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malign last won the day on February 20

malign had the most liked content!

About malign

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Changed in the Fall of '13; now in the snowy state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Biography
    Lifelong depressive with a dash of hope. My name is Mark, too.


  • Location
    Changed last Fall; now in the state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Occupation
    Software Engineer, site moderator, but most importantly, human being.
  1. Beer

    Lala, Not to take too much of Vic's thread, but ... Recognition is only one step. Other steps might include: valuing oneself enough to want something better, finding something that works better, and overcoming the fear that comes with replacing something that used to work. And there are probably other steps that might be person- or original-problem-specific.
  2. Beer

    I thought about 'liking' this, but I don't do social media, and it made me think about why. What I came up with is that a 'like' means you didn't feel like typing something more personal, like: Way to go! That last sentence contains enough for a whole book, and not just about recovery. Most of us are doing something we thought would help, or maybe even did help for a while, but in the long run, just adds another problem. Seeing that is the only way to get yourself to stop trying it.
  3. Planning. I'm not good at it.

    Maybe you should try stuff that only requires three thoughts...
  4. Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    Positives: free formal wear and the ability to dive headfirst into frigid water, and the latter comprises your whole commute. Negative, but it's a big one: fish breath.
  5. Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    I hunt with a telephoto, and got some great shots of a skunk in the Shenandoah because he didn't care who heard him or who watched him, so long as there were no sudden moves. Being licked would be cool. I did get nuzzled by a wild foal on Chincoteague Island once, under the watchful eyes of her mother and several other adult ponies. People feeding them, as you said.
  6. Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    Those are your bad qualities, lostboy. Your good qualities include getting to wander around calmly because nothing wants to hunt you, and ... uh sorry, that's all I got. For the record, I got raccoon, so equal chance of road-kill, and although I don't generate stink, I acquire it from eating garbage.
  7. Poll - Why are you here?

    So YOTH, you're saying that the best advice is the opposite of "Go fuck yourself"? :-) This actually relates to the conversation above. Even if SPS were only a problem of society, people would still need emotional and psychological support to deal with how society makes them feel, because however hard you try, society will take some time to change. I would give similar advice to a minority individual facing societal barriers, because the barriers will be here a while, still. Support would take the form of listening to the person's feelings about the insults they receive, validating that the insults are unwarranted and do not mean that the person is less human, and talking with them about how to handle what the world tells them in the most constructive way possible. In other words, what this forum is here to do.
  8. Reasonable

    Whenever I post a blog entry that isn't entirely positive, people quite reasonably respond that it's quite reasonable for me to feel that way. But I don't feel quite reasonable about it. I know what reasonable is, what reality is. But I don't have to like it. Isn't that the definition of suffering, not liking what is real? Eh, maybe not. More like, not accepting what is real; liking is something else and totally up to the individual. But not accepting is like one of my favorite expressions, peeing into a gale. The wind doesn't stop, and you end up needing a change of clothes. I've spent a lot of my life trying to convince myself I'm reasonable. Probably because I'm a Thinking type, according to Myers-Briggs. Doesn't mean I always think, but that I try to convince myself that I've always thunk. The reality is closer to being ruled by my emotions, then pretending they make sense according to circumstances. Why would my feelings make (that kind of) sense, or for that matter, why would circumstances, reality, make sense by my limited human standpoint? If I were to believe that the Universe makes sense according to my understanding, it would mean that I effectively control it, limit it to the set of events that I'm prepared to accept. Okay, I have a healthy, or possibly even an unhealthily large, ego, but it's not big enough to believe that my definition of acceptability plays any role in restraining the Universe from doing whatever the [expletive] it wants. It appears that the only reasonable thing to do is to admit that I'm not going to find the Universe to be entirely reasonable.
  9. my life.

    Do you have some ideas about what separates the good days from the bad? " Everything I avoid is just me thinking it would not help, though it probably will." That's a complicated set of ideas. There's stuff you avoid. You're able to see that the stuff probably will help. But for some reason, you tell yourself it won't. What do you think about that? Could it be that the depressed part of you is just really negative ("Nothing could possibly help"), but a more stable part of you is aware that maybe something could? Or is there maybe something else going on, like part of you doesn't think it deserves help? Or something else? And the other little stuff, like getting outside a little every day, can still help. Take care.
  10. my life.

