English is not my native language
background: C-PTSD, BPD, Depression, Anxiety, Panic attacks, lived in an abusive enviroment my hole life. I'm 19, queer (afab). Almost 2 years on teraphy and meds.
I just need companionship and support, my only ex abused me for years, he was neglective, cohersed me to have sex with him and laughed about my mental ilness provoqued mostly by my parents abusing me my hole childhood. I'm so scared cause now he is back in the country after being one year away and I just don't wanna see him on the street or anywhere:( I'm so fking scared of him, his voice, his image, those memories are coming back and they are eating me alive. Now I'm so scared of people, I can't leave my room without taking my meds (antidepresants and anxiolitics) + lots of Clotiazepam. Like agh, I'm so scared of living, I just wanna sleep in peace but nope, he appears even there, his voice haunts me.
I need to live distracted to survive.