Jump to content
Mental Support Community

LaLa

Members
  • Content Count

    4,717
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    105

Reputation Activity

  1. Haha
    LaLa got a reaction from Victimorthecrime in Wife needing advice   
    Yes, people are idiots...  (Sorry, I'm just in a mood to say generalizing banal sad truths.)
  2. Like
    LaLa reacted to uptight outasight in Rant   
    I think I was making the same point in my characteristic rationalized intellectual way.  "Smart" is pretty delusional if what I said has merit.  What might look like smart is often actually delusional rationalization of dumb defense mechanisms.
  3. Like
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Talking about it is therapuitic. My business partners and friends all know many, but not all of the details mentioned here.  Alas, there are two sides to every story, but I tried to be fair and express her feelings/side as well on here as she is quite vocal about her needs/feeling toward me. We just have very different views on happiness for one's life. Unfortunately, there are kids involved, but they seem to be doing ok.  Years ago, she called alimony as "combat pay".  I wonder if she still feels the same way.
  4. Like
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Perhaps we can write for the Lifetime TV network as a side gig.
  5. Sad
    LaLa reacted to KlingBro in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    The thing that terrified me the most from that experience is how easy it was for her to totally fabricate a domestic violence story around me, the abusive boyfriend, because people wanted to believe I was the “angry little man”. She had strategically let my sexual inadequacies slip around friends and that’s all it took. If I had not had proof of her habitual, compulsive lying and proof that what she had said about me was false, I honestly don’t know where it would have stopped. She had absolutely no remorse whatsoever, did not care how it destroyed my life. I honestly have PTSD from her. It was a waking nightmare the whole time we were together.
    If you are average in looks and/or below average in bed, you young guys be especially careful. No amount of caution is too much.
  6. Sad
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    I don't disagree with that and I accept blame as well for being deceitful.  I knew of my issues then, but I thought I could be rescued/rehabilitated after I met. I really did. However, they crept up again, like a bad cold sore, and the rest is history. She met all her men online, such as the Ashley Madison website for the first two. Nuff said.
  7. Sad
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    And while my mother, parents-in-law and brother-in-law are sympathetic, I never once got an apology from my wife. Therefore, I have to feel that she feels completely justified for her actions.
  8. Sad
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    On Sept 1st, she made an ultimatum, either I leave the house or she leaves. We have a 14 year old daughter and 11 year old son. I left and stayed with my Mom for a few weeks until I found a residency. It was within a week she was traveling an hour and a half to meet and live her new boyfriend. Since then, she has been up there when I have the kids which we have made an agreement before the divorce of trying to make it as equitable as possible for the children. She retired from her job approximately 4 years ago and she does not need to work for financial means. I work full time so therefore she has the kids mainly during the week and I have them on the weekends and during the week when I have days off. Perhaps TMI, but this is my current life.
  9. Sad
    LaLa reacted to uptight outasight in Wife needing advice   
    Yes, I found this to be true when I argued these issues at LPSG, the large penis support group.
    Any woman or man who had any sort of a discrimination issue, be it racial, ethnicity, looks, injuries, sexual preference, transgenderism, diseases, etc were totally outraged.  But they would give NO QUARTER to my ideas and insisted sps was, at best, a mental illness and, at worst, a moral fault deserving severe reprimand and/or isolation from humanity,   Even for men with really small genitals, they refused to admit the concept of handicap.
    Any suggestion that a real small penis was a real physical handicap or that penis inferiority complexes for the above average were imposed by society's disparagement of the small through vicious humor and discrimination was greeted with HATRED!  They claimed I was the one insulting men with a small penis by claiming oppression where there were none!
    They said I was the one libeling the small and promoting hate of the small.
  10. Like
    LaLa reacted to uptight outasight in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Yes, it does make sense.
    Women I've been intimate with have opened up and admitted suffering from abuse and a variety of psychological problems.  I knew there was something wrong with them and, to put it bluntly, I thought maybe that would lead them to accept me.  However, when they got better, partially due to my support often around finishing preparation for their career, they could then see me as I was, a substandard man that was not good for their sexual satisfaction, ego and status.  They were not primarily concerned I had a small penis, but dismissive of me not being able to handle it and/or having low sexual drive.
