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Andromeda

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Everything posted by Andromeda

  1. Andromeda

    OCD hell

    OCD is back.Why,why I cant live normal?Anxiety is so strong,and Im so tired.I talked with one girl from my university and she said that my OCD isnt problem to her. But she will never understand how painful is living this way
  2. I want only anxiety to stop :(

  3. Andromeda

    Anger-again

    Im not really sure what is real reason for it.This week my OCD thoughts came again and I just felt so insecure in myself.In my family of course everybody always scream for something and on Thursday when my mother broke the tablet by mistake and start screaming that my father wil hurt her I just became angry and I threw glass in the wall.I just cant stop feeling like something is burning in me.I dont want to hurt anybody(I think so),but I cant stop feeling like bad person.Im not even person who likes to fight with people why I feel like this?
  4. Andromeda

    Anger-again

    Confusion,anger-same as always.My thoughts are racing and its so hard to study this week.
  5. Andromeda

    Guilt

    Well Im doing fine,Lala.Im just tired after my exams.Its still hard to live with my family,but I find some people in university and I can talk with them about things I like. I was free from OCD last month.Now it is here again,but its not so strong and I hope it wont get worse. Thank you so much for not forgetting about me
  6. tired of bad thoughts

    1. Lana73

      Lana73

      I hope things are going well for you

  7. Andromeda

    Guilt

    Yes I have a lot exams these weeks.But they keep my mind busy so I dont have time to think about problems.Im little afraid,because I dont think I will pass all exams,but I always loved science .Everything is logical and feelings arent so important.
  8. Andromeda

    Guilt

    Well Im not perfectly fine,but Im trying to use my logic when bad thoughts come in my mind.Its not easy and I feel like bastard sometimes. I dont have "proof that people cant trust me.I always cared for them.I think so.But now Im not sure in anything. Im sorry if what I said doesnt make sanse. I didnt write so long,because I really felt Im wasting your time,but maybe its better to write.I dont know.
  9. Andromeda

    Guilt

    Day was better we had guests,but night isnt so nice.Im not sure in anything right now.I dont think that people can trust me.Im so twisted.
  10. Andromeda

    Guilt

    I had one of these thoughts that Im going to hurt someone and when my brother huged me for Christmas I felt so much guilt.He trust me and I feel like Im betraing him.I know that was just thought and Im trying to think logical,but I cant. Last night was so hard.Im glad I didnt have lighter.I wanted so badly to burn myself. I know how stupid looks everything.Im always so logical.How something like that can ruin all my logic
  11. Andromeda

    Guilt

    Two months without so strong OCD,but it plays tricks with me now.I feel again confused and lost in these awful fears.I feel so ashemed of myself.Guilt hounds me and I cant escape.
  12. Andromeda

    Broken

    I dont know exactly from what Im afraid.Its just feeling.Maybe Im afraid that they wont like me.I know sometimes OCD is problem.Im still afraid that I may hurt somebody. I dont know if they knew about my OCD maybe they will stop talking to me.
  13. Andromeda

    Broken

    You dont know how great I feel that Im so far away from one of this countries where have war.I never mention before but my father is born in one of them and I totally understand.I know that maybe he is scared about his family.Im trying to understand his point of view. In university have some nice people and Im trying to talk with them.Its still hard for me to trust somebody but I feel that Im more open than before.Maybe because my OCD isnt strong this month
  14. Andromeda

    Broken

    Maybe this hole will be filled with some feeling of securety and feeling that I belong.
  15. Andromeda

    Broken

    I really dont have idea what part of me is missing,but I feel like inside me have big hole. Yes Im glad I have good memories they really make me feel better sometimes.I think everything that you said is right Lala.I know that adults dont have so intense feelings. Maybe problems make me numb and I cant feel like before.Im burden to everybody.This is what most people think,even my family.My father is sure Im totaly worthless.Maybe he is right. Im sorry I write things that dont have so much sense,but I cant concentrate well this week
  16. Andromeda

    Broken

    Im so broken.I feel this emptness so badly.One part of me is gone.Even when Im happy isnt the same as before.My happy childhood with my grandma and aunt and later everything is blur and I dont want to remember
  17. Andromeda

    Empty

    What you said is more what I think,Lala.But sometimes I cant express myself well in English I felt so bad last two nights.No idea why.But Maybe is not so strange when I think about my problems and all problems that have people around me
  18. Andromeda

    Empty

    Well Im doing fine.I had even some happy days. But of course problems cant go away so easy.My family dont have money and things at home are really bad.Everybody are depressed.My aunt have problems too.She is scared when wind is blowing and Im the only person who understands how terrible she feels.Sometimes I feel like Im in one big hole and I will never escape from it.But maybe I still believe that everything will be better in future
  19. Andromeda

    Empty

    Im trying to escape from feeling of guilt and depression.I dont want to feel like bad person anymore. I think university helps me a little and I dont feel so lonely and far away from the world.
  20. Andromeda

    Empty

    I have been sleeping all day.Im so exhausted,my energy is low.I cant do anything
  21. Andromeda

    Empty

    Well Im fine.University is interesting.Im still little confused with so many new things,but maybe its normal.Im too shy and Im not good when I have to talk with people I dont know,but Im trying to talk with students and maybe someday I will talk with them more freely
  22. Andromeda

    broken

    Im so sorry epp. Im thinking of you too
  23. Andromeda

    Empty

    I read little,than I wrote how I feel.This makes my anxiety low.I helped my brother with his homework.My father wasnt at home so it was more peaceful . But Im still nervous.Tomorrow is my first day of university.So many people I dont know. I dont know if they can understand my OCD when I need to do my rituals
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