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m.allen last won the day on December 22 2018

m.allen had the most liked content!

About m.allen

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  1. Hey, sorry this reply is so late. I suffer from OCD as well and can relate to how frustrating it is, especially when you have a lot to do. I can find myself sucked down into thinking loops or obsessively worrying about things that are so incredibly unlikely that it's absurd I even worry. I will say, what I have learned after years with it, is that the more you reassure yourself, the stronger of a hold it will have on you. In the end, OCD is based in fear. It's the fear that exists in doubt: 'did i turn off the stove?' 'what if that object I just stepped on was a needle?' 'what if this disturbing thought I had means I'm terrible?' etc. OCD is addiction to the feeling of reassuring yourself, either physically (hand washing, etc) or mentally (reassuring). Once you relieve your fears, you feel good... for a time. But then your OCD is triggered again, and you have to repeat the loop because you're unsure. Your brain is falling into cyclical thinking of reassurance because sitting with the uncertainty is uncomfortable. It's a terrible sickening feeling to not act or try to address the thing that terrifies you, the thing that is causing you uncertainty, the thing that is motivating you to do X because what if Y. But that's what you have to do. It's incredibly difficult, but you have to let the uncertainty be. Let the fear be. Accept it. If you don't, you only feed the beast in your mind. You're making it stronger every time you give in for that moment of relief. What I find works at first is to delay. My OCD is mostly mental (Pure O), and when I get a soul crushing disturbing thought coming in that I worry is real, I tell myself 'ok, I'll remember this and think about it later.' It often ruins my day to have a disturbing thought and put it off until later. But I find the more I do that, the less the horrible feeling has a hold on me. And the next time it happens, as it most certainly will, I can cope with it better. Eventually, you'll start to see patterns (if you haven't already) in what thoughts you are putting off until later. I feel confident in saying that it will be the same things over and over until that thing loses it's hold on you, and then it will move on to something else. But if you can initially put off reassuring yourself, then work your way to not reassuring yourself at all - that's when you win. It's a long, hard road, but it's your life and you can't let fear take control of it. In time, this method will let you take the wheel again and dictate what you'll allow your mind to ruminate on and when. Hope this finds you well and all the best. OCD sucks and it's hard work to control. But it can be manageable and you can live a great life. OCD can even be a benefit if you turn it towards productive things - like eating well, exercise, work, creative pursuits, etc. Plus, people with OCD are usually above average intelligence, so there's that... Anyway, I hope that you can pull yourself out of it. I still struggle myself, but my ability to handle it is far better than it used to be.
  2. Hey Seo, This guy needs to be confronted about his behaviour. If no one ever lets him know it's wrong, he'll continue thinking it's fine to act like this. You need to tell him that everyone thinks he's being way too aggressive and that he's not respecting women's boundaries, and that when he gropes girls like that he's actually sexually assaulting them. You should tell him that his behaviour is rapey and you're worried he might take it too far one day. I think for guys like this it's important that someone spells out the notion that not all rapes are committed by guys hiding in the bushes waiting to pounce on a girl, but rather most are committed by someone the girl knows. Just because he's on a date with a girl and she goes back to his place doesn't mean she wants to have sex with him. And if she's too drunk or passed out - yes, that's also rape. Because he's pressuring girls so much, he may end up raping someone one day while not realizing it's rape. The easiest rule to avoid this is just to ask every time. It may feel a little awkward, but just ask 'do you want to have sex?' once you think things are heading in that direction. I'm assuming your friend will get mad and deny he's being rapey or would ever rape anyone when you confront him on it. If so, just challenge him to ask this simple question every time then. If he really feels that way, then prove it by asking every time, and if he doesn't ask the question, then he should ask himself if he's pressuring the girl into sex. Unfortunately, this responsibility seems to be falling on your shoulders to tell this to your friend, which won't be easy, but this conversation could save a girl from getting raped one day. I think you are obligated to confront him on it. It sounds like he's a troubled person, he'll really need your friendship to get on a better path in life. Best of luck, Ben
  3. m.allen

