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Small

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Small last won the day on February 9

Small had the most liked content!

About Small

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    Male
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    UK
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    Psychology. Rain. Tea. Chocolate. Films. Melancholy. Machiavellianism. Deception. Conditioning. Psychological calculus. Love. Lust. Discussion. Illuminati. Pansexuality.
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    Please like my posts so I can win the day.

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  1. My so called life

    The fight is signed for UFC 226 in July
  2. My so called life

    Romero always manages to pull it out the bag. I don't rate him that highly. I didn't see him against Whittaker but supposedly he was schooled which doesn't have me too confident in him for the rematch. Hunt still has the KO power but he was being fed to a beast IMO. So close to KOing the feller. Who you picking for Stipe vs Cormier?
  3. My so called life

    I've been skating this past week with a couple of days off. I haven't progressed to braking and cornering yet so to focus completely on the motion. Indoors, I think i'm pretty much there with that. I'm engaging a lot of my muscles for balance and momentum & feel stable & in control. I'm struggling on rough terrain though, cracks and uneven slabs etc outside tend to knock me around a little. I'm wondering if I'm approaching it wrong? Idk.
  4. My so called life

    @YOTH Yeah I know you were joking. Got a little distracted.
  5. My so called life

    @IrmaJean Thanks Beth. It might sound like a meaningless endeavour to some people but learning how to roller-skate means a great deal to me. It satisfies a childhood goal as well as providing me with a new outlet. I was worried on Monday when I was unable to move in the skates after barely being able to stand upright. I was faced with the realisation that I wouldn't be able to learn & this had me feeling like a failure, again. I tried again on Wednesday when i officially got the present & made it to the point where i could walk & roll around. Today after putting on the skates i took a deep breath and prepared myself for a glorious fall after deciding to try the correct (kicking to the side) technique. I was so relieved when i preformed it. I still have a long way to go before I'm fluent and well rounded enough to do my victory lap around the park. But after this development I'm confident that with enough practice i can do it. If you get the feeling that this is about more than just skating, you're right. It's about a lot of things. I'm not going to celebrate this too early because failure is still possible. I'm still green at the technique & have no practical experience with cornering or braking. (I've realised that the theoretical tips are insensitive to the perceptive requirements of a legitimate newbie) All I can do is practice and hope for the best.
  6. My so called life

    Oh my gosh! I have the skating motion down. It's still early days because I'm shaky, but I'm able to push out one foot while riding the other and alternate with every kick. This isn't fluid yet, i will need a lot of practice. 50 points to Slytherin!
  7. My so called life

    Has anyone else ever seen the Netflix series Gypsy? I will never trust a therapist again
  8. My so called life

    @lostboy1 As the adage goes - funerals are for the living. I joke with my sister that she has my permission to dump me in the reservoir but of course that would be highly impractical. I would still opt for a burial despite my fears - it's a no win situation all around. I believe in an afterlife too, and see death as a process by which we move on into a final form of living. I didn't always know or believe this. As child I felt disturbed by a scene in Terminator 2, when the T-800 played by Arnold Schwarzenegger has Sarah Conor destroy him by lowering him into that molten liquid. It showed his vision blacking out, first leaving a single horizontal beam of light on the screen, which then collapsed into a single dot - and then nothing. Nothingness. I went through a phase where this would haunt me at night. I'd lie there with my eyes closed, wondering if this is what death felt like. But I was still aware, I need to stop being aware, I thought. And I couldn't. Eventually my mum noticed how worried i got at bedtimes so I had to know. I asked her what nothingness is like and how it's possible to experience it forever. She was annoyed at my question, told me to stop being silly and that there was an afterlife. I'd never heard of it before, but it really made me feel relieved. I do still believe in it, but that's really besides the point. Even if my soul/spirit/psyche moves on, my body will rot in a hole deep in the earth. This is so strange to come to terms with. I'm almost angry at god for making it that way. It's a joke. What then is the point of my physical form? It's just some vessel to tip me over to the next phase of living? This is bullshit.
  9. My so called life

    @malign I can see the temptation behind being cremated, & I'm glad they got what made them feel at ease. For me personally, I would opt to be buried despite how afraid I am of it. I am afraid of death - the whole process of it. The design so to speak. Not just for myself but for the people I feel a responsibility (&love) for. Thought of burying my parents kills me. To know that I'll have to put them in the earth of an open populated field far away from us all has me feeling shaken up. Like nothing has meaning anymore.
  10. My so called life

