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archyb

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About archyb

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  • Birthday 03/28/1970
  1. I'm having a hell of a time fighting the negative and hopeless thoughts that are keeping me depressed. Does anybody know of a good audiobook that might help me force some positive thoughts into my head?
  2. archyb

    Fear...

    I really need some serious help trying to deal with the constant fear I experience. I'm already in therapy and on meds. Can anyone recommend a good book that might help?
  3. Anger. Fear. Anxiety. Depression. I've used alcohol to numb myself from my emotions for the past 20 years. Now that I'm not drinking, these emotions are out of control. It takes all of my energy to make it through the day. I'm barely functional, bouncing from sheer terror to the deepest despair. Could use some support if anybody has some words of wisdom...
  4. archyb

    Woke up in terror

    Had some bad dreams last night. I'm terrified of the demons inside of me. I was very depressed yesterday but had a good therapy session. I went to bed with some hope, but woke up in a state of fear. Right now I just want the fear to go away. I can't even put it into words. It's just a primal fear. My dreams are always about pain and loss. My mind is trying to destroy me, all day every day.
  5. archyb

    Rough day

    But I should add that I have no desire to get a job because life is really hopeless. My animal survival instincts are what are telling me to get a job. I personally really don't care. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.
  6. archyb

    Rough day

    Unfortunately, I need some external things to happen. I won't go into detail, but I need a job and am desperate for money. I've been selling my belongings in order to survive, and I'm at the end of my rope there. I have only worked 6 months out of the past three years due to depression and fear. I'm in an unstable living environment. I could go on and on... But I am absolutely in need of a job and some cash fast or I don't know what will happen.
  7. archyb

    Rough day

    Hi all. Having a really rough day so far anxiety-wise. I'm filled with a constant sense of fear and it feels like I'm falling apart. I wish I could be a normal person who could do normal things. But every minute of the day is a battle with myself. It's exhausting. I need some external things to happen to help turn my life around, and they just aren't happening yet. It's such an awful feeling to be totally helpless. Could use some good thoughts if anybody has some to spare. Thanks.
  8. Benzos work great, but they generally aren't recommended for people with chemical dependency issues because they are easy to get hooked on. I was on xanax and klonopin for a while but became addicted to them and had to go to a weeklong detox to get it out of my system. So they aren't an option for me.
  9. Just wondering what kinds of meds people here take for anxiety. Besides benzos, are there really any drugs specifically made for anxiety?
  10. SMART looks like it's right up my alley, but honestly it kind of scares me as cult-like, even more than AA. Does anybody here have experience with SMART?
  11. Anybody have any reading suggestions for "filling the hole inside"? I've come to believe that the real me is wounded and in hiding, while my brain tries to live my life and function in the world. I need to slowly rediscover and build up the real me. I don't think it's an inner child thing either... It's something else...
  12. Holy crap! Having big time withdrawal as my body gets used to taking 300 XR at bedtime vs. taking 400 mg regular Seroquel during the day. I know this isn't an addictive drug, but I definitely feel it when I don't take it. Anybody else has a similar experience?
  13. At first I was probably comatose, but my body gets used to Seroquel very quickly. The regular version causes me a lot of rebound anxiety and actually some withdrawal. But I'm back on XR now, just started yesterday, and I feel a lot better. I slept until 7 am for the first time in weeks. For better or worse, Seroquel is really the only med I've ever taken where I can positively say that it makes things better, so I'm resigned to continue taking it.
  14. Wow, Ray. Thanks a lot. It's like we're sharing a brain on this one. Spending months trying to convince myself I'm powerless seems to be the exact opposite of what I should be telling myself. Of course, I'm still stuck, because I need people in my life (I really have nobody right now), and the only place I can find them is at AA/NA meetings.
  15. I hate to post these complaining messages. I know there's nothing anybody out there can do to save me. I'm just is so much emotional pain that it's making me physically sick. I have 20 years worth of pain to somehow try to deal with, horrible anxiety, panic, despair, depression at a level I've never felt before, and generally hanging on by a thread. The conflict within me is killing me, literally. I haven't seen the sun in days now, which has a huge effect on me. I have a therapy session in a few hours, so that's one good thing. I have so much to deal with that I don't even know where to begin. I think myself in circles trying to figure out the answer. This thinking usually gets me in a huge depression where I just throw my hands in the air and say I give up. I'm not going to kill myself; not yet anyway. But I have no other solution.
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