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Victimorthecrime

Planning. I'm not good at it.

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26 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

My family was working class but I can relate to what you are going through.  I have horrible mood swings from that go from being giddy w delight to wishing I could kill myself.  I have cut way back on the drinking so my social life has evaporated.  I have always had jobs I hate.  Failure at relationships.  

My life in one concise paragraph

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Sorry if you are feeling down Klingsor.  I am struggling w feeling anxious and sad.  I just can't seem to make any significant progress on anything.  The minute things start to go the slightest bit my way life will drop a boulder in front of me.  Today I am feeling bewildered.  Asking myself "how?".    Is there something chemically wrong w my brain or other physiology?  Doing my best - eating better, avoiding alcohol, trying to minimize stress, trying to be proactive.  But improvements are around the margins at best.  

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1 hour ago, Victimorthecrime said:

 I just can't seem to make any significant progress on anything.  The minute things start to go the slightest bit my way life will drop a boulder in front of me. 

Alone, in my own head, surrounded  by my fantasies, everything I plan for works out great. In reality, it never does. It's been like this all my life. I had a high school crush whom I only dated successfully in my mind. As stated before I masturbated to thoughts of current girlfriends but couldn't have genuine sex with them. Same with college, every job I've had...alone in my shitty room in my own thoughts I manufacture delusions of grandeur and success  then I actually get there and it's just hell. Thats my life - endless fantasy and escapism punctuated by periodic stints at real life when I want to kill myself. Possibly a mood stabilizer might help like you suggested but I don't know. I should get more exercise but I get demotivated watching other guys and give up. I don't know what to do. 

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It's hard to work a full time job and keep to a regular exercise routine. There are only so many hours in a day and there are other things that have to get done in life outside of work - shopping, chores, housekeeping, paying bills, whatever time one spends w family & friends, pets, downtime, sleep.  

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