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Found 37 results

  1. i have been waiting for a chat on the suicide prevention website for over an hour. i feel so worthless. so helpless. i am consumed by sadness and darkness. my grades are dropping. I'm making my parents' lives miserable. my dad has given up on me. all i am is a burden to them. everyone i know thinks im annoying. the only reason i haven't taken all my pills is because i'm scared of hurting my best friend but it's not like she can't get another friend, right? i just can't think of any reason to keep living that my brain won't immediately excuse.
  2. I have no idea what to do right now. I just want to be at peace. I don't know whether my best friend is lying to me. I don't know whether anyone will actually miss me. Sometimes it feels like the only time anyone will actually notice or acknowledge me is if I am no longer around. Please help me.
  3. Hello everybody, I'm new to this site, so please don't be so harsh if I did something that is out of rules, and also sorry for my English, it is not my native language. I'm a 19 years (virgin) boy, who has a very small penis which means around 4-4.3 inches when erected. I'm also obese (5'9 feet and 222 lbs), I'm just mentioning it because some said if I'll lose weight my penis will be bigger (under that I'm not meaning, it'll actually start growing, but more will be seen after the fat pad went away, which is not that big anyways and not so soft so I do not know.). Actually, when I'm in "doggie style" and having fun with my "artifical vagina" its 4.7 inches. When I grab my penis and push it back until (almost) the bone its 5.9-6 inches, but as I heard its a fake size because it is impossible to put it that deep into a girl since it is not even possible to reduce the fat pad down the bones. I also have a strange fetish which might be funny for you (I do not know how is it called in English, but its about tying something around my balls that will make it go lower, I hope you understand what I mean....) so when I do it and of course it makes my skin stretch or I do not know my penis is actually bigger like around 5.1 inches... That might be my real size if I'd lose weight? Or is it just another fake size that does not even matter? Also my other question would be men who has the same (hilarious) size: Have you ever had a sex with a girl that did not laugh at your tiny penis? Or do you even have a family? Because soon I'll want to have a family since I won't be able to live alone... To go home to an empty house that I can't even call a home.... I think I'll commit suicide if I'll be rejected that much .. I'll most certainly give it up .. Anyways, another question, which is for women: Would you live your life with a man who has this tiny penis I have ? And please tell the truth I'm not here for lies, I know what I know, but I must know other people's opinion too. Also if someone here, who has the same sizes and have a family please contact me in PM, I'd like to have a chat with him in the near future...
  4. I recommend it to everybody, not only to men. Trigger warning: a part of the documentary is composed of stories of men who attempted suicide (and they talk about it): http://www.cbc.ca/radio/outintheopen/man-up-1.4205118 (podcast version: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/podcasts/current-affairs-information/out-in-the-open/)
  5. Im starting to have old panics today i went to lunch with my dad and brother and we went to this cool nature reserve and now im just in full panic cause i feel my dad is doing this cause he doesn't know how much time he has left with us his brothers all died in there fiftys hes fifty one now. He gave me a photo of when he was younger.hes doing all these good things for people feeding and giving water to homeless he even talks about losing his memory to old age.i cant live without him.we treated eachother badly at a time in my life.but if he goes i want to go to.my mother has my siblings i cant be without my dad even if i am closer to my mom.but if i just went in a few months from now maybe i coukd just remember both my parents and family as alive.i always. Screw up on things so i dont want to try but if i could find a way could i do it?i just wonder.
