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LaLa

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Everything posted by LaLa

  1. LaLa

    Stress? Anxiety?

    Hi, @Radya , welcome! First of all, don't worry about mistakes / English! We can understand you well and that's what matters. I'm sorry you've been feeling so unwell! It sounds like serious problems to me and I really think you should consult a professional. Might it be related to the fact you stoped taking your medication? I suppose it's possible, but I'm not a doctor. Also, heart problems can be caused by stress, too: https://www.activebeat.com/your-health/heart-palpitation-8-reasons-for-your-abnormal-heartbeat I'm sorry I don't have time now to write more, but I'll be back another time. Take care!
  2. (Sorry for not writing sooner ... Even now, I only have a while left!) I see. I didn't see her view as black-and-white, she seemed quite flexible to me in the series (taking into account some preferences of the 'clients'), but I don't know enough and also... the point is to find something you like and find helpful! I'll think about it and write more later. Take care!
  3. You're welcome, Lilly! I hope (seeing your enthusiasm ) I didn't give you some wrong impression that those articles will change everything for better. Healing is a long and complicated process. But I want you to know there are ressources like these (and surely many others - you can google even some more specific problems of yours) that can bring some useful hints, some guidance, clarifications, ... And I wish you to find them and put them into practice for your own good. You're worth it, you need and will get better, even if it probably sounds too hard to imagine to you, for the moment. Take care!
  4. Hi, Lilly, welcome! I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad and feel stuck in these problems . The most important thing I would suggest is to find a good psychiatrist. (Even though your current medication doesn't seem to be good for you, it should be possible to find the right one for you. Sometimes one has to try several medications (taking each for several weeks of months) before knowing what works. It's frustrating, but it's a long-term solution and I think it's worth it.) But as you say you cannot afford a doctor , I don't know if mentioning it is even worth it. But perhaps you'll find some affordable option you don't yet know about... (?) I've tried to find some helpful advises on the web, perhaps you'll find here something new that you could try: https://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/mania#coping-with-mania https://www.helpguide.org/articles/bipolar-disorder/living-with-bipolar-disorder.htm https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/health-topics/ty6584 Also, this seems to be quite a big issue: I know it's not just a simple decision to change your priorities and behaviour and self-esteem, but I also know it's possible to make even such big changes (= start caring more about yourself, not overly trying to care for others, ...); it takes time and... professional help from a psychotherapist can be of huge help (I know; it's probably too expensive, but, please, check if there really aren't any affordable / free therapists (AND / OR a peer-support group or another kind of organisation helping people with mental illness!) where you live - sometimes you just don't know about it / them!). Here are some suggestions of reading about the topic: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-put-ourselves-last-why-self-care-priority/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201401/why-we-help-others-instead-ourselves https://www.terricole.com/the-danger-of-caring-about-others-more-than-yourself/ and The Book of life in general, for instance: https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/self-love/ https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/self-knowledge/mood/ Good luck and keep posting!
  5. Thanks for clarifying, @Ladichy ! It has to be frustrating and annoying when someone else "(des)organizes" your stuff! And you then have to deal with it! Mainly when it's so overwhelming due to the quantity of things... I'm not the right person to give advise about these kinds of problems at all, but perhaps you can try watching some videos of Marie Kondo on YouTube an if you have Netflix, you could watch this series - first of all to loose your shame about your room (you can see all kinds of 'messes' there! ), to gain some hope / confidence that you, too, can do it, and also to get some useful tips: What do you think? In any case; good luck!
  6. Hello, William, welcome! I'm sorry you're in such pain; feeling rejected by your peers, dealing with a verbally agressive father, having more and more bad days . It can be hard for people to "fit in", especially when you're somehow "different" and when it's in a collective of people who are not understanding, empathetic enough etc., as most teenagers, for instance. Kids and teenagers can be quite cruel to their peers - for instance, by bullying, mocking, or ostracizing / ignoring them; you're certainly not alone in this (even if you're the only one in your class - are you?). I wonder what bothers you more: The way your "so called friends" treat you or the reason why they possibly (/probably?) do it - that they think you're stupid? Do you think there may be a different reason that they think you're "retarded"? Perhaps you're just not "cool" in their eyes, that's all. What does your mom think about it? How does she try to help you? What do you like doing, what do you enjoy and are good at? And a few questions to understand better your post: How did you feel when you were staring at the floor? Why do you think that you reacted that way? Also, when you say it repeated itself in different situations, you mean just your reaction to the treatment by others: the staring at the floor? And, just to be sure; what "it's not at all better at home" means? That you feel the same way even after coming home, or that you also mostly / often "stare at the floor" there? I'm not sure from your descriptions if what your classmates do is bullying, but at least to some extent, it fulfills the criteria. Perhaps, to begin, you could read about bullying and bullies to understand a bit why some people behave in such "unpleasant" and inappropriate ways. For instance, you can try here (or you can google similar articles in your language, of course) : https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/bullies.html https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ted+talk+bullying https://www.verywellfamily.com/reasons-why-teens-bully-others-460532 https://www.crchealth.com/youth-programs/5-reasons-teens-become-bullies/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201110/7-skills-teaching-your-child-stand-bullies And as to not understanding society "anymore"... Do you really think you did understand it before? I think the only think that has changed was that last few years, you have gradually learned a bit more about it, so it doesn't seem as simple as it usually seems to a child. And you can believe me, it's even more complicated and "crazy" than you can see as a teenager. We all gradually discover it's complexities as we grow up and it's part of "maturing" to... find ways how to "deal with" it all. Yes, people are complicated and sometimes impossible t understand, but they are not all "bad"; I believe you'll meet more better people later in your life (at least after school). And there are certainly some strategies how to cope better with your current situation. I suppose a youth psychologist could help you to learn some. Is there a psychologist available to you - in your school or, perhaps, elsewhere? Good luck, take care and keep up posted!
  7. Hi, Tobi, welcome! What would you like to make better about yourself? Take care!
  8. Hello, Stoicbearz, welcome! It seems you've already found a big part of the answer to your question, but it doesn't seem to help. Discovering the reasons of a preference or behaviour is important, but in most cases, some hard "work" needs to be done to change - or to accept - it. I'm not sure one can do it only on one's own (some people can, perhaps); psychotherapy can help a lot. Have you ever considered it? Can you go to therapy to address your issues? I'm sorry I don't have actual insight; I'm not really familiar with this particular issue. I just know therapy could help you to understand your needs more and figure out if you can somehow modify them or how to meet them. You might, perhaps, find some interesting insights about relationships in general on this website, not only in this 'chapter': https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/relationships/finding-love/ Good luck and take care!
  9. I hope at least some of you will appreciate this (I really love this philosophy and this philosopher, as some of you might have already noticed😞
  10. Hello, @Ladichy, welcome! I hope that as your psychiatrist realized you also have this problem, he/she can now start to suggest new strategies to help you. Do you see the psychiatrist only for medication or are you also in psychotherapy? I believe psychotherapy would be the best option, possibly together with some other changes, as Vic suggested in the previous post. What do you think? Good luck!
  11. I would recommend this to everyone with SPS, as well as to those who are absurdly and shamlessly cruel to them (by making fun of them etc.😞
  12. LaLa

