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Desolate Ronin

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    Steven James

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  1. It's the new year, and it's time to make proclamations. 1) Open myself back up to letting women 2) Have more sex; 2018 = 1/2019 = 3?? 3) Find stability in my life. Constant streams of it. 4) Take more risks.
  2. So it's "The grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thing? Maybe it's so, but a guy who has all that doesn't have the problems that men like me are plagued with.
  3. I I avoid those videos at all cost. They tend to pull me into a twilight zone kinda state haha. Good for you dude! Start off the new year with some good tang!
  4. I don't follow the "norm," but I can't exactly enforce my way of thinking on the majority, you know. Women's outlook on men is equal to that show Property Brothers on HGTV. They'll show a couple a house that's move in ready and that has everything on their wishlist only to find out that the place is 500,000 over their budget. When the host tries to persuade the wife to look at renovations, she scuffs at the idea. My point is that women don't want a guy that's still working on himself. They want a "Trophy Man." A man that as a nice car, a nice apartment, a great job, and a big penis, and they're not willing to sacrifice anything off that list. Guys are different though. If a woman has at least half that list covered, we'll take the good with the bad. With women, it's a game of "All or Nothing," and I'm sick of that. Women are being programmed to be materialistic, to be judgmental, and to be uncompromising. Its a painstaking process that ive reached my limit with.
  5. Hey, if you already have a girl then more power to you. I don't claim to know everything, and I certainly don't every woman's thought. I know what I know through experience and the little that people talk about on the matter - especially women I've been around. All I was trying to eloquently put is that what works for you won't work for the many, and I give kudos for putting yourself out there after many failed attempts. Some of us don't have that ingenuity to pull off what you clearly seem to have. As for me, I go through cycles which starts with me being tired of being alone. I'll put myself out there, and things will start on a good, solid pace until date 3 rolls around, and then its time to get naked. I fake my confidence. I put extra the effort to compensate for what I lack, and give it my all. They'll tell me that they'll call me which they don't, and I'm left with - "I'm back here again." I'll rinse and repeat a few more times until I can't stomach the humiliation, and eventually find myself back in hermit mode. I'm sick of women looking at me like I sold them a bad lemon, in which I have no control over my size. My options are to accept myself as lesser, and shack up with the first woman who doesn't mind my size, regardless of chemistry?? I don't know about you, but I refuse to waste my time with a woman whose constantly and indirectly gonna remind me that she settled for me. My parents settled for each other, and after 30 years, they can't stand each other. I don't want that dude. I want a woman whose gonna see me as an equal regardless penis size which is probably only 15 percent of the female population. As far as serial killers, I wouldn't shocked if at least 20 percent of the members on here are serial killers. They gotta vent somehow haha
  6. As you might have noticed, I'm popping on this site quite frequently ranging from my issues with my SPS to my past sexual abuse at the hands of my old female middle school teachers. I'm on here because the truth of the matter is that I don't have a stable support system right now, and my family has their own issues to contend with that they don't need to hear mine. The reason why I'm writing this is because relationships aren't and haven't been my calling card even though I'm a giver. The fact remains is that I'm 30 years old with a new job, goals falling into place, and yet the one piece that still is missing is my ability to find a constant flow of intimacy with a woman both physical and emotional. Anyone who says they're fine with being alone isn't really fine with it, and that's something I keep telling myself almost every other day. I was a confident man at one point, but, between the string of women rejecting me because of my penis size, to the dark remnants of sexual abused I had to endure, and being emasculated by my mom since I was 10 years old, these have pushed me to the edge. The edge where I just wanna throw in the white flag and surrender. The level of humiliation, discord, and abuse I had to go through just to find happiness in a women is at its peak. People are constantly asking me, "Don't you wanna settle down?" "Don't you want kids?" In my head, sure, that's all I've ever wanted in the last few years, but instead, I give them a no for surface value. The truth is that women have left me jaded, broken, and cold. Why on earth will I continue to put a thought in my head, a thought that entertains the idea of me ever finding my better half...……...or half at all. What good is a man who has been emasculated and beaten by his mother? A man who has been sexually assaulted over the years by educators, to the point where he feel like I'm damaged goods. A man who has heart yet is measured not a man because of my small penis. Some of my exes have even stated that they could never imagine marrying a man with a small penis yet procreate with him. If it wasn't that, it was the "You look good on paper" speech. On the verge of accepting my solitude, accepting that I will never be a woman's first choice, and accepting that what I want will never be. I ready to raise that white flag.
