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malign last won the day on July 23

malign had the most liked content!

About malign

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Changed in the Fall of '13; now in the snowy state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Biography
    Lifelong depressive with a dash of hope. My name is Mark, too.


  • Location
    Changed last Fall; now in the state of Michigan, US.
  • Interests
    Bird photography, go, happiness, Demented Bunnies
  • Occupation
    Software Engineer, site moderator, but most importantly, human being.

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  1. malign

    Pedophilia or POCD??

    I'm not sure I'm following the conclusion "... so I can't go to" a professional. Can you tell your parents that you're having horrible intrusive thoughts, and leave it at that? It would seem that if you'd rather die, asking for help might be better, especially if you don't have to reveal too much. If you enjoyed the thoughts, they wouldn't be intrusive. But that reassurance won't last long, because you'll start testing that too. Get help before that happens. You deserve to be happy.
  2. malign

    My so called life

    I'd like a beautiful mind, but unfortunately, mine's butt-ugly. 🙂
  3. And ... you probably know that neither my, nor anyone else's, reassurances will last very long. I used to "fear" that meds were the only way (mine are for depression/anxiety), but they're really just there to give you a break while you work on the underlying issues. Like why you let a thought of "what if I'm something awful" take root and grow.
  4. Well, we're not psychologists here or anything, so my first suggestion is to go see one. In fact, I wonder why you haven't done that already. Is it because you fear the answer? I doubt that a true pedophile cares either way if he is one. My opinion: you mention significant anxiety, prior compulsivity, though mild, and exhaustive testing. And you wrote us a very lengthy description of your results. I'll ask you -- does that sound like pedophilia or OCD? FYI: a "groinal response" may be obtained by practically anything, at your age, given the amount of trying you're forcing on yourself. Ask your doctor, your parents, or both, for what you need: less anxiety and a reduction in those repetitive thoughts that risk messing up your life.
  5. malign


    Whatever floats your boat . . . 😁😁
  6. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    Yeah. But the law of averages suggests it won't be you or me. Not to mention P. T. Barnum's observation that there's a sucker born every minute. Which must be a rough life, for both the sucker and his mom ... (Happy Mother's Day, btw.)
  7. malign


    Hi Jade; welcome to the site. It wouldn't surprise me if you had a low-grade depression; many people do. But did you diagnose yourself, or have you sought professional advice? Because the problem with online lists of symptoms is precisely that "normal people" often do feel some symptoms. Feeling tired, overeating, staying at home, low self-esteem, are all common enough. The list actually said "obnoxiously lazy"? Or did you fill some of that in? I've been diagnosed with different things over my lifetime, starting with an undiagnosed depression in my senior year of high school, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I've had periods of major depression later in life. I'm currently on meds for anxiety, which are actually helping. But did I feel myself shift into (or out of) normality? No, because diagnoses aren't meant to be boxes, separated by high walls from "normal". They're just a description of what things the person needs help with. If anything, it was my grades in school that made me feel most different from everyone else. That and just being me. It's also a difficult stage of life, being sixteen. Lots of things are changing; lots of things don't make sense any more; lots of possibilities are opening up, whether you're ready or not. It's okay to go easy on yourself for a while. One step at a time, and if something doesn't go perfectly today, there's always tomorrow. I know that sounds like something old folks say, but it's okay: I'm an old folk. You don't have to listen. 🙂 Depression isn't the same thing as low self-esteem, though it can be depressing when a person doesn't feel good about themselves. You said you're aware of insecurity, but you cover it up. That's incredibly common, not to say "normal". You also said you can be "very awkward", but confident in certain settings. How are the situations different? Because the differences are probably important to how you react to the situations. And is there a reason you don't trust anyone? My guess is that this is your mood, plus your way of making sense of the world at the moment. My belief is that those things are changeable, and that your personality is something else, and something that's okay just the way it is.
  8. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    Well, they mostly seemed to be Russians who were somehow selling Canadian pharmaceuticals. That didn't make them sound like very reliable sources. Vic: What did the Romans say when they were having a bad day? "Crape Diem"
  9. malign

    Confidence / Self Confidence

    That's true: as a consequence of my choice to help combat spam on here, I know dozens of places to get Viagra online.
  10. malign


    Lala, Not to take too much of Vic's thread, but ... Recognition is only one step. Other steps might include: valuing oneself enough to want something better, finding something that works better, and overcoming the fear that comes with replacing something that used to work. And there are probably other steps that might be person- or original-problem-specific.
  11. malign


    I thought about 'liking' this, but I don't do social media, and it made me think about why. What I came up with is that a 'like' means you didn't feel like typing something more personal, like: Way to go! That last sentence contains enough for a whole book, and not just about recovery. Most of us are doing something we thought would help, or maybe even did help for a while, but in the long run, just adds another problem. Seeing that is the only way to get yourself to stop trying it.
  12. malign

    Planning. I'm not good at it.

    Maybe you should try stuff that only requires three thoughts...
  13. malign

    Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    Positives: free formal wear and the ability to dive headfirst into frigid water, and the latter comprises your whole commute. Negative, but it's a big one: fish breath.
  14. malign

    Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    I hunt with a telephoto, and got some great shots of a skunk in the Shenandoah because he didn't care who heard him or who watched him, so long as there were no sudden moves. Being licked would be cool. I did get nuzzled by a wild foal on Chincoteague Island once, under the watchful eyes of her mother and several other adult ponies. People feeding them, as you said.
  15. malign

    Primal Zodiac! come in folks!

    Those are your bad qualities, lostboy. Your good qualities include getting to wander around calmly because nothing wants to hunt you, and ... uh sorry, that's all I got. For the record, I got raccoon, so equal chance of road-kill, and although I don't generate stink, I acquire it from eating garbage.