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Everything posted by LaLa

  1. I hope you'll find interacting with others on this forum as helpful as you hope it will be! (It can get quite confrontational sometimes , but we try to avoid that and, mainly, try to "work it out" .) Good luck!
  2. Welcome, Floyd, and feel free to talk!
  3. Hello, Floyd, welcome! It must have been difficult to live with this condition, I'm sorry you've been in such distress. May I ask you more about it? Would you say it's bulimia (or something else)? (I'm thinking of a psychological reason of your throwing up as you're on a mental support website, but it perhaps might be caused by some hidden physical condition, who knows?) If not, how is it different from bulimia? If you don't eat "too much", don't you suffer from severe malnutrition? Or do you? Have you already consulted a physician and / or a psychologist? If yes, what did they say? If not, then why? Take care!
  4. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/05/15/magazine/diplomat-disorder.html
  5. Hi, Alabaster, welcome! Sorry for such a late reply. I hear your concerns and I understand your longing for a relationship. Also, it must be difficult to be around a person who reminds you of something so disappointing . However, it seems to me you're overestimating the problem that virginity might pose and you're seeking a proof of being desirable and lovable although you already have it - the woman has chosen someone else just because he was there and she happened to like him more; that doesn't mean you're not desirable etc. I think it would be better to concentrate on meeting some new (and/or 'already known') women and forming a nice relationship, just by talking, flirting, kissing, ... and taking it slowly so that you first really like each other and then, when you're already sure, you can try 'the next level'. I think that thinking "virginity is a handicap / disadvantage" is not useful at all and can only unnecessarily make yo nervous. I suppose it's always "new" with a new person (because people have different preferences, ...), so any past experiences don't make it much easier. You don't need to think it's such a difference. I'm sure there are guys who aren't virgins and can get nervous when they are with a new partner for the first time; it's normal. And I presume most (/many?) people don't have too hight expectations of 'first times'. All you need it to be attentive (not overly, in a weird way) to the needs and desires of the woman you're with and let her "guide you". Also, she even doesn't need to know in advance that you're a virgin (you may tell her afterwards). What do you think? BTW; I imagine you're probably rather lucky to be friends with the colleague, despite the fact that she reminds you (so far - it will end one day, surely at least when you'll be in a relationship) of what happened. What would yo say that her friendship brings you? Good luck and take care!
  6. Not TED or SofL, but (even the whole YT channel) can be helpful to some:
  7. Hello, EZ, welcome! Your problem doesn't sound strange to me; I know it happens, in various forms. (As a teenager, I even had a very similar thoughts and "coping mechanisms" in principle; the biggest difference is that in my case, it wasn't as intense, as strongly influencing my everyday life. In my case, it was even linked to several things, one of them being that some died - in that case, "everything" that I remembered (shortly) preceding his death induced fear that "now someone else will die (so I should somehow avoid this thing happening again)".) We cannot diagnose here; we are not healthcare professionals and (almost?) never have complete info to make a conclusion, but from what you've written, I presume (with quite a high certainty) that you suffer from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). It was triggered by the trauma of your dad's illness and death and developed slowly due to your - natural, just not helpful - tendency to substitute the huge fear of "not having any control (over what happens to those you love and care about)" by the illusion that "you do have a high level of control". I tried to find something about this, but I have found (at least so far) only this: - http://anxietyireland.ie/control-fallacies/ - read mainly the "Feeling we have omnipotent control" part. - https://www.verywellmind.com/cognitive-distortions-and-ocd-2510477 - one quote: "Through a process called thought-action fusion, people with OCD are often prone to equating their thoughts with actions. For example, if you have OCD you might believe that having the unwanted thought of harming a loved one is morally equivalent to actually harming them. You might also believe that such a thought means that deep down inside you really want to harm your loved one." (You might, perhaps, also want to read more about different fallacies, probably mainly to see that this kind of thinking is "normal / natural / widespread", it just causes a lot of harm if it gets out of control and is mixed with very strong emotions... For instance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis or even more from here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fallacies) You may read more about OCD on many websites, for instance: https://www.psychguides.com/ocd/ - there is also this sentence: "When patients are able to identify a logical fallacy, they are more likely to be able to resist completing their ritualistic response to triggering situations." I hope it makes sense to you and you're willing to try... However, it's not easy and a professional help would be a very important part of healing. Have you the possibility to see a psychotherapist? So, no reason to feel desperate and confused anymore: Your problem isn't unique as it seems to you; it's a well-known condition and can be treated with relatively high success rates. Good luck and take care!
  8. Please, everyone: NO PHOTOGRAPHS OF GENITALIA! This type of pictures isn't allowed here, on this website. (There's no point in posting them; you only complicate our lives as we (moderators and admins) have to see all the pictures (what we really don't enjoy, BTW) and delete each of them.) THANK YOU.
  9. How have you been doing, @Obsolete? I hope we'll hear from you soon...
  10. I'm sorry you feel ignored here. I don't have the impression that you've been ignored. Yours is probably due to the fact that you're not yet used to this forum - there are posts that don't receive any reaction and many other that only receive very little reaction; unfortunately, there aren't enough active people here to be able to answer everything. It has nothing to do with willingly ignoring you. I don't have any idea about dating from my own experience, but I'd recommend you this website - I like it very much for every aspect of psychology: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/relationships/dating/ https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/relationships/finding-love/ I hope you'll find there several useful tips and insights! Good luck!
  11. LaLa

