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Hi, Im new to the forums. Sorry if the post is too long. I will try to keep it short and I will answer any questions that I can. In short, Im lost in life. I have to work because my family and I have no money, but Im worn out and I can never focus on my passions. ########################## With more detail: Im half Japanese, half Canadian, grew up in Canada and moved to Japan and live with my mom since June2016 (Parents divorced) My passion was always music (Jazz in particular). But people around me would tell me Its too risky and would pull me away from my passions. My school forced me into an advanced program in which they kicked me out from the program a month before graduation so i was never certified despite going through two years of its courses. I couldnt go to college or university anyway since my parents are divorced and both are in dept up to their eye balls. I worked full time for three years, but this forced me to stop playing music completely, so I accumulated stress and tired so I decided to move to Japan and get a fresh start. I gave $10,000 to my dad to help for his dept and I flew to Japan. Ever since I came here, Ive had the longest streak of bad luck and developed severe symptomes of depression. -Lack of sleep and apetite -No energy / Couldnt move -No desire for anything/no excitement -Weightloss and grew weak -Vivid thoughts of suide. I broke up and left my toxic relationship, I forced myself to wake up every morning at the same time, I started to meditate and do Yogaevery morning, and try to eat healthier. This helped. I even bought software and gear to learn music production. Today I was told the local jazz bar needs me to work there asap. I can make connections with jazz musicians and its suppose to be great. But instead it tore me apart: i dont want to work. I work really hard so employers love me, but at my own health's expense (mental and physical). Its just the way I have become for reasons. I have to work cause my family needs money, and I need to live, but I cant stand it. I hate it. I hate working for the sake of money and forcing me to stray away from what I really want to do. Working long and late hours takes the energy from me to focus on anything else. I dont know how to regain that energy I once had long long ago. Should I just give up my dreams? Should I just get a job and work solely for the purpose of making money like everyone is telling me? I dont want to work, but I have to. I want to learn and get into the music industry, but i have neither energy nor money. Im lost... Thank you so much for your time <3 Help is much appreciated!