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Showing results for tags 'hurt'.
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Im actually having a real hard time, its been some months im on the maniac phase but sometimes it gets mixed, when i feel down and low. I have been into not so hard crisis but its been two weeks that im compulsively touching myself over and over. Im eating a lot, i feel empty and im not being productive. Sometimes i distract myself and try tp get over it but its not working anymore. I just moved and i feel like this is not my place. Im trembling all the time, and i want to cry. I feel like im going to explode at any moment and i start feeling suffocated, in panic. I feel guilty, everything is a mess i want to end all this. I spend most part of the day euphoric but there's times i feel the panic taking over. I cant cry, i cant ask for help and i dont have money to pay for a doctor. These times i just wish i could end this shit. Im hurting myself. I dont want to live life like this. everyone's too busy to pay attention. I try to tell, but the words dont come out, i feel like they're gonna judge me or think im stupid and want attention. I have some psychosis issues and im constantly paranoid, im trying so hard to do something else that make this get easier but i still feel like i need to talk with someone. Im always giving attention to everyone but i feel like they dont care, maybe im suffocating them and that's why they're leaving? Im alone, all the time. And its heavy. Too heavy to hold, and i still take care of other people. Im loosing control, i keep repeating things to myself that doesnt even make sense, like it wasnt me, i hate this voice. Sometimes i harsh myself in hope that this gives me some kind of relief but nothing works. I wanted to exercise bc i know it helps on anxiety, sleep, mind, health etc, but i cant start, i feel tired all the time, my body is always sleepy, amd when i get the energy to do it i spend it touching myself and feeling bad after that. I used to take remedies last year but they made me got worst, i still have my medication for crisis but its kinda strong for me and i know that if i take it i will sleep, and get lower the next day, and i will feel guilty and more lazy than i already am. Please, im drowning, help me
I'm at the point that I don't know what to do... it's been a series of unfortunate events since October of last year, and I'very hit my breaking point. I don't want to keep doing this, especially if things keep falling apart... I was in the middle of my 3rd quarter in the nursing program when I caught my boyfriend lying to me about texting one of my "friends" and we broke up, then he swore up and down that he was working on rebuilding trust (while he pursued another woman and covered up all evidence of any communications... she contacted me), my dog of ten years was diagnosed with a malignant tumor and had surgery to remove it just to have to put him to sleep one month later because he wasn't healing, I have a chronic illness that has taken a turn for the worst since all of this stress began, I'm in 4th quarter now and am drowning in work and feel like I can't keep up, and my daughter has gotten in trouble the last two days at school for hitting other kids (this is NOT like her at all!). She has been telling me for the last 3 weeks that she hates this school (she goes to two and loves the other one, but it only runs half of the day and I go to school full time)... I'm struggling and for the past few nights, as I lay in bed, all I can think about is wanting it to end. I'm tired of fighting so hard, the only thing getting me through currently is that I have my daughter to raise all by myself... but I am even failing at that. My heart hurts and I don't want to feel this way any more.
I don't know how to say this. These feelings... they started around April/May of 2013. They are very horrifying and disturbing thoughts. I... get off very hard on seeing dogs hurt and slaughtered. I mean, seeing dogs being...[/removed graphic descriptions/] All of it arrouses me very much. But at the same time, it repulses me and makes me cry in emapthy for these poor creatures. My feelings are extrememly conflicted and confusing. Let me fill in a little background info. In september of 2012 I became Vegetarian. I could no longer support us killing animals and eating them. It left me feeling a great amount of pity for animals. This continued just fine until about March, 2013, where I discovered a video detailing the Dog Meat trade in places such as China and Korea. The video was very graphic, and it completely and utterly broke me. I sobbed and cried for days, and my sleep was interupped by constant nightmares. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then, after a little while, the pain started to fade. Little by little, to be replaced with something even worse. I wanted to watch the video again, and I did. I... "handled" myself whilst watching the video, and ever since I can't stop searching for more material. Let me get one thing straight however: I love dogs. They are my life, and I cannot live without them. Which is why this is so confusing. Some days all I can think about is the slaughterhouses and how much I yearn to work at one and eat dog meat, while other times I curse myself and cry for all the dogs being killed. Sometimes these thoughts occur at the same time. It feels like I have a demon inside of me. I don't know how to deal with this, and I certainly cannot tell another soul that knows my name. Sometimes I wonder if it would be safer for me to kill myself so that the dogs around me are safe for certain. I cannot isolate myself from dogs, as I need them. Please help me, I don't know what to do.