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Jupiter

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Jupiter last won the day on January 22 2016

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About Jupiter

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  1. I hope you get what you deserve. You are a true sweetheart. Whoever ends up w/ someone as caring and empathetic as you is truly lucky.
  2. What's incredible to me is this thread has had 4,009 views. Sure that's not a lot of different people, plenty of them are the same people coming back to the thread, but for it to have so many views shows probably at least a 1000 people have read this thread. That's outrageous to me. Out of a 1000 or so people, so few were able to offer any positivity other than the select few in this thread. I think about writing something positive, about how to overcome this, and think, if 1000 people read it it would be so worth it. If only 500 people derived any benefit from it, it would be worthwhile use of my time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. 1000 or so people came here to read about my, and our collective, misery. I am going to get over this and have a rewarding sex life. I am going to have a long term relationship with a beautiful girl, maybe even marry her. I am going to enjoy my life because I am the master of my fate and the Captain of my soul. If I can make this much progress than you can too. I have made so much progress since I made this OP. And now that I have, I can't help but think about y'all, so miserable. I feel like I should give back because ultimately we are part of a community, as fucked up as that is.
  3. I had sex, did not get humiliated and there is no "acceptable" size. You will be acceptable when you accept yourself. No one else has control over your self-image other than you. I've learned to accept myself and changed my thinking. The people who said I would not experience success were wrong. And a lot of the thinking in this thread is so wrong.... Nothing is acceptable unless you deem it so. I reread this thread and I realize what I was looking for: leadership. I wanted someone to show me the way. I wanted someone to show me the answers. Instead I got moping, even humiliation and projection of other's insecurities on to me. So I am thinking on working on a guide of how get over this because I feel as though I have made immense progress and there is so little progress here. Since no leadership emerged here I am thinking about taking the reins. We are a team, and while it may feel relieving to commiserate with other miserable people, with the same fixations, there is so little progress here. We need to be using this forum to actually be overcoming our illness rather than simply venting about how terrible our lives are. We have to turn this into something constructive.
  4. Well, finally some good news. I lost my virginity. Dunno if y'all want me to go into vivid detail but obviously it was exhilarating and certainly went better than expected. And guess what? The girl is fuckin ideal. Imagine a 19 year old 5' 2" 92 lb (but not that skinny) C cup breast having beautiful Russian girl. She has only had sex with one other guy and apparently he didn't last longer then 2 minutes. It's true I did not cum because she did not want me to. We were making out I dunno if y'all want all the details but she must've felt my erection on her leg then grabbed my dick only a few minutes into making out. I must be a sexy motherfucker. She was obviously sexually inexperienced and I don't think she could tell it was my first time. And guess what? Her pussy was tight and her mouth was small. I've really caught feelings for this girl but she has just gotten out of a major relationship so she can't just jump back into one and I might be a rebound. We'll see but I really want to get into a relationship with her. So I figured I would come on here to post about it, not just to be some self promoting narcissist, but to offer hope to others out there who like me thought they were doomed to virginity or being single their whole life. At the ripe old age of 27 I have lost my virginity. It is possible and the right girl does exist out there for you, although if things don't work out with this girl I will be crushed. The interesting thing is I don't actually feel that different. I don't feel like a totally different person or all of a sudden a complete success. I feel happy I am starting to get over my SPS and feel as though I am on the cusp of my first relationship, but we'll see. What I really want is her to be my gf. Now I am not a virgin and I suppose I should feel some pride in that. Remember I am someone who has had a lot of suicidal thoughts fixating on my penis size. I've been doing things a lot over these past months to deal with my mental problem though: -Started writing a manifesto, getting 5 pages in about what I want from my life, why I am not happy and what I am going to do about it. So much more productive then sitting around whining and moping. -Drastically reduced the amount of pornography I viewed of actual sex. Instead I bought a subscription to Playboy Plus and started masturbating to the models on there. What is the difference? The difference is I am not watching another man with a big dick fuck a girl, I'm imagining myself fucking a beautiful girl and the things I would like to do with their body. My fantasies changed to that of being an active participant rather than a passive observer. Small penised men who have never had sex, watching men with big dicks fuck girls is fundamentally unhealthy, because it gives us the impression a big dick is necessary for sex or good sex. I swear this is crucial to my success. Now I watch pornography of people having sex 1-3 times a week whereas I used to 1-3 times a day. The amount of time I spend even seeing other men's peni is now drastically reduced. -Changed my attitude about hooking up. I realized hooking up caused me agony because of the fear of humiliation due to dissatisfaction