    My reaction differs from yours only in that I suppressed the feeling of contempt and felt we were birds of a feather made for each other.
  11. Like
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    I found this post/article to be very insightful. After we separated, I have mentioned to my wife that I have SPS after seeing a sex therapist.  Of course, I educated her on the topic.  Her email back she mentioned my lack of sexual confidence was very noticeable to her from the very start, that I was the most sexually"shy" guy she ever been with, but she loved me anyway.  She contemplated that I was gay and was my beard after she spoke with her friends. After awhile, she got bored and tired of my lack of intimacy, and does wonder how anyone could overcome this small penis lack of confidence issue.  
  12. Sad
    LaLa reacted to KlingBro in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    I've had this reaction too. I've since learned that women expect the man to be ravenous for them, completely uninhibited with a raging hard-on 24-7 so they can then either brag to their girlfriends how good you are or call you a pig with a little dick. They categorize men into 3 groups: the good, the bad, and the gay. Anything else is incomprehensible to the majority of them (about male sexuality). 
  13. Sad
    LaLa reacted to KlingBro in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    @LaLa
    Speaking for myself, opening up about the problem would only make me feel worse. It would be like taking off my clothes in public - exposure, not freedom. It's very difficult for men to make themselves vulnerable, even to their own thoughts. I would say that as a man, I would think opening up about the problem would lower my attractiveness in the woman's eyes. It's like an admission of inferiority or losing and is an implicit comparison with my competitors - 99.9% of psychologically and hormonally healthy men would rather die than do this. As Klingsor, my confidence is non-existent and my self-image was destroyed years ago so I have no problems admitting it, at least anonymously.
    I have mentioned in the past how my personality tends to make the relationship toxic because I go into it feeling contempt for the woman, my thought is basically this: "if you are a woman worth having, why hasn't a capable man snapped you up? Why are you with me? There must be something wrong with you." So it's doomed from the start. A "stable" relationship for me would likely be some form of cuckoldry, but I know that psychologically I wouldn't be able to handle that. 
    Does that make any sense? 
  14. Sad
    LaLa reacted to uptight outasight in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Yes, I have heard that reaction as well from several women that I communicate with over the internet.  They insist their husband is gay and can't understand he might have small penis lack of confidence or be a low testosterone male which I have suggested given the facts they rendered and my experience.
  15. Like
    LaLa got a reaction from William2 in recently this cloud has fallen over me..   
    Hi, William, welcome!
    I'm sorry for my late reply.
    I'm sorry you're feeling so alone, unloved, and confused  . You're at a difficult age and things, including making friends, get often better in time.
    You mentioned you did have friends before, so you're definitely not a person that everyone would like to avoid! Consider what a small "sample" of all people your classmates are! If there isn't anyone that "fits" with you as a friend, it doesn't mean you won't find friends later (if you don't decide not to try anymore). It's a bit similar to finding love. 
    It seems you are somehow different from your classmates. Are there any differences that come in mind, except for having such uncaring parents and not going out?
    Being "different" doesn't mean being worse or weird. It's just more difficult to form relationships.
    Do you know about hikikomori? I recommend to you reading about it, for instance here:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori
    https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-23182523
    There's something I think you really should try: Psychotherapy. Or, at least, consulting with a school counselor. Does your school have one?
    In any case, feel free to share more with us. I hope communicating on this forum will be somehow helpful to you (despite the usual lack of activity here these days).
    Good luck and take care!
  16. Like
    LaLa reacted to uptight outasight in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Relationships can feel like perfect love at first even though the sex doesn't work very well.  I agree, but it is often not the minor repairable wrinkle they think it will be.
    This is because the persona is not the self.  One or both individuals can be delusional about who her or she is and who the partner  is.
     
