Back again with a whole new set of issues.

[Powerhouse8000]

I am the user formerly known as infrared_radiation. Decided to sign up with a new account as have got a new computer, it's a new era and things have changed completely for me. I do not want to dwell in the past or be stuck in the same dead-end mental rut that I was in before. I want to look to the future.

I am feeling very low at the moment, and would appreciate some help and advice. I know I've said things on this forum in the past that have been unpleasant, controversial or even hateful but that's what a low mood can do to you. It can make you a complete monster if it wants to.

So anyway, without further ado, my situation. Actually, let's start off with who I am.

I am -

• 30 years old
• Scottish living in Scotland
• A heterosexual white male
• Formally educated but doing a working class job
• Very borderline mildly autistic but almost normal
• 6 foot 3 tall
• Good looking, with a larger than average penis
• Muscular build with broad shoulders, but also slightly overweight and carrying a bit more body fat than I should

Physically, my main flaw is that bit of extra body fat that I'm carrying. No matter what I do, no matter how well I eat, no matter how hard I work, I cannot shift that extra body fat around my waist particularly, much as I would really really like to. But, I have a lot of muscle as well and I don't look particularly overweight with my clothes on.

Now, so what was I going to say? Oh yeah, my situation. I'll start by giving a bit of background here...

During my early twenties, I was an alcoholic, and I dropped out of university twice, and lost my mother to cancer. It was a really, really rough time for me and affected me mentally. But I gave up drinking because I knew I had to for my own health, and have been given up drinking for over five years now, but still drink occasionally although only low alcohol beers which are around 0.5% alcohol which you could never get drunk from. I do go out socially sometimes and drink non-alcoholic beer but not like to nightclubs or anything, and do know a lot of people but don't have a huge social life.

I used to have quite racist views, which will be well known to certain people on this site. Certainly, the heavy drinking and the stresses of life during my early twenties exacerbated these feelings, which initially started with a dislike of non-white ethnic minorities and white women who date and have sex with them. I don't know whether this came from porn, or from looking at racist websites on the internet, or some combination of these.

These views then transmogrified into self-hatred, in which I developed a complex in which I started to hate myself for being white. Then now, I've entered the stage which is beyond even that, which is apolitical and non-judgemental and in which I only try to be a decent person and try to do the best I can and be true to myself and reasonable and fair. At this stage, I just don't give a fuck anymore, I just try to be me.

As far as sex and relationships are concerned, I will explain my situation:

• I have done sexual things (sexual intercourse, mutual masturbation and/or oral sex counted only here so basically anything involving the genitals) with 13 women in my life in total so far. This does not include situations that have only involved sexual touching with clothes on or a topless woman, if those were included then the number would be closer to 20
• I find sexual intercourse to be very difficult, particularly because of the large size of my penis and its girth in particular, and often find it very hard to actually get it in to a woman's vagina, and have made women bleed before during sex because of its size
• As far as dating and relationships go, I have been doing online dating since 2012 and have had at least 25 dates, probably closer to 30 and quite possibly more than that, since I started doing the online dating and have also had dates from women I've met in real life as well. I find it quite easy to get dates on a regular dating site, but I also find that often many of those dates did not go well in real life for one reason or another.
• I have had a small number of short relationships lasting a few weeks to a few months prior to last year, and am not long out of a relationship that just lasted one year, which I will explain more about in greater detail later in this post
• In addition to regular dating sites, I also go on sex sites as well and will maybe get 10 messages back for every 100 that I send out on a sex dating site

I only finished with my last girlfriend a month ago. I broke up the relationship with her because I was desperate to get out and was already talking to another woman which gave me the perfect excuse to finish it.

I have no regrets at all about breaking up with my ex, none whatsoever. The truth is that even the first time I met her, I wasn't sure if I wanted to even be seen in public with her, let alone date her. Yet, I ended up being with her for almost a year!

I was never really attracted to her at all. The main reason I was with her was because we had a lot of common interests - music, TV shows, life, doing things together and going places and having fun. It wasn't so much about physical attraction at all.

My ex was very fat and unattractive, short and dumpy and fat with short hair, very much the opposite of what I find physically attractive in a woman. By the time the relationship was coming to an end, I practically felt physically sick by the thought of having to share a bed with her on those nights that we went away somewhere and I had to share a bed with her. I found it repulsive when she touched me and tried to kiss me, it made my skin crawl. I was absolutely disgusted by her, and she was head over heels in love with me. I hated it so so much. But we still went on so many trips together, we went not just all over Scotland but all over Britain and we went to loads of music concerts and even went to be in the audience on a TV show.

Every time I had an interest in something, she had to have an interest in it as well. Her level of interest in me was obsessive to the point of being fucking creepy. If I knew what she was going to become, I would have gotten out of there far more quickly. I had only been in a relationship with her for 3 months and if I ever had any sexual attraction to her at all, it was all gone by that point. I feel almost physically sick thinking about how ugly, fat and disgusting she was and honestly wish I'd never ever had anything to do with her. Her size was also beginning to cause her health problems as well, and that was another factor that put me off her as she was unable to walk for even more than half a mile at a time which is very different from me as I like to get out and be physically active and go places.

It's worth noting that I have rejected women before. I do not simply have sex with every woman I have the opportunity to have sex with. In 2015, I had an online meet with a woman in another town in Scotland who was about 100 miles away from me and was two years older than me. I drove to her flat on a Saturday, found out that she was very fat and unattractive and also had many ugly tattoos, lived on benefits, had a flat that stank of cat's urine and was a complete mess, and she stank of smoke and was a heavy smoker and had a poor diet of junk food. I spent an evening with her watching TV and we got a takeaway, then when I got into her bed and before we tried to have sex I was so repulsed by her that I said to her that I had to leave and drove 100 miles in the dark, leaving her crying on her sofa smoking a cigarette and she was wearing only her panties. Can you really blame me for what I did? And so similarly I was with a fat and unattractive woman for a year, and we got on well as friends but there was no sexual chemistry - she wanted me and I didn't want her - and it was torture.

And I am a guy who likes curvy women. I love curvy women (really I can't overstate this enough, I love them to bits and find them sexy as hell), but I find unhealthy levels of obesity to be disgusting and a big, big turnoff. I actually really like big curvy women with big breasts and even more so a big ass and big wide hips and thighs. I also strongly prefer tall women of 5 foot 10 or taller, not that I object to smaller than that of course but I just find big, tall and curvy women to be the most attractive thing ever, although when I say curvy that does not mean obese (cannot emphasise that enough)! I would also say that I strongly prefer white women over non-white women, just as a matter of personal preference.

