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Jim

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  1. Jim

    Grief transference

    LaLa Thank you got the reply. Since my original post we went to EAP thru my employer. We both have referrals to a counselor and are planning on following thru. She found that the other persons feelings are not the same as hers and feels heartbroken and embarrassed. Her depression has hit hard as a result. She has also told me that it had been sexual with this person. With this and her figuring out his feelings are not the same I’m not sure what she is thinking. I think counseling is still viable option if she still is willing to go. She also insists she doesn’t want y to o talk to strangers who are condescending and judging her. She really wants the only one she can’t find as ok to, her mom. She know her mom would be very disappointed in her with what she’s doing. It’s sad to say but this is not the same person I fell in love with and still love. I know it’s the grief and loss that’s gone this and I only hope that I can convince her that counseling will help her sort out her emotions and feelings.
  2. I’m in a difficult situation. My wife who I love very much lost her mother to cancer last June after a up and down battle. During this time we had decided to have a baby together (ivf). About three months after the pregnancy was confirmed we got word her mother’s cancer was back in an aggressive form. We knew her time was limited but we’re hopeful she would hang on until the birth. The pregnancy was a difficult one and the last six weeks my wife was on bed rest. As a result she was FB I’m able to visit her mom the way she had wanted. Three weeks after her mom died the baby was born (c-section). This also had an impact on her with the resulting scar. She spent the next month healing and trying to care for huge baby. She felt she never had time to grieve or talk to anyone about her loss. In October she began talk to a friend of her mom who also suffered a cancer loss of his wife. Both wife and mom knew each other and were friends. My wife and him would talk about their loss and it brought my wife some comfort. In January my wife broke down and told me that she had strong feelings for the person and felt terribly guilt about the feelings. She has told me that she loves him and the guilt about having the feelings has triggered her depression. She is so confused about what’s going on she is at a loss of what to do. I was able to convince her to seek counseling and gave an appointment set up for us both. How will the counseling handle this what seems to be transference and allow her to begin to think clearly again. She had never doubted her love for me but is terribly confused about her feelings.
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