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Mental Support Community

BluePhoenix

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  1. I did try career help at my university and the lady there was completely lost and had no idea what to do with me. I was very lucky that I got some work experience in the tech field and realized that is what I want to do. I hate coding but I love figuring out how different softwares work. Problem is to do what I actual am interested in I have to pass programming which is very difficult for me. I've made my schedule such that I should have enough time to study and hopefully with notes from my last attempt at this course it will help. I had a tutor I paid for last time and even though he did help me go from knowing nothing to a medium level of understanding, the exam stress got to me and I wasn't able to answer the questions correctly. What I really need is someone that gets what I'm going through and doesn't belittle me for it. Someone who doesn't say "oh you think you have it tough when I was your age I had to deal with X". I need for someone to get that I'm not "just lazy and don't give a shit about life" but actually am struggling a lot, so much so that there are nights when I can't sleep. I need someone to understand that failure has taken its toll on me and that the classic "just keep trying" implies that the only reason I don't try to get out there and get a girlfriend or do anything of value is because I don't want to rather than the truth which is that I feel paralyzed and am unwilling to allow myself to get hurt again.
  2. It's funny to hear his name here since I actually met him once. He told me that my issue is finding the right balance between the tyrant and the rebel. The tyrant used to be in control up until 4 years ago and then the rebel took over. I don't know what the trigger was that led to this downward spiral. My parents divorce happened long before and was mutually beneficial for both my parents. I've never been close to my father since he works to live and lives to work. He doesn't see more to life and the rare times when we did go fishing or did anything together, although fun, always took a lot of energy out of him. There was always a feeling inside me that I'm not whole because I've never had a male role model and this feeling has only grown stronger. I don't want to be like my father. I want to be better. I want to be someone for whom work isn't everything but merely a means for living. A lot of the advice Jordan Peterson seems to give sounds like the standard "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" which everyone has been saying to me and I'm sick and tired of hearing it seeing as it doesn't work. How can I become the person I need to be when all my failures are under a microscope and no one understands me? How do I improve when I've failed in so many things, so many times regardless of the amount of effort put in? I've tried getting help from my university's mental health office but they had no idea what to do with me and told me to go to some Catholic institution. From my research I found that the vast majority of these so called mental help resources are simply regurgitating the same stuff and hoping some of it works. I need something different to the standard "pull yourself up by the bootstraps".
  3. Best I have been able to do is to isolate myself and listen to music or immerse myself in my computer. This has only made things worse because it feels like an addiction. Even though I don't drink, smoke or do any drugs the computer has become my means of escape. I want to become the person I need to become, the successful outgoing guy everyone likes but I don't feel like I have it in me.
  4. Over the past 4 years, I've failed courses, exams, my drivers test, at getting a girlfriend and at pretty much anything I tried. This last exam broke me. I have lost any self esteem I've ever had. What makes it worse is that I have no one to turn to. Everyone from family to friends to acquaintances expects me to be this confident outgoing person with his life together. I'm constantly criticized for being a failure at life instead of receiving the support I desperately need. My father thinks I'm just lazy and don't care about life but he doesn't know me well because I see him only once every few months. I want to be successful but I'm always afraid of failing and always judged and seen as "the dumb one" in the family just because I'm not already married with kids and with a good paying job. I'm only 22 but my parents at that age were much more mature while I feel like a scared kid in an adult's body. How do I change for the better when I have crippling anxiety?
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