on the part of my partner. But I realized just like a woman, it was not my obligation to have sex with someone when you are hooking up with them. It can be fun to just hook up and not have sex and you don't owe them anything. Making out with randoms, going on a few dates with girl but not having sex with them and realizing there is no chemistry, is a good way to work up to having sex with someone who you feel like you really have connection with. There is definitely an aspect of inverted narcissism to this disorder, the idea that we exist as objects to please the woman rather than active participants there for our own pleasure. Don't feel ashamed to make out with a girl and not fuck her, you don't owe her anything and gotta stop putting them on a pedestal to get over this. -Tried my best to engage in positive thinking, reminding myself of my good traits, reminding myself that while many women do care a lot about size a lot do not and out of fuckin 7 billion I should be able to find at least one. This is basic CBT and better you try rather than just give up because it's "tricking yourself". It's not. It's reframing your perspective on life. It's reminding yourself of you positive traits not your negative ones.You're fine, it's others who think there's something wrong with you. Keep that in mind. -I'm trepidatious about mentioning this b/c I think you are all going to focus on this in order to reject everything I have said thus far. But I have ceased measuring my penis with a tailor's tape to see how big it is. It doesn't matter how big it is because my body is fine. It's others who have a problem with my body and it's my choice whether or not to react to that. The other thing is I started penis enlargement exercises. These are exercises I formulated myself rather than jelqing but they have allowed me to get more confident. I dunno if y'all want me to vividly explain these exercises but I think they may have made my penis bigger. I'm not sure though because I don't measure any more. The point is to be confident with what you got and work on getting to your full erection every time you get hard. Cut off some of the blood at the base then let it loose once you feel it start to hurt and be very careful with yourself. Realize you have sex for your pleasure not anyone else's and how hard your penis gets also effects there experience of it. Working on getting fully erect and some penis enlargement exercises makes me think I am "the best I can be" as in, at least I am trying to get bigger rather than moping about how doomed I am. Reframing the problem, rather than as something which has doomed you, but as something which can be overcome, is essential. -Find an inexperienced girl! When I found out the girl had only had sex with one guy and he only lasted 2 minutes I felt so immensely confident. I figured "how could I be worse than him?" She stayed with him for almost a year anyway, even though he sucked in bed, so it shows she'll be in a relationship with a guy who sucks in bed anyway because she likes him and a lot of sex to her is pleasing her partner. She's not the only girl like this, if I found one you can too. -A lot of people who have sex are bad at it, even if they have normal or even big peni. Think about every rockstar and rapper and actor who is highly desired. Are all them good in bed, probably not, but I bet they still get pussy. People who are bad in bed still get pussy, so you can to. If you have sex with a beautiful woman, but disappoint her, guess what? You still had sex with a beautiful woman which is sure better than nothing. -Own the fact you're not big. This can be tricky because it can be humiliating, but every so often make a self deprecating joke or something hinting you have a small dick or are bad in bed. I dunno, this seems like a better attitude then walking around in fear that at any moment your "secret" will be discovered and there is something grossly wrong with you. -An interesting tidbit: this girl is fucking dime piece. I mean she is beautiful. If I were to post a pic of her (which I won't) you guys would all agree with me. And guess what? even though she wanted to have sex, she would not take her clothes off. She just pulled up her skirt and moved her panties to the side. Even though this girl was fucking beautiful, she was still too ashamed of her beautiful body to get naked in front of me. Remind you of anyone? Yeah, you are just like her, convinced there's something wrong with you, when you're fine. Basically EVERY girl, even the ones you lust after and think are unattainable are insecure about their bodies. Yes, just like you. We see them and know they are beautiful even though they are convinced there is something wrong with them. That's just like you. Maybe someone will find sex with you and your body, more fulfilling than you realize. So remain hopeful. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am "cured" but I have made immense progress. I mean I accomplished something I seriously thought would never happen. I am so much more optimistic. Now I want a relationship though. Actually having sex hasn't drastically changed me. The hope has been lit in me now though, that I can have a great relationship, but I could get my heart broken. Let me know if you guys have some questions or if you want more details. I have come on this forum for years, mostly when I felt like shit, and it was always negativity. Never any positivity, always just moping and self-pity. I figured I should come on here with some positivity for once and let y'all know the changes I made that I believe have allowed me to make much progress. I'm thinking about expanding this into a more extensive "guide" on how to overcome SPS in order to finally offer some help for the many of us around the world suffering. I mean seriously, my heart goes out to you cuz I know the despair this disorder can cause and feelings of hopelessness. I had to come on here to let y'all know, it's possible to make progress and I wish the best for y'all. tl; dr: I HAD SEX!