  17. Sad
    LaLa reacted to YOTH in My Friend Tom   
    @LaLa His best friend was the only other person who gave a shit, he knew as many details as I did in the beginning, we both couldn't understand it. But as more information came to light he kept me informed. He also gave the police my number so I told them as much as I knew, which wasn't much. I searched for him on Facebook at first and thankfully found him on a tribute page.
    The medical failures came from the tribunal held to find out how it happened and why. After being unjustly labeled a wife beater, his friend went on to BBC radio 4 after the tribunal and put the facts straight. 
    Everything that happened is in the public domain, most of it was in the papers. But the real gritty details came out during the investigation and his friend told me a lot of it. I still stay in touch with him occasionally, he sent me a picture of their graves next to eachother. At least they were put to rest together.
     
     

  18. Like
    LaLa got a reaction from YOTH in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Hello all,
    This could perhaps be useful to some of you:
    https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/should-sex-ever-be-a-reason-to-break-up/
    some excerpts:
    You might try to find a woman who sees it this way (as do I, for instance - and this is proof that I'm not alone), then you may be less concerned about "being good enough in bed" etc.
    I know you'll tell me it's impossible to find such a woman or that it wouldn't help anyway. But perhaps you'll find something insightful in the article anyway.
    This may be crucial: You need to feel understood enough, including your SPS and resulting insecurities. And I know from this forum that that's usually a huge problem in a couple. But there are several wives here who genuinely try to understand and be helpful to their husband and improve their marriage. So women need more information. Open up to those who really love you and if they don't love you enough to react appropriately, then they aren't a good / suitable partner anyway.
    (I hope I didn't annoy anyone too much. It wasn't my intention. I know what a sensitive topic this is, but so far, it doesn't prevent me from trying to tacle it, in a hope to share something useful.)
  19. Like
    LaLa got a reaction from YOTH in My Friend Tom   
    @YOTH, sorry for such a "out of topic" questions, but I'm curious and it's intriguing: How do you know about all those details of that night, who told you? I don't ask for a name, of course, just... who was there to see / hear it and then to tell you, Tom's friend (not family), although it's sensitive information. If it was some doctor present at the ER, he/she would probably (?) try to "hide the ugly truth about the ER / medical profession", wouldn't (s)he? So who was willing to inform you about the behaviour of the people who "received" them that night? Someone from the police who investigated it?
    And; is it (the coroner's report) public information now or you know because you had special relationship with Tom (or the coroner)?
    I wonder if "people" see it and take some lesson...
  20. Like
    LaLa got a reaction from KlingBro in "No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]   
    Hello all,
    This could perhaps be useful to some of you:
    https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/should-sex-ever-be-a-reason-to-break-up/
    some excerpts:
    You might try to find a woman who sees it this way (as do I, for instance - and this is proof that I'm not alone), then you may be less concerned about "being good enough in bed" etc.
    I know you'll tell me it's impossible to find such a woman or that it wouldn't help anyway. But perhaps you'll find something insightful in the article anyway.
    This may be crucial: You need to feel understood enough, including your SPS and resulting insecurities. And I know from this forum that that's usually a huge problem in a couple. But there are several wives here who genuinely try to understand and be helpful to their husband and improve their marriage. So women need more information. Open up to those who really love you and if they don't love you enough to react appropriately, then they aren't a good / suitable partner anyway.
    (I hope I didn't annoy anyone too much. It wasn't my intention. I know what a sensitive topic this is, but so far, it doesn't prevent me from trying to tacle it, in a hope to share something useful.)
  21. Sad
    LaLa reacted to YOTH in My Friend Tom   
    @Toosmallforcomfort He was getting by with about 4 hours sleep a night on a good day before it was prescribed, so the extra insomnia tipped him over the edge. Still fucks me up if I dwell on it too long. Hard to accept when you knew the kind of guy he was, so avoidable with the right care, the right care on the night would have been enough but they failed him at every turn. 
    This was the first medication he'd been given, so they should have been monitoring him closely. It's a waste of two nice and decent human beings. 
  22. Sad
    LaLa reacted to Toosmallforcomfort in My Friend Tom   
    Here in the States, psychology is taught for one semester in medical school and offered as an elective.  Body dysmorphic disorders are covered, however, SPS was not part of the curriculum at the time I went to medical school. I am doubtful that it is covered, except for an inclusion on a list of BDDs in the OCD category.
    Very sad story. I wonder which medication perhaps led to this.
  23. Sad
    LaLa reacted to uptight outasight in Now divorcing after wife had multiple affairs over my SPS   
    Professionals won't accept that having an average or smaller penis is a REAL HANDICAP, not always a mental problem (though it can be when delusion is involved).  Professionals mercilessly RIDICULE and DENY the perceptions of their patients, further victimizing them!  There may be something of a status/ intimidation game going on in sps "therapy", but mostly, Professionals are simply implementing what they learned.
    Women were treated as property in earlier times so men didn't have to compete; all they had to do was afford a wife and impress her family.  Recreational sex was proscribed because it meant defeat for most men.
    Not that I advocate going back to that, but it confirms the prevalence of competition within the the patriarchy or phallocracy that only the upper 20% or thereabouts of men can win.  I can still hear parents and teachers telling me how much fun dating would be when I got a little older, and then, when I got older telling me how much fun I was missing by being too shy or a stick in the mud, etc. 
    I am old enough to remember what it was like before the sexual revolution of the 60s when sex was supposed to become recreation for all based on the "pill."   Naive educational authorities even trained kids for the coming "dating fun". . .   never mentioned was that only the top 20% of men were really of value for female recreation based on looks, body build, hormonal status, masculine assertiveness, level of physical masculinity, and, yes, outstanding penis size.
  24. Like
    LaLa reacted to Under5 in Now divorcing after wife had multiple affairs over my SPS   
    There are some people who really are small and in your marriage, it’s sure the fuck not you.  Small people see the world through a narrow and bitter lens.  Internal frustrations and disappointments cause these type of people to attack and humiliate others.  These types of people are miserable and often are self-hating so they attack others.  I don’t know if this is your wife or not, but it may be.
    No one can take your happiness and contentment from you unless you allow them to do so over time.  I have no idea what kind of person you are but I am certain that your penis size is the least important thing about you.
    Engage in positive things for yourself.  Rebuild your confidence.   Fuck self-hatred.  The universe is a wonderful place the fact that we even exist as conscious human beings is a miracle.  Don’t let anyone else waste your life.
  25. Thanks
    LaLa got a reaction from KlingBro in Smlif   
    I heard that people who like movies and series like that also like "Money Heist" very much.
×
×
  • Create New...