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Was average and had SPS, but now smaller after a peyronies injury. Oh, the irony. Hello everyone, I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and read a bit then. I'm active on Reddit and read r/smalldickproblems, but I don't post there much at all due to not being under 4.5" in length. I've had small penis syndrome since the age of 16. Before that, I only felt that my balls were kinda small from seeing my a couple of neighbors naked. At 16 though, I was in a sexual relationship for the first time. She was my first love. She had a large vulva and very elastic vagina. I wished that my average penis were bigger to fill her up more. It bothered me a lot. I hadn't seen much porn by then. Probably just 1 video, but I read a lot of penthouse letters. I LOVED reading about penetration. I was absolutely fascinated with it. I began to really like it when a woman was challenged a bit by the cock or toy penetrating her, and she had to stretch. While dating my first love I started to explore penetrating my rear. I wished that I had a vagina of my own, and I wished that I had my girlfriend with me to explore much more often. So, I kept doing insertions on myself. Now, I'm saying all this to explain how my sexuality formed (not to troll ! ) . I became drawn to large penetrations and also began to hate my penis size. At 17 I finally began to get on the internet. I soon found info about extenders, pumps, and a book on penis enlargement by a guy named Gary Griffin ( I think). Penis Enlargement Facts and Phallacies. I became obsessed with enlargement. I couldn't stick to a routine longer than 2 months. I thought that I was starting to see results, but I question that now. I definitely did get harder erections with a modest pump/jelq routine, but that's about it. I couldn't stick to it for months on end. It took so much time. I tried enlargement routines on and off through my 20's, then less so in my 30's. I had one longterm relationship at the age of 23 for a year, then couldn't get into one until I was 29. Then from 29 till my mid 30's I was in an LTR. My penis all this time was 6.75" bone pressed length x 5.25" midshaft girth. I was definitely not satisfied, but I knew that I was probably at the 60th percentile on size, statistically. My non bone-pressed was 6 to 6.2" on a good day when I was lean. Yes, I say was. At 34 I got a peyronies injury by dry humping. She had always turned me on so much. We didn't have condoms on hand, so I kept my pants on. I regret it so much. I lost about a half inch in each measurement. My length and foreshaft, especially. I now measure about 6.2" bone pressed, but just under 5" non bone-pressed. I gained a little bit of body fat (not a lot, really) and combined with the peyronies my penis is now an inch shorter. It seems even more at times because at 80 to 90% erect my penis is much smaller than it used to be with that same level of erection. It takes a very full on erection to get past 4.5", it seems. My foreshaft girth is now 4.5". Sex feels different to me too now. It has been so difficult to handle this mentally. I've been to counselling, but it was more for overall relationship stuff. The councilor hasn't asked much about it. He's a guy. My longterm relationship ended a year and a half later. The peyronies didn't cause it, but it definitely didn't help. I didn't want to have sex as often. It weighed heavy on me. Last year I had a couple of dates and 3 sex partners, this is since that longterm relationship ended. Nothing stuck. They were weekend romps. Then, just 2 weeks ago one of them contacted me. She was newly single and wanted a date. We had a date Friday the 9th, then again last night. Both nights I had trouble maintaining an erection. It was quite hard before I went down on her, but after I went down it was just a half erection. The first Friday night I was able to get it hard after penetrating her, but then I came in 5 to 8 mins. She seemed barely disappointed. I went down on her to get her off. We went to sleep. We had better sex that following morning. It wasn't easy to get fully hard, but I got it done. This weekend was a repeat, but worse. I couldn't get more than 80% hard last night. My cock fell out of her a lot, including when she was getting close to orgasm with her vibe on her clit. She said she wanted to quit, that she was cramping and maybe starting her period. We went to sleep. This morning she realized that she was not starting her period, so we started again. I got mostly hard, then went down on her. I lost the erection, but worse..... after she nearly reached orgasm, she stopped me. She said that she was "too much in her head". That was probably true. She didn't want to continue sex after that. I asked if it was thoughts about her breakup. She said, "yes, and other things". She then started saying that we needed to get up and out of bed. I made us breakfast. It was very difficult to keep my composure. At the end of breakfast I asked if she thought we'd be intimate again in the future. She said that she wasn't sure. Then paused, and went on to say, "I'm sorry I lead you on". We had a few nights of heavy caressing and major arousal without sex before these last two weekends. She was really digging me before being more sexual with me. I feel like she was disappointed in my size and hardness. Basically some combination of the two. She is very sexually liberated and mostly dates women. Her last breakup was with a guy though. I was expecting that she'd be very up for playing with my toys or being very satisfied by finishing with oral, but no..... now I think she expects more from a guy when she is having sex with a guy. She uses toys with women, so maybe she just wants flesh and blood penis with a guy......and damn sure wants a hard one. Well, I'm struggling. I'm 38 and never married. I don't want kids, but I would love to share a home with a woman. This woman that quit me in the middle of sex had a lot of common interest with me. We were unusually well matched with our eccentric interests and friends group, to boot. I'm really hurting emotionally about my penis now even more so than I was for the last 2 years. I have even wondered what it would be like to cut it off. My last longterm partner now lives with a trans male that uses a strapon on her. If I didn't have a penis I could more easily wear a strapon...... is what runs through my mind. I think of the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I've yet to see. It was recommended to me by my last GF. I'm really broken hearted about my penis. I needed to vent AND tell the story about how it all started. Thank you for reading all of this.