  6. Hey, i had a very hard time lately as im struggeling with suicidal tendencies, self harm, depression, anxiety, anorexia and OCD for many years now but im never feeling "ill" enough, so writing this is like really hard for me. Just for basic information, Ive been in therapy many times, take anti depressants and started feeling worse again last spring. I told my teacher back in summer about my problems because she asked me a lot if everything was okay and we had this class trip thing that i was afraid of and i dont Even know why i told her everything but she is like really nice and i couldnt go on any longer without telling someone. She had to tell my mom at some point because the risk would have been too high but after that we rarely talked anymore. School is really stressing me out and im even worse than before but I don't know if I should talk with her about it and i don't know how because i don't wanna bother her with my stupid problems. Can anyone help me? Thank u for reading and I'm sorry for my bad english
  7. A drug that's been used for a long time for another purpose can treat also some cases of AD-resistant depression and shows a strong anti-suicidal effect! http://www.cbc.ca/radio/quirks/psychedelic-drugs-and-depression-runaway-stars-bird-flu-battle-and-more-1.4036396/can-psychedelic-drugs-work-magic-on-depression-1.4036497 Just think of it: A drug can make you stop to want to kill yourself, without making you "just ignore reality" (as alcohol etc.). Can you now see your suicidal ideation more as a symptom of your brain's illness than as something worth obeying, following? I hope at least some of you can... Hang on, don't hurt yourself; it can be cured. Perhaps not by a med, or not only by a med, but treatments and supports are available even now. And science keeps making progress... Take care, everybody!
  8. toby

    i feel Bad[tm]

    uh hey i saw a post on tumblr which talked abt this website so here i am. i feel super suicidal atm. i almost killed myself last night and a huge breakdown and now all i wanna do is cry and delete all my accounts if that makes sense. sorry if this is too personal. um i live in an abusive home and get bullied at school (i know this sounds cliche lmao). on top of that ive got ptsd and am a csa + cocsa survivor. i dont have any irl friends and only talk to 2 people online. lately ive been doing worse and worse. sometimes i cut myself, i tend to do it more these days. i promised one of my online friends to tell him every time i selfharm but the last two times i couldnt bring myself to do it. hes concerned but i cant talk 2 anyone rn. i feel dysphoric too (im a transboy) im sorry this got so long i guess i needed some place to vent. anyway i want to fucking D ie i hate myself im an asshole
  9. I am an Italian young girl. Way more young than someone can think. But not that much young. I have schizophrenia, depression, anxiety and really, REALLY bad anger problems, and nobody takes that seriously. I started knowing I had schizophrenia when I was 8, by seeing a shadow of a little girl with red eyes following me and saying mean things to me, and it's been going for 4 years now. One particular thing that has started this year is when the voices tell me to do something and I ignore it, they start screaming, which makes me scream too. That makes my family think I'm totally insane. For the depression and anxiety case, I started knowing I had them when I started posting drawing online. I got many haters because I drew with a mouse, but actually I really did appreciate my skills. But then, everything fell apart, and everytime I drew I started crying and hyperventilating, so I stopped drawing and rested. I even had some deadlines, like for a galaxy drawing that I had to make, my deadline was at Wednesday, but I started my drawing in Tuesday. I got so scared, so I decided to delete the deadline and never finish that drawing. I still have it on my art folder. For my anger problems, they are caused by the lack of eating and sleep I have. I am a girl who barely sleeps and almost never eats, and even if I try to take naps or I try to get a snack, I either feel sick, or my body literally refuses. Whenever someone speaks to me when I'm busy, I start screaming and threathen them, but I really don't want to do that. I even have suicidal thoughts. I tried to suicide 20 times in this year. I don't even know how many times I did the past years. Pills, hanging myself, cutting myself, jumping off my window and even poison myself (only once). It never works. I always wanted someone to help me, and seeing that this website is about helping people with my same problem made me feel more safe. Thanks for reading, and I hope I didn't disturb anyone. Have a good day. -Alice
  10. TheSadPig

    What to do?

    What should I do? I feel like my life has no purpose anymore. My parents and friends ignore me, I barely ever see my family, and I normally am locked up in my room (I lock myself in) to skip school. I don't eat and am falling behind in studies. My best friend recently committed suicide and I just want to see her again, not in a picture. Help. I feel there is only one solution to my neverending grief, anxiety, and depression.
  11. I can't seem to find a reason to live anymore. Everything is black. I am so scared. I am so scared. I don't feel sad anymore. I feel numb. My life is just shit. I'm so tired. I want it to end. I can't stop crying. I can't calm down. I feel like I'm trapped in this forever. It'll never be okay. I'm so scared. Please help me..
  12. please help i want to die i don't know what i'll do if trump wins the election i'm gay and i'm so worried what's the point of living in a ruined country today is a good day to die don't you think who'll miss me am i right?