    My friends

    Hey Seo, It's good of you to not give up on your friend. I imagine he's probably a bit heartbroken which is why he's acting so irrationally. My advice would be to listen to him. Invite him over and ask him how he's doing. If he's ready to talk about what's bothering him then he will and if he's not ready then just keep inviting him over and asking him how he's doing/feeling. Hopefully he'll eventually share what's going on with him and then I would say to just be there for him: lend your support, tell him you understand and what you think might help him, etc. But I'd also be adamant that he needs to stop hitting girls. That behaviour is inexcusable. Most of all, try to be patient and understanding with your friend. Remember that he's a person and people can be complicated, life can be hard and that sometimes there are things going on below the surface for people that would surprise you. All the best, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
  4. How are you doing? Are you still feeling this way? Like Irma said, these feelings can pass. It's very likely in the future that you'll look back on that moment and be glad you didn't end your life. Things can get so so much better for you. I guarantee not everyone thinks you're annoying. Your parents would be devastated and inevitably blame themselves, and you have a friend who cares for you too. You're not as easily replaceable as you might think, the pain of your death is something they would carry with them for a long time, possibly forever. But more than that, you will be selling yourself short on a full life and a chance at happiness. Trust me in that your perspective changes a lot as you get older. I would have resented that kind of statement when I was younger, but it's true. You will see that things you worried about now weren't the great things you made them out to be (I hope that doesn't sound like I'm belittling your problems, I just mean to say that perspectives change; especially from adolescence to adulthood) and things can get drastically better for you as you get older. School can be rough and young folks can be cruel. Fortunately, most people grow out of this and I think you could have a chance at a truly great life. As far as we know, it's the only life you've got and things can almost always get better and be worth living for. Depression can warp everything into a pit of pointless despair though and if it's this that you're suffering from then I highly recommend seeking professional help in the form of a therapist or something. It's surprising what even just talk therapy and cbt can do for people, and (while I know people groan when I bring this up) eating well and exercising genuinely changes your mood and views on things. If you can get a gym membership (or do fitness blenders for free on youtube) and start doing that, it's surprising how good you will start to feel after you begin doing it every day. It's like stepping into the mind of a different person. It just takes that initial push to get yourself to do it. I find counting down from 5 in my head and moving on 1 works well. 5 4 3 2 1--> and I'm up and going to the gym. Anyway, hope this helps you or someone else reading this. All the best.
  5. He is planning on ending his life this Sunday, I hope he won't be upset that I am telling others this, but I'm really worried he's making a huge mistake here. I'd appreciate it if you guys could all send him your support too by whatever means you can.
  6. Hey Res are you around still? Tried skyping you from a new account but didn't go through and it won't let me send you private messages on my iPad... I hope you aren't following through on your plans to end your life.
  7. Sorry to hear that, life certainly isn't fair. Accepting it is definitely the way to go. As far as we know this is your one chance to live and, ultimately, you can choose to live your entire life feeling sorry for yourself & feeling anxious about it or accepting it & living life to it's fullest potential. Your issue is a tough one, but no one is perfect and I guarantee any girl you're with is self conscious about something as well. For me I started losing my hair when I was 20, which really ruined some years for me when I could have otherwise accepted it and enjoyed what I did have: health, clean conscience(at the time), good family & friends, etc. I can't get those years back I spent stressed out about my hair loss and I ended up going bald anyway, so what did I get from worrying about it? Nothing. Just wasted time when I could have gotten over it and enjoyed myself best I could. Not saying your issue is just like mine, but I hope you can extrapolate that into your own situation. I'm not sure about others, but I also feel that self consciousness goes away more and more as you get older, I imagine things will only get easier for you as time goes on and you become more and more comfortable in your skin. You sound like a good guy and that's all that matters in the end. All the best man and hope you can feel good about yourself.
  8. If you truly love your dad, as it's obvious you do, you should respect what he would want, and that is obviously for you to stop harming yourself and considering suicide. Death is an unavoidable part of life for everyone, the only thing to do is treat the time you have as precious. So, spend time with him, worrying will get you no where, and thinking of suicide isn't what he would want.
  9. Maybe a beneficial thought experiment could be to imagine how the 'you' would act if you liked yourself? How would this 'likeable you' behave and think? What is the first thing they would do? The second? And so on. And then one step at a time, allow yourself to slowly become this likeable version of yourself. This version of you that you like and are proud of. Maybe it could help to stop before you do something and think if it's something the you that you like would do, or if it's something the you that you hate would do, and then choose to act in ways that make you proud of yourself and begin to like yourself. Creating small goals at first is probably best and then build on that momentum. If you were watching a movie about your life, how would you want the protagonist or 'hero' in the movie to act? What would you want them to do? What would you think is the healthiest, best & right thing for them to do? And then do those things. One step at a time, do those things, and when you fail to do those things try to use that as motivation to succeed next time. People can help you through this and we are here for you, but this is something that you're going to have to change within yourself. Best of luck. I'm sorry times have been hard.
  10. m.allen