  7. I don't why I'm finally addressing this or what caused me to bring this up, but I'm opening up a door that I have never opened before. I'm a 30 year old male , but when I was 12 years old, I was sexually assaulted by my middle school English teacher. She was in her early 60's, and I remembered when she first took interested in me. It was my first day in a new state and at a new school. I was born and bred from Chicago, Illinois but I had to move down to Texas with my mom and siblings after my parents split. I definitely stood out with my Midwest accent amongst the sea of the southern kids in a small Texas town. Anyways, my first class with this English teacher was overwhelming because she made me the subject of the discussion. She would always incorporate something about Chicago or use me as an example for the class. I thought it was weird at first, but shrugged it off, and went to lunch after class was over. So 15 mins later, and that English teacher asks if I would like to have lunch with her in her classroom instead of the cafeteria. I politely declined. Well, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and that teacher was still showing peculiar interest in me then one day, things escalated a bit. She caught me talking in her class, and so she immediately dropped the classroom discussion and diverted the classroom's attention to me. She asked me to get up out of my seat and move over to her desk and sit on the floor behind her desk. All my classmates suddenly became uncomfortable as well as did I. I told her no. She insisted that I find my way into the hall and to sit there until class was dismissed. After that, things went unsaid and I jetted to my next class. Twenty minutes into my history class, I get paged to the principal's office. I go to the principal's office and he sits me down to tell me that I'll be attending afterschool detention in my English teacher's room with my English teacher. I insisted no, and the Principal's reply was if I refused then it would be a week of suspension. I couldn't really afford that because how else was I going to explain to my mom about why I was suspended. So I accepted the afterschool detention, and I really wished I had gone with the suspension instead. This crazy woman had somehow switched her dress attire from casual teacher to borderline inappropriate revealing shortcut dress with the old lady hosiery. She would constantly gaze at me, much like a lion to a gazelle, and it was so creepy and uncomfortable, but I diverted my attention to my school work to kill the time. She got up from her desk and grabbed a sit right next to me. She looks at me and asks "Why do you insist on being a thorn in class, Mr. F?" My response was simply, "Well, I'm not trying to be. I just got distracted with another classmate, that's all." She leans in and looks into my eyes with a smirk, and says "Well, Mr. F...we're gonna have to stop this nonsense because it's distracting others." The same time she utters those lines, I can feel her hand slide onto my leg and over onto my penis. I felt discussed, violated, and grimy. The messed up part of it was she knew I was uncomfortable...….she could see it on my face clear as day.....and yet, she thinks I'm into it. After that, I felt ashamed. I thought to myself "Is this how older people especially women express themselves??" I went to my guidance counselor to see if I could get transferred to another English teacher but no dice. I couldn't tell anyone because how ashamed I felt towards myself, and the pure fact that one would believe me. I found myself very quiet in her class; making sure I didn't utter a sound or participate in class discussions, yet she would find a way to get to me. I dropped my pencil one day and my classmate bent over to pick it up for me. The English teacher accused me and my female classmate of disrupting class, so she made the girl wait out in the hallway until class was over and made me stay afterschool for detention. While I was doing my work she would whisper things into my ear like what she wanted me to do with her. She asked me to let her sit on my face which I always responded with a cold no. Finally when she knew I wasn't gonna give in, she hits me with a "Do what I say or else" card. She threatens to fail me unless I play. I was at a crossroads, because my reputation at the time was the class clown so my word wouldn't hold up against hers. At this time, I had three months of school, and at that point, I was tired of fighting it. So for the next three months, it was her pulling my pants down and tugging on my penis while cooing in my ear. It went even as far as her putting her underwear in my backpack with a message on it. Every time I saw her, I wanted to shower or at the very least put soap in my eyes. It was like the longest year of my life. By the next year she was moved over to the 6th grade learning annexes where I never really saw her again. I wish I could say that it stopped with her, but sadly no. It happened two more times with two different teachers. I often ask myself from time to time, what made me such an easy target.
