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Planning. I'm not good at it.


Victimorthecrime

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Thanks Beth. Did your shoulder return to 100 % normal or do you still have problems?

You are right Res I must have done something but guys I know that got it was from lifting weights. I have not lifted any weights. Could I have slept on it wrong?  Idk but as long it keeps getting better I just keep reading & watching You Tube about it.  

I was in bed at 9pm & slept to 6:30am so good start to the weekend.  

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The doctor said that I have an impingement and that I will likely have more problems in the future, but fortunately that hasn't happened yet. I feel a twinge of pain now and then when I raise my arm and then lower it again, but for the most part I have been okay.

I hope your shoulder continues to heal. I'm glad you were able to get some rest. Take care.

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  • 3 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Well it's Labor Day 2017 and I had a week off from work.  Thankfully I do have a little more time I can take before the year is out.  Definitely will take a few days off around Halloween  🎃 that is a tradition.  

Right now I have zero ability to plan or look ahead and am trying to ignite that skill.  I guess I will start small by reviewing my fall & winter 'to do' list and gently move forward from there.  

As always if anyone has any motivation or plannning tips that they themselves actually use I would be interested in that.  

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Klingsor good to see you pop up here 🙂.  Cross my fingers, the job is ok at the moment.  Probably it will stay that way through the end of the year but 2018 is anyone's guess.  If I could do over again I would be a postman or other secure government position.  I had no idea what I was doing when I made the choices I made when I was 18-20+ years old.  Clueless.  

Sounds like you encountered some rough waters but ended up ok.  I like what you said about having a job in a rural setting.  I like anything rural.  Good luck w it. 

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@Victimorthecrime

I don't plan very well either. I suppose you just have to keep doing what you're doing, it's got you this far. Like you, I am at constant odds with the poor life choices I made when young. Especially in regards to academia. I think about it regularly, and it brings down my mood for hours at a time. That regret and longing is so acute in the first few moments I need a timeout from what I'm doing until the initial mourning period passes.

 

Anyway, sorry to go on about myself there. Glad to hear that 2017 sounds relatively safe for you. I'm hoping that 2018 brings you stability too.

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Hey Small feel free to speak about anything anytime.  Thanks for commiserating w me about our acedemic choices. So long as I have my health I believe I will be alright so all good.  Lots of people regret their earlier choices.  Sad but true.  Bizzarely our system almost seems set up for that to happen.  

I had two pieces of advice to give people it would be 1) look down the road and 2) you can never be something you're not so don't waste time trying. Instead work within yourself.  

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On 9/17/2017 at 11:44 AM, Victimorthecrime said:

Hey Klingsor good to see you pop up here 🙂.  Cross my fingers, the job is ok at the moment.  Probably it will stay that way through the end of the year but 2018 is anyone's guess.  If I could do over again I would be a postman or other secure government position.  I had no idea what I was doing when I made the choices I made when I was 18-20+ years old.  Clueless.  

 

I could say the same for myself. I took liberal arts in college because I didn't know what else to do at the time. If I could do over, I would major in psychology/counseling. 

If I were to offer any advice for planning, it would be to always be aware of the possibility of unwanted change. It can happen at any time. 

Klingsor, Small, and Vic, I wish all of you the best.

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I'm having problems with aging. It's like hell swallowed my twenties, and me today is what was vomited back up. By nature I ruminate over the past, and I let it control me. I used to make plans...while I fully agree with you @Victimorthecrime, I thought I had my life planned out when I was 18, yet it turned into a monumental failure. It's good to plan, but I think point #2 should come first.

Due to naive ignorance and living in somewhat of an echo chamber, I had no idea what I was in for when I went to college. The decision to attend a big state university single handedly ruined my life. Recruiters make it look like the best time of your life, and it is if you're female, or a male athlete or a male from a rich family...me: I was some dumb hick from nowhere who bizarrely obtained a full academic scholarship and was mesmerized by fantasies of "girls girls girls", bars and clubs. Of which the only memories I have are nothing but humiliation. Within 2 years reality set in, my plans vaporized and everything I've done subsequently has been reactionary because of depression and consequent absence of any motivation. It was the worst decision I ever made in a long history of failures. Now I'm 31 and a bitter wreck. It's all downhill from here.