    Well I'm sorry to hear that you and your friends seem like you're drifting apart right now. I think the best thing to do in this situation is just to be open with your friend about how you feel and also try to understand where you friend is coming from. Listen to them to understand why they are acting this way without getting angry at them and calling them names. I can see how pain can be a simple escape from your feelings, I do the same thing with movies or video games sometimes when I'm stressed out to take me away from what's happening. Ultimately the more you run from something (in this case your feelings) the stronger this thing you're running from will become and the more power it will have over you. I think what you need to do is be brave and face your bad feelings next time they come without running from them. Just sit down and let yourself feel bad for a little while, I promise you that it will suck, but the feelings will slowly fade. And the next time these feelings come in, it will suck again, but a little bit less than before. But the more you try to run from your feelings, the more you're going to have to keep running and those feelings will just become even more intense. You should want the best thing for yourself. And that is to do the healthiest thing, which is difficult as there's no easy way out, but is best for you in the long term. Which is to talk openly to your friends about how you feel, try to empathize with how they might be feeling and allow yourself to feel sad without trying to escape it through harming yourself. If you do these things then these feelings you are experiencing won't have so much power over you as you are facing them down. That's my advice, I wish you all the best. It might help you to read some problems other people are going through on this website to gain some perspective on your problems too.
  11. m.allen


    What happened? It sounds like you went through a tough breakup. Beauty is an impermanent thing and not something to worry about, but you shouldn't harm yourself as a way to prove to yourself that you don't care about it. In the end you're still caring about beauty by trying to be ugly, you need to just stop worrying about it altogether. Harming yourself is only going to make things worse, true happiness is built off being able to love & accept who you are. If this is a breakup, I've been through a terrible one myself a long time ago. One day you will look back on it and be able to find some lesson in it and/or be able to enjoy the good that you experienced as well as the bad and/or be able to move on from it. It's ok to feel bad in this moment, but please don't do anything drastic like self-harm. I recommend you call or stay with a friend or family member who you can trust in the meantime. I guarantee that some point in the future you will care about your life again. I know it hurts right now, but be strong and let yourself feel this hurt in a healthy way (again, without harming yourself or others) so you can move on from it later. One day you will be able to put it behind you, but for now it is going to hurt. I'm sorry you're going through this, life sucks sometimes (trust me I know). In the meantime please don't go through it alone. Reach out to someone and talk about this. All the best.
  12. sorry to hear of your troubles Stressmonkey, i can imagine it all feels so overwhelming right now. it's healthy to feel sad and stressed sometimes, but try to find balance too if you can. don't overlook the good things in your life, like that you're on your way to a great career in nursing, have a healthy daughter, etc. i've been on the receiving end of a similar relationship in the past, i know how much it hurts to be stabbed in the back like that. ultimately, it's better to find out sooner than later though as this isn't the kind of person you want to be with long term. i'm sure this issue with your daughter will pass, the work load during your program will eventually ease up and you'll meet someone new when you're ready. there's a lot to look forward to. i can see how you'd feel swamped in the meantime, but i guess just try to enjoy the journey by taking it moment to moment when you can. hope you're well.
  13. m.allen

    good day to die

    no one will laugh at you here, especially me. i have loads of issues and struggle every day. if you need someone to relate to i'm always here and you can always pm me too.
  14. sorry to hear about this Lala. i know i can't fully understand what it's like to be going through this for you, but be strong. you possess the willpower to say no to anything. it seems to me like when people let themselves do something they don't want to do or believe isn't right that they lose a bit of respect for themselves, and that it becomes easier to falter the next time because of that. respect yourself and your health. it won't be easy to say no to cravings or to binge eating, especially if it's a response to deal with some there problem you might be having, but know that you can. you have the willpower to do it and i know you can say no. to make things easier i would suggest eating before you go grocery shopping and only buying healthy foods. snack often in the say on things like bananas, apples, raw nuts, greek yogurt, carrots, peas, etc. so that when you do make your meals you aren't diving into whatever is easy or what you crave. try to plan ahead a bit and have healthy snacks in between meals. i guarantee you will physically feel better if you eat better as well as emotionally too. it takes a lot of willpower for sure, but i know that you can succeed in this. and if you mess up once in a while it's ok, just make sure you jump right back on healthy eating. and on that note, i would recommend exercising too if you don't already. it can literally make your life better and longer, and once you get into it, it becomes something you can actually look forward to.
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