    They are roller skates not ice skates. I've been practicing for a few hours today. I'm still quite shaky, I've fallen a number of times too. But i can walk around in them, as well as roll around in them. I've been doing laps around a room in my parents house. Anyway, i haven't been able to do the traditional motion required to fully skate yet. Seems out of reach. My mum upset me by saying that i couldn't pick it up because skating is something you learn when you're young. It's funny because when i was young i desperately wanted skates but my parents refused to buy them for me. Edit: mentioned this to her and she says she can't remember. But that they had got my younger sister a pair when she asked for one. It pissed me off. I do remember her minnie mouse pair of skates she kept in the shed, but I assumed that they were from a relative. If she was allowed a pair why was i labelled "naughty" for asking for a pair too. Anyway, my childhood is rife with this sort of stuff. Quite frankly it has deformed my expectations and self value. I'm not mad at my parents as they are now. They're getting old and life is too short. But I'm pissed off that i was treated this way because it has formed my instincts. Anyway I intend on practicing for an hour or two a day if I can make the time. I hope that by next month i can skate around the park but idk.
  11. My so called life

    @IrmaJean My birthday is tomorrow so I recieve them then, but i have been naughty and tried them on to make sure they fit. Anyway, I struggled. I can stand upright on them but I couldn't move. So I'm a little worried that i can't do it. The floor I stood on was slippery, so I tried them on carpet and I felt more comfortable. But still, idk. If I pick up rollerskating and that's a big if, I imagine it will take a lot of practice.
  12. My so called life

    @Klingsor That's interesting, I've been taught to walk around graves as opposed to over them too. I think what bothers me the most is the distance the graveyard is from "home" & how it's accessible by anyone. It was raining when I was there too. Anyone it's infinitely worse when the person in question is family, so I am sorry again for your loss. May your grandma rest in peace.
  13. My so called life

    I shouldn't have gone. I have been to 2 burials but I've never noticed that before. I don't want to be buried out there in some field with thousands of strangers. Where anyone can walk in or through. There's no privacy. And the surrounding area is so run down. How about that clay eh? It's a narrow deep hole. Covered in clay? That must get solid like concrete. Does anyone else think about this?
  14. My so called life

    I went to a funeral last Saturday. The uhm, earth. It's not normal soil. It's thick like clay. It was so thick, heavy, dense. That's where I'm going to end up. That's it? Trapped deep in thick clay? No friends & family. What the fuck? How am I supposed to be okay with that? I'm not trying to act annoying or deep. But I have been disturbed by that a lot. I can't get this image out of my head. The clay & the big open field in the middle of nowhere.
  15. Who Do They Think I Am?

    Unfortunately I'm way past counseling as a career. I've lost interest in people's problems & would rather not, if it can be voided, know a great deal about them. I know it might sound paradoxical since I exchange posts with members on forum, but I usually limit this to my own issues as much as possible (unless i consider the poster to be a friend). To put it colloquially, I suffer so much that most people have come to irritate me. The one stipulation is how debilitating a problem is - if i believe someones issues to be similar or greater degree than mine in terms of how they limit their quality of life then I'm able to sympathise. I would however, based on the current prognosis of my wellbeing, place only select groups of people in this category & I assure you I'm objective as possible. I don't subscribe to the notion that all problems should be viewed exclusively on the emotional effect they are (self) reported to have on an individual. I've discussed this briefly with Klingsor & Resolute in the past. Self reports are often riddled with defense mechanisms and the emotionally intuitive (paradoxically) may appear to suffer the most but are also more greatly equipped to wrestle with their problems. My sole question is "how much does this limit your ability to experience a normal life?". I've found that this separates the men from the boys so to speak. To give you a working example - I would sympathize with a paralysed individual in a wheelchair, but I couldn't give a shit about the tears of some girl that's battling a depression that's rooted in her past. When I was less broken I'd move heaven & earth to catch this girl's tear before it fluttered to the ground. But today it wouldn't illicit any form of a (meaningful) response from me unless I was particularly curious about the moving parts. Having said that I will always consider myself a student of psychology and devote a great deal of my time to it. Anyway, I'm sorry to have hijacked your comments section. And I'm not trying to be disagreeable or display a show of rebellion to the status quo. I don't want to be disliked or anything, but wanted to clarify my position on the matter. Clearly you have maintained a respect for the human condition and that will make you productive as a counselor and as a member of society. I don't knock that I encourage it. Edit: Once you have completed your Master's program I hope you are able to transition into counseling. I would consider it a loss to the field if you somehow decided it wasn't viable.
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