So anyway, I was in this relationship that I hated, and I have been on various online sites when I was still in a relationship with my ex - dating sites, sex sites, porn sites, you name it, I was on it. I was completely sexually unsatisfied with my ex, and it got to the point where I refused to even attempt sex with her because I hated the thought of doing it so much. She was the one getting sexually frustrated with me because I wasn't interested in her sexually at all.

Last month I was on a sexual website which I won't name the name of, when I got talking to a woman in my city. She was the same age as me, very pretty, very curvy and what's more she was almost the same height as me. Now, as I've already stated, that combination of factors matches up with what I've already said I find sexually attractive perfectly. Finding another woman who actually had that perfect combination of looks, curves and height would be maybe like a 1 in 10,000 chance of it ever happening again. It was literally love at first sight for me when I saw the pictures of her before we even started chatting. Looks wise, she was the ideal woman for me, the woman of my dreams. Due to my experience in dating, I tried not to come across as too keen as I know how off putting that can be, but couldn't help myself from showering her with compliments about her looks and how gorgeous and sexy I found her anyway.

And we started chatting, and the chat went well. We exchanged usernames on Kik messenger and started chatting on that. Due to the fact that it was a sexual site, we had no qualms about sending explicit pictures of ourselves to each other, or having explicit discussions about very specific sexual fetishes. To my delight, she accepted all my sexual fetishes and interests and she told me about all of hers. In a very real sense, she was every bit as sexually perverted as I am and we were sharing dirty pictures of ourselves with each other and having very kinky explicitly sexual chats about all the sexual things we'd love to do with each other.

Anyone here ever seen that episode of Family Guy called "Quagmire's Quagmire"? Well, it basically felt like that - the good, initial stages of that, anyway!

And not only that, aside from the really hot sexual conversations we had, she seemed to have a lovely feminine and understanding personality who was really nice to talk to about both sexual and non-sexual subjects. I literally thought I'd found the perfect woman, the woman of my dreams, the woman I never ever thought could exist because she was just too perfect.

I was still in a relationship with my ex at this point, and we were due to go away on a trip to a music festival that weekend. We went away somewhere one night before the festival started, shared a bed with her, got no sleep, and then the very next day took her to a train station and told her that the relationship was over. Told her to take her bags and go.

I was so, so glad to be rid of my ex. All I could think about was the new woman I had been talking to.

I got talking again to my new romantic and sexual interest, and we continued to have sexual conversations and share sexual photos of ourselves with each other. And then we arranged a date, and that was two weeks ago today as I write this.

We met up at the train station, then went for a meal and chatted, then went to the cinema. The conversations we had were completely non-sexual and I think we were both a little bit nervous but we coped! I held hands with her in the cinema and had my arms around her for a while because honestly I just wanted to physically touch her so much. I really tried my best not to come across as desperate or too keen, but I guess I maybe did anyway.

I walked her back to where her car was parked at the end of the evening, and got a nice kiss!

I thought the date went mostly well. I thought there was real, genuine, mutual physical attraction between us.

I got home and messaged her. Experience of past dates has taught me that even what you think is a good date can still be perceived badly by the other party. But no, she responded with kisses and said thanks for a nice night. So all was good at that point.

Myself and her kept chatting for over a week after that. But the sexual conversations largely stopped, and she had had bad luck with having both being ill that week and also having family problems as well. So the messages I got from her became less and less frequent. It was really hard for me to tell whether she was just having a stressful week, or whether she was losing interest in me, or perhaps a combination of both.

Anyway, on Saturday night, something else happened. I was in a bar with some friends and got talking to yet another woman. Myself and her seemed to "click" - so I thought. My thought was that even if it wasn't going to work out with my ideal woman, I would give this other attractive woman a shot anyway. So I asked for this other woman's number at the end of the night. She was East European and was older than me, but didn't look older.

On Sunday, I messaged the woman I'd been talking to for several weeks and asked if she wanted some time to herself to sort out the family problems and so on that she had. She said yes, I don't want to lead you on, I'm not ready for dating right now at the moment. So I said I'd text her back in several weeks or a month and that was basically how it was left, she said thanks for being so understanding.

Obviously I felt terrible at having to stop talking to what was the woman of my dreams, but I thought I could resume it later and give it a chance with the woman I'd met the night before. But I messaged her and she said she wasn't interested in me.

Suddenly, I found myself left without a female who was interested in me for the first time in over a year.

Obviously, I felt very low on Sunday night.

On Monday night, I went back on another sex dating site (not the one I met the woman I was talking to on) and got talking to other women on that. Although it is hard to be a single man on a sex dating site, if you get your tactics right it is still possible to get interest from women and especially if you are (or appear to be) a guy with good looks and/or a good body. I was talking to a woman that I got the Kik username of off that sex site, but not only was she not very attractive physically (short and fat) but we also had nothing in common and the conversations didn't go well. I didn't feel that her level of intelligence was anywhere near mine and we were not on the same wavelength at all.

Rather aimlessly, since then I have been using a sex site to message women for the past couple of days. I do get some women viewing my profile (I have had to block gay men because there are far too many of them) and have had replies from around 5-7 women after messaging maybe 50, 60 or 70 women in total on that site. But it's just depressing and feels pointless. There is no one who is compatible with me on a site like that. They are all of low intelligence. None of them were like what I had just a few weeks ago.

And then tonight? Tonight I have just been feeling really low. I had what I felt was the woman of my dreams, this close, I went on a date with her, I kissed her, we had amazing sexual conversations about all kinds of kinky and perverted things and shared pictures of ourselves, we had great non-sexual conversations, we kept talking even after the date which is a very good sign, and now we're not talking.

There is an old quote which I remember reading somewhere online many years ago which said - "Expect nothing. That way, you will not be disappointed"

What I had, felt too good to be true. I was this close to having the woman of my dreams, and now I've been let off the hook.

She never actually said that she didn't want to resume trying to date me after her problems and issues were over, but I do get the impression that she was trying to hint at it. The way it was left was that I would contact her in a few weeks for a chat just to see how she was doing, and that would be it. But how likely is that to realistically happen? Thing is, why do I even bother with all these online sites - dating, sex sites, and everything? Why do I even care so much about what women think? Why do I attach so much value to it? All it does is make me miserable.

I know I am a fairly attractive guy and can definitely get interest from women (although that being said if I was to lose a little more weight I could be a very attractive guy, but that little extra weight I'm carrying is so hard to shift), but I have also been plagued with mental issues throughout my life. I have always been "a bit crazy", if that makes any sense. I have always been prone to low and high moods. It runs in my family, because my mother had the same types of moodswings as well.

Nothing can make me feel lower than knowing that I had the woman of my dreams this close and I feel I fucked it up. But I still don't know for sure whether it's me she's lost interest in, or whether it's the issues in her personal life that are causing her to not want to be dating at the moment.

