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Sorry about my English. Hi, so sometimes I feel really depressed and confused when I am thinking about my sexuality. I feel like I dont know what I am. I dont know if I Iike guys or girls and I am really confused about what should I do. I feel like I cant tell anyone. Cuz if I tell my parents they will be asking me "why didnt you tell us" and if my grandma knows she would probably get a heart attack. So I cant do anything else than to just search for help on the internet and it does make me feel better when I write about this stuff. I am going to start with the fact that I have had a crush on a girl only one time and it was at 3 grade and back then I didnt really know what I was feeling, so I am not sure if I should count this. Anyways I just have always had a crush on guys. It was really weird. There is no one esle on the school who has got only one girl crush in his whole life. Everyone is talking about girls and I pretend to like girls too, because I cant imagine their reaction if I tell them how I feel. Another thing is that when I feel depressed I just want to hug someone and because I cant i feel even more depressed. I have tried to jerk off to a straight porn, but it just doesnt work. Also I never get hard from a girl. I always get hard around guys. And actually the thing that makes me feel depressed is that I dont want to be like this. I want to be normal. I have talked with my mom about gays and all of that and she is ok with them and I then I felt like I could tell her, but I am still not sure what I am. I am just praying that it is because of puberty and it will go away, but it is not going away. I am only 14 and most people will probably tell me "Ahh you will be ok", but I am not ok. I want to know what am I and to be able to tell my parents and friends about it without feeling uncomfortable. Please help me.
Hello peoples I'll not beat around the bush: I've got them Dude Penile Anxiety Issues. I've only ever slept with women I've dated, and I lost my virginity at the age of 18. The first three women I dated/slept with all told me I was not of a size they preferred sexually (all saying they prefer something bigger). Each relationship ended shortly after said revelation. One woman frequently talked about how big her previous ex was. The third woman stopped our first/only experience about 2 and a half minutes in as she wasn't feeling it. Pun probably intended. I've not dated/slept with anyone else since, and I'm currently 26. This has affected me in pretty significant ways, because as a younger(ish) dude, we form our masculine identity through our penises. I've gone through plenty of deep depression, tons of anxiety. I even dropped out of college. Numbers-wise, I wield a 6x5" phallus, which by all online 'average male size' studies seems average, but I couldn't care less about how I stack up to other dudes. I care about how I measure up to women, and my experience has been that I don't. I was hoping I'd have resolved this issue by now, but I'm closer to 30 than not and have naught but a few tales of embarrassment in my sexual library. The only thing really keeping me going is the idea that eventually, I'll get to an age where the downstairs equipment finally stops working/mattering for both men and women, and I can start relationships then. Still, that seems like an awfully long time to wait (especially with advancements in the science of keeping old dude penis hard), and I feel like I'm missing a fairly important aspect of the human condition. Still, hearing one more time that I'm not big/man enough for the woman that I've invested myself in.... I dunno what I'd do. Probably something permanent. Anyone else in the same boat? Or better yet, anyone else spent some time in said boat and then found a way to say 'confound it all, I'm burning this mother to the ground and moving on with my life'?
When I was in second grade I had my first lesbian experience. I am 13 now and I don't remember much of it other than the fact that I liked it. In the middle of 4th grade my friend had told me she had an experience like this as well. She kept hinting that maybe we should do it but I just told myself that if I did it again I would NEVER forgive myself. So I held my head up high and acted like I didnt know what she was hinting at. When I was in 4th or 5th grade I started to watch youtube lesbian porn.The only difference between this and regular porn is that you don't see as much. You see them get down to underwear and a bra and make out. It stops before you see anyone completely naked. It wasn't until the middle of 2010 that I finally told myself that what I was doing is wrong and that it wasn't something most kids my age did. It was hard to admit that to myself but I knew it was true. Ever since I was in 2nd grade and had that sexual experience I have had an extreme sexual urge which reminds me everyday of what I did. I tried convincing myself I am not a terrible person by saying things like " A terrible person wouldn't have made herself stop watching those videos" or " A terrible person wouldnt have stopped herself from reliving that moment again in 4th grade" but none of it worked. I pray for Gods forgiveness every night and yet I still have a feeling I haven't been forgiven yet. It has been a year and 6 months since I have watched one of the videos. I am in 7th grade now and I have had any new experiences. I now consider myself bi-sexual and I HATE who I am. I hate when my parents brag about me being the perfect daughter because I am not the perfect daughter. Perfect is a lot for a 13 year old to live up, to especially when you have a past like mine. If anyone has any ideas on how I can forgive myself you would really be helping me out. Thanks!