...", so your subconscious mind finally "threw away" the previously useful defence mechanisms which had been protecting (or trying to protect) you from all the stresses and potential dangers in your life. But this uncovered the underlying problem and you were no longer able to hide (to yourself and others) how influenced you've been by all the "bad stuff" in your life. That's my hypothesis, but it's not very important; the coincidence might have been even totally accidental and this info wouldn't change much (if anything). What is important, though, is that when living with your partner, you have more occasions to enter in conflict with them, so your illness(es) (depression, PTSD) can "cause harm" more easily. I see that it's been very hard for you to try to explain this to your partner . But I'd encourage you to try to do it, so that you could cooperate better, have a stronger, healthier bond, work together to make you feel better and to make your relationship suffer less. A way to do it could be letting them read your post (and, perhaps, also our answers). It's often much easier to explain difficult, emotional, distressing things in a written form. And you don't even have to think of writing a letter, as you already have this post of yours, above. It seems to me that you probably might still have some degree of PTSD. If you haven't been in treatment for the first one, it's possible it still lingers, even if there weren't any new traumas. Have you researched some available help? Have you read more about the subject, to understand better what's going on? For instance: https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/treatment https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/ptsd-hotline/ https://elkrivertreatment.com/treatment/ptsd-treatment-center-for-teenagers/ https://www.npr.org/2012/08/17/159023437/ptsd-not-just-war-wound-young-people-suffer-too https://www.adolescentgrowth.com/treatment-programs/mental-health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/ http://www.ptsdassociation.com/mentalfitnessforteens/ Even if you're in a country where your psychiatric treatment and / or psychotherapy wouldn't be covered by your insurance, I'd urge you to try to find some kind of affordable professional help. It's been quite long since your suffering started! But it's not too late and the sooner you start getting help (professional therapy), the better; the sooner and easier you can get better. Good luck! And keep us posted!
  5. LaLa

    Using the white side

    Spoiler alert!!! . . . Is it Santa?
  6. LaLa

    The Christmas tree photo

    Of, I see, thanks! That's original!
  7. LaLa

    The Christmas tree photo

    What is on the tree, Dave? (= I cannot identify the decorations.) Happy holiday season!
  8. LaLa

    Mental abuse and Human Rights violations

    Does your university have a library? It could be an ideal place to study, mainly when your home is not suitable, calm place. Good luck!
  9. I would recommend this interview (also) to all the SPS sufferers: https://www.russellbrand.com/podcast/ep-27-can-connected-sex/ It's a bit more for women (than men), but it can show to men how many women suffer around somewhat similar issues. Also, while listening, I came with a new hypothesis about those disgusting moronic women who chat about their "preference for bigger size": They are so insecure about their bodies and/or so uninformed and misinformed by porn that they blame men's "size" for their own failures and faults and they need to talk about it to somehow "reassure themselves" that "that is the reason they are/were not satisfied". I know it doesn't explain more that a part of the cases, but I suppose it's worth considering as one of the possibilities and one of the reasons why men shouldn't believe those who say "size matters". In the podcast, you can hear about some of the things that truly matter. I hope it'll be helpful / insightful for at least some of you... (BTW; she mentions that a masseuse told her that 90% of her female clients apologize (to her) for their body before a massage. Hm...)
  10. LaLa

    Stinkbugs in the US

    Did you know? https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/03/12/when-twenty-six-thousand-stinkbugs-invade-your-home
  11. LaLa

    Planning. I'm not good at it.

    😮 😦 Good for you! I'm glad to hear you have a day off ; you seem to work so much ! ... Enjoy the long weekend!
  12. LaLa

    Ranting on about women

    So you'd want me to read minds of people I don't know, instead???
  13. an excerpt of an interview, not only about dealing with alcoholism:
  14. A very positive example of psychological interventions in areas in crisis and war:
  15. LaLa

    Ranting on about women

    Same with me. But I think lifelong's reasoning there was that if we had a different opinion, we wouldn't post "here" = in the SPS section, where such opinion would be harmful (so even if among the members, there were some women who'd care about size, they wouldn't mention it because they would see the men's suffering and wouldn't want to contribute to it).
  16. LaLa

    Ranting on about women

    No, not embarrassing the adit that. What I mostly meant, is that they wouldn't initiate the topic. But if asked by someone else, ... I don't know about others; there may be different reasons. But for instance, I wouldn't talk about such a topic publicly, no matter what my opinion would be, because I just find it "not a topic" / "there's no reason to even ask the question". This would be, of course, in case if I didn't know this forum, thus didn't know that some people do care about this. Knowing this (and mainly that there's so much suffering involved, what most women don't know), I probable would force myself to answer, even publicly, if someone did a survey, just to show that "yes, we do exist". But otherwise, I would just be like: "What a stupid question, leave me alone, I don't have any reason to talk about such issues!" BTW; I think it's all probably caused mainly by porn. I've never watched that stuff and never would (it's utterly disgusting), so I cannot imagine how a person influenced by such stuff would think. There are even billions of people influences by commercials - how idiotic is that!? - and I cannot imagine how if feels to be "brainwashed" like that. And the influence of porn must be even much stronger, worse...
  17. LaLa

