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Showing results for tags 'psychosis'.
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Im actually having a real hard time, its been some months im on the maniac phase but sometimes it gets mixed, when i feel down and low. I have been into not so hard crisis but its been two weeks that im compulsively touching myself over and over. Im eating a lot, i feel empty and im not being productive. Sometimes i distract myself and try tp get over it but its not working anymore. I just moved and i feel like this is not my place. Im trembling all the time, and i want to cry. I feel like im going to explode at any moment and i start feeling suffocated, in panic. I feel guilty, everything is a mess i want to end all this. I spend most part of the day euphoric but there's times i feel the panic taking over. I cant cry, i cant ask for help and i dont have money to pay for a doctor. These times i just wish i could end this shit. Im hurting myself. I dont want to live life like this. everyone's too busy to pay attention. I try to tell, but the words dont come out, i feel like they're gonna judge me or think im stupid and want attention. I have some psychosis issues and im constantly paranoid, im trying so hard to do something else that make this get easier but i still feel like i need to talk with someone. Im always giving attention to everyone but i feel like they dont care, maybe im suffocating them and that's why they're leaving? Im alone, all the time. And its heavy. Too heavy to hold, and i still take care of other people. Im loosing control, i keep repeating things to myself that doesnt even make sense, like it wasnt me, i hate this voice. Sometimes i harsh myself in hope that this gives me some kind of relief but nothing works. I wanted to exercise bc i know it helps on anxiety, sleep, mind, health etc, but i cant start, i feel tired all the time, my body is always sleepy, amd when i get the energy to do it i spend it touching myself and feeling bad after that. I used to take remedies last year but they made me got worst, i still have my medication for crisis but its kinda strong for me and i know that if i take it i will sleep, and get lower the next day, and i will feel guilty and more lazy than i already am. Please, im drowning, help me
So I am a female, 21 years old, and I have this imaginary friend. His name is Ben. Ben came to be when I first moved to North Carolina when I was 4 years old and didn't know anybody. He's always looked the same, but has not always acted the same. When I was younger, he was more of a playmate and supporter (even though sometimes I would imagine him spanking or being aggressive with me). I always had social issues (e.g. I would get a panic attack when I said something to someone and they responded with "what?", as in they didn't hear me or understand me. Never able to keep friends. These days, Ben has been a constant voice in my head, telling me to stab my fiancé, kick the dog, scratch my face, etc. He can be very condescending to me and tell me I'm worthless, I'm a terrible person, I'm a slut, everyone around me wishes I was dead. On the other hand, Ben is extremely protective over me. If my fiancé and I are fighting, Ben wants me to protect myself and hit him first, "don't let him pin you down, attack him first." If someone outside of my head is being rude or mean, he tells me they're wrong, I'm beautiful, I did my best, etc. So he reverts back to the supportive friend he was in the beginning. There are times where I have gaps in my memory. One time, my fiancé was talking about when his mom took us to Olive Garden, and I had NO memory of it. Ben proceeded to convince me that Drew (fiancé) was confusing me with an old girlfriend, until he got his mother on the phone to calm me down and convince me that it was actually me. There are so many incidents like this where I don't remember conversations, events, even entire days. I feel like Ben might be taking over maybe? Also, I hear other voices, see other hallucinations, but none are as, I guess "important" as Ben. This is a very scary situation for me. I have attempted suicide multiple times, stabbed an ex roommate, stabbed my fiancé, hurt my pets, etc. I have also had psychotic outbursts where I tried to bash my head into my driveway, slice my face up (which resulted in my fiancé having to pry the knife from my hands which almost cut off his thumb). I haven't sought help because honestly, I am very scared to lose Ben. I feel like I am vulnerable without him, and I would be missing a huge part of myself. I don't want to be doped up on drugs and I don't want anybody to take Ben away from me. Ben was there for me when I was raped at 13, and has protected me from a lot of situations. I don't want to lose him, but I cannot stand to see everyone around me continue to be hurt by me and by Ben. I don't know what this is, I've tried to do my research and it doesn't exactly fall into dissociative identity d/o, or schizophrenia. I need help figuring out what is wrong with me.
For the past several months and god only knows how much longer I've been having an immense amount of trouble with hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, depression, crippling anxiety, signs of agoraphobic tendencies, and that's just to start I ended up in a CSU for a few days and got a preliminary diagnosis, but i don't have any medication right now and the voices are getting louder and more cognitive and I'd really like to know if there's anybody with experience with this? Does anybody know how to get through hallucinations without falling apart at the seams? I have pretty much every type of hallucination you can think of, but so far they've been fairly mild, comparatively to what I know people can experience. But the tactile and auditory are keeping me from sleeping and I can't go to a clinic RIGHT now but I just need to get through the night so I can move towards medication in the future.
Five days ago my wife was diagnosed as having a psychtoic episode and has been prescribed aripipprazole (Abilify) by her psychiatrist. The psychiatrist has said it is very likely this episode has been caused by slimming pills she has been taking for a prolonged period of time which has resulted in her having high levels of seratonin and caffeine in her system. The problem is, over the past 6-12 months she has developed an obsession, bordering on pathological, for the lead singer in a pop band. Following this psychotic episode four days ago she has told me that, after seven blissfully happy years together, she wants to separate because she feels she cannot love me the way she did because she knows she would happily leave me if the opportunity ever arose of her being with this pop singer. She realises that it is just a fantasy and the chances of it coming true are zero. Yet she wants to be independent and single just in case her fantasy might come true. I need to know how long it is going to take for the Abilify to start to work and her to realise she is living in a fantasy world that can never happen and for her to realise she has made the biggest mistake of her life. Also, will the Abilify stop these fantasies? Her psychiatrist said the drug will undo the damage done by the high levels of seratonin and caffeine in her system and diminish the thoughts she's having but I'm not sure if it is going to change the way she thinks. I can wait a long time because I love her more than life itself, but how long will that be? It was only four weeks ago she gave me a valentines card say 'when we married it was for better or worse....I couldn't have done any better and you couldn't done any worse'. And every family member and friend of hers I've spoken to have said she loves me more than anything. Our relationship has always been so strong before she got ill so her psychosis is the reason for this. Please help me