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Planning. I'm not good at it.


Victimorthecrime

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Thanks @lostboy1 I hope you are having a good weekend. No checking email!  Ha ha.  

A friend said to me maybe there is something in here that is activating my allergies.  Gonna have to consider that.  

Actually it warmed up just enough (about 40 degrees) for the snow removal to be cake so grateful for that blessing.  

So while I am bummed I didn't get more done (at least so far) it's still a day off and I'll take it.  I may have a beer tonight at home just to treat myself to a mental vacation from all this stress.  

My life is like an unfunny Seinfeld episode.  

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Feeling restless so just thought I would make an entry. My plan is to stay as positive and productive as possible.  I wish I had more confidence in my ability to be successful at anything I want to do.  I wish I could change my thinking.  It sounds like something that ought to be easy but it's not.  

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It was an ok Christmas 🎄 believe or not. I ate well, got a great nap, watched the tube, ran some errands, did some cleaning, talked to a friend on the phone.  

Now I am chilling watching football and drinking decaffeinated coffee ☕️ but feeling anxious so I took 2 St John wart capsules.  Trying to remind myself it is 4 day work week leading into a 3 day weekend but it's not cheering me up.  

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Had to shovel snow twice this morning we got more than they called for. Glad that's over with. Then I got a 1.5 hour nap.  Still did not feel energized and spent the day nibbling and drinking tea and decaf, watching the idiot box.  I really need to get to the Giant food store but it just ain't happening.  Hopefully I have more energy tomorrow.  

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Earlier I was watching a marathon of "true stories from the ER".  I watch history, comedy, sports, business news, nature, I'll even watch a bit of home shopping 'cause some of the presenters are serious pieces of ass.  Rarely do I catch a movie worth watching.  

I understand the BBC has a stranglehold on TV programming in England and that few are happy about it.  I say bring back the poppy, the Union Jack 🇬🇧 and Britain First!  

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2 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Earlier I was watching a marathon of "true stories from the ER". 

That is uncanny. I had to visit a relative today on some family business and that program was on the television, I watched about 30 mins of it. Please explain to me what is the format because I know damn well everyone I saw was an actor, and shitty ones. Is it reenactment? Or are they really trying to pass it off as real footage? The one I saw had something about frat boys and blue piss and I was thinking what the f*** is this? 

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Could not go into work today due to a snow storm that was much greater than anticipated.  Cost me a vacation day, falling behind on my work and the stress of not knowing if the roads will be clear for tomorrow's commute.  

Death 💀 does not only happen when you die. Death is life's parasite slowly draining you of blood, like a trillion mosquito bites. 

I did get a few things done so the day was not a complete waste.  

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Hey @malign good to see you pop up here.  Yes valid point.  

I am just frustrated because everyone says planning is the secret to success but something beyond my control always sabotages it.  

The first 2 workdays of the year I did really well so of course I get snowed in on Thursday.  But yesterday, Friday, I did make it in and had a good day.  The problem is Saturday might as well be another work day because I have to shovel, shop, and a few other things but I might just shovel, nap 😴 and just play it by ear.  I do have a 4 day weekend coming for MLK.  

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  • 4 weeks later...

My downfall in life has been emotions overwhelming me, seizing control of me and catapulting me in whatever direction they desire.  That is why I am making a strong effort to use logic as my primary decision tool.  I can do it, I just have to prioritize it and pursue it ruthlessly.  So far so good.  

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I think the key is to not become immersed and allow emotions to take over. This has been a struggle for me too, especially if my feelings have been around my fears or insecurities. Sometimes I would even have awareness this was happening, but could not step back enough to break out of the spiral.

Over the past years, I have been working on my coping skills and how to care for myself. I try to recognize my feelings, sit with them, slow things down some (so as not to be reactive), listen to my needs, while at the same time have some space from the feelings.. Feel it, honor the feelings, but know too that the feelings are not me and balance all of this with my rational parts. Always an ongoing process. Challenges.

I wish you all the best. I hope you find a path that works well for you, Vic.

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On 1/29/2018 at 6:48 AM, IrmaJean said:

This has been a struggle for me too, especially if my feelings have been around my fears or insecurities.

Exactly!  Although I sometimes get too high when things are good and then act a fool.  

I like your post. Very relatable.  

I am not trying to eliminate my emotion, just curb it so that it works for and not against me.  

I managed to get some long overdue banking paperwork out the door this morning so maybe it's working.  I hate filling out forms. 

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  • 1 month later...

Even though it is Sunday I again went into work, just for about 50 minutes.  I got a big chunk of busy work out of the way so I feel good 😊 about that.  

I have not been doing nearly enough exercise but I have been eating mostly healthfully.  

I am working as hard as possible to make things as good as possible in all areas of my life.  

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Hey Klingsor.  Things are fine.  For better or worse no actual plans for St Pattys day.  There is an outside chance I could go grab a beer somewhere be it w a friend of alone but just gonna play it by ear. As always I got a lot of stuff to do. 

How about on your end? How are things?  Anything going on?  

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Do you have nice friends? People you've known a long time? There's nothing going on with me except the usual mundane crap. I just try to stay away from people as much as is practical and absorb my mind in abstractions. I might go hiking tomorrow, but I'm not sure yet. If it's a nice day the trails will be overrun. 

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I think I have mentioned in the past I have 2 friends that I see regularly.     One of them is a true loner, I mean guy is content w TV and a book and lives for work.  The other guy collects SSI for mental health issues. He has no money and his car died.  The whole situation is fucked up.  Things have gotten so complicated w me not wanting to drink or spend money or waste time and energy on nonsense that friendships are minimized.  Plus a shit-ton of friends have moved on w their lives - marriage, kids, careers, moving away to other States, etc.  

But I am just happy that I am feeling ok and am able to purse some improvements while also enjoying some downtime.  When I feel good, feel strong, I at least know I can make changes if I really want to.  Mid-February into March to this point was hell w first a flu 😷 and cold and then storms took my power out 2 days and then one other day.  But hopefully all that is over.  Looking forward to getting on w things this spring, the house and myself etc.  

I enjoy hiking too. Hope things get better for both of us.  

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