  13. This is a bit of a long story, but what's going on is affecting my mental health immensely. I don't know which way to turn so I guess I'll post here. I moved across the country back to the town I grew up in so I could be with the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. Him and I were engaged for two years, in a relationship for six years. I left him and moved to wisconsin with my sister because he was treating me badly and i wanted him to try and change before i got back with him again. He's changed, but he fell in love with someone else. This other girl is now pregnant with his child. I'm obsolete now to the person i believe to be my soul mate. He's struggling to choose between her and I and I can't handle it anymore. I told him I would wait for him but this whole ordeal is driving me to the point where i'm punching myself so hard i'm leaving bruises. I feel like none of this would have happened if I never left and just stayed here and worked with him to make things better. I feel like i'm ruining other people's lives. I don't want to live like this anymore and i don't see myself moving forward with life without him. I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking confused and hurt and I haven't stopped crying for days. I've cried myself to sleep the last several nights. I want to be with him and this girl doesn't but he has feelings for her. I don't understand how his mind is working and i don't know what he's thinking. If he decides to be with her he has to cut me off for good, forever. I don't think I'll be able to make it if that happens. I can't see a future without him in it. This is what I've worked so hard my whole life for. I chased him ever since i was 13 and now i'm 20. We've been together for our whole lives it seems like. If he chooses her I can guarantee I won't be around long enough for him to find out if that's the correct decision or not.
  14. im going fucking crazy for even making an account. am i that desperate? for attention? what the fuck is wrong with me? wHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING FUCK. shes fucking watching. who is she? IM SO FUCKING PARANOID IM SCARING MYSELF I WANT HELP AND IM JUST WATCHING MY FINGERS TYPE THIS ISNT ME IM NOT ME IM SCARED MOM IM SCARED. my mom doesnt care THEYRE ALL LIARS NOTHING THEY SAY IS REAL IM ALL ALONE im all alone with nobody. yesterday i was happy because i felt like i had a friend; but they i realized they only did me a favour because they wanted to get with my hot friend with big tits. i wanna be like her. weigh less than 110 with huge ass double Ds i wish i were pretty and sweet and girly so id be something worth time im fucking disgusting and i dont wanna live WHY DONT I DRIVE A KNIFE THROUGH MY WRIST I DONT CARE I DONT CARE IM TIRED OF EXPLAINING TO COUNCELLOURS HOW I FEEL EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE MY PARENTS IGNORE ME!!!! MY FAMILY HATES ME BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE MY DAD!!!!! THEY HATE ME BECAUSE I APPARENTLY ACT LIKE HIM!!!! IM TRYING I HATE HIM SO BAD!!!! THEY ALL LTOLD ME IM UGLY AND I HAVE NO DREAMS ANYMORE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER PALNNED TO LIVE THIS LONG!!! SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME CRY OVER MY WABCAM WHO IS IT??? IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY I DONT WANNA TURN AROUND HELP ME PLEASE IM BEGGING I DONT WANNA LIVE I WANNA JUST DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND DIE ANDIE AND DIE WHY AM I SO SAD ALL THE TIME DEPRESSION ISNT REAL I DONT BELIEVE THEM IM JUST CRAZY!!!! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME I SHOULD JUST CUT MY TONGUE OFF SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANNA DIE SO BAD I DONT WANNA BE HERE I DONT HAVE DREAMS I DONT HAVE TOMORROW AND I FUCKED UP no one listens
  15. I'm terrified right now because of the election. I'm at work and there's nothing happening so I just have to sit and deal with this and I'm just scared and tired. I'm a gay woman and I don't feel safe anymore and I wish I could just leave. I had already been having a hard time handling things and clearly the world hates me so why should I try!!!!!!