    Ranting on about women

    The videos don't show "every other woman except for jazz", so there's no logic in your statement. Moreover, as I mentioned in other posts of this forum, I never had such a conversation in my life with anyone and never heard any of my friends to talk about this topic, in any context (-their partner nor men in general). But I know I'm writing this in vain because you're not interested in those women who don't talk about sizes and don't care about them. I'm going to post this anyway; perhaps someone else will once read it and be interested in the information that there are women like that and they are not as exceptional as "the SPS guys" consider them to be. BTW; if you're searching for such videos, what else do you expect to find? Do you really think girls and women who are not interested in this and who never talk about 'sizes' will publicize their views and / or participate in such interviews?
  18. LaLa

    Intrusive thoughts

    Hello and welcome! Yes, OCD can be very distressing ... But it's one of the mental disorders that are among the easiest to heal; the best is a combination of the right medication (for finding it, one sometimes has to try a few of them) and psychotherapy. You mention school, so the first place where to ask for help would be the school counsellor / psychologist. Also, if you're in the US, here are some potentially useful links, you can probably find more: https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/affordable-therapy https://www.moneyunder30.com/affordable-therapy https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget Have you already seen posts about OCD on this forum? Perhaps you'll find some helpful insights there, too. For instance: http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/10325-just-something-about-ocd/ http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/10958-article-understanding-fear-of-guilt-key-in-better-treating-ocd/?tab=comments#comment-134754 Good luck; take care!
  19. LaLa

    Mental abuse and Human Rights violations

    Hi, Raisul, I've only understood clearly that your problems are limited to your dreams from your second post (now I see it also in the first - you wrote "[...] is continuously scolding and threatening me i.e till i wake up"). It means you're not in physical danger; they are not bullying or abusing you in person, your distress is caused by the nightmares. That's probably not less distressing, but it's a purely psychological problem, not one that could be solved by police or, probably, moving to a different city. From what you wrote, it seem that you're totally convinced that the culprits are your neighbours. How have you come to that conclusion? Is it only because you see them in your dreams that you suppose they actually cause the dreams, thus the suffering? Or do the people also do you some harm in person, when you meet them? I'm asking you not because I would doubt your experience (it's very clear you're suffering a lot ); I'm asking to understand better the problem, so that you could find an appropriate solution. There is a possibility that your suffering is caused only by your brain, i.e. a mental illness, yet you're attributing it to an external cause, based on the content of the dreams. (Imagine that in the dreams, the abusers would be, let's say, talking unicorns - then it would be obvious that unicorns are not the reason, but as the dreams imagery "selected" a group of dangerous people you actually know, it's easy to think they are "somehow involved" in causing the dreams.) You might suffer, for instance, from Nightmare Disorder: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/conditions/nightmares But it can be more serious; nightmares can also by symptoms of some mental disorders: https://clinmedjournals.org/articles/jsdm/journal-of-sleep-disorders-and-management-jsdm-3-017.php?jid=jsdm http://therecoverytrust.org/forum/articles/WhatsNew/nightmares.htm Nightmares in Patients With Psychosis: The Relation With Sleep, Psychotic, Affective, and Cognitive Symptoms: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4542515/ And if you're convinced that those people want to harm you, then in case if they don't actually do anything to you (= you only believe it), then it could be some kind of delusion. I'm not diagnosing you (it would be impossible online and by someone (like me) who's not a doctor), but I'd like to suggest you to research a bit possible mental disorders - for instance, delusions and nightmares are two of typical symptoms of schizophrenia. I hope it's not your case, of course, but maybe you can try doing some tests to check it out: https://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/misc-tests/schizophrenia-test/ https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/schizophrenia-symptoms#1 I researched mental health care in Bangladesh and I see it's in a very sad condition , yet you're at least lucky that you live in a big city where several services are available. I don't know how expensive they are, but as you're part of a community, perhaps some people could help you with paying for at least some consultation (?). I've found this, for instance: http://www.psychologymatters.asia/find_therapist/Bangladesh/ https://www.dhakatribune.com/health/2018/02/18/world-class-mental-health-clinic-opens-dhaka https://www.thecabindhaka.com.bd/mental-wellness-treatment-services/ I'm sorry this is all I have to offer, at least for now. If you have some time, please answer my questions (mainly in the second paragraph), including this one: Is there something we can do for you, in this limited framework of an (international) internet forum (without other members from Bangladesh)? = Do you have something particular in mind when you ask for help? Take care!
  20. LaLa