Feeling really low tonight, but feeling a bit happier now that I have explained almost everything that I need to explain. I just hope that there are people on this site that are here to listen and respond to my concerns in a completely non-judgemental way.

Thank you!

[LaLa]

Hello, welcome back!

2 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

Then now, I've entered the stage which is beyond even that, which is apolitical and non-judgemental and in which I only try to be a decent person and try to do the best I can and be true to myself and reasonable and fair. At this stage, I just don't give a fuck anymore, I just try to be me.

What a good news! It's really great that you've been able to overcome all the hatred. It's a lifelong struggle for most of us to try/learn to be more tolerant and understanding; it's probably never "a finished task" as one never knows what can happen and trigger some old or even new prejudices, automatic unfair reactions etc. But what you've already accomplished sounds like a very big step forward.  

2 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

I still don't know for sure whether it's me she's lost interest in, or whether it's the issues in her personal life that are causing her to not want to be dating at the moment.

Uncertainty is almost always hurtful and easily triggers obsessive over-thinking  . I see that you'd love to know what's happened and what your prospects are. There is only one advise that occurred to me: Reading your descriptions of what "happened with" your relationship with that girl, I was a bit surprised that you didn't seem to consider helping her somehow. In difficult situations, most people often appreciate have a friend to be supportive. But they often don't want to show it, because they don't want to seem needy, to feel like a burden, and because they have the prejudice that it would be somehow off-putting (as it sometimes is to some people, unfortunately ). So... when you just accept her "having a break", it seems to me (and this doesn't have to apply to her, of course! She can have different expectations, needs, and opinions) that you're only interested in a "romantic" and sexual relationship and don't feel either willing or ready to be also a good friend who tries to be supportive and helpful and find ways how to alleviate the distress she's going through. Of course she isn't interested in "dating" in such circumstances, but are you sure she wouldn't appreciate "someone" to "lend her his ear" or "provide a shoulder to cry" (metaphorically or literally?)? 

2 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

the woman of my dreams

I know that idealization comes with infatuation, but... it occurred to me that perhaps some different perspective could be at least a bit helpful - not to dissuade you from trying to build a loving relationship with her, just to... make you think also in other ways and perhaps realize some helpful insights (??). Here are two videos that come to mind in this context:

 

Good luck!  

 

[LovingTheAlien]

I really enjoyed this post, you really paint a picture and I couldn't stop reading it. It felt more like a chapter of a book rather than a post. Now go live chapter two and write it out, and make it exciting. I'm expecting a big turn around and a happy ending, don't let me down. 😋

[Powerhouse8000]

21 hours ago, LaLa said:

Hello, welcome back!

What a good news! It's really great that you've been able to overcome all the hatred. It's a lifelong struggle for most of us to try/learn to be more tolerant and understanding; it's probably never "a finished task" as one never knows what can happen and trigger some old or even new prejudices, automatic unfair reactions etc. But what you've already accomplished sounds like a very big step forward.  

Uncertainty is almost always hurtful and easily triggers obsessive over-thinking  . I see that you'd love to know what's happened and what your prospects are. There is only one advise that occurred to me: Reading your descriptions of what "happened with" your relationship with that girl, I was a bit surprised that you didn't seem to consider helping her somehow. In difficult situations, most people often appreciate have a friend to be supportive. But they often don't want to show it, because they don't want to seem needy, to feel like a burden, and because they have the prejudice that it would be somehow off-putting (as it sometimes is to some people, unfortunately ). So... when you just accept her "having a break", it seems to me (and this doesn't have to apply to her, of course! She can have different expectations, needs, and opinions) that you're only interested in a "romantic" and sexual relationship and don't feel either willing or ready to be also a good friend who tries to be supportive and helpful and find ways how to alleviate the distress she's going through. Of course she isn't interested in "dating" in such circumstances, but are you sure she wouldn't appreciate "someone" to "lend her his ear" or "provide a shoulder to cry" (metaphorically or literally?)? 

I know that idealization comes with infatuation, but... it occurred to me that perhaps some different perspective could be at least a bit helpful - not to dissuade you from trying to build a loving relationship with her, just to... make you think also in other ways and perhaps realize some helpful insights (??). Here are two videos that come to mind in this context:

 

Good luck!  

 

I did say to her that I was here to listen if she wanted someone to talk to, but she seemed unwilling to go into detail about what the problems actually were. She didn't seem at all interested in sharing her issues with me. I would gladly have listened as I am a good listener.

I won't be watching those Youtube videos right now. It's now after 10pm, I was awake and out of bed at 6:30am, and I have to be up at 7am tomorrow. I have a busy life.

[Powerhouse8000]

7 hours ago, LovingTheAlien said:

I really enjoyed this post, you really paint a picture and I couldn't stop reading it. It felt more like a chapter of a book rather than a post. Now go live chapter two and write it out, and make it exciting. I'm expecting a big turn around and a happy ending, don't let me down. 😋

Thanks. People have said before that I have a talent for writing, but it is not a skill that is necessarily in demand in the world we live in. There is an abundance of people who can express themselves articulately and as such a there are only a limited number of people who can use that skill in employment or otherwise make a living for themselves using their ability to write.

Before we get onto chapter two, I have some other stuff to say first and some living to do before I can give you a full update.

[LaLa]

Oh, I'm sorry I made such an assumption  . I'm glad you offered her to talk about it etc. Hopefully she'll call you after things get better...

[Powerhouse8000]

It's been a long day for me today, because I've had work then visiting family members then going shopping and housework and I've got to be up early to put my car in for a service tomorrow. But I have been doing some thinking about certain things, and feel that I must share them here just now.

Here I'm going to make a comment on an aspect of our society today.

Unless you are some kind of dinosaur that's stuck in a time warp where you're permanently trapped in about 1997, you have access to the internet, whether that be on a smartphone or a computer or anything else. Billions worldwide have access to the internet, for all the good and bad things that it can potentially provide.

One of the most popular uses of the internet is social media. That would include Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and many more. There are even specifically sexual social media platforms as well for those that are interested. Beyond social media, many people keep in touch with apps like Whatsapp and Kik messenger as well as things like Skype and Facetime.

And, as most people will be aware, one of the key measures of how well you are doing on social media is the number of likes you get (or comments, or retweets, or whatever).

What does this say about us as a society? To me it says one thing: that today we are constantly craving the attention and approval of others, and will even go as far as to seek out the opinions of complete strangers online to get it.

Before the internet, were we really this needy?

But I'm as guilty of this as much as the next person, in fact probably more so than most. The truth is, I constantly crave the approval and attention of women and will go to ridiculous lengths to seek it out online.