  16. Hello,this is my first post. I have some issues and I don't have the money to go to a professional,hope someone here will help me with an opinion.I will be as brief as I can,please share your thoughts if you want to.My English isn't perfect,but I hope you will understand.Ask my anything and i will clarify it. part 1) a promising beginning I was raised only by female members of my family.When I was a kid i was very manly and agresive,but when my mother quit work all hell broke loose.She is a control freak.She screamed at me at every little stupid shit I did while she did the same mistakes.I was made stupid,an idiot,and isolated from my peers.My father was a pussy too,he didn't do nothing,he just ran away to video games(played all day) and let me to take the punishment.My mother made me feel like shit,and i had to navigate the maze.She has low intelligence and used to act only on impulse,even at that age I understood that she makes absolutely no sense...yet i had to "praise" her,her to act like she had some for of intelligence...I pretended my whole life.At the same time,with a lack of a male role model,the bullshit of feminist propaganda (be nice,be a gentleman,blablabla) slowly corrupted me.Strong and fearless,having chicks at the age of 10,being the alpha kid on the block,having a chance to loose my virginity at the age when most guys didn't have the first kiss,i had it all... part 2) that moment After a few years of pussification and conditioning,i became a looser,but I still had hope.Friends,girlfriend,and the most important thing: i started to realize there is a problem,I started reading on the internet and understanding stuff.it was a time when everything had the chance to become better.But then it happened.I was playing Warcraft 3(for those that don't know,you have to wait when loading a map) and went to get some water from the kitchen.I saw that 10 minutes earlier my mother went in,she was feeling sick all day.After that,pretending to be a good son,i knocked on the door and asked if she was okay.No answer...I did it again.Than i gently pushed the door just to seem interested in her.Than(because she didn't lock it properly with the pin) the door got loose and i saw her with a belt around her neck.I helped her but she was dying there in my arms.I called the ambulance and after a while she was out of harms way part 3) fall from grace. Then,something happened that I didn't expect.She started blaming me and my father for this.She said it to my face that i was a bad person and this happened because of my ignorance and lack of love for her.(i was 12-13 when this happened).After telling me that and hinting it to me for a while,things went back to normal,we never talked about it.She became the same bitch she was before,punishing me for everything and even hitting me.Than something changed,when i started having weird thoughts about being gay,killing her and other people in very explicit ways,pedophilia,self mutilation and more.For a few weeks the thoughts where so horrific that didn't want to close my eyes because of the images(before going to sleep).Depression kicked and I couldn't evade these though.After browsing for a while on the internet,someone finally said to me that I might be suffering from pure O OCD,or bypolar because of the mood swings i had. part 4)emptiness and then,it was nothing.I evolved by making two steps back and one forward.I got into a depression wanting to kill myself(i also cut myself a number of times)then something happened to give me hope and I felt like a GOD,like i could do anything,become anyone(because I had/have the information,only lack the will to do it).I started reading,understanding,preparing for the day everything would change.Slowly everyone in my life drifted away and i am now alone with only my " i can change the world" mentality.Hope,is the reason I don't kill myself.Because when i'm down and want it to just end it all i remember something: i'm a smart guy,i've read a lot of books and i know my path.I have ideas for a business,i have inventions,dreams,i'm a thinker and an intelligent person(my IQ is about 135)but that's worth nothing if i can't act.Every time i lie to myself "when this happens,i will start working 10 hours a day on myself and my projects,and i will succeed.But i never do,and slowly the thought of going trough this shit all my life is giving me reason to end it.My hope is slowly being diminished,and one time,when i'm depressed,i know i might do something stupid. How do i get my balls back?my dignity? my humanity? I know the problem,i know the solutions,yet something in me has to change so i become the person I know i can be.But every time that something changes,I don't...and i keep lying to myself.I'm getting tired of the "this is it!!" feeling,and to be honest it's loosing it's power to keep me going...i already wrote to much,hope someone will answer.have a nice day and thanks for reading!