    My MIL

    Hello again and sorry for not replying sooner! I'm sorry it's so terribly complicated! It seems the problem is not only your MIL, but also your husband, at least when it comes to dealing with her. He should be more on your side and, mainly, trying much more to understand your point of view! I see that the current situation may make you think about divorce . However, if your MIL is the only serious problem, it sounds like... well, you know. There should be other ways. One of the reasons of my late reply is that I didn't know 'what to suggest'. The only advise I have for you is to persuade your husband to start marriage counselling. Of course, first you should probably try to explain to him, really in details, what your problems are and how his reactions to them have been affecting you and your marriage, so that he would understand the point of the counselling: To find a way how to "deal with" your MIL without endangering your marriage. What do you think? Good luck!!!
  13. Thank you for your reply and for taking the test and sharing the results with us! I hope that it's encouraging to you to know that you only seem to have some autistic tendencies. I'm glad to hear that you're going to see a professional! (Even if it doesn't have anything to do with autism, there are reasons to do it; managing and eliminating your anxieties, improving your relating to others, ...) I wish you to find the time to do it soon as well as to find someone really good! What is "going on" in your life (if you don't mind sharing)? Did your problems started / increased after those stresses / issues / ... had begun in your life? Take care!
  14. Hi again, Jktw, I wonder in what ways you are different and if it could be - as another forum member already suggested - related to some form of autism. Would you try taking a few on-line tests and letting us know what the results suggested? For instance: https://autismcanada.org/about-autism/diagnosis/screening-tools/adult/ https://www.additudemag.com/screener-autism-spectrum-disorder-symptoms-test-adults/ On-line testing is not reliable enough ( https://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx ), but perhaps it'll make you think deeper about your differences. It's always better to know if your problem is an already known, well-descried condition, because if yes, then it should be easier to find appropriate help. If this is unrelated to autism, then we can start trying getting to know you better and help to figure out what could help. Take care and good luck! L.
  15. Hello and welcome! I'm glad you reached out and shared your thoughts and emotions here. I hope very much that you'll change your mind about this issue, will find a way to live with yourself without self-hate, and eventually will even find some kind of cure (yes, it's possible in a way, at least to some extent!). First of all, I suggest you to educate yourself on peadophilia. From your post - - it's obvious you have commun prejudices (about the dangerosity of paedophiles) and thus need to learn the truth. There are several good articles about it, for instance: https://www.cbc.ca/firsthand/m_features/four-misconceptions-about-pedophiles https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-41213657 In some countries, there are psychotherapists who can help a lot with this issue, for instance: https://stopso.org.uk/client-request-help/ But even if you cannot find a therapist where you live, you can still join this on-line community - it could be very helpful to you: https://virped.org (It's also mentioned on the first website). How have you tried to change? I'm asking just because I'm curious, you don't have to reply, of course. Good luck and keep posting!
  16. LaLa