I have started taking "sexy" pictures of myself and sending them to women online and using them as profile pics on various dating/sex/fetish websites. In some of those pictures I am not wearing much. In one picture I am only wearing a towel, in a lot of other pictures I am only wearing swimwear. I also have pictures of myself in nice stretchy tight t-shirts and tracksuit bottoms to emphasize my broad shoulders. Everything is about emphasizing my good aspects - my looks, my big bulge in my crotch, my broad shoulders, my chest and even my thighs. In most of these pictures, I deliberately obscure my face, but not in the ones that are not "sexy". I also have a picture of my erect penis as well in my galleries on those sites.

The question I find I'm asking myself is: why am I doing this? It's not something that I would have had the confidence for when I was younger, but now that I'm older in all honesty I care less about that and just want to be seen as attractive as possible for as long as I still can. Apart from the one erect penis picture, none of the pictures show anything more than what you would see me in if I was at a swimming pool, at the beach or had just come out of the shower with a towel covering the area below the waist.

I am somewhat jealous of the level of sexual attention that women receive, so to be able to post pictures of myself looking good and not wearing very much online and get compliments back is obviously a real turn on,  and it feels like I'm almost trying to compensate for the constant display of female sexuality in society today. Whilst I do get comments from gay men, I do not mind this as long as the comments are respectful and not overly sexually charged. This is because what I'm really interested in is getting positive comments about my looks and my body from women. It is a big big turn-on to be complimented on my body and looks by women.

I used to use Twitter to share pictures of myself, but have stopped doing so and deleted my Twitter account - well, that Twitter account, anyway! Now I'm just on two websites in particular really. The only major online dating service that I've heard a lot about that I've never used is Tinder, and am open to the prospect of considering it if I can take some good new pictures of myself for it to increase my success rates.

I almost half expected some of the comments about my looks and my body to be negative, especially since in my opinion I am carrying a little extra weight (not a lot, but a little). Apart from one abusive gay guy, most of the comments I have had have been very positive. Often I will message a girl/woman and she will respond telling me that she likes the pictures of me and I'll say the same about her.

The woman that I am infatuated with at the moment gave me a lot of compliments on my looks and my body particularly. She made compliments about my arms, shoulders, muscles, chest, looks, penis, thighs and crotch. Almost every body part you could think of she made a compliment about it. She told me my body looked good and I should feel good about it, and that she enjoyed seeing pictures of me wearing not very much. She also said that she did not think that I needed to lose weight at all, not even around my waist.

I was taking pictures of myself in the mirror with the explicit purpose of sending them to her. She was a woman very much in touch with her own sexuality, and told me about how the pictures of me plus all the sexual chat was turning her on sexually. The sexual chat we had was very, very dirty and explicit and even included all kinds of outrageous sexual stuff including things that I'd never even been adventurous enough to try before. She even told me about how she was touching herself looking at my pictures and telling me about how she had just had a "massive orgasm" looking at my pics and thinking about me. I was delighted.

The truth is that reading back through her messages again, at no point at all did she make it clear that she didn't want to hear from me again. She simply said that due to family problems she was only wanting to speak to her mother and her best friend for the time being, and put all dating and going out on hold. So presumably, unless she is using that just as an excuse not to talk to me, I could resume talking to her in a week or two, but will just have to choose my words and date and time very carefully.

I really hope that I do get back talking to her again, because not only does she have a lovely caring personality and an incredibly perverted filthy sex obsessed mind, she also has amazing sexy long legs and a pretty face and great curvy body with big boobs and a big round sexy ass. She is also 6ft 2 tall and is quarter Italian and has an Italian surname. In short, I don't think there is another like her, but she is amazing and I am just totally in love with her because I know I will never meet someone like her ever again. The chances of having that combination of looks, body, height, personality and sexuality ever come up again are like one in a million. That is why this must work. I must have her. I need her. She is the woman of my dreams, and if I could I would marry her, have kids with her and love her till the rest of time.

But I know that the surest way to jinx yourself is to come across as too keen or overly excited. That is why you have to play it cool. You have to be really, really tactical if you want to get what you want. The dating game is not in any way easy, that's for sure.

Certainly, in the past two decades there has been a paradigm shift in attitudes to sex and sexuality within Western culture. If you compare 1997 with the present day, sexuality is everywhere in a way that it wasn't back then, and the blame can squarely be pointed at the internet and smartphones, as well as the mass media and changing social attitudes. What is most interesting now is that women are on the whole much more open about what they like and what they want sexually than they once were. Women have an increased confidence to say and do what they like now, and they know that in 2017, they are free to have sex with who they want in the quasi-anonymous realm of online dating, and no one's going to judge them for it or label them as a slut as so often happened in the past.

So I'm going to ask you for your opinions again.

What do you honestly make of all this that I'm saying here? Why do you think I feel this psychological need for validation and approval from women all the time? I am a very masculine guy in most ways, tall with broad shoulders and a deep voice and a big penis. So why do I need to do this? Is it me that is acting like the girl here?

[jazz]

Hello Powerhouse8000. I'm no expert but you seem obsessed with your own body. Maybe you need to work on your self esteem a bit in other ways so you don't crave approval all the time. Re. your dream woman, it's difficult for anyone outside to say if she is struggling with her personal life only, or trying to let you down gently - so giving her personal space would be a good idea, plus not getting too infatuated before you really know her.

If you were more assured, you may have recognised straight away that the first girlfriend would have made a better friend only, since you had many shared interests  -  and saved yourself/her  a lot of trouble.

[Powerhouse8000]

9 hours ago, jazz said:

Hello Powerhouse8000. I'm no expert but you seem obsessed with your own body. Maybe you need to work on your self esteem a bit in other ways so you don't crave approval all the time. Re. your dream woman, it's difficult for anyone outside to say if she is struggling with her personal life only, or trying to let you down gently - so giving her personal space would be a good idea, plus not getting too infatuated before you really know her.

If you were more assured, you may have recognised straight away that the first girlfriend would have made a better friend only, since you had many shared interests  -  and saved yourself/her  a lot of trouble.

I'm not that obsessed. I love to look at pictures of women and their bodies, so it's just about returning the favour and getting a bit of feedback myself and boosting my self-esteem at the same time. And yes, I know it's difficult to tell for sure how she's feeling exactly. I will leave it a while and see what happens.

I am not normally the type of guy to take rejection badly. My strategy has been for some years now that if it doesn't work out with one woman, move onto the next. I quite happily did this for years. Then I had a long relationship that I was unhappy in, and now I've tried this new attempt to get a relationship going.

The thing is that she was different from all the rest. I honestly thought I was past the teenage childish stage of infatuation, but obviously I am not. I hadn't experienced these feelings in years. I guess when what you perceive to be perfection comes along, it is difficult not to fall in love.