  17. I had typed this all out, and then before I was able to post, I was automatically logged out of my account : P I appreciate those who gave me a few tips, having dealt with the same problem. Thank you. So last weekend, there was some serious hell that went on... My parents had gotten irritated with each other Friday evening and they got even more irritated during Saturday, I didn't notice any of this until Sunday afternoon. So, the weekend before, we had arranged with my friend and my parents for my friend to spend the night and go out on Sunday, so Saturday evening, she came over and we were hanging out, and my mom called me downstairs to talk. During the conversation, I finally got the hint that she was NOT in a good mood. After we finished talking, I went back up to my room and had an emotional breakdown/anxiety attack because of how confused I was about why she was all of a sudden angry at me. ((I hate disappointing my parents and when my mom gets angry, she's angry..)) my sister came in and tried comforting me, and a few minutes later, my friend knocked on the door and saw me crying and had apparently overheard my feelings spill to my sister. After that, we all migrated downstairs to watch a few movies. And my mom had forgotten that we were having a friend over that night ((I hadn't realized that when she had called me down to talk)). So by having my friend over, and her not knowing just added more fuel to the fire. So all three of us went upstairs and fell asleep, and the next morning we got our stuff together and got ready to leave to the mall. My mom had come out of her room looking for excuses for us not to go, when she had none left, we left the house. It wasn't 100 yards away that she called us telling us that we had to turn around and drop off my friend because my sister hadn't practiced her guitar. My dad tried to go in and defend us, but that didn't go down so well.. So we dropped off my friend and came back home. When we got back, my mom was pissed off to hell. She sat my dad, sister, and me down at the couch and started flipping out. My dad had started to fight back and that's what drove her angrier than ever. She started shaking the couch sections out of place and throwing things and hitting my dad. It was scary. My dad just ignored her tantrum. ((At this point I was having an anxiety/asthma attack)). My mom got to the point where she didn't feel like anyone cared for her and threatened to kill herself. She ran to her room and I ran after her and got there just in time to stop her from closing the door and then after she realized she couldn't keep me out, she ran to her bed and tried to kill herself, I ran after her and had to restrain her. I started shouting at my dad to take the things she was going to use away from her and he finally walked into the bedroom and took them from her, so I had to hold her back while he walk ((not very fast)) to the garage to lock the things in a safe. ((Not the way I wanted to find out if I'm stronger than her)). She had run out to the garage and tried to make my dad open the safe and my dad told me to call the police, so I dialed and she said "I'll never EVER forgive you for that" ((arrow in the ducking heart)). She had tried to leave in the car earlier, but being a driver myself now, I knew she wasn't in any state to drive so I took the keys and hid them. After the suicide threat was over, my dad sat down laughing so I walked up to him ((bawling my eyes out)) and said "she tried to fucking kill herself and you just stood there". He responded with a simple "don't use the f word" and I responded "my mom almost died, I have the fucking reason to use it" He later told me that it was just a cry for attention ((which I later found out that it was true, but it's still traumatic to have to restrain your own mother because you thought she was going to kill herself)). So I had another anxiety/asthma attack and couldn't breath and my mom locked herself in the bathroom which scared the shit out of me, having seen what she tried to do just minutes ago. She came out, unharmed, and my dad told me to give her the keys, and having heard her cry to leave, I went and gave them to her. An hour later, she came back and told my brother sister and I that we were all going for a drive to talk. During that talk, she had said she was going to leave us and she was going to get herself help. We got dropped off at home and she left. A few hours later, my dad had taken us out to give me some practice drive time and get our minds off the situation. During that time, my friend called my sister and was in a panic, saying how sorry she was and then my mom called. We had to hang up the phone and headed home. My mom was there and say my sister, dad, and I down at the couch again. She said that our friend's mom had called off the friendship and that we were no longer able to hang out with our ((ONLY)) friend. So she decided to stay so we didn't have to deal with two very important people in our lives leaving on the same day. So that was the end of that day, the following week I've been hiding in my bedroom, being very quiet, not talkative at all, unfriendly, distant, completely opposite from who I am. So right now I'm just dealing with the trauma of being put in the situation where I had to stop my mom from killing herself and then loosing my only outside of family friend. So I just need some support with this...