Yes, make plans, but do so intelligently and realistically. 

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"The decision to attend a big state university single handedly ruined my life."  That is my story as well.  I have never fully climbed out of the hole I dug for myself in those years 18-22.  In some ways it is impressive that I have done as well as I have, given how completely defeated and demoralized I was after college.  

To be fair, it is not an uncommon story.  The only kids that do well w the college experience are ones that are gifted and motivated or kids whose parents really stay on 'em to not fuck up.  That might be account for 20% of the students.  The other 80% either ended up going back to school, marrying someone who had a descent job, really sliding down into drugs and booze and drifting, or like me just hanging on for dear life through a procession of shitty jobs.  

What happened to me is that my father died not long after I graduated and that left me to deal w not just my formidable problems but now my mom's too as I am an only child.  

Honest to God, considering all this it is amazing I and still alive and doing even modestly ok.  I had no support and no guidance.  There was no family there for me and my few friends were guys just me.  I had self help books.  There was not even internet yet for many many years.  

More later, actually have to get off my ass and run a few errands now.  

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All I can say Victim is that your story is similar to mine. College was an incredible culture shock for which I was totally unprepared. I flunked out and lost my scholarship, but unlike most - I maintained a 4.0 until the end when I suffered a psychological breakdown brought on by stress and isolation. 

Ive basically been in drifter mode, more or less reactionary, ever since. These universities are nothing more than institutionalized scams marketed by corporations. It's all one big lie. 

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On a daily basis, I guess I'm trying to put this shit behind me. I'm starting another new job and doing everything personally possible to keep it. I'm trying to be more optimistic, confident and stop worrying so much. I'm also planning on taking a trip to the beach. The last true vacation I had was over 15 years ago, and it was to the beach. It was the only time I've been to the sea, and it was very enjoyable. So that is what I'm planning for and looking forward to now.

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Without a little guidance and support it is really hard for a guy 18-22 or so to handle college life.  So many distractions, so much negativity.  My freshman year I chased girls some but always ended alone.  I had been an occasional pot smoker in high school but not during junior or senior year.  But in college I saw how smoking pot brought people together, instant friendships were made so my sophomore & junior year was a smoke out.  If I wasn't smoking it was because I just couldn't find it.  I hung w a nice group of guys and we had some good times but nothing productive came from it that's for sure.  Come senior year I was old enough to buy beer and that was it for pot. Now I was just a drunk and my self  esteem was at an all time low.  Moving back home after college was horrible.  Just whole thing has been pretty rough.  Very few good times outside of some drunken debauchery.  A lot of worry, fear, anxiety, guilt, self loathing and even some depression.  

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Until the late Sixties when the impact of the Vietnam War started to be felt, college was for the upper middle to upper rich socio-economic classes.  It was a rite of passage for the well to do.  It was never meant to be the pseudo-trade school that it has become. I think we would all be better off going back to the way it was.  Especially these days where anyone can learn most of what they need on line.  The rest could be on-the-job training.  Give young people real world skills and problem solving skills that they need to earn a living.  If after that they want become intellectuals or artists or whatever, fine.  

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My thoughts exactly. There were still such things as apprenticeships up until the era you are talking about, which was a far better system. Perhaps I would've had a better life in a different time and place, or at least one suited better suited to my nature. Who knows. 

Sorry for going off topic. It just got me thinking about my life. I hope everyone else has some success with their plans or whatever they are doing to find a bit of peace or happiness. 

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6 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Give young people real world skills and problem solving skills that they need to earn a living.  If after that they want become intellectuals or artists or whatever, fine.  

This. 

It sounds as though you have overcome a lot, Vic, as well as learning much along the way. I sometimes wish too that the learning part didn't take so many years (or decades).

Klingsor, I hope your plans for a new home come to fruition. I am in your corner.

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