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Showing results for tags 'suicidal thoughts'.
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Ok I'm a 33 yo male and ever since I was 13 I have only been emotionally and sexually attracted to prepubescent girls lately I have found my self not being in control as much as I have learnt to live with these facts I'm finding my frustrations of not being able to touch young girls is starting to show bare I'm mind I hate pedophiles and what they do to children I've tried to change but it's wired in I think maybe I just end it all but i dont like to be beaten
I'm new here, so I'm extremely sorry if I end up doing something wrong or whatever (formatting, posting in general, etc). For some backstory- I'm fourteen years of age, almost fifteen. I haven't been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issue (I haven't really gone to any pyschiatrists or anything either, though). I've dealt with extremely irrational thoughts since before I can remember. I know they're irrational, but they just keep happening. If I, for example, touch my pet dog I can basically feel the germs he has unleashed onto my hand (I know that's funny wording). Because of this, I must wash my hands, or else my brain will tell me that I am going to get a disease and die. If I'm away from my house, I get paranoid that I have somehow caused our house to get robbed. I also often worry that if I'm going somewhere alone, someone is going to mug and/or assault me. Because of this, I have to stay at home or near someone else (almost) at all times. I worry about what other people think, presumeably more than a lot of people I know. Those are only a few examples, but I think they get the point across. This whole situation has pushed me to the brink of suicide many, many times, but (ironically enough) I am too worried that, if there is a hell (I'm not actively religious, but I like to stay open-minded) then what if I end up going to it? I can think of many reasons why that would happen, honestly. My parents don't exactly seem to care all too much about my issues, but then again I think I'm just kind of paranoid. I don't really get along with my dad, so that could also be a reason I suppose. My mom tells me that I can talk to her about my issues and whatnot, but I don't think that's the case; the only answer she ever gives me is that "teen years are extremely difficult", or "well, you can't possibly have anything really wrong with you". I believe in both of these points, it's just that they are never reassuring and they never ease my problems at all. Then again, I shouldn't really expect others to help aid my issues. Anyway, that was a really long, dramatic 'hello' from me.