Jump to content
Mental Support Community

My (Short) Story


YOTH

Recommended Posts

In my teens and early 20's I was on the verge of suicide over my penis size. I'm 5.5 inches erect, but my flaccid penis can shrink to almost nothing depending on weather/working out/anxiety. The first girl who ever saw my penis simply walked off...yep, said nothing, walked off. I was 15, she was 16. She looked, and said she had to go. Her friend came back and said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I was gutted. I had had a long term girlfriend when I was 12-14, but it was never sexual, and I'm glad we broke up before it turned sexual or could be ruined by 'the reveal'. I still hold my first love dear, and thank Christ it didn't end like so many others. Over the years I watched all my friends hook up with girls and discard them like used condoms as I sat on the sidelines in a world of shit. When I was 17 I met a girl and we started dating. I didn't find her sexually attractive, but I needed someone. I had 0% confidence in the sack and would get blind drunk on strong lager before we got intimate. This did NOT help my performance one iota and I would often lose my erection and become extremely frustrated. I could get harder than a robots cock at home, but on the mainstage I'd become anxious and blow it. My friends made fun of me behind my back and my family were no better. I know they didn't mean anything by it, not really. I was just an easy target for them to shift the attention away from their own insecurities. But people can be really cruel sometimes. One particular time a friend of friend called my girlfriend ugly and said she deserved a little dick. I ended up in more fights than I care to remember, but even if I won, the reasons for fighting hurt more than any punch. Events like this weren't rare and would eat me up inside. I was unbelievably angry back then and a truly horrible person to be around, especially if I was drunk. I would attack as a form of 'defence' and could be really cruel. I can't even count the amount of embarrassing penis related incidents during my youth, they were a regular occurrence. I once had my shorts pulled down at a football match and I thought I would die right there on the spot. From comments at parties while I was stood right there causing a punch up to snide comments that were hidden poorly but enough for plausible deniability. As every small penised man knows showers are a no no. In school I said it was 'gay' for men to shower together and wouldn't go in. My school work suffered and I was always in trouble. The summer was a nightmare for me. Too hot to wear a coat to cover my ever changing bulge, it would cripple me with anxiety. To be honest, my bulge is still a major factor in all my remaining anxiety's. I avoided all sexual relationships like the plague, often sabotaging potential relationships early on. When I was 25 I met my now wife. I fell in love with her. She was cute but insecure like me. I decided to treat her like a princess instead of my usual song and dance. She was being bullied by her roommates and I put them in their place. We were a team, quickly becoming inseparable. I soon found out she'd fallen in love with me too. I can't even explain the anxiety I had about the impending sex, I'd almost faint thinking about it. In my head it was a full gone conclusion, my true love wouldn't have no choice but to reject me. So desperate I went to the doctor and he prescribed Viagra. I was juicing, but I needed to be at my best, leave nothing to chance. At first, all encounters were awkward, but technically successful. Over the next year I became more and more confident and stopped the Viagra. I started to find out what I was capable of sexually. I started to figure out which positions were advantageous and what else I could incorporate into the bedroom. This is a must for the small penised man. One year later, she was pregnant with my first child, and then, I had a family. It was like a dream sometimes. How did I get here from the spare room of my auntie's house contemplating suicide over my dick? It's been 10 years since then. I thank God I found my soul mate. Although a soul mate isn't necessarily needed for happiness. Turns out just having someone who doesn't use your physical shortcomings as a weapon is heaven itself. Over the last few years I've become very adventurous sexually and I now realise that being 'good in bed' is 90% confidence. Of course a big cock would be advantageous, but as a small man, I have to cover more bases and as a result I can be really creative. I mean EVERYONE is lying about how great they are in bed, we're just not honest enough with eachother to even mention something that makes us look less manly, and as men on a whole, we suffer. And a lot of men are just on the lookout for a conversation where they can show how much of a stud they are. I feel the pain of the SPS community, and it breaks my heart to read the posts from men like myself suffering from what can be the cruelest torture any human could endure. It is looked at as a joke and ignored leaving many men in a living hell. Life isn't perfect, but is it ever? I still get very anxious sometimes, it's something I still have to work on. It is dark sometimes, but a light switch is just one stubbed toe away.
 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your story gives me strength I'm glad you found happiness in the end also yor story lifted my spirit it gives me hope i think i could get over having a small penis if it wasnt for my depression also you're  not the only one who contemplated suicide i actually had a gun but i didnt have the courage to go through with it im glad things worked out for you hopefully i can experience the same thanks for sharing your story it was much appreciated 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, robert said:

If it wasnt for my depression

 

 

I feel you, man. Depression seems to come with the territory, but it can be worked around. I feel if depression is a bucket of water, it's been filled over the years a drip (or embarrassing incident) at a time. The only way to reverse it is to empty the bucket (through forgiveness and meditation, which isn't always easy, especially the forgiveness part) but again, one drip at a time. It can take just as long getting back on your feet as it did to hit the floor, but it is worth it. I dropped all my anti depressants in favour of natural healing. On the myriad of pills I couldn't tell if I was well or just feeling better from the AD's. I hope you find what you're looking for and the depression let's up a bit, brother. We deserve a bit of peace ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

In my teens and early 20's I was on the verge of suicide over my penis size. I'm 5.5 inches erect, 
 

If most guys were like this over 5.5 inches I think there would be a damned mass suicide!!

15 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

but my flaccid penis can shrink to almost nothing depending on weather/working out/anxiety.

OK. So you're like an extreme grower or something??

15 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

The first girl who ever saw my penis simply walked off...yep, said nothing, walked off. I was 15, she was 16. She looked, and said she had to go. Her friend came back and said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I was gutted. 

That's just plain weird. Do youngsters now bring a friend when they plan sex??? But then she was only 16 and you only 15 so.... you know....fucking teenagers?!

15 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

I had had a long term girlfriend when I was 12-14, but it was never sexual, and I'm glad we broke up before it turned sexual or could be ruined by 'the reveal'.

There's another way of see it though. What if she would have been like normal? Cos it's normal actually for a girl to be down with 5.5 inches in spite of all the bullshit you see on the internet. So maybe that would have stopped your peen issues before they started??

15 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

My friends made fun of me behind my back and my family were no better. I know they didn't mean anything by it, not really. I was just an easy target for them to shift the attention away from their own insecurities. But people can be really cruel sometimes. One particular time a friend of friend called my girlfriend ugly and said she deserved a little dick. I ended up in more fights than I care to remember,

With friends like those who needs fucking enemies?! Sounds a lot to me like you were a victim of bullying.

15 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

When I was 25 I met my now wife. I fell in love with her. She was cute but insecure like me. I decided to treat her like a princess instead of my usual song and dance. She was being bullied by her roommates and I put them in their place. We were a team, quickly becoming inseparable. I soon found out she'd fallen in love with me too. I can't even explain the anxiety I had about the impending sex, I'd almost faint thinking about it. In my head it was a full gone conclusion, my true love wouldn't have no choice but to reject me. So desperate I went to the doctor and he prescribed Viagra. I was juicing, but I needed to be at my best, leave nothing to chance. At first, all encounters were awkward, but technically successful. Over the next year I became more and more confident and stopped the Viagra. I started to find out what I was capable of sexually. I started to figure out which positions were advantageous and what else I could incorporate into the bedroom. This is a must for the small penised man. One year later, she was pregnant with my first child, and then, I had a family. It was like a dream sometimes. How did I get here from the spare room of my auntie's house contemplating suicide over my dick? It's been 10 years since then. I thank God I found my soul mate. 

I'm very happy for you that it worked out at the end mate.

All the best!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Redux said:

If most guys were like this over 5.5 inches I think there would be a damned mass suicide!!

OK. So you're like an extreme grower or something??

That's just plain weird. Do youngsters now bring a friend when they plan sex??? But then she was only 16 and you only 15 so.... you know....fucking teenagers?!

There's another way of see it though. What if she would have been like normal? Cos it's normal actually for a girl to be down with 5.5 inches in spite of all the bullshit you see on the internet. So maybe that would have stopped your peen issues before they started??

With friends like those who needs fucking enemies?! Sounds a lot to me like you were a victim of bullying.

I'm very happy for you that it worked out at the end mate.

All the best!!