    Well, for one thing, it sounds like you picked the right forum, Depression. And, you chose to come, so you have a little motivation not to stay depressed. How do we expand that into an action you can take to make things better? The knowledge you learn in school can certainly help, both for jobs or for things you'd like to do (what would you like to do for a living, if you could choose any job?) Hmm, I didn't think of that: you probably didn't ask to talk to a social worker. It's hard for them to help, in that situation. So, okay, if you want to lock yourself in your room and do nothing but video games, I can see how, eventually, that might no longer be possible, which could be the "all things will fall apart." So, let's return to the first paragraph. You don't have much motivation, at this point. But you came here, and you keep responding, so there's a little. What can you do with it? Could you try going out for a walk every day, maybe only half an hour? Then you could go back to your room. Can you make an effort to eat right, and to go to sleep and wake up at regular times? Each of those things has been shown to help people who are depressed. It doesn't have to be much, just a little really. But no one can do it for you. I could suggest seeking counseling and/or medication. If there's a way to get them and you have enough motivation to try, those methods are easier than doing this all on your own. But if they're not available, or not available right now, there are things you can do for yourself, and maybe new options will open up.
  11. my life.

    Time or motivation, then. But you seem to have enough time. Video games, right? So, motivation. I can understand that if you don't see how it will help, you wouldn't be excited to do something. But you've said that you're aware of how not getting an education is hurting you. Wouldn't it help, then, to try to get one? Or do you believe, say, that it's too late or something? Or maybe it's something else. You said that things would all fall apart at some point, if you didn't have an education. How exactly do you imagine that happening, the falling apart? What will happen if you don't do well in school? And therapy is different from school. You lacked motivation for it, so it must not have been giving you what you needed/wanted. What was it that you were seeking, that they didn't give you?
  12. Unfortunately, Catherine, the original post on this thread was quite a long time ago; you may not hear back from the original poster. So I'll put in my two cents' worth. It is possible that a sexualized encounter in youth can have an effect much later in life. Many sexual abuse survivors are most ashamed about the fact that their bodies responded despite the fact that the sex was not in any way consensual. That dynamic is a barrier to recovery for many of them. But, it's also possible for men to have doubts about their penis size without having had a childhood encounter. And it is possible for men to be gay or bisexual. I don't know your husband, and so have no input as to which of these, or some other possibility, is the real one. That means that I think it matters much more what your response would be to the various possibilities, if only because you might never know what actually happened to your husband.
  13. my life.

    I like listening; it's why I'm here. :-) So, you're aware that not going to school is causing you problems, but you don't go. Can you go into what keeps you away, a little? Because, at least for the academic side, it's always possible to catch up. Is there any possibility of getting some counseling, to help you deal with the unpleasant memories? Are there any support groups near you for teenagers whose parents are divorced/divorcing? You can't be the only one. At least it would give you people to talk to who have gone through the same stuff.
  14. my life.

    Let's see if i understand what has happened to you in the eventful last few years. Your parents got, or are getting, divorced (is it final yet?). They did not treat each other well, but more importantly, they don't seem to have managed to avoid treating you badly, as well (no child should be expected to choose between their parents in a divorce.) They are separated, but you split your time between them. Is that right, so far? Then, you have been having trouble sleeping, which has carried over into problems at school. Now, you rarely go, and instead spend your time on video games. You worry about the effect this is having on your future. I think I understand, so far. But then you said, "... when everything falls apart" -- do you mean, when your lack of education starts to cause you trouble, or is there something else that is going to fall apart? And, what might it mean to you if some day you thought you were a "failure"? Having been suicidal myself, I tend to think of it as a forever solution to a temporary problem, but that's just my opinion. We're here to listen to yours, if you feel like sharing some more.
  15. Site was down

    I just wanted to let everyone know that the site was down for almost a full day due to an error of our host. Sorry for the inconvenience.