    My MIL

    Hello and welcome! I'm sorry you've got to deal with such a terrible person . It's good you've finally started trying to get some help / support for yourself (by writing here), even though I would have recommended it much sooner; perhaps part of the troubles might have been avoided. But I'm not blaming you, I'm just sorry you had to live thought (mainly) those awful 5 weeks with her. You haven't mentioned your husband's relationship to her, nor how he perceives this situation - her behaviour towards you and how it's been affecting you. How would you describe his perceptions, preferences, and opinions in this context? I just hope he's fully on your side and will help you with the changes you need. Although the so far worst experiences (those 5 weeks) are already a past, she's still hurting you too much and I would definitely suggest you to protect yourself from further harm and even, if possible, to get (professional) help for the damage already done. This is why I'd suggest psychotherapy (or counselling). You might be able to achieve it on your own, but good professional help would be very useful. My opinion is that you should cut any contacts with her to a minimum (or zero, if possible). Perhaps arrange, with your husband, his phone-calls (with her) to take place only when you're not home (/'around'). And here are some articles that might help you with figuring out your own answers to your questions: https://turnerpsychologycalgary.com/toxic-relationships-with-family-members-when-to-quit-counselling-articles/ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/heres-how-to-deal-with-toxic-family-members https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-handle-a-toxic-family-member https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-a-toxic-person-how-do-you-deal-with-one/ Take care and good luck!
  17. Hi, @spsdownandout, welcome to our forum! And sorry for letting your post without a reply for so long . I'm sorry you've been suffering so much and it even led you to having suicidal intentions . I'm not "a fellow sufferer" but I'd like to offer my point of view. I hope so very much you'll come and read it and will try to engage with new ways of thinking about things. I can only imagine how difficult it can be to open up to someone whose reaction you cannot predict . And I've read a post here of a member proving that SPS is an issue that not many health care professionals know about and some of them can sometimes react in an abhorrent way. Yet, it's certainly possible to find a psychotherapist who would be kind enough to you and able to behave in a way that your initial embarrassment wouldn't feel like humiliation. The feeling of humiliation can only be triggered by something someone else does or says, not just by your talking about your intimate issue. I see that you don't trust others, even therapists, enough to believe they would be able not to trigger the feeling of humiliation. But trying to trust (or searching for someone you'll start trusting after several sessions where you wouldn't mention your SPS) seems, at least to me, like a better option than to give up everything, give up hope. I know that when one starts feeling suicidal, it becomes harder to think life might once change for better . But your ultimate goal is to get rid of suffering, so you might as well try other ways first, before doing something "irreparable"; what do you think? Here I see that you imagine "the only possible improvement" as "learning to cope with loneliness" (= if you learned to cope with it, you wouldn't suffer as much anymore) and the only way to confront your issues as "putting yourself through the humiliation of rejection". I understand that from your current point of view, it may look that way. But there are many other things a good psychotherapy could "teach" you and there are women who wouldn't reject you. It seems evident that humiliation and rejection feel unbearable to you. Yet, they may be a normal, occasional part of life of most of us. It's obviously different for you and you naturally think that you couldn't get rid of this dreadful fear of them. Well, understanding and overcoming such fears can also be a part of therapy. You can learn to be less affected by rejection and, subsequently, also to be more courageous to put yourself in situations where you could either be rejected, or rewarded.I know it would be tremendously difficult, perhaps even impossible, to talk about SPS in a first therapeutic session, that's why my advise would be to spend several session talking about your other problems (without mentioning SPS) - as, for instance: and and your past (some of the fears are surely related to some childhood experiences, so it would be useful to analyse them anyway). Then, when you'll feel that you can trust the therapist and you'll feel at least a bit ready to reveal the biggest issue (I know also from my own experience that you can become ready to talk about things you had considered impossible to reveal!), you'll find a way to say it and work in a more focused way on getting better. Yes, some people can cope, some much better that our "typical" members (because they don't need a forum like this, we don't often hear from them). Everyone is more or less different, but also everyone can change to some extent. Have you ever thought why you consider the fear of humiliation and rejection as worse for you than killing yourself? There are reasons and if you discover them it therapy, you can work on changing and being even more brave than those you know admire. Good luck, take good care, and keep us posting!
  18. Hello, @Jktw, welcome! Don't worry about the length of your posts - it's always good to vent as well as give the readers enough information! I hope you'll find here a welcoming environment that will help you to gain new insights and more forward, get some effective help! It has to be difficult to be "different", but it's not necessarily "a bad thing" - I hope you already realize that. It's challenging, but possible to find the positive sides of your "difference". I hope it'll help to know it's a known condition: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia Perhaps you could find articles that explain it (also with personal testimonials of fellow sufferers) and give / sent them to your family members. Also, such articles might give you some practical advice to cope better with the problem. I wish you to stop with this sleep-avoidance immediately. Lack of sleep (not enough sleep) is very damaging to the brain and triggers mental as well as physical illnesses. You're lucky so far that you're not insomniac, so take advantage of it and get as much sleep as you can! You need it to feel better and to face all the challenges and problems of everyday life!!! From what you describe, it seems plausible to me that you also suffer from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder In any case, it would be ideal to address all your issues with a good therapist. To start, you may talk to a psychologist / counsellor at your college. You deserve to get much better and live without all these anxieties and insecurities! It'll be probably a long journey to wellbeing, but it's worth it and the sooner you start, the better. Good luck and keep posting!
  19. This is fascinating... I hope it helps a lot of people. Face-to-face support for those who feel life is no longer worth living: https://listeningplace.org.uk A movement against male suicide, the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/
  20. LaLa