  5. I'm convinced, even though it is a fact my penis is in the bottom 2% that my problem is still mental, that if I learn to accept myself and be confident and figure it out I still can be a good lover. So I am trying to develop a concrete plan to change my subjectivity.
  6. I didn't kill myself but I started buying larger quantities of heroin to cut down on the cost and now my habit is much more affordable. I use it throughout the day, smoking it not injecting it and am certainly addicted now. In fact I've just lost my sex drive these last few days. But I think that's better than having all the suicidal thoughts b/c it was getting intense there. Now I have been doing a lot of research on this and am working on a plan to fix myself and finally accomplish my goal of having sex. I'm convinced it is achievable, so I guess I have more hope now than I did.
  7. It seems like it is trying to sell products like vibrators and the "liberator" wedge, which seems like bullshit, but have any of you guys done any of this? Do you think there is some sense in the idea these positions will help? I don't want to have to buy any commodities to have sex, even condoms I have to give up on b/c they do not fit, but one can prolly just use pillows for the same effect. I have been trying to research ways to get over this. This article seems helpful but has ad placement in it, making me distrustful of it. http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/209_love_tip.html
  8. Well this one didn't turn out how I expected.
  9. I posted some time ago about how I was getting addicted to heroin. I left town and weaned off it and got off it, but still have my problems with my chronic stomach pain. Coming back I was hoping to get more but the dealer got arrested so that's gone now, and now having tried the Chyna I don't want to go back to Tar, since it is so disgusting. I had this whole plan when I was in California that I was gonna come back and get my life good, but now that I think about it, it's impossible. So now I am back to normal, not doing school anymore and I decided to fall back off my job. According to this site: http://bl.ocks.org/abovethemean/raw/9395398/ I am in the 1.77% percentile, more voluminous than only 0.08% of dudes, from the "hungfun" average which culls data from clinical studies. The Hebernick study is self reporting so guys could get a custom condom so they claim it is likely to be accurate. In that one I am in the 7.89% percentile, more voluminous than 1.71% of dudes. I am figuratively fucked. Like the likelihood I will make a girl orgasm from vaginal penetration is low, or have them enjoy me. The whole "get good at other things" thing seems bullshit, I don't want to eat pussy, or have to make up for something like there is something wrong with me. I really don't want to just live some life as some loser virgin beta who people always wonder why he never gets a gf or lie about getting laid when I didn't. I want to have sex with a woman and us both enjoy ourselves, but apparently this is impossible. I even met a girl who was not very attractive physically or personality who said she had a incredibly small vagina and could not have sex b/c guys couldn't fit in her. I tried to have sex with her just because but when she told me she was actually attracted to big penis' and was planning on getting surgery to get her vagina enlargened I lost my desire. I don't feel like I want to live life. I take a mood stabilizer so I am not really depressed like I used to be. I don't lie around all day, I have energy and am not all physically fucked up. But mentally I am dead. I see beautiful girls and don't want to look b/c I know it will be humiliating if I am actually successful. I think it's so whack to have to live life as someone facing constant rejection and humiliation. So I have these suicidal thoughts, but I'm not all laid out in bed and barely able to function like when I used to get depressed. I have my .45 pistol so it will be real easy, just blow my brains out. I am getting to the point where I am thinking about whether I should write a note about why I am killing myself. Tbf, I would rather be a heroin addict. At least you have a reason to live but that ultimately is a dumb idea and guaranteed to lead to misery. So I guess this is a cry for help. I don't know what to do right now, because there is no way I could talk to somebody about this irl. I am thinking it might be best b/c it is my choice on whether I get to live or not. The other thing I was thinking about