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malign last won the day on May 10

malign had the most liked content!

About malign

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Changed in the Fall of '13; now in the snowy state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Biography
    Lifelong depressive with a dash of hope. My name is Mark, too.


  • Location
    Changed last Fall; now in the state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Occupation
    Software Engineer, site moderator, but most importantly, human being.

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  1. malign


    Whatever floats your boat . . . 😁😁
  2. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    Yeah. But the law of averages suggests it won't be you or me. Not to mention P. T. Barnum's observation that there's a sucker born every minute. Which must be a rough life, for both the sucker and his mom ... (Happy Mother's Day, btw.)
  3. malign


    Hi Jade; welcome to the site. It wouldn't surprise me if you had a low-grade depression; many people do. But did you diagnose yourself, or have you sought professional advice? Because the problem with online lists of symptoms is precisely that "normal people" often do feel some symptoms. Feeling tired, overeating, staying at home, low self-esteem, are all common enough. The list actually said "obnoxiously lazy"? Or did you fill some of that in? I've been diagnosed with different things over my lifetime, starting with an undiagnosed depression in my senior year of high school, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I've had periods of major depression later in life. I'm currently on meds for anxiety, which are actually helping. But did I feel myself shift into (or out of) normality? No, because diagnoses aren't meant to be boxes, separated by high walls from "normal". They're just a description of what things the person needs help with. If anything, it was my grades in school that made me feel most different from everyone else. That and just being me. It's also a difficult stage of life, being sixteen. Lots of things are changing; lots of things don't make sense any more; lots of possibilities are opening up, whether you're ready or not. It's okay to go easy on yourself for a while. One step at a time, and if something doesn't go perfectly today, there's always tomorrow. I know that sounds like something old folks say, but it's okay: I'm an old folk. You don't have to listen. 🙂 Depression isn't the same thing as low self-esteem, though it can be depressing when a person doesn't feel good about themselves. You said you're aware of insecurity, but you cover it up. That's incredibly common, not to say "normal". You also said you can be "very awkward", but confident in certain settings. How are the situations different? Because the differences are probably important to how you react to the situations. And is there a reason you don't trust anyone? My guess is that this is your mood, plus your way of making sense of the world at the moment. My belief is that those things are changeable, and that your personality is something else, and something that's okay just the way it is.
  4. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    Well, they mostly seemed to be Russians who were somehow selling Canadian pharmaceuticals. That didn't make them sound like very reliable sources. Vic: What did the Romans say when they were having a bad day? "Crape Diem"
  5. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    That's true: as a consequence of my choice to help combat spam on here, I know dozens of places to get Viagra online.
  6. malign


    Lala, Not to take too much of Vic's thread, but ... Recognition is only one step. Other steps might include: valuing oneself enough to want something better, finding something that works better, and overcoming the fear that comes with replacing something that used to work. And there are probably other steps that might be person- or original-problem-specific.
  7. malign


    I thought about 'liking' this, but I don't do social media, and it made me think about why. What I came up with is that a 'like' means you didn't feel like typing something more personal, like: Way to go! That last sentence contains enough for a whole book, and not just about recovery. Most of us are doing something we thought would help, or maybe even did help for a while, but in the long run, just adds another problem. Seeing that is the only way to get yourself to stop trying it.
  8. malign

    Planning. I'm not good at it.

    Maybe you should try stuff that only requires three thoughts...
  9. malign

    Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    Positives: free formal wear and the ability to dive headfirst into frigid water, and the latter comprises your whole commute. Negative, but it's a big one: fish breath.
  10. malign

    Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    I hunt with a telephoto, and got some great shots of a skunk in the Shenandoah because he didn't care who heard him or who watched him, so long as there were no sudden moves. Being licked would be cool. I did get nuzzled by a wild foal on Chincoteague Island once, under the watchful eyes of her mother and several other adult ponies. People feeding them, as you said.
  11. malign

    Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    Those are your bad qualities, lostboy. Your good qualities include getting to wander around calmly because nothing wants to hunt you, and ... uh sorry, that's all I got. For the record, I got raccoon, so equal chance of road-kill, and although I don't generate stink, I acquire it from eating garbage.
  12. malign

    Poll - Why are you here?