    Is This POCD?

    Great! I hope you'll get a good specialist soon! I see; it's not a pleasant idea to be hospitalized . However, it might really help and, moreover, if they see you're not in immediate danger anymore, they'll let you home and you'll get an outpatient care, hopefully with the same specialist as in the hospital. Anyway; your life feels terrible now; hospital shouldn't be worse. Good luck!
  21. LaLa

    Is This POCD?

    Hi, Nathan, welcome! I'm sorry you're going through this; it sounds so very distressing... It's very good that you're expressing yourself in a written form like this - it was a very good idea to share it with your therapist and I hope you'll also conclude that it was a good idea to share it with us here. Well, mental disorders can be so serious and impactful exactly because they make some 'unreal things' feel so very real... I'm sorry if this will disappoint you, but there have not been many pedophiles on this forum (members with POCD are more common) and it seems to me that currently there's none among the active forum members. Nevertheless, I believe our feedback can still be somewhat valuable to you. I'm sure his knowledge is enough to recognize that this is POCD. Unfortunately, as he's not specialized in this particular kind of disorder, it's possible (yet not sure) he cannot heal you. Could he help you to find a specialist? Have you asked him? I've read your post, yet I can tell you this part alone would be enough to make the right conclusion: Pedophilia doesn't start like that, while POCD does. And everything yo describe, no matter how disturbing, only points to ODC, not pedophilia. I'm aware that me telling you this won't change your feelings / emotions for a long time, that's why I strongly encourage you to find a specialized therapist (or your current therapist could do an additional training -??) and to hang on: Don't give up your hope; this is just an illness (not "you") and you can get it under control and, in a longer term, also probably get rid of it completely. What you want to kill is the suffering, the illness, not yourself. Please, don't get it confused. I know life feels like hell right now , but that's a temporary state. Good luck, take care and keep us posted!
  22. Hello again, Alabaster! Thank you for the update! I'm sorry I haven't replied to your previous post - I wanted to but haven't found the time and then I forgot ... Now I only have a minute, but I hope I'll find more time to write soon enough... Now I just wanted to say 'good to see you again' and 'sorry'.
  23. That's so terrible and so very sad ... And... they laughed at SPS??? SPS should be a part of the standard curriculum for all medicine students - how come it is not?? (A naive question, I know ...) Thank you for sharing the truth with us. I wish all people working at A&Es learn about this and never let something like that happen again. How do you feel, YOTH, how are you coping? Take care.
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