  8. Nobody gets tired of it. We all are living it everyday dude, and this is a place where everyone will always be supportive. SPS is infectious, and everything you're feeling and experiencing is what most of us feel. I've been dealing with SPS for 13 years, and it has been like a traumatizing rollercoaster ride, and it has infiltrated every aspect of my thoughts. Thoughts that range from goals, desires, relationships, jobs, etc. There are men who don't know what it's like to have a small penis, and those guys will throw out some wishy washy response "Dude, get over it, and go for it" with such ease, or women who are your friends and nothing more, giving the pity speech or the old kindergarten try, "It will be okay. You'll find someone who'll appreciate you." You know god damn well that woman is just bullshitting, I'm not here to bullshit you. Like I said, it's like being on a fucking rollercoaster for 13 years. You don't know when you're getting off. SPS had created so much this self hate within me that up until last year, I had myself convinced for a bit, that it would be easier to try my luck as a woman. I was like "Being a transgender lesbian wouldn't be bad," even though I identify with being a man. I shit you not, it was that severe. My whole sound but irrational logic was that a woman would finally accept me for who I am. I'm glad I didn't go that route though, because it's not who I really am and the reason why I'm having a hard time accepting myself is because a string of women couldn't accept me. I got sick of that. I got sick of women being walking contradictions with their ads and commercials on being body shamed by men when you know damn well those same women are shaming guys for their sizes. A lot of this attributes from neo-feminists, but that's a story for another time. My point is your situation sucks as is mine, and other guys on here. You're not alone. Just don't settle for anything because a woman tries to make you feel inferior about your penis. By all logical, a man shouldn't be measured by his penis but that of his character, and the path he forges ahead. Unfortunately, we live in a materialistic society where, because of neo-feminists, penis sizes are important and is a must a have, like a jacuzzi in the middle of the ghetto. All I can say is this: Learn to love yourself first. Take your penis out of the decision-making, and ask how much are you willing to endure. If you want a relationship really bad then prepare yourself for the levels of discord that women will put you through as well as the feeling that you somehow jipped them or false advertised to them. If you do manage to find a woman who accepts you for your entirety then that's great, but just know that if you're not jumping through hoops for them, and you get too comfortable and secure with yourself then they'll start to look elsewhere. Frankly, women who feel that they're settling for a man with a small penis, will constantly, in a indirect way, let that guy know she's settling for him, and wants that guy to feel less than. I know you're expecting a pep rally or wise words but the truth is we're a percentage of a market that has to put a whole lot in to get, if lucky, half back. Just shift that hate from yourself to all the materialistic, neo-feministic, size queens that are out there. You do that by embracing yourself, loving yourself, and holding yourself to a higher standard. Sorry I jabbered on hahah. I have a lot to say about this. Keep your head up dude.
  9. It's an epidemic that's on nobodies radar. I've listened to podcasts from comedians to sex therapists, and the one constant flowing theme is for us to shoot for the stars and hope for the best. It's an uncomfortable topic that no one wants to address, and if it remains unaddressed, we'll see a ripple effect. I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't a link between the rate of male suicides and those men having small penises. We're all pretty much are taught to identify ourselves with our penises as being the root to our successes and women are taught this as well. It's only when we find out from one of our partners that we're below average, that ideology of who we thought we were as men, begins to crumble. Resonating and infecting every area of our lives. The key is bringing down the armor and shedding light on the matter, but too many men are afraid to jump into that pool. If women want equality and fairness then they should have that, but as long as men's securities are taking seriously too. I mean, we don't ask for much, right.
  10. Nice half hearted pitch there to rally the troops. Well, as I'm sure your message had profound meaning through that wishy wash speech you laid there, you're only advice is or was Craigslist's personal ads. A section that has been axed for awhile now. As your only food of thought is online dating applications, I have to say your not providing anything differently then the few thousand men, who suffer from SPS, with the old college try routine. No offense, but its a very glib response. The truth of the matter is this: Neo feminism has taken things into a different direction. I'm not saying an inexplicable direction, but a direction that has been boiling for quite some time. The hardcore women of today are making changes, and they're getting by with this changes because men keep fucking it up. We are the bottom feeders, gentlemen. If a woman do decides to mate with us, to procreate with any of us, its because we're being settled for. As every guy should be aware of is that, when a woman settles for something or for a guy, she makes it known to the guy. And she will not beat around the bush about it. This is a material world, and it belongs to the material girls. Expect there to be several dozens of hoops to jump through to keep her around. The kind of hoops that a guy with a average size or larger wouldn't have to go through. The instant that we come off remotely secure or relaxed in the relationship, the gears will be turning in their heads with thoughts: "He isn't jumping through hoops for me anymore. Who does he think he is?? I settled for him! No woman would put up with his lack of size but me. I deserve better. I'm gonna get better. I wonder what Mark is doing?? I heard he has a pretty good size." To the extent of something like that haha. My point being is that if a woman likes are personality, finds us attractive, but is disappointed with our size, well, she's gonna automatically think that she's better than us, and she deserves better, or she's plagued with crippling insecurities that, to her, no "normal" guy will ever put up with, so she'll still settle because it's better than being alone. So our options, as bottom feeders, is: a) Hope for the best, and shoot for the stars. b) Jump through constant hoops for the woman to atone for your penis size, size, in which you have no control over, and it's better than being alone. c) Serial date for the rest of your existence and hope you get some woman pregnant by accident so you can somehow continue your linage. d) Accept being alone. Embrace it, because you'll never settle for less than what your worth is.