I've done the "staying friends" thing after a relationship once before, but it isn't particularly easy. With my ex I've cut all ties and couldn't be happier about that.

The thing is, it should not be hard for me to get female attention. I see many men who are smaller, less masculine and less muscular than me with some extremely beautiful women. Guys that I could floor with one punch can be seen going around with women hotter than I've ever been with in my life. I see it quite regularly.

[jazz]

1 hour ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

The thing is, it should not be hard for me to get female attention. I see many men who are smaller, less masculine and less muscular than me with some extremely beautiful women. Guys that I could floor with one punch can be seen going around with women hotter than I've ever been with in my life. I see it quite regularly.

Getting attention is not necessarily the same as finding a relationship (if that is what you want) though. The other guys you see may be offering something different, different qualities are attractive to different women. I do think that luck/fate/timing have a role to play as well, you just have to keep trying to put yourself in a range of situations where you could meet someone not just online.

[Powerhouse8000]

1 hour ago, jazz said:

Getting attention is not necessarily the same as finding a relationship (if that is what you want) though. The other guys you see may be offering something different, different qualities are attractive to different women. I do think that luck/fate/timing have a role to play as well, you just have to keep trying to put yourself in a range of situations where you could meet someone not just online.

Absolutely.

As I said, I find it easy to get dates. I've had a fair few one night stands and stuff like that was well. But actual lasting relationships seem to be very difficult to come by.

Why is it that women show attention to me, but then once we've met in real life it all too often doesn't work? I know that's far from unusual, but with me it seems a particularly acute issue.

[jazz]

On 02/09/2017 at 2:43 PM, Powerhouse8000 said:

Why is it that women show attention to me, but then once we've met in real life it all too often doesn't work? I know that's far from unusual, but with me it seems a particularly acute issue.

It could be that the message you are sending out is attracting women who are not really interested in anything long term. Or it could be the randomness of chemistry when you meet in person. There was a research study in the newspaper the other day that found that when couples who matched up on dating apps based on their profiles met for the first time speed dating, there was zero correlation between the match and whether they would 'click' in real life.

[Powerhouse8000]

Anyway...

If I keep doing short updates on what I'm doing, I will never achieve the "exciting story effect" that was praised above in my initial post. So what I'll do is I'll go away from here for a while, and give you an update later.

What I will say at the moment is that I am talking to someone new and we will see where that goes.

[Powerhouse8000]

So it's been a little while since I last wrote a proper update on here. I'm honestly just feeling like sharing some thoughts. But I won't be giving updates on what I've been doing, as in all honesty there isn't that much exciting to say at the moment.

What I'd like to reflect on now, is the things I've written on here in the past and the whole complex that I had and how it came to be and how bizarre it was in the first place. Those who have been on this forum a while may remember my old account. Some of my posts are still here, although my first big thread was deleted.

Basically, I had this whole issue about race. Whether it was because of porn, or whether it was because of things I'd read online on racist websites, or something else, I developed a self-hatred / inferiority complex which involved me hating myself for being a white man, and not being a black man. With complete hindsight, I'm now going to examine whether my feelings were justified or not.

So what were the main issues that were causing me to hate myself?

1. The idea that white women are "naturally more attracted" to black (or non-white) guys in general, than to white men

Is this really true? I think I was probably blowing this one way out of proportion.

The truth is that yes, some white women do like black guys and other non-white guys. Then again, some non-white women do like white guys. People of all ethnic backgrounds date each other and yes, have sex. Most single guys would not say no to an attractive woman of any ethnic background, regardless of their own ethnic background.

But in all honestly, in my experience is that in reality, at least where I live, most people date within their own race. I think it depends to a large extent where you live and what the ethnic demographics are like in that particular area.

I live in Aberdeen, which is the third largest city in Scotland. Aberdeen is on the east coast of Scotland and has a large amount of non-white ethnic minorities for a city of its size, especially by Scottish standards. That being said, the amount of ethnic minorities in Aberdeen is still probably lower than Glasgow which is the largest city in Scotland, and in turn, Glasgow has less ethnic minorities than major English cities like Manchester, Birmingham, and especially London.

And even London still probably has a lower proportion of non-whites than some large American cities. So demographics, obviously, make a big difference in terms of who dates who, because demographics determine the type of people that live in a place.

My experience of using dating sites, sex sites and so on has been that yes, a relatively small number of online profiles of white women will state an explicit preference for black guys. This is something I've noticed more on sex sites than I have on normal dating sites. But there are also some white women who make it very clear that they do not want black (or other non-white) guys - again, something I've noticed more on sex sites more than on dating sites. Especially on dating sites, I'd say about 99.7% of profiles don't mention anything about a racial preference at all one way or another.

At least within Scotland, I wouldn't put the proportion of single white heterosexual females that would explicitly exclude white men as potential partners as being much higher than 1%. I would put the proportion of single white heterosexual women looking to date in Scotland that would potentially consider dating a black or non-white guy as maybe 15-40%, but I'd put the proportion of single white women looking to date in Scotland that would potentially consider dating a white guy as being more like 98-99%.

So while yes, there are not insignificant numbers of white women who are definitely open minded enough to date a guy of another race, the amount of single heterosexual white women at least where I live that would actually explicitly exclude white men altogether, is a tiny and insignificant minority.

In short - most white women like white guys. Some white women may like guys of other races as well, but in general most white women are attracted to white men.

Worth worrying about? Clearly, NO

2. The idea that black men are "sexually superior" to white men or have larger penises

This one doesn't bother me as much as it does some other people. For obvious reasons, a big deal is made of this issue in porn whereas the other issues I've raised don't particularly crop up in porn to anywhere near the same extent.

And I'm intelligent enough to know that much of what is in porn is complete bullshit. Yes, porn does depict real people having sex but it's also staged as well, unless it's amateur porn.

I know from my own experience that having a larger penis is not all that it's cracked up to be. It means it's harder to get and maintain an erection, as well as more difficult to get a condom on, and more difficult to have sex and get your penis physically inside a vagina. It also means that sex might be painful for some women, and it might even make them bleed.

So in all honesty, who would want a larger than average penis? Wouldn't an average sized penis just be ideal? Who wants the stress associated with having a big cock? I see so many threads on this forum about how awful it is having a small penis. I can say for sure that not only will having a large penis not get you laid, it will also probably make your sex life more difficult and with some women it might make vaginal sex almost impossible.

So aside from penis size, is there anything else that might make black men better at sex than white men? Would it be their bodies? Level of muscularity? Their stamina? All of these issues boil down to physical fitness, and any man of any race is capable of being physically fit and muscular if he puts the work in, or vice versa if he spends all day sitting on the sofa stuffing his face with junk food. So really it's not a racial issue at all - personally I already have the muscular part but my physical fitness could use a little bit of improvement!