I am the epitome of an extreme grower. I measure exactly 5.5 (let's be honest, we know). And flaccid I can look like I have a micro penis if I'm cold or have worked out (ie walking more that 2 metres when I was fatter). I sniffed a lot of coke in my teens/20's and what that does to your cock is like a Harry Potter magic trick 'cockus gonnus'. And yes, blowjobs in the park was done in groups, few lads, few girls, they'd wander off together, for me, fucking embarrassing. I know my mates sound like pricks, but we were all merciless, and generally a bunch of unhappy misfits. Generally it wasn't an issue, but it cropped up enough that it would make me very depressed. How do you convince people you're average without getting a mediocre boner and shouting "LOOK!" And as for the internet, we didn't really have it back then, but nobody admits to less than 6. At least I've never heard anyone say they were less than 6. It's like 6 is the freak cut off point that nobody wanted to fall under. I know guys have it worse than me size wise, but that didn't help me any back then. It's only recently that I can think clearly on those kind of things and appreciate people for who they are rather than what they look like. My issues have always been public anyway. I think I have body dysmorphia or something, because my bulge can get in my head if I'm not careful. I knew a guy once who had a smaller cock than me, but he wore it well, he actually looked well hung. Big balls maybe, who the fuck knows? But he whipped it out and it was tiny. We all suffer seemingly seperate issues, but I don't think comparison helps. If we're suffering, we're suffering. Support and compassion without pity for everyone is in short supply. I'm not trying to gather pity or say my story is worse that anyone elses, but it's my story. And there are some things during my childhood that made a 'great' foundation for all my future suffering and depression, but that's a story for a different day maybe. Thanks for replying anyway, appreciate it. ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, YeshuandMe said:

I measure exactly 5.5 (let's be honest, we know).

I'm 5.6.

Now that sounds like a piss take as if I've gotta go one better or something!! But like you say, there aint no point in being dishonest cos we know what we are.

Basically you could say we are in the exact same box.

1 hour ago, YeshuandMe said:

How do you convince people you're average without getting a mediocre boner and shouting "LOOK!" And as for the internet, we didn't really have it back then,

Maybe that is why all these teens today are sending cock pics to each other?? Now that you think about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, Redux said:

Yeah but that's basically true for all men if they are cold enough!!

Although that is true, my cock fluctuates between the two all day long. It can be embarrassing when out of the blue it goes on holiday and leaves me at home. I have circulation problems like my old man, so when my body needs blood it takes it from my cock and balls without asking. I'd love my cock to be 5.5 flaccid and just get hard without growing. I heard about a guy who had that. And don't get me started on my bollocks, they are of the same ilk. I don't think there's a feeling worse than someone noticing your crotch and smirking. Obviously there are worse feeling, but it's still pretty bad ha. ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeh, I know what you mean. Not a fan of the term 'size queen' tho tbh. Half of the girls that say they like big dicks are under the same societal pressure to conform as we are. They're normally regurgitating some old bullshit they heard from family or w/e their mates are saying. Plus, if a girl is turned on by a big dick, that's cool, it shouldn't be seen as bad thing. I'm not exactly scouring the internet for average dick porn myself. But yeh, I imagine a big ol flaccid cock that didn't grow could have the same effect on your mental health, but I'd have one now that I'm in a relationship. But fuck surgery, I always imagine them getting me mixed up with sex change operation next door lol.  ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, YeshuandMe said:

Not a fan of the term 'size queen' tho tbh. Half of the girls that say they like big dicks are under the same societal pressure to conform as we are. They're normally regurgitating some old bullshit they heard from family or w/e their mates are saying.

True.

In my opinion there are often special reasons if a girl is genuinely into real wungus-mungus sizes. (Like she has been ripped open down there through having 3 kids or something.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am very surprised that you got so much shit over 5.5 inches. This is insane!! The average sized penis is the one that is being ridiculed!!? Sps does occur in all sizes an shapes but seriously at 5.5 inches I really find it hard to believe that a girl would walk out. Most guys have this I don't compute how this is even a possibility. This is why men who are even 7 inches complain about their penis being too small. What a weird world where average is subpar.... 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, Yes said:

I am very surprised that you got so much shit over 5.5 inches. This is insane!! The average sized penis is the one that is being ridiculed!!? Sps does occur in all sizes an shapes but seriously at 5.5 inches I really find it hard to believe that a girl would walk out. Most guys have this I don't compute how this is even a possibility. This is why men who are even 7 inches complain about their penis being too small. What a weird world where average is subpar.... 