was signing up with the YPG militia in Syria to fight ISIS. I know that sounds crazy, but I figure participating in that would give life meaning and is a just fight. My family I have told about this desire are steadfast against it, but I figure perhaps I would feel like fighting a group I see as "evil" with a group I see as "just" would make me happier. I also think this is unlikely, and my bipolarism would probably be an issue if I seriously went over there as I would have to get off my medication. The only other option seems to be "develop a "I don't give a fuck attitude" and just try until you succeed b/c statistically there will be some women who don't mind. The idea of having to date like 6 women just to get one that "accepts" me is too humiliating to bear. I don't see a point to living. And other than the solace of knowing I am not alone in my suffering, this forum provides nothing for me. It seems there is no solution for this "ailment". Philosophically I don't see why I shouldn't have the choice to kill myself. I was born at the wrong time. In the past it wasn't so important. In the future we will be able to change our bodies. But now it is of utmost important and basically unavoidable. I don't want to be alive. But that's just cuz I don't see a reason to be alive. I guess I want ya'll to give me a reason to be alive. But I don't think ya'll can. So I'm really worried I am actually going to do it. They say bipolar people shouldn't have guns. They are right. It's sitting a few feet from me and I know it will be instant or near instant. Certainly shorter than a lifetime of humiliation and pain. I sort of want to say why I am killing myself in my note. So people can know? But I don't want to be the object of people's jokes and pity after death. In fact, misanthropically, I want people to be sad after I'm dead. I want other people to feel pain. I hate them, not me, them. I'm fine, they don't think I am OK. All this fantasizing about my death leads me to think it is serious and maybe I really will kill myself. Should I "check in" somewhere? They are going to ask why I want to kill myself, but I will not be able to tell them. It is too humiliating.
  10. This is addressed to the men who are "actually" small, not the one's who have warped perception of themselves as small, but the ones who are close to me in size. Does sex feel different for us? There's so much fixation on women's experience of it here I was wondering if it is different for us? Do you have trouble feeling them or feel not much suction or tightness on your penis? Does it feel good anyway? I've heard men complain about certain women having "loose" pussies, implying other's are tighter. In your sexual history have you encountered significant differences in tightness? Is it true that virgin's l have tighter pussies? Have most of the vaginas you've had sex with been loose?
  11. There's so much at play here. The pressure on women to be modest and not be openly sexual. For all we know they lied or were purposefully terse so as to not offend the interviewer or any people. For all we know some were virgins and were speaking from a lack of experience. I guess we all microanalyze this shit to death but sometimes I feel like researching positive shit and posting it here to counter all the negativity.
  12. In this video the overwhelming majority stated it did not matter, but to objectify in turn, very few if any of those women would I be interested in having sex with, so this could be reason to discount their viewpoints. Tbf, I think there's a lot of propaganda put out by the penis enlargement industry which obscures the conversation. http://uproxx.com/webculture/2015/05/random-women-ages-18-to-50-are-surveyed-does-size-matter/
  13. What a depressing question to be asked... this just feeds into the inverted narcissism which feeds all this.
  14. In between these two posts I had a short lived flirtation with a cute 18 year old on google hangouts where we did mutual masturbation and she sent me nudes and shit I forgot to mention that. It was totally random and unexpected she was just flirting with me a lot so I went with it. I never showed her my penis and told her it wasn't the biggest, she was like "I bet you're lying!" lol just telling me what I wanted to hear. The fact that I randomly got a girl over google hangouts and shit I guess is funny and I should use to build my self esteem. I believe I can do it I may fail again before I reach success though.
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