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Renni.cl

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About Renni.cl

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  • Birthday December 25

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  1. Renni.cl

    Friends

    I am not good at making friends at my school. I entered to this school 3 years ago with other 25 students, they all made friends almost immediately and I still haven’t made any real friends. When I’m with my group of “friends” I feel like I am a sperm that’s trying to end the egg but it just can’t, I just can’t get inside the group and be like everybody else. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to, to laugh with. I have no one. I convinced myself that in the next school year I was going to make friends but now I see that’s not happening (I explain why on the post on the general forum). It really sucks when you are the girl who has no friends and is alone. I have so much love to give and i just don’t have anyone to share things with. On these 3 weeks I’ve been on vacation not even a single one of my “friends” have texted me. I am not even the second choice, I am the last one. I just really want someone.
  2. Renni.cl

    My moms touch disgusts me

    I know how you feel. In the past year I began hating my parents touch too, I can’t stand when they accidentally touch me, I hate it and I’ve become really aggressive towards them. When I was as little they used to hit me (sometimes they still do) and I came to the conclusion that that’s why I don’t like being touched by them. I also hate when I’m acting the same way as my father does, I can’t eat the same thing he eats, I can’t be in the same posture/position he is, I can’t strand when I realize I talk like him or make the same noises, I even hate when I breath like him. I really don’t know why this is happening to me. But you are not alone
  3. Renni.cl

    Again

    Hey guys. Last month I cut again, it wasn’t as deep as how I used to cut but I threw almost a year of being clean to the garbage. I don’t want to fall into the habit again, but it felt good.
  4. Renni.cl

    Back

    Hey guys, I hope you are al ok. Right now I am in summer vacations and I’ve been feeling a lot better since I haven’t gone to school and being on that toxic environment. On the next school year we will be assigned to a new group which will be my group for the next 3 years, today I was told who my classmates are going to be and it is not good, they separated me from my best friend and on my group there are all the girls who used to be my friends and hate me. I am scared I am not going to have anyone on the next year and I don’t want to fall again, I really don’t. I told my parents I wanted to change schools and they said no. Today my anxiety is back and I am feeling really down. It’s like life wants me to suffer or something. I don’t know if I will be able to take it. I really don’t feel like going back to that school, it really makes my mental state worse. I hope you had a great week :)
  5. Renni.cl

    Everything’s bad again

    So everything is bad again and I don’t know what should I do anymore. I lost important people in my life in the past months. I stopped going to my therapist because of an issue with her and my parents. I feel like I’m falling into a black hole again, even though I don’t want to. I keep telling myself that everything is ok but the truth is that it’s not. I don’t know for how much I will hold on.
  6. Renni.cl

    Unhappy with my weight, again.

    Hi, I have tried everything but I can’t lose weight. Today I got measured again and now I am 61.5kg I gained 1.5 kilos! I cant believe I am getting fat again. But if it helps you cutting all then milk and cheese and bread from your diet helped my cousin.
  7. Renni.cl

    I can’t do this anymore

    The past weeks have been awful and I feel each time lonelier and hopeless. I have been conciedering suicide for years now and I think I am gonna do it. I can’t keep waiting for good things to happen, I am tired of trying. I am just not good enough. I don’t want to go to school or talk to anyone, I don’t want to eat. I don’t even want to go to the Katy Perry concert anymore. None of that matters. I don’t matter. Sometimes I think people will be better without me. The other day I was at a party and I was sitting alone watching all my friends dance and having fun and they all seemed happy without me. I don’t want to see another day again.
  8. I went to the doctor a couple days ago and she told me that I weight 60kg and that I'm 1.60mts tall, meaning that I'm overweight. I've always had a problem with weight but I really thought that I was losing some in the past months but turns out I am not. My doctor has this graph with a line telling you what your weight should be and I've always been above the line. I've tried exercise and diets but it's not working. I'm eating less now. I hate feeling full. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel really fat and unhappy with myself. I just want to be under the line of the stupid graph.
  9. Renni.cl

    Alone

    I'm considering changing schools because I don't have a lot of friend at my current school. I used to have some but I lost the, in the past months. I talked to my mom about it and she said that maybe I'm the problem because 3 years ago I had the same problem before changing schools. That hurt me. I want to have some good real friends who I can feel comfortable with and trust and feel loved. I don't have a boyfriend, I've never had one. Last year all my friends had a boyfriend and I was the only one without one, that made me feel sad. Sometimes I think that I'm too ugly or fat or maybe, like my mom said, "no one loves a girl who's depressed and cuts herself". I just want someone to tell me that they love me and that I'm pretty and smart and beautiful and funny. Someone who will hug me when I'm sad and listen to music with. Maybe I'm the problem. I don't know. I'm worried that I will never find a real friend or a boyfriend. I feel alone.
  10. Renni.cl

    My Depression

    Hi, thank you for everything. My parents don’t support me a lot, hoe army I think that they barely care. I go to therapy every week, it helps talking to someone but it’s not enough time and I’m not getting medicine and I see no improvement but it’s better than not going to therapy at all. Katy Perry helps me a lot with her music and the only reason I’m alive right now is because i nat to see her live again next May.
  11. Renni.cl

    My Depression

    Hi, I’m Reni and I’ve been depressed since I was 10 years old. It all began when a close relative died, followed up by bullying, ciberbullying, not having any friends, and really big family issues, with time all of this lead into a depression. At such a young age I didn’t know what I was feeling or ignored it had a name, now I do. When I was 11 years old I started cutting myself, hitting myself, punishing myself, I don’t myself that I wasn’t worth of anything, that I wasn’t pretty or skinny or smart. Some days I could barely look at myself, I couldn’t stand looking at my hands because they were mine. I’ve tried to take my life several times, something that people don’t get is that trying to commit suicide is not I my the action, it’s is also being an lone in your room with pulls in one hand and a suicide note on the other debating wether to take the pills or not, or holding a blade and not being able to kill yourself. I’m 16 now, I like to think that I’m better. My last cut was on December 18 2017. I feel lonely sometimes. Some days I want to end everything and cut myself or hit myself. The way I see it depression is being trapped in a bubble looking at the outside world and at the same time being suffocated by a dense black fog that’s coming out of your chest. It’s like a never ending climb where you are constantly falling. I’m scared to get better because each time I do or that I think I am getting better, I fall again and sometimes I fall harder that ever. I don’t have a lot of friends at school, I would love to have someone I can trust. When I was 11 I found Katy Perry and she changed my life, she saved me with her songs. I am forever grateful with her for that. I hope that some day I will be able to pop my bobble and be happy again.
  12. Renni.cl

    I hate eating

    Hi, I’m Reni, I’m 16 years old and even though I’ve never have a severe problem with eating, I hate doing it. My dad is fat and when I was little I was fat too, I lost weight now but I still can’t feel comfortable with eating, specially if he’s near me, the idea of eating some times is just horrible and it makes me sick. I feel bad with myself when I eat but I can’t stop eating because my mom always finds out and forces me to eat. Some times I bit myself inside my mouth so that I can’t eat because of the injuries. I’m gaining weight again and I’m scared to death to become fat again. What should I do?
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