Worth worrying about? Again, NO

3. The idea that white people are demographically doomed, and are on the inevitable path to extinction as a race in the long term

This one, on the other hand, is true. There is no arguing about this one, it's simply a fact.

White or European-descended populations around the world are in terminal demographic decline. The main causes of this are below-replacement fertility levels, and non-white immigration, as well as larger family sizes among non-white immigrants and their descendants. Below-replacement fertility levels are a direct consequence of non-traditional gender roles for women. This, in turn, encourages governments to seek more immigration, and the whole cycle just repeats itself.

Another more minor factor in the decline of the white European descended population is racial mixing, but it is not as big an issue as it is made out to be.

So why should the decline and disappearance of the white European race matter then? Largely, it's because the goal of all biological life on planet earth is to increase its own genetic and reproductive success. Kin, family and race are ultimately all equivalent as they are only different degrees of biological relatedness. Powerful institutions within society are doing their best to deliberately create the conditions to encourage the decline of the white/European race. Why shouldn't the white/European race be allowed to be healthy and strong?

There needs to be a peaceful solution to this issue that everyone can agree on. One that accepts that white or European-descended people have a moral right to a long-term future existence, but is also non-hateful and non-racist and accepting of all people in the world. This shouldn't be as hard to achieve as people might think it would be.

I feel that non-white immigrants to the West, far from being powerful, are merely being used as pawns in a much bigger demographic game being played by global elites.

I know it may seem "racist" of me to say that I honestly feel that the white/European race is worth preserving, but I just feel that it is. In holding this belief, that does not mean that I hate anyone. What I hope is that people will understand where I am coming from.

Within the past century, the culture of the Western world has been largely stripped of Christianity, traditional values and family values and these have been replaced by liberal, left-wing, secular, pluralistic and multicultural values. Our governments, educational institutions and mass media bear a large degree of responsibility for instigating these changes, although technological advances have obviously played a huge role in accelerating this process as well.

So is it any wonder that many white Westerners feel left "culturally rootless"? I don't think so. Postmodern alienation is far from being a simple left-right issue, and people react to it in different ways. Some react with anger, some take to drugs and drink, some become sexually promiscuous.

But I think one of the worst effects now is that white people, at least in the UK, don't have much in the way of morality at all apart from the airy-fairy liberal secular relativism I mentioned earlier. Lower class white people in particular often don't fully understand or agree with this moral system, and having been stripped of any traditional or religious moral guidance, have very little morality left at all.

Thus lower class whites, having little in the way of family values or other moral values, often raise their sons to be wasters, and their daughters to be sluts. Everything from smoking and binge drinking and drugs, to sexual promiscuity, to violence and criminality, are indicators of this lack of morality amongst lower class white people. For such people, the mass media has replaced God and what's more is that this culture of hedonism and recklessness is by no means only limited to the lower classes, as many aspects of it are now also found in the lower middle class amongst whites.

This contrasts strongly with the much more traditional moral values found in Islamic, African and Asian cultures and those cultures' attitudes towards women, and as such this has been a source of conflict within countries like the UK. Thus lower class white women, coming from such a debased culture, are "easy" and non-white males know this.

As immigrants adapt to Western culture, they may absorb some of its values. But who would want to blame them if they didn't want to do so? Certainly not me.

I am very much an atheist but I can see the reasons why traditional values have been necessary throughout history for creating and maintaining cultural stability, which is a key factor in having a healthy society and civilization. Mess with that and you risk losing everything.

One question that I do find myself genuinely asking myself these days is this: is what we call Western culture today really genuine Western culture, or is it more like the rotting corpse of Western culture?

Whatever the case, the divide between the debased "Western culture" and more traditional non-Western cultural values is a source of significant conflict within multicultural Western countries today.

Worth worrying about? I would say MAYBE

So to conclude, was I worrying about nothing?

As far as sex is concerned, yes, I was indeed worrying about nothing.

But as far as society is concerned? That's the more controversial issue. I do wonder if it is not race that is the actual issue here, but culture? What do you think?

I know I said I didn't want to focus on the past and that I wanted to look to the future, but now that I am further forward in my life, I thought it was worth a look back just to re-examine my old thought patterns. Sometimes you have to look back before you can look forward again.

[Powerhouse8000]

Feeling really low tonight again.

There are things that I want to say, but I'm not even sure if I should post them because what I fear the most is that I'll go back to my old ways.

[Powerhouse8000]

Have to post twice because don't like post count number sitting at 13 (superstition)

[jazz]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to preserve the best bits of a culture, doesn't seem racist to me, it's your tribe and you care about it. Harmony is one of the most important things though, sometimes other cultures can influence in an interesting/good way, sometimes not - this applies to Western culture and it's influence as well - but life features change and change takes time to get used to.

[Powerhouse8000]

On 9/24/2017 at 8:29 PM, jazz said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to preserve the best bits of a culture, doesn't seem racist to me, it's your tribe and you care about it. Harmony is one of the most important things though, sometimes other cultures can influence in an interesting/good way, sometimes not - this applies to Western culture and it's influence as well - but life features change and change takes time to get used to.

Actually, the point of my post was that Western culture now is really quite debased and probably the values of modern Western culture are worse than those of non-Western cultures.

Certainly, the traditional values that we expected would exist - the values we expected even in the 1990s would continue to hold - are gone now.

For many people, the traditional family - that of a married heterosexual monogamous couple raising children - is dead. Yes such families do of course exist, but they are only one of many options available now whereas in the past it would have been the only option for men and women who loved each other.

If that essential building block of society is dead, then how can we have anything even remotely resembling a sane society? What is worth preserving about the culture I live in when it's all gone to shit? Certainly the working classes in the society where I live have a completely debased culture.

There are loads of things for me to be depressed about. Race differences. Sex differences. The social class system. Political correctness. Physical attractiveness. Health. Penis size, whether too large or too small.

What bugs me most of all is this cult of equality. The obsession with saying that everyone is equal, when it is plainly obvious that people of different races, men and women, different social classes, as well as individuals, are inherently unequal, and this has a largely biological basis. Another term for it would be "Social Darwinism" - not an ideology in and of itself but simply a recognition that the strong thrive, and the weak die out.

And the Orwellian tyranny of prosecuting those who tell the truth about certain controversial topics as "hate speech" - not in America but in the UK and Europe yes that can and does happen.

But honestly, I don't want to go back to my old ways, so I'll change the subject immediately.

Have been talking to some more women online. Once there is significant progress in stuff happening I will give you an update on that.