    It was not your fault that he left! Please, don't worry about this at all...
  12. LaLa

    I'm sorry you feel bad about this all, @Klingpeach . It's OK that you posted what you posted. It's not your fault that it wasn't "understandable" to some. If you want, I'll delete this thread. But before doing so, I'll leave some time to others to read your latest post here. I hope it's OK.
  13. LaLa

    By "here", you mean in this particular topic / thread? I understood it like you writing about the SPS forum, not this thread, but @Klingpeach seems to have understood it as attacking his posts here, which is sad. Or you meant the comments he (Klingpeach) meant when he was complaining about the "discussion" below the article he posted?
  14. Hello, @the_anonymous_one, welcome! I'm female and from my perspective, you don't have any reason to be worried. There, unfortunately, are some women (I know about their existence only from the posts in this SPS forum!) who care about size and girth in men, as well as men who ridicule other men just based n their "member", so yes, some people can perhaps offend you (although I don't have any idea if the numbers you mentioned are "too low" for them or not), but I'd say the most important for you is not to develop an anxiety around this issue; not to develop the SPS - a syndrome that makes suffer even those who are happily married to a woman who likes them as they are. Don't let your current little insecurities increase and take control over you and your dating etc. Don't focus on your anatomy, try to focus on your relationships. Good luck!
  15. LaLa

    Try to re-read his second post.
  16. Sorry if you won't like the association (everyone has a different sense of humor), but this reminds me so much of this joke (it's a brief excerpt of a talkshow - the punchline (= the last sentence of the excerpt I want to "quote" here) is a sentence containing the word "pizza") :
  17. LaLa

    Nightmares, PTSD

    Hello, Octavia, welcome! I'm sorry you've been suffering like this . It's a lot of stress, living in such fear. Good idea to 'reach out' on this forum! I hope it will help at least to some extent. You can even find here many 'distractions' - for instance; http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/8843-weekend-entertainment/ http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/forum/33-recommended/ http://www.mentalsupportcommunity.net/topic/6704-music-therapy/page/6/ etc. It seems that you might experience PTSD also due the abuse by your partner, that's why you're so very scared. Does your therapy address also the PTSD? (There are some very new therapies for rapid and effective treatment of this condition, but they are, unfortunately, not available in most countries , at least not yet. But perhaps the great results will persuade more countries to adopt it...) May I ask you more about the actual risk you're in? (Because fear is one thing and real danger another.) How probable is it that you'll meet your ex by accident? Do you live in a big city? Are you sure you both frequent the same places? What does your therapist think about the risks? And how are you satisfied with the therapist and the treatment? Have you already seen improvements? It seems that probably that this new situation (your ex back in the city) is the main problem now. (Do you agree?) Are there people (other than the therapist) who can help you to cope with it? What used to help you, other than medication? Have you learned some techniques (CBT, ...) to calm yourself, to alleviate anxiety? If not yet, I think this is a good way to go: Learning new ways to calm down. Meds are helpful but... make sure you don't overuse them... I have to go now. Take care and good luck!
  18. My hypothesis is that the oversexualisation and superficial "valorisation" of "loosing virginity soon" in 'western' societies is some kind of backlash to the previous centuries of the opposite extreme imposed by religions: The revolution in the 60ties (enabled by contraception) liberated people from absurd (and often even dangerous) 'prudery', but then also went too far and now some people think that "being a virgin" as adult and / or being asexual is somehow... "weird". Fortunately, it doesn't come with similar dangers as loosing virginity before marriage used to in the past (or in still present in many other cultures)...
  19. Of course you don't deserve any shaming. It's the same as with all people who are different in a "not cool" (/ not appreciated by the majority) way. Do disabled deserve to be shamed or bullied, for instance? People who shame or bully others are just idiots and / or need some psychological help themselves to get over their own issues which make them behave like jerks...
  20. Hi, redCanine, welcome! What have been your problems related to virginity?
  21. Hi, Ava, welcome! I'm sorry your marriage has become so difficult . It doesn't sound like being related to his ADHD. May I ask what do you mean by "everything's changed"? Except for his jealousy, what else is different? And have you already talked about it with him? What does he say? Does he admit he's changed, did he give some reasons? Good luck and take care!
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