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TooOld4This

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TooOld4This last won the day on December 15 2016

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About TooOld4This

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday 02/21/1958

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    Male
  • Location
    Georgia, USA

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  1. My so called life

    Hello everyone, It's been awhile since i've posted; but i haven't gone anywhere. I've spent the last year just trying to overcome the inferiority feelings that i've detailed in other posts. I've marched in a number of political protests to overcome my despair over the last election (hint: i'm in the USA), i wrote long and heavily-illustrated letters to my Senators and other political leaders (because a picture's worth a thousand words), and i'm running a Slide Show of pictures from my last two trips abroad scrolling on the Desktop of my work computer, to make me thankful for the chance to travel. I'm hoping that, by physically practicing thankfulness, that i won't spend so much time remembering everything that was humiliating and pathetic during my youth. How's everyone else doing?
  2. I did something foolish yesterday — i looked at an ex-girlfriend’s Facebook profile. This is somebody i broke up with 28 years ago; you’d think there wouldn’t be any pain anymore. But there it was: i saw her picture, i remembered her face, i remembered the tears that i saw in her eyes back then. Tears that i caused. I did that. I broke up with her, I made her sad, I caused her pain. I want so much to reach back into the past, back to 1989, and erase that pain from her life. I don’t know; of course it’s possible that time has already erased her pain, possible that she’s been really happy from 1990 on. But when i thought of her sadness and hurt feelings, it still hurt me. So how do i know she doesn’t still hurt, too? This is what i was thinking. Sorry, everybody. I’m whining. This isn’t anything that’s going to help anyone with their issues. But i had this really intense sorrow when i saw her picture, so i wanted to unload this.
  3. What soothes you?

    I need a vacation; that will soothe me. I'm going to Cuba.
  4. I don't know who I am

    Hope you find a way forward, PrettyLou. Just because your career and relationship aren't finished yet, that doesn't make you a failure. Plenty of people are in your situation when they're your age; i remember i certainly was. It looks very hopeless, i know; but it's not. Keep doing good work at the jobs you have, and try to find options for further education. I don't know what country you're in, but if you're in the USA or Canada (as it sounds), there are community colleges that can give you very useful (and inexpensive) career education. PrettyLou, there's a company somewhere out there who needs you. Not somebody like you; you. There's a young man somewhere out there who yearns for a girlfriend, and you're perfect for him. Don't lose hope. You'll make it to your destination one day at a time. Keep going to work and meeting people. You're perfect for someone.
  5. whining thread

    Finally, some comfort. Yesterday i marched in the local March for Women's and Human Rights. I don't feel like a victim of the Trump Movement anymore. Now i feel like a member of a resistance movement.
  6. Hidden metamorphosis for everyone

    Hello, Miracle. Hope you find comfort here. I think i agree with Jazz's proposition that some of human suffering is in fact a reasonable, natural response to awful circumstances. Poverty is poverty; not just a "bad attitude." That said, i do think that choices matter: our negative circumstances can make us think that life is ENTIRELY predetermined, and that there's no point in looking for a way out. We become passive and we stop watching for opportunities. That's a trap. Hope you remain watchful, Miracle. I wouldn't want you to miss that doorway to a better future.
  7. My so called life

    My wife and i once rented a cabin near a lake in the Georgia mountains. On one night i got up to use the bathroom and, when i was done washing my hands, i turned out the light. Because of the cabin's isolation, i was plunged into total darkness. As in Small's narrative, there literally wasn't even enough light for me to see my own hand in front of my face. And it was... thrilling. I was astonished by the beauty of the experience. The world around me became instantly electric, alive with sound and smell and touch. My hearing and my tactile sense, neglected for so long while my eyes had ruled the world, suddenly had the chance to show me what they could do. I felt my way through the doorway and felt the grain of the natural timber doorframe. I heard birds and cicadas murmuring outside. I smelled the blanket where my wife was sleeping. I had lost one sense but somehow gained my other four. I no longer feel bad for blind people. Yes, they have trouble getting around, but that's our fault, the sighted people. We built streets and buildings for ourselves, and that's what made our world difficult for them. But i experienced their world for just a few minutes: it's a rich and sensuous place.
  8. A feeling of uselesness

    Happy holidays, Tina. I don't know how you celebrate in Slovakia, but i hope there is joy for you with your family or with friends your age.
  9. whining thread

    Way to go, Pax. You did some ass-whooping of your own. Remember the Chinese proverb: "a journey of a thousand miles [or li; they don't have miles in Asia.] begins with a single step." You successfully did Step 1. You can do Step 2 too.
  10. whining thread

    Wishing you the best, Pax Keep trying, don't give up. I relate to the sense of hopelessness that comes from repeated failure. I finished law school in 1985, and began a long series of failures that lasted through 2008. That's 23 years, if you're doing the math. But stay strong and keep pushing forward. Eventually you'll show them.
  11. whining thread

    From one bullying survivor to another, VotC, wishing you the best.
  12. whining thread

    I'm still down over the U.S. election. I just got back from doing some missionary work in Africa, and i thought it would lift my spirits. it did, but only while i was there. Once i got back, i was back to thinking about what a sticking pile of hate we Americans have created for ourselves.
  13. The News [TRIGGER warning: US elections]

    Wow, Pax, thanks for the W.B. Yeats quote. The Homer of Ireland. As relevant today as it was then. I'll offer this one from Yeats, too: We know their dream; enough To know they dreamed and are dead; And what if excess of love Bewildered them till they died? … Now and in time to be, Wherever green is worn, Are changed, changed utterly: A terrible beauty is born. It's too easy to focus on the ugliness. We can help our nation to give birth to that beauty. Let's get busy.
  14. The News [TRIGGER warning: US elections]

    Sorry, Jazz. I read the article; the author doesn't get it. This was not Fanfare For The Common Man. Jazz, i'm a Southerner from a small town. I grew up with these people; at my age, i went to high school with a few of them (a VERY few; as i said -- i come from a small town). I know these people; they are not Huckleberry Finn and Becky Thatcher. This was not Rise of The Blue-Collar Heroes. This was a massive nationwide lynch mob coming out of their houses with torches and pitchforks, looking for minorities to hang and witches to burn (for witches, maybe substitute women in hijabs). They don't just control the White House, Jazz. They also control both houses of Congress, and through intimidation if nothing else, they will control the Republicans who run most of the states and most of the local governments. My county went for Mrs. Clinton, but our county government is controlled by Republicans. Who will have to bow down to the mob; they have no choice. I'm not announcing the Apocalypse here; my country is the Land of The Free, and tyranny will not rule for very long. But my fellow freedom-loving Americans and i have to prepare to resist oppression. We've got to get busy.
  15. What soothes you?

    Yesterday, after 24 hours of suffering over the election results, i found an old religious hymn on my iPhone: "It Is Well With My Soul" sung by George Beverly Shea (a name that will be familiar to people of a particular religion and particular generation). The story is, Horatio Spafford lost his son in the Chicago Fire; then lost the rest of his family when their ship sank. So the hymn comes from an emotional place of loss and tragedy. That's what makes the lyrics more than just words. It's a declaration of inner peace, in the face of life events that declared war against happiness. That, to me, was very soothing. And do that in the face of tragedy was, to me, heroic.
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