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yaboy

i should just cut my tongue off

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im going fucking crazy for even making an account. am i that desperate? for attention? what the fuck is wrong with me? wHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING FUCK. shes fucking watching. who is she? IM SO FUCKING PARANOID IM SCARING MYSELF I WANT HELP AND IM JUST WATCHING MY FINGERS TYPE THIS ISNT ME IM NOT ME IM SCARED MOM IM SCARED. my mom doesnt care THEYRE ALL LIARS NOTHING THEY SAY IS REAL IM ALL ALONE im all alone with nobody. yesterday i was happy because i felt like i had a friend; but they i realized they only did me a favour because they wanted to get with my hot friend with big tits. i wanna be like her. weigh less than 110 with huge ass double Ds i wish i were pretty and sweet and girly so id be something worth time im fucking disgusting and i dont wanna live WHY DONT I DRIVE A KNIFE THROUGH MY WRIST I DONT CARE I DONT CARE IM TIRED OF EXPLAINING TO COUNCELLOURS HOW I FEEL EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE MY PARENTS IGNORE ME!!!! MY FAMILY HATES ME BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE MY DAD!!!!! THEY HATE ME BECAUSE I APPARENTLY ACT LIKE HIM!!!! IM TRYING I HATE HIM SO BAD!!!! THEY ALL LTOLD ME IM UGLY AND I HAVE NO DREAMS ANYMORE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER PALNNED TO LIVE THIS LONG!!! SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME CRY OVER MY WABCAM WHO IS IT??? IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY I DONT WANNA TURN AROUND HELP ME PLEASE IM BEGGING I DONT WANNA LIVE I WANNA JUST DIE AND DIE AND DIE AND DIE ANDIE AND DIE WHY AM I SO SAD ALL THE TIME DEPRESSION ISNT REAL I DONT BELIEVE THEM IM JUST CRAZY!!!! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME I SHOULD JUST CUT MY TONGUE OFF SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANNA DIE SO BAD I DONT WANNA BE HERE I DONT HAVE DREAMS I DONT HAVE TOMORROW AND I FUCKED UP no one listens

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Hello yaboy, and welcome. I read your post and I am listening. Is there someone there with you now? Can you go to them, share your distress, and ask for help? I want you to be safe. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Please take care.

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Hello, yaboy,

I hear you, too.

Can you tell us more about your situation?

Right now, does your injury need medical treatment? Did you go to the emergency? It's probably bette to do it even if the wound doesn't seem too serious to you. The best could even be to tell them you're suicidal :( . Your family isn't helping, but the medical staff should know what to do when you're in such a crisis...

On 11/9/2016 at 10:07 AM, yaboy said:

i wanna be like her. weigh less than 110 with huge ass double Ds i wish i were pretty and sweet and girly so id be something worth time 

 Is this really something to care about? :( I understand that because your stupid family (and others) with aberrant values judges you based on your apparence, you grew up with the idea that it's important to be "beautiful" and you're "not enough". But it's a dangerous and supid prejudice, similarly even to racism or homophobia and it would help you very much to get rid of it and to learn to recognize and seek "real values". Perhaps that could be a reason to stay alive; to try to proof, at least to yourself, that your family has been wrong and that you have much worth and also can be a beautiful human being, liberated from the suffering their influence inflicted on you. It's a long battle, but there are many people succeeded with similar struggles and you also have chances to succeed, hopefully with some help of professionals and friends (-at least on-line, like here, later surely also new "in-person" friends)...

You might start by reading some texts about physical appearance, for instance:

http://hubpages.com/style/Why-Appearance-Doesnt-Really-Matter

http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2013/03/physical-appearance-should-not-be-the-most-attractive-thing-about-you/

or even: unconditionllove.jpg

Good luck and keep posting!

 

 

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3 hours ago, yaboy said:

nothing is real and i dont feel anything

It seems like, after the crisis with overwhelming emotions, you've become numb and / or perhaps even dissociating (or experiencing another state where it seems that nothing is real). It's normal; it happens. You may see it as a protective reaction of your brain to the overwhelming. 

3 hours ago, yaboy said:

so why does it matter

It seems to you now it doesn't matter because of your current state of mind, but that can change. You're a human being, you do matter, "even" if you're ill - physically or mentally. 

On 11/9/2016 at 10:07 AM, yaboy said:

DONT CARE IM TIRED OF EXPLAINING TO COUNCELLOURS HOW I FEEL EVEN THOUGH I DONT KNOW WHY

The process of understanding and of healing / getting better is complicated and can take a long time. But there are people (I know some) who attempted suicide several times and after some years of therapy and some other changes in their lives they become very different, very happy to be alive and able to enjoy life. They wouldn't expect or believe it if someone told them about their future when they were suicidal. If you give yourself a chance, you may see similar big changes yourself!

BTW, psychotherapy would be probably better than counselling. But good counsellors may be very helpful as well, so if there is a good one available, please give him another try! 

 

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thank you, i hope and will try to get better. do you have any tips for paranoia? like feeling like someone is there when theyre not? because ive been trippin feelin someone touch me; i just dont want to feel crazy anymore. thank you again for the advice

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