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RazeU

Self worth/confidence with a small penis

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Hello all and thanks for reading. I have read for hours and hours from dozens of forums on the topic of this post and have come to the realization that there's no good answer. So I guess maybe this is just for conversation or venting. But here goes.

I am a 31 year old man. Mostly happily married. My wife is beautiful, crazy smart, and super successful. In fact she's a 28 year old nurse practitioner. We have 2 beautiful daughters ages 2 and 4. I have a good job, as good as can be had in our area with no college. Sounds like a good life doesn't it? You'd be wrong if you said yes. It all means nothing to me. Because I sincerely hate myself. You see, I have a small penis. Sounds childish right? I feel the same. But it doesn't invalidate the emotion. 

For specifics I'm roughly 1 inch to nonexistent flaccid and 4ish inches on a good day when erect. Measuring is honestly too depressing so those are estimates. My wife seems to enjoy our sex life and says it is amazing. She seems to have many orgasms from all activities, even my pitiful penile penetration. She says my size is obviously perfect for her. But in my mind I can't make myself believe I can satisfy her. She's got to be acting? Pretending? Lying to me and maybe even herself for the good of the marriage? Dark thoughts there. 

Despite what should be a very happy life, I hate myself. Cannot judge myself based on any other criteria. Cannot believe it even if someone says something good about me, pertaining to any area of life. And it's getting worse and time goes by.

Part of the problem might be that I know there is no hope to fix the problem. I'm stuck with it. And will be judged by that by society forever. A society that says a man is supposed to be a man, yet whose physical embodiment of manhood is something completely out of the control of the individual man.  I mean... show me one male protagonist from any media outlet that's fat or implied to have a small penis lol. 

This issue runs sooo much deeper than what I see in most posts on the issue, which are solely worried about the sexual aspect. It goes all the way back to the primal, base male psyche. I feel worthless. I have  no motivation to try to achieve more with life because no matter what I achieve, this issue will still be staring at me when I get out of every shower I ever take. I've no desire for social interaction because even if I never see a buddy's penis, I will always resent him because I know I don't measure up. So tell me, I've exhausted all information I can find. I've accepted the facts. Physically there is nothing to be done. What else can I do? Acceptance is the only option I see... but I've already freely accepted and admitted the problem. I, Chris, have a tiny penis. It feels like the only thing left to accept is that I will feel this miserable, hate myself this much, forever. Please tell me there are ways to deal with this that I have missed? Please help me...

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I would believe your wife. Look at this thread.

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/feeling-noseyhow-big-is-sos-package/page/5

Post number 71. 

"Well I will happily admit to having a smaller guy. I’m a bit, uhhh, abnormally tight so he’s perfect for me. Although even his four inches* can hurt if there’s not enough foreplay and doggy hurts too much to do. If I were with one of these 8+ inch guys I don’t there would be any hope of me ever enjoying sex.

*Complete guesstimation. He’s self-conscious about his size (although needlessly so) so I would NEVER suggest measuring him and putting him on the spot like that"

 

Women who are satisfied with 4 inches do exist. I really do believe that you got a little lucky that your wife is compatible with your size.

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@RazeU The problem with acceptance is it doesn't mean shit unless you love yourself. I can accept that I'm fat, but hate myself for being fat. I can accept that I have a small penis, but I'm small, I deserve to be miserable for not measuring up. You have to accept that you're small and love yourself regardless of the fact. I have my ups, downs and inbetweens, dark days, dark weeks, dark months, but I always come back to myself and remember that I love myself. I have two boys and a girlfriend who love me, but I don't measure up to societies standards, and that can make me crazy. But I don't want to punish myself indefinitely anymore, I want to be free. I love myself because nobody else matters. The world could love me and throw themselves at my feet, but If I don't love me, I'll never believe that they can either. Loving yourself is the most selfless thing you can do, because the knock on effects will ripple through your life bringing happiness to you and everyone you care about. 

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On 24/05/2017 at 1:15 AM, YOTH said:

@RazeU The problem with acceptance is it doesn't mean shit unless you love yourself (...) You have to accept that you're small and love yourself (...) I love myself (...) I love myself because nobody else matters (...) Loving yourself is the most selfless thing you can do (...)

How would one go about achieving this?

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On 2017-5-29 at 2:57 AM, Batman said:

@YOTH

I'm still waiting for your self love recipe. Unless it's a secret recipe?

Sorry @Batman I'm not getting notifications for this thread for some reason, stumbled across it by chance. 

