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itsSmaller

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About itsSmaller

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  • Birthday 02/28/1980

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Texas
  • Interests
    Gardening, small houses, homesteading, nudism, and dildo collecting.
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    Bi guy with small penis syndrome and a peyronies injury.

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  1. Thanks lostboy. I'm not sure how much of my reduction in Internet binges is due to increased self control, lower testosterone with aging, or that now I "sometimes" feel resentment when I see sexual pics. Last night was more spent on YouTube rather than r/sex, but I jumped around. Tonight will be different mostly because I'm wore out.
  2. I'm having a particularly sad night and stewing in feelings of inadequacy. I've stayed up online way too late trying to cover the anxiety and lonliness with distraction. I have to wake for work in 3.5 hours. Each year I do this to myself a little less and get to sleep a little earlier, but it still happens. I try to cover emotional pain with immediate gratification from the internet.
  3. Thank you Bella. I really appreciate that. Some days are better than others. I had a lot of performance anxiety with that last woman that I dated. I've always had some, but the last time it narrowed my vision a bit during sex, metaphorically, and had a negative impact. Today has been a sad day of wishing that last partner would have been helpful. Your boyfriend is very fortunate to have someone that listens to him and has stayed with him and has been helping him. I think that is rare. Kudos to the two of you for having lots of radical honesty.
  4. lostboy1, thanks for this reply. It is very insightful. That's how I feel. My pool is narrowed by my lifestyle choices. Since my interest straddle different cultures, it makes it tough. For example, I'd like to take one of my horses to a small local english riding horse show. Even though it is a small time show, most of the people there will be upper middle class and up. So, even if women find me attractive physically when I'm well dressed, I usually see them go flat when they ask what I do for a living and I tell them that I'm a foreman for a high end landscaping company.
  5. Actually, I hadn't used an extender in 8 years, before that injury. A pump, it had probably been a year. I An extender with the noose type can cause nerve damage, and pumping can cause a thrombose vein, but peyronies is unlikely with those tools, I think. I know the exact dry humping scenario. The I nearly came in my pants. The pain from the pressure of my cock being smashed in my pants felt good , in that moment. The two "plaques" are exactly where I applied lots of pressure from her pubis too. Caucasian men over the age of 35 are more likely than younger men or other races to get peyronies. I was 34 at the time. A physician's assistant that I went on a date with a year after the injury told me that men with peyronies sometimes have hands that tighten up with age. Basically, I may have connective tissue that is more susceptible to injury or tightening, maybe. Thanks for listening, yes, big time! I'm really frustrated about dating. I've had a very hard time, in my opinion. I know other guys have it worse, but I'm still very frustrated with how women are rarely attracted to me. I think it is due to my height (5' 7" ), my preference for simple living (homesteading), and that I work outdoors when most of the people in my social circles are white collar. I'm not into movies, TV, or more common types of music. I feel too eccentric on top of not being an Adonis (yet still not ungly). Yep, I'm 38 and I've never lived with a woman, have never been engaged.
  6. I fantasize about being cuckolded by a girlfriend or wife. I'm single now, but I was in a poly relationship. She didn't use the term cuckolding, but she had a husband, and two boyfriends with big dicks. Yes, she really did. That 2nd boyfriend was a trans male. She asked him to buy a larger strapon than the one he was originally wearing. It wasn't until my birthday about 5 years into the relationship that I had the chance to see her with her tall hung boyfriend. He never wanted to let me watch, but she would have from the beginning. He frustrates the hell out of me, yet we are neighbors and really close friends to this day even though she has moved in with her trans male partner. A year or so into my relationship with her I realize that even if I couldn't watch her with the biggest boyfriend, if she called my penis small, I'd get somewhat of a similar dynamic. It did work. I didn't want that often though. At the end before she moved on she offered to do it more as she was trying to build intimacy between us again. It had died down because I saw her drifting really really close to the trans boyfriend and away from the rest of us. I have been and still am accepting of my desire to be cuckolded. The only BIG problem that I have with it is finding a primary life partner that is into it as well, or as my last girlfriend......is poly and has hung lovers. I don't need a whole lot of cuckold talk, just the right ingredients/people. Another thing that happened to me was that I got interested in fisting and large insertions early on in my sex life. My first girlfriend had a large vulva and very elastic vagina. It intimidated me, made me curious, and turned me on big time all at once! I've been into fisting ever since that first relationship, but I didn't know that fisting was an actual sex act till getting on the internet a year or two later. I had my first sexual experience in 95'. I think we should not feel shame for having these fantasies. I think when we do it is because we are believing mainstream opinions about these fantasies. Something that helped me too was looking at tumblrs about small penises. There are some that are not about humiliation. Both the SPH posts and the non humiliation posts have helped me to see that smaller penises can be sexually fun too. I think giving some light small penis humiliation a try is a good idea. It can be therapeutic. Some amount of acceptance happens. Going to nude beaches or being nude at hippie festivals has helped me too.