I'm a grower and pretty small when flaccid. I was extremely nervous during that particular ordeal and the girl I was with wasn't exactly gracious or Mother Teresa. I mean, I'd only just met her and she was willing to give me a blowjob behind a tree, or not willing as the case maybe. I also had no real sexual experience at all. But yes, it's only statistically average. 5.5 inches is considered small by everyone I've ever known or met. Average doesn't mean shit in the locker room or with your friends. There's no plausible deniability when you have a small flaccid cock. You look small, they're convinced you're small. I also have small balls which due to bad circulation retract into my stomach, leaving me with a non existent bulge. It wasn't until I met wife that I realised I was perfectly capable of pretty much anything sexually, there was no size restriction or things I couldn't do. There was no internet when I was a kid, I thought I was the only person in the world going through it. Life now isn't even close to the hell I put myself through during my teens and early 20's, but it's no picnic. I have severe panic attacks when leaving the house if I don't feel confident in what I'm wearing, and I'm constantly aware of my bulge or lack there of. I know some guys have it worse, and I probably didn't do myself any favours growing up, but it something ingrained into my persona that I do a lot of work on. Either through meditation or logical thinking. But sometimes my old self prevails and I feel like a worthless pos and won't leave the house. But on the whole I try to stay positive. I know the alternative and it's miserable. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 15/08/2016 at 0:47 AM, Yes said:

I have met many many girls and people who think 5.5 is average.... I think I've had a bad run. 5-6 is aparently the average and statistically speaking doesn't that mean many people should share that size?? 

Statistically, yes. For it to be average, most men should be that size. But who's admitting it and offering support? If you can find someone who's supportive and honest about penis size, all the better. I've never really had the pleasure. I've only ever met competitive guys who don't want to be seen as less or lacking in any way (my dad). And who can blame them? We live in a very materialistic world that is obsessed with penis size and openly shuns anyone it doesn't feel meets it's standards of normality. I wish I'd never posted on here now. I came to offer support and maybe share a story or two to show some guys it can get better, but I don't want to burden people with my shit. We're all going through something or other, nothing has changed in millennia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a great read. I haven't gone through all the bullshit you went through but that's because I was hiding. That's perhaps why I don't do so well socially, I hidden from the world for a very long time. I've gotten a lot better through the years but I'm still really unsure of myself when it comes to social gatherings so I still prefer to do things alone.

 

I'm glad life changed for the better for you sound like a free man. I one day I too will find that freedom. Take care☺

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

Statistically, yes. For it to be average, most men should be that size. But who's admitting it and offering support? If you can find someone who's supportive and honest about penis size, all the better. I've never really had the pleasure. I've only ever met competitive guys who don't want to be seen as less or lacking in any way (my dad). And who can blame them? We live in a very materialistic world that is obsessed with penis size and openly shuns anyone it doesn't feel meets it's standards of normality. I wish I'd never posted on here now. I came to offer support and maybe share a story or two to show some guys it can get better, but I don't want to burden people with my shit. We're all going through something or other, nothing has changed in millennia. 

Signing off

You have done exactly that! You've shown people that there are people who will accept you for what u are and there are ways to be really good in bed and keep a woman happy. Hearing a success story about someone in your situation is always awesome 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On 10/08/2016 at 3:25 PM, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

I'm 5.5 inches erect, but my flaccid penis can shrink to almost nothing depending on weather/working out/anxiety. 

Mine is a wee tad smaller than 5 inches and my wife always has multiple orgasms when we have sex, mate.

When flaccid, mine is 2 inches long b 3 inches around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

YahWehOrTheHighway:  Iam almost in the same both as u length wise, only Iam a little worse.  Completley flaccid, Iam an inch.  AN INCH. It could even be smaller and retract inside my body if I sit down (like literally just wrinkled foreskin with no penis bone, or "muscle"). The reason I say "worse" is because erect Iam 4.5 maybe 4.8 on a good day, (non bone pressed. I never bone press, I kinda consider that cheating). It just SUCKS. The emotional toll it takes on me is unbearable. On top of that I have a lot of mental health problems and even sexual dysfunction issues that prevent me from even feeling sexual pleasure , but that's another story.

But anyway, just wanted to let u know that  that girl who turned u down for your AVERAGE sized penis was a "fugly slut". And to be completely honest, hearing that she turned u down for being 5.5 kinda discouraged me. I have this false hope in my head that my penis will magically grow an inch or maybe even a half an inch and my life will possibly be a TAD bit better. (Although I know at 24 years old the chances of my penis growing will most likely not happen ?) and for u to say that even at that size people turned u down, rejected u, and even teased u gets me even more depressed. It's like, even if I would to "jelq" , use devises or do whatever they say might make my penis bigger and grow an inch, my penis will still be extremely tiny ?. My flaccid size is what affects me the most though. It litterly kills me every single time i see it or even think about it. Same goes for my erect length. 