  11. A lot of it comes from these misguided women who ride the coat-tails of Neo - Feminist. Don't get me wrong: I respect feminism but when it comes to neo - feminism, I roll my eyes and hold my breath. It's like Planet of the Apes but with women instead of apes. They misguide these fat, ugly, and angry women but telling them that men are inferior especially ones with lil pricks. Next thing, these neo - feminists are changing the standard of penis sizes; first it was 5 inches and next year its gonna be 6.5 inches. So instead of fighting equal opportunities, they're simply fighting for superiority which is dangerous game to play. I'm sure there are women out there don't give two nickels about the size of man's Johnson and those women are plagued with self-esteem issues and cold views of the world. And as for the women who have limitations on sizes but will work for it...….Do I wanna feel like a burden or a chore?? Hell no. I'm not saying that its inhumane to have preference. Everyone should have preferences and standards, but don't have them overshadow a great prospect because of size. It's like "Sorry Billy. Even though you treat me like a princess, a greek goddess, and a person, I'm leaving you for Dexter St. John because he's got a ten inch penis." Does he have a job? Does he pay attention to you? Does he tell you how pretty you are or treat you with upmost respect?? "No. He's on welfare. He lives with his mom. He threatens me when I look at other guys, and he doesn't take interest in what I have to say." The biggiest problem are the "Size Queens." These are women who pretend to neo feminist but uses that card so they can get away with emasculating other men for their short comings. These woman make the other two groups of women feel embarrassed and ashamed for being comfortable with man being under 6 inches (even though 5 inches is the average). Its a group a girls who meet up for lunch all driving their lambos and their one friend that's last to show, pulls up in a Ford Pinto. Now even thought that girl digs that Pinto and she's comfortable with it, you know those fucking women are going to make her feel bad for driving that Ford Pinto. Case in point, girls don't want other girls to find out that they're dating a guy with a small penis because it makes them feel just as bad as the guy who has the small prick.
  12. Since being on this forum, I have been able to take stories with of the suffering, anger, and loathe that centers our conflict with ourselves and society. Reading people's stories have truly helped and especially sharing our experiences, gave me an idea. A risky idea at that. In your honest opinions, what would you think about an awareness video or a thought video on YouTube? I'm sure there's one already but it's probably by a guy who has an average sized penis. Let me know your thoughts.
  13. I know how I'm coming off and I know it seems greener on my side of the fence, but once you experience sex, it's something you never want to lose. It's even greater with someone you really care about. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the sexual experiences I've shared with these 12 women, I'm just saying it's hard especially since I'm thirty and everyone I know around me is settling down in committing relationships. People start to investigate and put labels - he's weird, he's gay, etc when the truth is there's not a damn woman on this earth who will see past my size and see how great I am.
  14. I don't know. Be a celibate like monk I guess by putting all of my sexual frustrations and self loathe into my writing. Maybe some good will come to that. I just don't have the stomach to be humiliated again. When I'm ready, I'll go back out there and try it again.
  15. I'm always looking for a relationship that will lead into something serious when it comes to that point. I take everything in stride and if things happen then they'll happen. The women I've dated were always looking for a trophy boyfriend, and that was never my thing. I come from a humble upbringing but carry myself confidently when it comes to my personality, but as I stated before, when it comes to physical part, I always lose out because of my size. Sex is really important to women, and it doesn't matter how nice I am, how much attention i give them, or how much I do to over compensate for what I lack. Size trumps over everything else. I'm selfless in the bedroom and I make everything about pleasing the woman. To them, it don't matter how gratuitous I am, It's a numbers game. I spoke to my uncle, which was really uncomfortable, and he said "Dude, you just have to keep putting yourself out there until you find a woman who accepts you and your entirety. In shortest term, put myself through humiliation and rejection til I find the right one.
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