    So YOTH, you're saying that the best advice is the opposite of "Go fuck yourself"? :-) This actually relates to the conversation above. Even if SPS were only a problem of society, people would still need emotional and psychological support to deal with how society makes them feel, because however hard you try, society will take some time to change. I would give similar advice to a minority individual facing societal barriers, because the barriers will be here a while, still. Support would take the form of listening to the person's feelings about the insults they receive, validating that the insults are unwarranted and do not mean that the person is less human, and talking with them about how to handle what the world tells them in the most constructive way possible. In other words, what this forum is here to do.
  13. malign


    Whenever I post a blog entry that isn't entirely positive, people quite reasonably respond that it's quite reasonable for me to feel that way. But I don't feel quite reasonable about it. I know what reasonable is, what reality is. But I don't have to like it. Isn't that the definition of suffering, not liking what is real? Eh, maybe not. More like, not accepting what is real; liking is something else and totally up to the individual. But not accepting is like one of my favorite expressions, peeing into a gale. The wind doesn't stop, and you end up needing a change of clothes. I've spent a lot of my life trying to convince myself I'm reasonable. Probably because I'm a Thinking type, according to Myers-Briggs. Doesn't mean I always think, but that I try to convince myself that I've always thunk. The reality is closer to being ruled by my emotions, then pretending they make sense according to circumstances. Why would my feelings make (that kind of) sense, or for that matter, why would circumstances, reality, make sense by my limited human standpoint? If I were to believe that the Universe makes sense according to my understanding, it would mean that I effectively control it, limit it to the set of events that I'm prepared to accept. Okay, I have a healthy, or possibly even an unhealthily large, ego, but it's not big enough to believe that my definition of acceptability plays any role in restraining the Universe from doing whatever the [expletive] it wants. It appears that the only reasonable thing to do is to admit that I'm not going to find the Universe to be entirely reasonable.
  14. malign

    my life.

    Do you have some ideas about what separates the good days from the bad? " Everything I avoid is just me thinking it would not help, though it probably will." That's a complicated set of ideas. There's stuff you avoid. You're able to see that the stuff probably will help. But for some reason, you tell yourself it won't. What do you think about that? Could it be that the depressed part of you is just really negative ("Nothing could possibly help"), but a more stable part of you is aware that maybe something could? Or is there maybe something else going on, like part of you doesn't think it deserves help? Or something else? And the other little stuff, like getting outside a little every day, can still help. Take care.
  15. malign

    my life.

    Well, for one thing, it sounds like you picked the right forum, Depression. And, you chose to come, so you have a little motivation not to stay depressed. How do we expand that into an action you can take to make things better? The knowledge you learn in school can certainly help, both for jobs or for things you'd like to do (what would you like to do for a living, if you could choose any job?) Hmm, I didn't think of that: you probably didn't ask to talk to a social worker. It's hard for them to help, in that situation. So, okay, if you want to lock yourself in your room and do nothing but video games, I can see how, eventually, that might no longer be possible, which could be the "all things will fall apart." So, let's return to the first paragraph. You don't have much motivation, at this point. But you came here, and you keep responding, so there's a little. What can you do with it? Could you try going out for a walk every day, maybe only half an hour? Then you could go back to your room. Can you make an effort to eat right, and to go to sleep and wake up at regular times? Each of those things has been shown to help people who are depressed. It doesn't have to be much, just a little really. But no one can do it for you. I could suggest seeking counseling and/or medication. If there's a way to get them and you have enough motivation to try, those methods are easier than doing this all on your own. But if they're not available, or not available right now, there are things you can do for yourself, and maybe new options will open up.