[Victimorthecrime]

48 minutes ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

Western culture now is really quite debased

This from a guy that sends dick pics to women on the internet in hopes of achieving coitus that evening 😆

Just bustin yer yarbles big guy, always a hoot 😊

[Powerhouse8000]

20 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

This from a guy that sends dick pics to women on the internet in hopes of achieving coitus that evening 😆

Just bustin yer yarbles big guy, always a hoot 😊

Are you the same person that used to be Victim of Bullying? Honestly with all the changes of usernames on forums it's hard to keep up with who is who.

Yeah I know I'm very much part of that debased culture as much as everyone else is. It's very hard to escape it altogether, and some of the tawdrier aspects of it do tend to draw me in when they shouldn't!

But I'd honestly rather let things like sex and porn be my vices than things like alcohol and drugs which damage your physical health.

[Victimorthecrime]

2 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

Are you the same person that used to be Victim of Bullying?

Yes that's me.  

You sound like you are doing a little better so that's good.  Keep at it.  

[Powerhouse8000]

So anyway, I think it's time for an update now.

Since I finished chatting with the first female that the subject of this thread was initially about, I've been trying to talk to other women online. In this post, I will give an update on my situation as far as that is concerned.

I went back on the website that I was on. It is a sex site, specifically geared towards sexual meetings. Maybe the wrong website to be chatting on, but anyway whether out of curiosity or something else, I find myself drawn to these websites.

One woman that I was chatting to was older than me, in her late 30s, large and not very attractive and the conversation broke down within a few days. Not much in common really anyway.

Another that I was talking to was a single mother a few years younger than myself. She was big and curvy but not huge, and I was chatting to her for several weeks. She was also in another town about 30 miles away from me. Although I didn't have that much in common with her, I was able to sustain the conversation nonetheless. The conversations were largely non-sexual despite the fact that we began talking on a sex site, although we did exchange a few photos with each other.

After a few weeks, we got to the stage of having a conversation over the phone. A few days later, she was back on the website looking for other people and told me she'd been in contact with "an old friend". But in all honesty I'd felt that she wouldn't have been compatible with me all along as she didn't have that much in common with me, was a single mother and didn't even live near me and wasn't even that attractive anyway. Losing her interest felt like no great loss.

By the time I'd stopped talking with the single mother that I just told you about, I'd gotten over things not working with the first woman I was talking to, the one that the first post in this thread is about. Some of the things I'd said in that post, like that I had a strong preference for tall women, were probably influenced by my attraction to her at that point. The truth is I'm attracted to women of any height, whether tall or small or medium, but I do prefer women who are curvy with big tits and a big ass, and I prefer white women over other races. And, in all honestly, I'd imagine that these are extremely common preferences.

So anyway, just for the past week or so I'd been talking to yet another young woman off the same sex site that I have met all these women from. She was only 20 years old so a fair bit younger than me, was short and curvy with red hair, with big boobs and a big round ass. She was also unemployed, lived with her parents in a town about 30 miles away from me (in the opposite direction from the other one), and said she had no real friends outside the internet and was friends with various people she'd met online.

On the plus side, she was very cute and attractive, petite with a nice curvy body and red hair and seemed friendly and easy going. On the negative side, she was a smoker with tattoos and piercings, all of which are a turn off to me - most piercings at least are, and all tattoos and being a smoker are turn offs even though I used to smoke myself. She also said she had some mental issues and things like that. In all honesty I think it's unlikely I could have developed a serious relationship with her, as our differences were probably too big. But it was worth a shot anyway. She was 5ft 2 and 20 years old and curvy with red hair and a pretty face, and I could fall in love with her for sure even overlooking any flaws she had.

We'd been chatting, and had exchanged various pictures as well. The conversations again stayed largely non-sexual for the most part, but I already had various "sexy" pictures of her from two different websites, all of which I made sure to save quickly because you never know when they might disappear.

So anyway I have got some gigs (concerts) coming up, and one of those is next week. Most of these I'd booked tickets for before my big break up in August, expecting I would go with my ex. I'd offered this girl the chance to come with me, and she'd said yes as she'd never been to a gig before. It would have involved a bit of a drive but I didn't see that as a problem because the town she lives in is on the way there and I would just pick her up in my car. So we chatted away for about a week using Kik messenger much the same as I'd done with all the other women I've been talking to since breaking up with my ex, and then decided to have a conversation on the phone last night.

The phone conversation lasted about forty minutes or so, and I don't think it went badly as there were no awkward silences or anything like that. We kept the conversation going and steady. Of course, there could have been things that I might have said during the conversation that may have put her off, but it's hard to say for sure exactly what those may have been. Overall, I would have said that she probably would have been the best personality match with me out of any that I've been talking to since I stopped talking with the first one that this thread was created about.

Anyway, she chose to end the conversation rather abruptly, and since then I've had no response from her at all. Sent a few messages on both Kik and WhatsApp and her interest in getting back to me appears to have gone completely dead. So I'm not going to bother sending any more. She's given me the message that she's uninterested and that's all I need to know.

That's twice that the same thing has happened in less than a month: a phone conversation has killed dead what could have been a potential opportunity for a new sexual/love interest.

I'm far from new to online dating. I've been doing online dating for about five years now, although I am relatively new of course to using sex sites.

At the initial stages when talking to anyone new online, you can expect disappointment, bullshit and disloyalty to feature prominently, even if the conversations appear to be going well on the surface. Often you have to talk to many people before you even get a date, and even when you do get a date there are no guarantees at all that the date will go well, and even if the date does go well, and even if you get a kiss, you can still quite frequently end up not having a second date. And there's no guarantee that that will go well either even if the first one did.

Honestly I don't even know if it makes that much difference which website or app you use. The only major one that I've never used is Tinder, and I'm still considering potentially using that yet, but I don't fully understand how it works at this stage. It's surprising how similar a "sex site" is to a normal dating site really because both are just ways of meeting people that you might eventually date or have sex with if you're lucky, but of course rejection is possible on a whim really at any time without warning. There is no loyalty in it at all.

I'm quite tired and I don't really have the time to be writing big long posts like this regularly. I'm too busy with work and life and everything else but tonight I wanted to just take a couple of hours to write this post as I feel that this is a good time to share my feelings again.

So the main point I wanted to make basically, was this:

Being a heterosexual man is hell.

Even if you are relatively good looking with a decent body, and intelligent and look after yourself well by eating a good diet and not drinking or smoking, you can expect to spend lengthy periods of your life suffering from loneliness, sexual frustration, and just generally feeling unloved. What's more, even married men or men who have been in a relationship for a long time frequently complain of rarely having sex with their wives or partners. Penis size makes absolutely no difference here.

It's not going to be as easy as I'd thought to find a relationship again. It might be easy to talk to women online, and even not too difficult to get several dates over the course of a year, but finding someone that I'm compatible with is going to be a serious challenge. In the worst case scenario, it might not even be possible at all.