    Mental abuse and Human Rights violations

    Hello, Raisul, welcome! I'm sorry you're in such a difficult, terrible situation! First of all, I'd like to explain why I removed your address from your post: We cannot directly help you even knowing your location, so it's not useful, yet it could potentially lead to your identification here by someone who'd be dangerous for you (for instance, by your abusers, who could find out how their actions impact your life and figure out how to be even more effective in their actions, and / or they could see here what your plans to escape them are). I hope it wouldn't be probable, but I still prefer not to take the risk, so I recommend you not to post any personal information on-line. In case you find here a member of this forum who could somehow help you, you could then send him / her more info by a personal message, invisible to others. I'm very sorry but this forum can only "provide help" in form of communication (and, sometimes, finding information), not direct intervention. So I cannot see how we could directly help you to get safe. I hope some of our members will come up with some useful ideas, though. If I may ask: Do you live alone and are you in contact with someone close to you, like a trusted friend or family member? Or are you all alone to face this stressful situation? It's hard for me to think about possible solutions as I'm not at all familiar with services available in Bangladesh. For instance, it seems that contacting police is not an option for you (??) - yet that's what I would suggest as the first thing to do. In "Western" countries, there are also various associations that protect tenants and help to solve conflicts between niegahbours, but I have no idea is there is an analogous organisation where you live. Also, I don't know if there are some services that could directly help you with the resulting mental health issues - have you searched for a psychologist or a social worker, for instance? And wouldn't it be somehow possible for you to leave your apartment - either to move "forever" to another city or to live temporarily with a friend or family member (and go there somehow so that the abusers couldn't see you)? You mention "assistance" - what kinds of assistance would you want precisely, in "an ideal case"? Is there something we can do in this limited framework of an (international) internet forum (without other members from Bangladesh)? Good luck and take care!!! It is hard to endure, but taking your life would not be a real solution: Isn't it a better, safe life what you truly wish for?
  21. You can learn more here: http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/10919-whatsapp-edit-not-zoom/?tab=comments#comment-134362
  22. LaLa

    .

    Thanks for the clarifications, @Ellie ! I'm glad to hear you're feeling better and also that you're in treatment! It's good that you told your doctor also about what'd happened - it means you trust him which is important . Take care!
  23. I hope people with OCD will find this at least somewhat helpful (the new perspective): https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/05/180502174911.htm
  24. Thank you for all your answers and explanations! I'm sorry I probably sounded like pushing you or even as if not believing, but it was for the better: Your story is very important and should be heard, especially by people suffering from SPS. BTW, I posted the idea that there should be a special dating-site for SPS guys already several years ago! Some guys then dismissed it as something where any insecure SPS sufferer would never make a profile (due to fear of mockery etc.). I had no idea there already is one! Sorry there isn't anyone from your country . No, this site is international, open to everyone; I'm sorry you've misunderstood! I do wish you luck with searching (and I'm sorry your partner left you for this reason - and I do blame him because there are men who stay, although it's not easy for them either!), but I also think you might try to get rid of the pain. It is possible, although it may require several months or, perhaps, a few years of psychotherapy. But first of all, I would make sure there isn't also a physiological reason, like this one: http://www.bcwomens.ca/our-services/gynecology/pelvic-pain-endometriosis/ From what you describe, it really seems that the pain is related to the abuse, not a physical illness, so it may seem more complicated to tackle. Perhaps it is, but it really is possible. You can google it or rather search for a psychotherapist or sexologist right away. Good luck and keep us posted!
  25. LaLa

    .

    Hi, Ellie, welcome! I'm sorry you're struggling with so many issues, it must be hard . Are you in treatment? I mean do you take medication and also see a therapist regularly? Attractions can be very confusing. Yet I hope we can help you to understand more what's going on and what it means. To your question in the title, there is a clear answer right in your own post: So no, you're not a pedophile. You're objectively still very young and thus very close to people who are a little under 18 - and you are even more close mentally to them, as you mentioned. Attractions don't follow legal limits and you're not attracted to prepubescent children (as pedophiles are), so you're attracted just to people similar to yourself. Moreover, you've already recognized that any sexual behaviour involving minors is not "a good idea". Thoughts and fantasies are not crimes! And even though you'd been involved in sexting, you're definitely not "a bad person who shouldn't live"! You've been lucky that police / justice has not known about what happened, but I think you can think of it now as being over. You got your "lesson" (=no more sexting) and you can move on; no need to blame - or even punish - yourself. I wonder a bit if your diagnosis of paranoia wasn't influenced by the fact that the doctor didn't know that you had "done something" that made you feel fear police and punishment - perhaps they saw the fear but not the "threat"... Or are there other examples in your life when you felt paranoiac? In any case, I hope you stay safe and won't think about punishing yourself anymore. You need help, support, and compassion to cope better with the mental issues, not judgement or blame or anger because of some confusing thoughts or desires. Take care!
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