  7. Your title caught my eye. I got involved with a woman that I REALLY like at the beginning of this month. We were at lots of parties last year and ended up caressing each other lots, but it always ended there. The, about 3 weeks ago she asked me for a date. She slept over after 2 dates. She has since dropped me, and just wants to be friends. I feel like it is due to my penis and that my house isn't complete/clean enough. I have a peyronies injury and struggle getting erections and I lost some size- girth and length. It really hurts since she has so many common interest with me and that has been very difficult to find. I agree with the suggestion of dancing around the topic of penis size, indirectly, to see what she thinks. I feel like I'm in a conundrum. I can be picky about a woman's level of fitness, yet I definitely could be physically critiqued for my height and stature. I've mostly stayed quite fit, but still. I also fear that I may have to compromise as I'm now 38. It's a tough choice. I've been with women that were good for me, but that I wasn't attracted to a lot. I think this is how this last woman viewed me, and she cut the ties. She knows I'm compatible in a lot of ways......but.....
  8. Thanks Griz. I'm glad to hear from another syndrome person. I flop back and forth between wanting to enlarge my penis, and then somewhat embracing it. I was a very active member at thundersplace for years, a non profit penis enlargement forum. My view of my penis has been quite a roller coaster ride, especially having had this peyronies injury.
  9. Thanks YOTH, and thank you too PDX. I don't want to cause other people frustration. I really am struggling and going through pain. My non bone-pressed is 5 on a really good day, and my semi erections are smaller after the peyronies injury. YOTH, I told her about my injury. She didn't say much. Once when I mentioned it in bed after sex she asked, "how did it happen again"? Other than that she never commented when I told the story. She just listened. I think the relationship is done, but we never called it anything special. We partied together at 6 parties last year and got closer and closer till we had a fling last year. I couldn't get fully hard, but enough to penetrate. She came with oral before trying intercourse. These past two weekends were dinner dates, then sleeping over at my place. I've built a small house that I haven't completed and it is messier than it should be. I think that factored in.....and she probably had another interesting opportunity open up with someone else around Valentines Day. That day is treacherous! I really would like to be a part of the community here. I walk on eggshells at r/smalldickproblems because it isn't a syndrome inclusive community.
  10. MrsSmall, kudos to you for sticking with your husband. I'm sure size anxiety made your relationship a lot more complicated. If it truly is small, then it isn't just "syndrome", in my opinion. It's real small penis issues. I've used a pump too, a good quality one. That increase in fatness that quick is from lymphatic fluid buildup. A beginner pumping routine gave me slightly harder erections, but I never stuck with it longer than 2 months.