And of course, "getting laid" is a completely different thing from finding a proper relationship. You can have sex with someone you'd never want a relationship with, and you can also have a sexless relationship.

I would seriously encourage anyone reading this post to at least take a quick look at these links:

http://www.heretical.com/wilson/reprocom.html

http://www.heretical.com/wilson/ddesire.html

http://www.heretical.com/wilson/fchoice.html

The basic evolutionary theory suggests that women are much more selective about who they have sex with than men are, because the potential consequences of sex are much more costly in biological terms - compare a single ejaculation with nine months of pregnancy, not to mention to upbringing of a child.

Now that's all fair and well, but despite that being true some women still have a lot of sex and quite often with multiple partners. So it isn't true that all women are particularly careful about who they have sex with - some are the complete opposite.

If women have so much disdain for men on the whole, then why do they even ever like any men at all, ever? If men are that awful, then why do they bother with them at all?

As far as I'm aware, it's much easier to obtain casual sex if you are a gay or bisexual man than it is if you are straight. So basically, it seems to me that straight men basically have the same level of sexual desire as gay men, but they just have much less opportunity to fulfill those desires on the whole.

Getting tired now, feeling angry, and need to sleep. Bad mood, going to sleep it off, and back to the job I hate in the morning.

[Victimorthecrime]

12 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

Anyway, she chose to end the conversation rather abruptly, and since then I've had no response from her at all

My opinion on these matters has less market value than than warm bucket of spit but my gut tells me that in these situations you have to strike while the iron is hot.  The conversation has to be something like this "you are so hot your ass is amazing I am going to fuck you hard until you scream".  You start prattling on about the ills of society your dick is gonna end up in your hand.

[Powerhouse8000]

21 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

My opinion on these matters has less market value than than warm bucket of spit but my gut tells me that in these situations you have to strike while the iron is hot.  The conversation has to be something like this "you are so hot your ass is amazing I am going to fuck you hard until you scream".  You start prattling on about the ills of society your dick is gonna end up in your hand.

Point taken, but if I'd said something like that over the phone I'm sure she'd probably have hung up a lot quicker than she did.

Yes, there is a place and a time for dirty talk, but there's also a point where you just end up crossing the line and going too far. You have to be careful not to do that.

And yeah, I am well aware that people do not like negative people. I am well aware that negativity is a big turn off when it comes to dating, so I try to stay as positive as possible.

I might have said something that put her off. Who knows, who even cares now? It's over and done with, no point crying about it now, just time to move on.

[Powerhouse8000]

So once again I think it's time for one more update. This post is more just going to be about some of my thoughts, rather than a description of attempts to initiate conversation with women.

I think I was on a bit of a downer last night. I was in a really bad mood last night, but ended up getting tired, sleeping it off and working like hell and here I am again in the evening with a little bit of free time to post on here before I get tired again.

But as they say, tomorrow is a new day and while work was the usual crap, I'm finished it now and I'm feeling alright again.

Last night I was in one of those "women are evil" moods. And in one of those "women hate sex" moods, too.

But today, I don't feel like that.

In all honesty, I do not believe for a second that women hate sex. There are loads and loads of women out there who are very open about the fact that they love sex, and not only that they put pictures of themselves having sex online or send guys sexy photos, or actively seek out sex online on sex sites. "Sexting" is a big thing these days. I have talked to literally hundreds of women about sex online.

For every man that says that women hate sex, there is a woman out there that loves it with pretty much anyone. Some women on these online sites are meeting up with several guys a month for sex, and sometimes several a week. There's photo evidence to prove it too in many cases.

Everything that guys do, women do as well. They wank, fuck, and look at porn just that same as what we do. Girls are just like us. And they fall in love too, just like we do.

I'm starting to see being single not as a curse, but as an opportunity. I'd never viewed it in this light before, but being in a bad relationship can make you feel trapped. So to break free from that is extremely refreshing.

Obviously, being in a good relationship is better than being single, but being in a bad one is worse!

Before, I had several online lives. I had the secret, pervy, porn-oriented online life, and I had my mainstream one which consisted of sites and apps where I used my real identity and used my real name and picture. These two lives were kept completely separate for years, and they only merged together in August when I began talking to the woman that is the subject of the first post in this thread.

I've been trying to reinvent myself since breaking up with my ex. I've bought some new clothes, am trying to dress and act younger, and am continuing with trying to lose the extra weight I am carrying. I have had some success, and every day I am noticing that I am looking more muscular and less fat. I am deliberately trying to eat a diet low in saturated fat, sugar, and even poor quality carbohydrates like white bread.

Even if I can improve myself physically, I will still have the same problems with my cock being too big to get into a woman's vagina. I mentioned this in another thread on this forum recently and was told I should just use lube and find a girl who likes a big cock.

Well yes, there are actually plenty of women out there who love sex and love a big cock. But that won't make sex any easier even if I find one. I've had several one night stands and things like that that have been completely unsatisfying due to my inability to have proper sex because I can't get my cock inside a vagina without a great deal of difficulty trying to get it there.

Hell, I was on a website that I was on tonight and saw a picture of a girl on that site having sex with a black guy. Yeah, that's right, I know that I used to get worked up by race issues and that for some reason but now I'm immune to it. And my only thought now really was that my cock would probably be bigger than his. I mean, it look like it was gripping her pussy pretty tight and all that, but I still honestly think he wouldn't have had as big a cock as what I do.

I've touched on the issue of race and demographics here in this thread. Now without going back into the kind of shit that characterized my previous account's posts, two things are obvious. Firstly, it's obvious that there is a direct link between women's freedom and below-replacement fertility rates, and it's also obvious that in our society the pursuit of money is seen as the main goal in life rather than reproduction and having kids. In evolutionary terms, reproduction is vital whereas obtaining money is not. Yet our society is oriented towards the pursuit of money, not the pursuit of passing on your genes and having many children.

A workmate of mine - one of these "women hate sex" and "women stop having sex with you once you get married" types - was having a conversation with me. I asked him if he thought that women have easier lives than men. His answer was simple, it was "of course they do". To him, it was simply self-evident that women have easier lives than men, a truth that did not even need questioning. Yet, that is the very opposite of what many feminists, academics, leftists and liberals would tell you. So who's right?

I remember my friend's dad, who was a deeply committed Christian, back in the 1990s say to a group of people that he didn't believe in sex before marriage. He was laughed at of course, but I'm only mentioning this now because if some of my workmates are to be believed, sex doesn't exist once you get married either! You just can't win in this world, can you?

And with that, I'm away to chill out and watch some stuff I like. Not porn, but something much better than that.