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malign last won the day on September 28

malign had the most liked content!

About malign

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Changed in the Fall of '13; now in the snowy state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Biography
    Lifelong depressive with a dash of hope. My name is Mark, too.


  • Location
    Changed last Fall; now in the state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Occupation
    Software Engineer, site moderator, but most importantly, human being.

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  1. malign

    Day 8

    (Car) trunk - boot Hood - bonnet Tire - tyre Cold, damp, and foggy - an ordinary day 😊
  2. malign

    Day 8

    We do have kettles; we just don't use them. ☺️ Most people here would use the microwave, or buy their expensive coffees in a shop. My parents were British; Mom English and Dad Scottish. I went off tea fairly young (due to overexposure), but Mom had a kettle and a teapot and a tea cozy she made herself. We're not barbarians, really we're not.
  3. malign

    Feel all alone

    Dave, you said you're afraid to go out; is there anyone you could call? You know, not much has changed since the verdict. It's not like all of a sudden everyone knows. You're still just another bloke on the street. And, you're doing what they asked you, to make it right. What more can anyone expect?
  4. malign

    Interruption of Service

    Management regrets any inconvenience due to its failure to pay the electric bill in a timely fashion. Oops. πŸ˜‘
  5. malign

    Vague thoughts

    "Wondering if anyone else out there feels the way I do." Pink Floyd did. I think everyone who has replied has. The responses sound to me like each person's attempt to give you what they use for support when it happens to them. The thing with needing people around is that we're all so different ... You said you don't know what you look for, here. Maybe you can feel what you're looking for? They don't have to be opposites, they can be best buddies who each see a different half of the picture. You're not alone.
  6. malign


    If we haven't already fnord. Dave, the description is based on your number of posts, that's all. It doesn't mean you're aging quickly. πŸ˜‰
  7. malign

    Pedophilia or POCD??

    I'm not sure I'm following the conclusion "... so I can't go to" a professional. Can you tell your parents that you're having horrible intrusive thoughts, and leave it at that? It would seem that if you'd rather die, asking for help might be better, especially if you don't have to reveal too much. If you enjoyed the thoughts, they wouldn't be intrusive. But that reassurance won't last long, because you'll start testing that too. Get help before that happens. You deserve to be happy.
  8. malign

    My so called life

    I'd like a beautiful mind, but unfortunately, mine's butt-ugly. πŸ™‚
  9. And ... you probably know that neither my, nor anyone else's, reassurances will last very long. I used to "fear" that meds were the only way (mine are for depression/anxiety), but they're really just there to give you a break while you work on the underlying issues. Like why you let a thought of "what if I'm something awful" take root and grow.
  10. Well, we're not psychologists here or anything, so my first suggestion is to go see one. In fact, I wonder why you haven't done that already. Is it because you fear the answer? I doubt that a true pedophile cares either way if he is one. My opinion: you mention significant anxiety, prior compulsivity, though mild, and exhaustive testing. And you wrote us a very lengthy description of your results. I'll ask you -- does that sound like pedophilia or OCD? FYI: a "groinal response" may be obtained by practically anything, at your age, given the amount of trying you're forcing on yourself. Ask your doctor, your parents, or both, for what you need: less anxiety and a reduction in those repetitive thoughts that risk messing up your life.
  11. malign


    Whatever floats your boat . . . 😁😁
  12. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    Yeah. But the law of averages suggests it won't be you or me. Not to mention P. T. Barnum's observation that there's a sucker born every minute. Which must be a rough life, for both the sucker and his mom ... (Happy Mother's Day, btw.)
  13. malign


    Hi Jade; welcome to the site. It wouldn't surprise me if you had a low-grade depression; many people do. But did you diagnose yourself, or have you sought professional advice? Because the problem with online lists of symptoms is precisely that "normal people" often do feel some symptoms. Feeling tired, overeating, staying at home, low self-esteem, are all common enough. The list actually said "obnoxiously lazy"? Or did you fill some of that in? I've been diagnosed with different things over my lifetime, starting with an undiagnosed depression in my senior year of high school, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I've had periods of major depression later in life. I'm currently on meds for anxiety, which are actually helping. But did I feel myself shift into (or out of) normality? No, because diagnoses aren't meant to be boxes, separated by high walls from "normal". They're just a description of what things the person needs help with. If anything, it was my grades in school that made me feel most different from everyone else. That and just being me. It's also a difficult stage of life, being sixteen. Lots of things are changing; lots of things don't make sense any more; lots of possibilities are opening up, whether you're ready or not. It's okay to go easy on yourself for a while. One step at a time, and if something doesn't go perfectly today, there's always tomorrow. I know that sounds like something old folks say, but it's okay: I'm an old folk. You don't have to listen. πŸ™‚ Depression isn't the same thing as low self-esteem, though it can be depressing when a person doesn't feel good about themselves. You said you're aware of insecurity, but you cover it up. That's incredibly common, not to say "normal". You also said you can be "very awkward", but confident in certain settings. How are the situations different? Because the differences are probably important to how you react to the situations. And is there a reason you don't trust anyone? My guess is that this is your mood, plus your way of making sense of the world at the moment. My belief is that those things are changeable, and that your personality is something else, and something that's okay just the way it is.
  14. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    Well, they mostly seemed to be Russians who were somehow selling Canadian pharmaceuticals. That didn't make them sound like very reliable sources. Vic: What did the Romans say when they were having a bad day? "Crape Diem"
  15. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    That's true: as a consequence of my choice to help combat spam on here, I know dozens of places to get Viagra online.