  11. Was average and had SPS, but now smaller after a peyronies injury. Oh, the irony. Hello everyone, I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and read a bit then. I'm active on Reddit and read r/smalldickproblems, but I don't post there much at all due to not being under 4.5" in length. I've had small penis syndrome since the age of 16. Before that, I only felt that my balls were kinda small from seeing my a couple of neighbors naked. At 16 though, I was in a sexual relationship for the first time. She was my first love. She had a large vulva and very elastic vagina. I wished that my average penis were bigger to fill her up more. It bothered me a lot. I hadn't seen much porn by then. Probably just 1 video, but I read a lot of penthouse letters. I LOVED reading about penetration. I was absolutely fascinated with it. I began to really like it when a woman was challenged a bit by the cock or toy penetrating her, and she had to stretch. While dating my first love I started to explore penetrating my rear. I wished that I had a vagina of my own, and I wished that I had my girlfriend with me to explore much more often. So, I kept doing insertions on myself. Now, I'm saying all this to explain how my sexuality formed (not to troll ! ) . I became drawn to large penetrations and also began to hate my penis size. At 17 I finally began to get on the internet. I soon found info about extenders, pumps, and a book on penis enlargement by a guy named Gary Griffin ( I think). Penis Enlargement Facts and Phallacies. I became obsessed with enlargement. I couldn't stick to a routine longer than 2 months. I thought that I was starting to see results, but I question that now. I definitely did get harder erections with a modest pump/jelq routine, but that's about it. I couldn't stick to it for months on end. It took so much time. I tried enlargement routines on and off through my 20's, then less so in my 30's. I had one longterm relationship at the age of 23 for a year, then couldn't get into one until I was 29. Then from 29 till my mid 30's I was in an LTR. My penis all this time was 6.75" bone pressed length x 5.25" midshaft girth. I was definitely not satisfied, but I knew that I was probably at the 60th percentile on size, statistically. My non bone-pressed was 6 to 6.2" on a good day when I was lean. Yes, I say was. At 34 I got a peyronies injury by dry humping. She had always turned me on so much. We didn't have condoms on hand, so I kept my pants on. I regret it so much. I lost about a half inch in each measurement. My length and foreshaft, especially. I now measure about 6.2" bone pressed, but just under 5" non bone-pressed. I gained a little bit of body fat (not a lot, really) and combined with the peyronies my penis is now an inch shorter. It seems even more at times because at 80 to 90% erect my penis is much smaller than it used to be with that same level of erection. It takes a very full on erection to get past 4.5", it seems. My foreshaft girth is now 4.5". Sex feels different to me too now. It has been so difficult to handle this mentally. I've been to counselling, but it was more for overall relationship stuff. The councilor hasn't asked much about it. He's a guy. My longterm relationship ended a year and a half later. The peyronies didn't cause it, but it definitely didn't help. I didn't want to have sex as often. It weighed heavy on me. Last year I had a couple of dates and 3 sex partners, this is since that longterm relationship ended. Nothing stuck. They were weekend romps. Then, just 2 weeks ago one of them contacted me. She was newly single and wanted a date. We had a date Friday the 9th, then again last night. Both nights I had trouble maintaining an erection. It was quite hard before I went down on her, but after I went down it was just a half erection. The first Friday night I was able to get it hard after penetrating her, but then I came in 5 to 8 mins. She seemed barely disappointed. I went down on her to get her off. We went to sleep. We had better sex that following morning. It wasn't easy to get fully hard, but I got it done. This weekend was a repeat, but worse. I couldn't get more than 80% hard last night. My cock fell out of her a lot, including when she was getting close to orgasm with her vibe on her clit. She said she wanted to quit, that she was cramping and maybe starting her period. We went to sleep. This morning she realized that she was not starting her period, so we started again. I got mostly hard, then went down on her. I lost the erection, but worse..... after she nearly reached orgasm, she stopped me. She said that she was "too much in her head". That was probably true. She didn't want to continue sex after that. I asked if it was thoughts about her breakup. She said, "yes, and other things". She then started saying that we needed to get up and out of bed. I made us breakfast. It was very difficult to keep my composure. At the end of breakfast I asked if she thought we'd be intimate again in the future. She said that she wasn't sure. Then paused, and went on to say, "I'm sorry I lead you on". We had a few nights of heavy caressing and major arousal without sex before these last two weekends. She was really digging me before being more sexual with me. I feel like she was disappointed in my size and hardness. Basically some combination of the two. She is very sexually liberated and mostly dates women. Her last breakup was with a guy though. I was expecting that she'd be very up for playing with my toys or being very satisfied by finishing with oral, but no..... now I think she expects more from a guy when she is having sex with a guy. She uses toys with women, so maybe she just wants flesh and blood penis with a guy......and damn sure wants a hard one. Well, I'm struggling. I'm 38 and never married. I don't want kids, but I would love to share a home with a woman. This woman that quit me in the middle of sex had a lot of common interest with me. We were unusually well matched with our eccentric interests and friends group, to boot. I'm really hurting emotionally about my penis now even more so than I was for the last 2 years. I have even wondered what it would be like to cut it off. My last longterm partner now lives with a trans male that uses a strapon on her. If I didn't have a penis I could more easily wear a strapon...... is what runs through my mind. I think of the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I've yet to see. It was recommended to me by my last GF. I'm really broken hearted about my penis. I needed to vent AND tell the story about how it all started. Thank you for reading all of this.
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