  18. Ever since highschool I have often had months at a time where I was very depressed and had real trouble having contact with other people. I'd lock myself away from the world or find ways to lose myself in another way. There was someone who I could talk to, which made me feel understood but did not help me find back my positivity. Until I found someone who could truly help me. She knew a lot about life and always seemed to understand. Until a few years ago she stopped helping people. I been looking for someone like her, but now I found out one of her students has started for himself. I am really glad to have found someone who can do the same. If he is half as good as she was, I might be getting better. She helped me quit smoking and I never started again, but I coul use some positivity again in my life. I just want to share this with others I hope someone might be helped by this. It's a Dutch guy who speaks English, works through phone and internet I think, have a look www.thewhole.net cosphi
  19. So I have ptsd and bpd, this may help better understand this situtation. But I feel suicidal and have thoughts to self harm and have already self harmed . I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and dead and useless and I think I should just not exist. I keep thinking of all the abuse I went through, keep having nightmares, every sound sends me into a panic attack and causes me to cry. All that I have been pushing down keeps coming back up and I don't know what to do anymore. I am about to just give up. I have been trying to fight through this so fucking long and I dont know what to do. I feel like my family always wants me to be perfecct knowing my illnesses. I have expressed to them that this really makes living hard for me an they just keep saying to get through it but dont care to fucking listen in therapy sessions about my serious illnesses. I always feel like I am screaming and no one wil listen. I am begging for someone to listen to me because I am in so much fucking pain from this lifelong abuse I have had. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I just want to give up.
  20. I've depressed for a while and I've felt like killing myself might work for a while but tonight it is just hitting so hard. I could just do it. I could just end it all. I'm just so sick of living as me and constantly messing up and having no one like me and having like two friends who probably don't even care about me. I always thought my best friend did but now I don't even know anymore. I feel ugly and stupid and useless and no one helps me feel better and I'm just so sick of living
  21. There has always been a lot of pressure on me to be the best child and make the best of what my parents provide for me. They always say how if I ever do certain things, I will be disowned. Don't get pregnant while in school, finish college, get a good job, buy a house, etc etc etc. Everything is constantly weighing down on me and ever since high school I've had this fear of disappointing my parents. Especially my dad. Both of my parents, my mom especially, always remind me how hard of a life my dad has had so far. They use this to make me do my best. I was just disqualified from the school I've been studying at for two and a half years and I am so afraid that my parents will stay true to their promises and kick me out of the house. They will disown me. Since receiving the letter my mind has been playing one phrase over and over and it kicks up my suicidal urges: I would rather die than be a disappointment. If I can't transfer to another school on the campus, or my petition does not go through, I will have no home. No family. And hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that I will never be able to pay back on my own. Since I was an avid competitive shooter throughout my high school years, I have plenty of access to the numerous guns in my home safes. Please help me. I don't want to do this. I don't want to keep hating myself for constantly screwing up the chances I get. I don't want to hate myself at all but it's so hard.
  22. I am ending this year as a 20 year old female whose depression has worsened since high school, and whose year has been absolute shit. Reasons why 2015 has been the worst year of my life so far: Monty Oum, someone I looked up to very much, died at the beginning of the year. I suffered my first severe panic attack shortly after his death My depression began to worsen I had to start therapy I discovered that a good friend was actually a toxic friend I only got to come home for one month due to summer school I had several more panic attacks over the summer I lost my financial aid My boyfriend of four years broke up with me I have been disqualified from the school I was studying in before I could switch I may end up being disowned by my parents for being kicked out of school I very much want to kill myself because I would rather die than be a disappointment This year has not been kind to me at all, and it's almost like high school is repeating all over again. My therapist from school said I might have PTSD, so along with my depression, it's just a whole crock of shit.
  23. I could just do it. Right now I could so easily. So much of me knows that it's wrong and I'm terrified of myself right now but I just really want to die. I'm so sick of being here. I don't want to see all those people at school tomorrow I just want to die and never see another face again. I don't want to want to die but I do. I need help I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore
  24. I could do it right now so easily. I don't want to want to die but I can't control it and I want to kill myself so badly I don't know what to do. I'm really scared of myself everything hurts so bad and i need to take my medication but I'm afraid that if I get up to take it I'll end up taking all the pills and I'm scared to leave my bed
  25. please help im severly depressed with anxiety and i havent gone to school for four weeks because of my depression. if i dont go to school i may have to repeat 10th grade and im scared. i would rather die but i dont own a gun and all i have are pills but i heard if overdose doesnt work its painful and i dont want to be in pain anymore. i need help
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