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Small

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Small last won the day on September 18

Small had the most liked content!

About Small

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    Senior Member

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    UK
  • Interests
    Psychology. Rain. Tea. Chocolate. Films. Melancholy. Machiavellianism. Deception. Conditioning. Psychological calculus. Love. Lust. Discussion. Illuminati. Pansexuality.
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    Please like my posts so I can win the day.

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Depression, Guilt & Regret

    Thanks Victim. Sounds like some constructive advice.
  2. My so called life

    @IrmaJean Good to hear from you. I'm glad work & family are keeping you busy. I have an internet friend that writes a lot of fan fiction. She mainly focusses on gaming characters.
  3. Can Depression Itself be a Terminal Illness?

    @TimmyStan1967 I think some of us are wired to feel depressed no matter what.
  4. Depression, Guilt & Regret

    When I was in primary school, I had never come to know any serious sadness. Looking back now and even then, my life felt like a Utopia - most of which I probably just made up in my mind. Of course I was extremely quiet and loved isolation - my parents recall that I would worry incessantly about the smallest things & that they would often find sitting alone in the dark. It was around the age of 12 or 13 that I began to experience guilt & regret. And here's the thing. It's like the guilt and regret is intrinsic to my essence - and occurs in me abundantly & independently of actual life events, and latch on to anything to make me extremely sad. If I were to address a situation that I am feeling guilty about - the guilt would simply attach itself to something else. It never goes away. Just moves from place to place. I didn't mean to pick on guilt, I worry, stress, and regret things that in actuality might be trivial, although some I admit are substantial. I can't escape from these feelings. I am DROWNING in every waking moment. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you cope?
  5. Planning. I'm not good at it.

    @Victimorthecrime I don't plan very well either. I suppose you just have to keep doing what you're doing, it's got you this far. Like you, I am at constant odds with the poor life choices I made when young. Especially in regards to academia. I think about it regularly, and it brings down my mood for hours at a time. That regret and longing is so acute in the first few moments I need a timeout from what I'm doing until the initial mourning period passes. Anyway, sorry to go on about myself there. Glad to hear that 2017 sounds relatively safe for you. I'm hoping that 2018 brings you stability too.
  6. me....

    Your posts are always very interesting.
  7. My so called life

    @Klingcorn You can find the 3 Chapters in our 3 way Skype chat.
  8. How to apologize

    A few years ago I mastered the worst ever apology. My wording was sooo patronizing. The centerpiece was always "I'm sorry you feel that way (...) I didn't realise you'd feel offended by that". My younger sister & I would have a right blast exchanging notes. Now I believe I say something like "Soz". To be honest I really couldn't give a fuck if I upset someone - unless I broke their trust. Now that is something I would not do.
  9. My so called life

    Hello, It's Monday night, and I am taking a break from doing some work I had to catch up on. Earlier I made myself a meal - throwing 2 waffles, 4 fish fingers, 2 eggs and 2 pieces of toast on the pan. All washed down with 2 cups of tea. During my break I decided to browse the forum - happy to see that @IrmaJean locked Resolute's thread as promised. I won't go into how I'm dealing with that whole situation, for some reason, I really don't want to talk about it. Well I'm lonely, and I haven't posted an update in a while so figured I might as well give it a go. I hope everyone is doing reasonably well, and feel free to post their situations on here if they want to. Health My memory still sucks. I have old memories that come back to me from time to time, but generally speaking I can be pretty forgetful. Storing new memories usually end up vague too. Other than that, my brain seems to be operating optimally. I feel fine otherwise. Work I used to think that it wasn't in my nature to devote myself to my job but it seems I was wrong. I spend most of my time working, and I tend to take a great deal of pride in it these days. I should have some wonderful or devastating developments by the end of the year so there's that. I have also started working on a fiction novel recently. I actually showed the first 3 chapters to Resolute very shortly before his passing & he was a little disturbed by it. So yay me. Mood I am generally still glum and melancholic. I have developed a sort of spite over the past few months that I didn't have recently, which when put into the concoction of other shit - makes me no fun. Living within myself I am an introverted mess of all sorts of negative emotions, even though the developments in my life have been mostly positive. Overall I'm 31 now so I'm not young anymore. I have knuckled down on the important things in my life, a decade late, so I am at a disadvantage. I like my job & hopefully I will get to keep doing it. My life feels a lot like being in a small shack inside a huge storm. War is around the corner - seeping in through the cracks in the walls. I don't know how it will go or where I'll end up. But god willing I will manage. Thanks for taking an interest.
  10. whining thread

    @IrmaJean Well @Klingcorn and I are in agreement. I suppose an opt-out system should be applied here. If no-one states a clear objection towards it then it would be appreciated if you could go ahead and lock this thread. I probably won't post much from now on. I have no purpose here. I remember thinking that sharing a true feeling is doing the feeling an injustice. It is never received by the listener in the manner it is felt by the one who expresses - and this goes to trivialize it. Why I have spent over 3 years pouring my heart out only to provide amusement to someone in search for reading material whilst on the toilet puzzles & embarasses me. If I am to treat my feelings with such triviality then by definition my feelings don't matter. Obviously things are different for you Irma because you have legitimate friends that care about what you have to say. I have no one. People are polite to me because they pity me. They probably don't even pity me. In fact I am quite sure I have a small cult of correspondents on here that wished I didn't comment on their threads. And I don't blame them. Resolute offered people like Klingsor and myself a sense of belonging. He had those intangible qualities that made me feel like I was somehow at home. It's difficult to put into words. I'm sure more people felt like this too but unlike them, I don't have another avenue to turn to on here. Those whom I have tried to befriend off the forum had no room in their life for it & that's fine. I'm not always palatable and I know it. Anyway, this was Resolute's thread. So I should stop there.
  11. whining thread

    I'm wondering if we should ask @IrmaJean to lock this thread at some point. Maybe a symbolic send off for the people that want to say a final goodbye. It might sound silly Idk.
  12. me....

    Me too
  13. wife of husband with small penis

    I would like to state on record that I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with @MrsSmall
  14. Just here for anyone for SDS.

    @YOTH @lookingforafriend That's a shame. It sounded as though the social was a done deal. I know that most sps guys aren't up for getting together, but that isn't a reason for you two to miss out. How it was received by the no-goers should be irrelevant and must not ruin it for the SDA! Go, guys. You owe it to yourselves.
  15. Just here for anyone for SDS.

    @lookingforafriend Are you no longer having the get together?
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