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Andromeda

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Everything posted by Andromeda

  1. Andromeda

    Empty

    Its really beautiful.I love nature.There is magic in it.Thank you,Beth Sitting on the top of mountain Away from problems.Just me and nature.Sounds great.I think I can imagine this.Sometimes only my imagination makes me stronger
  2. Andromeda

    Empty

    There isnt other place to go.I feel so unstable right now.
  3. Andromeda

    Empty

    Its so hard to live with my parents.I cant take it.Today my father injured my mother again.I dont have idea what to do?Why they act like children?
  4. Andromeda

    Empty

    Things at home are the same as always.New is that my father think Im worthless,but I dont care what he says. I really feel lonely,but I cant change that for now I will try to focus and write if I cant maybe listening music will help
  5. Andromeda

    Empty

    I Im getting enough sleep,too much I think.I cant focus on things Im doing.Im not taking meds Hope this feeling will go away soon,because it makes me feel worthless and powerless
  6. Andromeda

    Empty

    Im so tired and empty now.I feel lost.
  7. Andromeda

    Why?

    I dont know what else to say about my rituals.I think Im still not ready to stop them.Maybe I really have to learn more about anxiety,before I try.I understand that my rituals are proof that I wont hurt people i love,but I cant control my feelings.Im so scary sometimes I love reading I read every book I can find. Ive never read a lot about self-harm,but maybe its good idea.Like I said when I want to SI ,not always,but most times writing helps.I write all feelings and thoughts in my mind.I dont know if this is best way to achieve balans,but its better than SI. In my country I think its hard to find self-help books,but if I find it will be interesting to read it Maybe when I feel too scared idea with the doll will help
  8. Andromeda

    Why?

    You dont have to be sorry,Lala. Last time when I self-injured was in January.Im trying to distract myself with something.But I want to do it every time when I feel bad. I dont know if I feel worse I dont think I will be strong enough not to do it. My rituals are most cheaking something,Repeatedly opening of some books.Sometimes I read one page a lot times and so on.These rituals makes me tired.Im always late when I have to go somewhere and I cant sleep if everything is not "right". Things that makes me anxious are different.Most worse of course is that if I dont do some ritual I will hurt somebody.I know how stupid it is.But anxiety is unbearable when Im not doing ritual
  9. Andromeda

    Why?

    Thank you all for being so kind with me. Ive never been on therapy.My family was sure there is no need.So Im not diagnosed with OCD,but I read a lot about it.I have obsessions and a lot compulsions(rituals).Compulsions make me look really strange in peoples eyes.My father even hit me,because he think I just want to be interesting.He cant understand that Im doing them,because I feel a lot anxiety. Im trying to believe Im not so bad.But its hard.I think I understand it with my mind,but my feelings are so mixed. IJ,I watched my parents fight.But this was something normal in my family. Lala,my mother always said that she had good childhood,but I dont know anything about my father.I dont know his family they live in another country.But he acts strange and he is aggressive sometimes and Im sure something was wrong with his family Well,I think I achieve balance when I write.Sometimes I write only words without so much meaning,but this makes me feel more calm.
  10. Andromeda

    Why?

    Well my OCD started after fight between my parents and this thought"if I hurt somebody"came in my head and I coudnt stop it.I was crying all night feeling like bad person.Things become so worse I couldnt even be in one room with my family.Every day was nightmare for me.Ive started burning myself,because I wanted to punish myself. I talked one night with my mother when I was out of control,my body was shaking.My head was full with pictures - me doing something bad.I dont know what I expected from her,maybe understanding.But she said Im bad and I dont love my family.This just broke me. Next day after school is so blur in my mind.I just remember myself walking and crying.I wanted to end everything.I felt scared,confused.I cant write more,I dont feel strong enough to remember
  11. Andromeda

    Why?

    I have concrete memories,Lala.Well I tried to talk about those memories,with members of my family,but they couldnt understand.I dont know.Maybe Im just not ready to tell somebody how I felt.
  12. Andromeda

    Why?

    Five years after my first serious OCD crisis.Why memories still hurts?I cant forget crying and running in the rain trying to stop these bad thoughts.I cant escape from feeling that Im too bad person.
  13. World is so strange.I feel like I will never understand it

    1. Lana73

      Lana73

      Hi Andromeda! How are you?

    2. Andromeda

      Andromeda

      I feel tired,Lana.I have lots of problems right now.Hope you are fine

    3. Lana73

      Lana73

      Ohhhh, sorry Andromeda. OCD, hah? That can make you feel pretty tired.

      I had a great 3 weeks without it and now back to cleaning like crazy again.

      Hang in there, my dear. You are not alone.

      Hugs

    4. Show next comments  18 more
  14. Thank you DD, I really needed to hear Im not bad person,because I feel angry
  15. I read your posts,I just dont have time to answer and my English isnt good enough.But I care about you.And Im sure people from this community want you to be here with us
  16. Andromeda

    People

    In my life only few people care about my problems.So its still little hard for me to be more open,but I think I feel safe here.Its nice people to support you and dont judge you
  17. Andromeda

    People

    Hi,Lana Im holiday so Im not with my family.Its always better not to be around them Yes DD this is something I can relate to I feel people unsafe. I was thinking when this problems with people started and I remember that everthing started after one terrible OCD crisis.I was scared that I will hurt people that I love.I was terrified to be even in room with somebody.Most people leave me after that crisis. I still dont know am I disappionted from people and feel really unsafe them or some part deep inside of me is still scared I may hurt somebody. Is it possible this to be part of the problem?
  18. Andromeda

    People

    Yes,IJ I feel sometimes anxiety when Im around people,but its not always anxiety. Most time its like coldness,between me and others.I feel far away from them in my own world,I prefer to be alone,but Im lonely.I know this dont make sense:(. Hi medlem,hope you are doing well:) I dont know Ive never believed Im better than others.I just feel different and more strange.I dont know why I feel uncomforable with people.
  19. Andromeda

    People

    I dont know why I feel this way.I always have this feeling like between me and most people have boundary.I cant communicate good with them.I know this fault is mine,I dont blame people for my problems..If I try to speak with someone,I dont feel joy,I want to escape and be alone.Its like I dont need other people in my life,but I feel sad,lonely and empty when Im alone.I know this sounds stupid. Well i found out that i leave in my own world,where I feel save.From what?I dont have idea.
  20. So many problems,but Im trying to stay stable

  21. Im happy to see you here
  22. Im glad you are fine Hugs
  23. Andromeda

    Feeling fine

    I feel happy this month.I felt real happiness before years and was forget this feeling.But I really like it now
  24. Feeling better:)

    1. IrmaJean

      IrmaJean

      That's wonderful to hear. :)

    2. LaLa

      LaLa

      I hope you still do feel better! ;)

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