I can't explain it or I'd be a rich man. But I've said it a few times in here, you have to have your own back. Nobody out there will ever have it fully, even if they love you unconditionally. I beat myself up for 30 years and now I'm looking out for myself. If I get angry at what's outside of my mind it's a clear indication that I'm feeling shitty inside. It takes time, it takes practice and it takes abundant willingness. But speaking as a former violent, drugged up, pessimistic pisshead shit stain with an uncanny knack for crawling into people's heads and making them miserable, it can be done. Oh, and two cups of flour ?

 

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1 hour ago, YOTH said:

Sorry @Batman (...) But speaking as a former violent, drugged up, pessimistic pisshead shit stain with an uncanny knack for crawling into people's heads and making them miserable, it can be done.

 

Can you indulge us with this major transition? From the above mentioned to where you are now? It might be more convenient to do it on one of your own threads. Thanks. Just @ me in the post so I see it mate. 

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@RazeU

We do not only have similar nicknames, we do have similar feelings.

I think the way to go is not to try to like your penis, but give it the importance it has in you and no more.

It's an organ, not everything. Yes, you had bad luck on that, but a person, and life, is much more than that. You are not a small penis, you have a small penis. Great figures in history had big, average, small penises, we don't know because it's not relevant. It's not all. I'm not denying it's important for self steem, I suffer the same as you going out of the shower, but that can't be all and make you feel worthless because your penis is not participating in most things you achieve in life.

I sucks, but it's a part of you and your life, not everything.

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The problem is all in your head.

Your wife says she's very happy with you sexually, and you have two beautiful daughters together so really what do you have to complain about? Your penis has done its job in terms of reproduction, and in terms of sex it does the job too. Honestly if I was in your position I would be happy. The only other thing you need a penis for is for urinating. And masturbation of course but you may not even have to bother with that!

If you had a large penis it would probably make sex much more difficult in all honesty. It would take longer for the blood to get to your penis, would be harder for you to maintain an erection, and it would also be physically harder to do things like get a condom on and also to get it inside the vagina. People think that having a larger penis must be great, but it's far from it and it's probably easier to have an average sized one.

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Hello RazU,

You and I are very similar in size so you are definitely not alone with this issue. I get it. I have wondered for years why I was cursed with such a small penis. At times I don't even think about it but at other times I become almost obsessed with my size. I am married as well, and have been for a long time, with a couple of children.

Early in our relationship I would want to discuss my size with my wife, I guess just because I needed validation of my suspicions and someone to talk to on the subject, but it made her very uncomfortable so now it is basically the "elephant in the room" no pun intended.

It is very good to hear that your wife can have orgasms with you because that is what really matters. If she is able to climax, with penetration, then in my mind you are a rock star! I use toys and such with my wife to help her (which isn't unusual regardless of size) but I totally understand the feeling of worthlessness and questioning of whether you are truly satisfying her because I feel that way almost every time my wife and I make love.

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To me it seems that you are in a good place.  You have a wife that loves you and is satisfied.  You have doubt problems.  Work on it.  Why don't you educate your self on some new sexual techniques and try them on your wife and see how she will reacts.  Maybe you need to spice it up.  I am a woman.  I don't need a big cock, just a man that's into me.  That's what turns me on.  You have a family.  That's one of the grates gifts every. Cherish it.  It's all worth it.  

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On 3/23/2017 at 10:42 PM, RazeU said:

My wife seems to enjoy our sex life and says it is amazing. She seems to have many orgasms from all activities, even my pitiful penile penetration. She says my size is obviously perfect for her.

Seriously dude? You HAVE EVERYTHING. A lot of SPS guys on here are happily married but have to use toys or oral to get their wives off, but if you can do it with your dick then what's the problem? Do you know how lucky you are? Could you imagine if your wife didn't like your dick and/or couldn't get off with it? Just think about that for a second. Like, I don't mean to belittle your stress/anxiety over your SPS, but I would literally give every dollar I have to my name right now and all of my possessions (including my car) for a woman like your wife who not only doesn't care that you have a small member BUT LIKES IT AND GETS OFF ON IT. Shit, I might give away all of my money and possessions just to spend ONE NIGHT with a woman that can get off from a 4 inch skinny dick. I didn't even think that was possible (girls getting off from vaginal sex from a SPS guy). I jokingly told a friend of mine that perhaps I could get a girl off vaginally if she happened to be a petite virgin from Japan. Dude, I know this probably won't help you feel any better, but PLEASE COUNT YOUR FUCKING BLESSINGS. I don't have anyone, I never have and I probably never will. My dick is likely smaller than yours too. If it wasn't for my mom (who as long as she's alive, I could never because it would crush her), if it wasn't for her I would probably have killed myself by now. Not even joking.

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