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sunshinegladiator last won the day on June 23 2016

sunshinegladiator had the most liked content!

About sunshinegladiator

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  • Birthday 07/27/1995

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    Reading, Drawing, Writing, Watching movies.

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  1. I would tell them to go asap. If it isn't better by Monday I will be admitting myself and have talking to my manager about if I would get fired and she said I wouldn't and would want me to get the help I need.
  2. So, what are some of your favorite books or books that really sucked you in?
  3. So. I have been thinking about admitting myself to the hospital but here are reasons why I am scared to Family will shame me and make my life hell boyfriend will think it is an overdramatic response People may judge me at the hospital bc I have had a bad experience. No one will take me seriously I could lose my job. I lost my job last time when I didn't call in when going to the er when my ex tried to kill me. But I can't ask many people for advice, my two friends arent online much and I don't want to overwhelm them. I feel this would really help me but I don't want to tell family because they would actually blame me and get mad at something that doesnt affect them. Please please give me your honest advice. I have had suicidal thoughts, thoughts of selfharm and have self harmed, anger outburts that I cant control, panic attacks and constant fear. And my normal symptoms of my PTSD.
  4. Just felt like sharing some art I have drawn lately.
  5. Hey there, I also suffer from similar self image problems. What helps is to distract yourself from these thoughts, or to find things about yourself that you like. Just remember you matter no matter what.
  6. Going to work.

     Seeing if I can make it through the day without an outburst.

     I just keep telling myself it is three hours then I go home.

  7. I do agree. But the fear is still there but I also am running out of options. I let go of my abusive dad.
  8. True but I know how my family will react. Family and bf will probably see this as me being overddramatic. And also I am terrified I will lose my job for going to the hospital.
  9. So my illness has gotten worse and I am unsure as to why. It has only made my life extremely difficult. I can't relax at all and I am always terrified. I am wondering if I should admit myself but I don't want to take any haste decisions.
  10. I have showed them articles and it does nothing for them. and it is Borderline not Bipolar. I am back to meltdown again though. Happens all the time when I wake up. I don't know why.
  11. Hi friend after reading your post I certainly can identify with some of your feelings. Actually some of your thoughts matched mine quite similarly! Please connect, reach out, converse and realize that you have people that care and are going thru similar circumstances and share your pain. Feel free to send me a note when you like maybe we can help each other move forward to new horizons. 

  12. Haha I see what you did there Resolute c: also thank you for the kind words
  13. Thank you, that was my intention with it, a little boost and hope for myself. I havent been able to see my therapist bc of financial reasons, least not in two weeks, but basically when we had talked he told me the same things that I always use. My self talk isnt doing so good but I am trying to distract myself to a safer place.
  14. I have some blankets by me but I think getting up to put ice to my head would work better. I calmed down from my earlier meltdown then had another. I am all over the place and I probably sound so pathetic and i am sorry if I seem too much.
  15. So I have ptsd and bpd, this may help better understand this situtation. But I feel suicidal and have thoughts to self harm and have already self harmed . I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and dead and useless and I think I should just not exist. I keep thinking of all the abuse I went through, keep having nightmares, every sound sends me into a panic attack and causes me to cry. All that I have been pushing down keeps coming back up and I don't know what to do anymore. I am about to just give up. I have been trying to fight through this so fucking long and I dont know what to do. I feel like my family always wants me to be perfecct knowing my illnesses. I have expressed to them that this really makes living hard for me an they just keep saying to get through it but dont care to fucking listen in therapy sessions about my serious illnesses. I always feel like I am screaming and no one wil listen. I am begging for someone to listen to me because I am in so much fucking pain from this lifelong abuse I have had. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I just want to give up.
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