I sometimes don't even see the point of living life. It emotionally hurts that I can't go out to bars like people my age and "hook up" and have "one night stands" or even be in loving relationships. I remember shows like the "Jersey Shore" would subconsciousy kill me. I also don't see the point of going to the gym and getting in shape (Iam about 50lbs overweight). That would just make me the hot guy with the tiny penis. I also seriously get feelings of jelousy and a bit of anger and sadness when I see pictures of people I went to school with in caring and loving relationships. All I think is "I bet their having incredible passionate sex". Life just isn't fair for some people, man. I honestly think life should be optional. I think a person should have the legal right to end their life. Their Should be Like legal suicide clinics for people who just can't bear living. A person shouldn't have to wake up every single day with the feeling of anguish, anxiety and depression deep in in your gut and chest for things that you can't control. Life just isn't for everybody ? (Btw, I have other problems both mental and physical that cause emotional agony, distress and depression. My small penis is not the ONLY reason why I constantly have suicidal ideation).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, emed27 said:

YahWehOrTheHighway:  Iam almost in the same both as u length wise, only Iam a little worse.  Completley flaccid, Iam an inch.  AN INCH. It could even be smaller and retract inside my body if I sit down (like literally just wrinkled foreskin with no penis bone, or "muscle"). The reason I say "worse" is because erect Iam 4.5 maybe 4.8 on a good day, (non bone pressed. I never bone press, I kinda consider that cheating). It just SUCKS. The emotional toll it takes on me is unbearable. On top of that I have a lot of mental health problems and even sexual dysfunction issues that prevent me from even feeling sexual pleasure , but that's another story.

But anyway, just wanted to let u know that  that girl who turned u down for your AVERAGE sized penis was a "fugly slut". And to be completely honest, hearing that she turned u down for being 5.5 kinda discouraged me. I have this false hope in my head that my penis will magically grow an inch or maybe even a half an inch and my life will possibly be a TAD bit better. (Although I know at 24 years old the chances of my penis growing will most likely not happen ?) and for u to say that even at that size people turned u down, rejected u, and even teased u gets me even more depressed. It's like, even if I would to "jelq" , use devises or do whatever they say might make my penis bigger and grow an inch, my penis will still be extremely tiny ?. My flaccid size is what affects me the most though. It litterly kills me every single time i see it or even think about it. Same goes for my erect length. 

I sometimes don't even see the point of living life. It emotionally hurts that I can't go out to bars like people my age and "hook up" and have "one night stands" or even be in loving relationships. I remember shows like the "Jersey Shore" would subconsciousy kill me. I also don't see the point of going to the gym and getting in shape (Iam about 50lbs overweight). That would just make me the hot guy with the tiny penis. I also seriously get feelings of jelousy and a bit of anger and sadness when I see pictures of people I went to school with in caring and loving relationships. All I think is "I bet their having incredible passionate sex". Life just isn't fair for some people, man. I honestly think life should be optional. I think a person should have the legal right to end their life. Their Should be Like legal suicide clinics for people who just can't bear living. A person shouldn't have to wake up every single day with the feeling of anguish, anxiety and depression deep in in your gut and chest for things that you can't control. Life just isn't for everybody ? (Btw, I have other problems both mental and physical that cause emotional agony, distress and depression. My small penis is not the ONLY reason why I constantly have suicidal ideation).

I know how you're feeling, man. It can be bottom of the barrel torture sometimes. But that story is my origin and not the end product. I still have a lot of work to do and I'm really lucky to be in a loving relationship with a woman who doesn't use my insecurities to hurt me. I have a son and a baby on the way, so it's not all doom and gloom. But there's nobody more important in this world than you. Nobody has your back, not one person until you have your own. Even if you had a monster cock and all the right friends you still wouldn't be happy if your thoughts went unchecked. We're all in one way or another admiring the greener grass across the river and you've given yourself a hard time for 20 odd years. If you continue to give yourself a hard time it'll be impossible to climb out of the hole. You're a good person who deserves to be loved for who you are not what society thinks you should be. I don't tick the boxes as the perfect man, but I refuse to be my own enemy. There's no point telling you your worth though if you don't see it in yourself. There's a girl out there for you, but if you hate yourself they pick up on it immediately and run for the hills. Give yourself a break, brother. Things don't magically fix themselves with an extra inch either, it's controlling your mind that brings change not external improvements. Anyway, don't give up on yourself, I know it's not easy, Jesus do I know it's not easy, but it does and will get better. (Message me anytime you need to chat or just unload) Take it easy, man. We all deserve happiness and peace ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...